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RELIGIOUS MERGER CREATES 900 MILLION HINJEWS
SW ^

Posted on 05/23/2002 3:10:57 PM PDT by Sir Gawain

RELIGIOUS MERGER CREATES 900 MILLION HINJEWS

Attainment of Nirvana Still Goal, But Not So Important
That You Should Miss Cousin Vijay's Bar Mitzvah

New Delhi, India (SatireWire.com) — Hinjew leaders today conceded the merger of Hinduism and Judaism has not worked out as planned, as instead of forming a super-religion to fight off the common Islamic enemy, they had instead created a race of 900 million people who, no matter how many times they are reincarnated, can never please their mothers.

"On paper, this was a textbook alliance — two smaller competitors join forces to take on a larger adversary," said New Delhi resident Chandra Gopan. "But the synergies are just not there. For instance, I still believe I must pursue my own dharmic path to ultimate happiness, but when I get there, I just know my mother will find something wrong with it."

What? What?

Military officers, in particular, have found assimilation difficult. "We were all excited at first, especially about the Kama Sutra parts, but it's not going to work," Israeli Col. Benyamin Telluk said at a joint press conference with Indian officers. "I mean, just this morning, I was showing Col. Bhadrak here pictures of my family, and he said my wife was a cow."

"I said his wife reminds me of a cow," Bhadrak explained.

"Oh, you've said it again!" screamed Telluk.

"It's a compliment!" answered Bhadrak.

Hinjews across the world, meanwhile, said they also were too busy dealing with integration to worry about Pakistanis, Palestinians, or any other opponents.

"Surprisingly, it's not the big issues, like is there one God or are there many? It's the little things," said New York City Hinjew Nathan Feldman. "Like my Hindu half acknowledges that this world is full of suffering, but my Jewish half just goes on and on about it."

SO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH A NICE HINJEW GIRL?

However, most agreed that even if other issues could be overcome, maternal obstacles to Hinjuism would always exist.

"Yesterday, my former self was killed in a car accident," said the late Gori Bhupendra of Madras. "But I had good karma, so I was reincarnated this morning into the Vaisya caste. To me, this is a step up, right?"

But then Bhupendra's former Sudras mother tracked him down.

"She says, 'Oh, Vaisya now, is it? Very nice. Of course, your former brother is a Ksatriya, but he was always an overachiever.'"

Meanwhile, Muslim nations, citing the difficult Hinjew merger, said they have discontinued talks with the world's largest religion to form Chrislam.

"It wouldn't have worked anyway," said Imam Satra Mohammed of Damascus. "The first time we drank the communion wine, we would have all had to kill ourselves."


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:

1 posted on 05/23/2002 3:10:57 PM PDT by Sir Gawain
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To: Victoria Delsoul; Texaggie79; dead; TomServo; nunya bidness; glock rocks; Rebelbase...
-
2 posted on 05/23/2002 3:11:27 PM PDT by Sir Gawain
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To: Sir Gawain; swarthyguy
Is this satire or a reprint from a Pakistani paper?
3 posted on 05/23/2002 3:15:25 PM PDT by Shermy
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To: Sir Gawain
They had instead created a race of 900 million people who, no matter how many times they are reincarnated, can never please their mothers.

ROTFLMAO this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen here.

4 posted on 05/23/2002 3:15:43 PM PDT by weikel
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To: Sir Gawain
"Hinjew". Isn't that the name of Japanese baseball player on the SF Giants' roster?
5 posted on 05/23/2002 3:19:23 PM PDT by My2Cents
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To: Sir Gawain
If we Christians don't merge with the Buddhists, were totally screwed now.
6 posted on 05/23/2002 3:22:29 PM PDT by dead
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To: Sir Gawain
Freeper Hall of Fame material.

Tandoori gefilte fish
Curried Matza balls
The line about mothers is priceless; "Even if i became a doctor....". Should be sent to all arab/islamic sites.
ROTFLMAO!

7 posted on 05/23/2002 3:31:42 PM PDT by swarthyguy
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To: Sir Gawain
bump.
8 posted on 05/23/2002 3:49:51 PM PDT by headsonpikes
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To: Sir Gawain
Why couldn't they have been JEWDUs?
9 posted on 05/23/2002 3:50:48 PM PDT by FReepaholic
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To: archy;mikeIII;Bulldog108;henbane;belmont_mark;happygrl;black_agnes;cinnamon_girl;veronica;keri...
zionisthinduconspiracyping!
10 posted on 05/23/2002 3:57:31 PM PDT by swarthyguy
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To: swarthyguy
LOL!

Thanx for the ping.

11 posted on 05/23/2002 4:03:54 PM PDT by BullDog108
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To: Sir Gawain
"Like my Hindu half acknowledges that this world is full of suffering, but my Jewish half just goes on and on about it."

The suffering you wouldn't believe---'Yada-yada-yada' {;~)

12 posted on 05/23/2002 4:21:35 PM PDT by d14truth
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To: smokeyb; dukie; Dales; mountaineer; prisoner6; AGreatPer
This is funny stuff 'ping'.
13 posted on 05/23/2002 4:24:31 PM PDT by Badray
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To: swarthyguy
ROFL! Thanks for the ping, guy. This is hilarious stuff.
14 posted on 05/23/2002 4:29:40 PM PDT by keri
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To: Badray
Oy vey! Veddy veddy funny.
15 posted on 05/23/2002 4:35:46 PM PDT by mountaineer
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To: SirGawain; Orual; aculeus; Lazamataz; Thinkin' Gal; Veronica; hellinahandcart; Catspaw


Sitting Shiva

16 posted on 05/23/2002 4:42:56 PM PDT by dighton
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To: dighton; aculeus; SirGawain
Very funny piece. Excellent one, dighton. Vedic you get the idea?
17 posted on 05/23/2002 4:47:40 PM PDT by Orual
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To: dead
Don't forget the Scottish Jews....the Maccabees!
18 posted on 05/23/2002 4:50:17 PM PDT by kaktuskid
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To: Sir Gawain
bttt - way to the top!
19 posted on 05/23/2002 5:00:47 PM PDT by lodwick
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To: swarthyguy
Hilarious!

Thanks for the ping.

20 posted on 05/23/2002 5:18:51 PM PDT by mikeIII
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To: dighton
Sitting Shiva

Funny!

21 posted on 05/23/2002 5:44:22 PM PDT by aculeus
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To: Sir Gawain
OMG, this is Onion-worthy! Truly hilarious!
22 posted on 05/23/2002 6:36:51 PM PDT by Catspaw
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To: Sir Gawain
On paper, this was a textbook alliance …

I know, things always look better on paper, hahahaha.

23 posted on 05/23/2002 6:47:38 PM PDT by Victoria Delsoul
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To: BrooklynGOP
:-P
24 posted on 05/23/2002 7:03:35 PM PDT by Texaggie79
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To: swarthyguy
Regarding the Hinjew cow: I'm udderly speechless.

I'm sending this to my uncle who spent 30 years in India.

He's a theologian and will have some explanation I'm sure.

25 posted on 05/23/2002 7:05:31 PM PDT by happygrl
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To: dighton
THAT was funny!
26 posted on 05/23/2002 11:30:46 PM PDT by Yehuda
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To: Victoria Delsoul
:-)
27 posted on 05/24/2002 8:18:41 AM PDT by Sir Gawain
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Comment #28 Removed by Moderator

To: dead
If we Christians don't merge with the Buddhists, were totally screwed now.

Chruddism?
29 posted on 05/24/2002 11:59:16 AM PDT by BJClinton
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To: Sir Gawain
LOL!!
30 posted on 05/24/2002 12:00:29 PM PDT by billbears
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To: toddhisattva
Abraham -- Who was he?

Interesting link, to say the least.

31 posted on 05/26/2002 12:33:40 AM PDT by pariah
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To: keri
RePing. Not my word. It's from here.
32 posted on 07/15/2002 2:16:03 PM PDT by swarthyguy
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To: swarthyguy
How about mulligatawny chicken soup??
33 posted on 07/15/2002 2:23:10 PM PDT by tracer
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To: swarthyguy
Yeah, but it's still cool.
34 posted on 07/15/2002 2:46:38 PM PDT by keri
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To: Sir Gawain; dighton

"I am the God, Genesh! This wedding angers me. It will break up or all will die."
35 posted on 07/15/2002 3:17:13 PM PDT by Pyro7480
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To: happygrl; Joseph_Erulkar
Oy Vey!
36 posted on 03/28/2003 11:11:32 AM PST by swarthyguy
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To: Sir Gawain
Wasn't Sammy Davis, Jr. a Hebro?
37 posted on 03/28/2003 11:14:10 AM PST by Consort
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To: Sir Gawain; ganesh; Klein-Bottle
Wonderful.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

38 posted on 03/28/2003 11:16:40 AM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: swarthyguy; Joseph_Erulkar
No picture of the Hinjew cow, SW ?

Check out JE's bio.

MOST appropriate.

39 posted on 03/28/2003 11:20:46 AM PST by happygrl
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To: Sir Gawain
What a hoot! Fun to read amongst all the war news. Thanks.
40 posted on 03/28/2003 11:25:12 AM PST by Marysecretary (GOD is still in control!)
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To: newgeezer
ping
41 posted on 03/28/2003 11:29:05 AM PST by biblewonk (Spose to be a Chrissssstian)
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To: Maven
Thought you might like this one. Let your dad read it.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

42 posted on 03/29/2003 7:17:16 PM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: LonePalm
ROFLMAO! Oh my - that was really funny! I'm sending it to folks and friends - all will get a big laugh out of it.

Maven
43 posted on 03/29/2003 10:17:51 PM PST by Maven (There is no life between October and April.)
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To: Gengis Khan; CarrotAndStick; sukhoi-30mki; ulmo3; Arjun; injin

You guys have probably seen this......if not.....


44 posted on 07/29/2005 1:30:10 PM PDT by swarthyguy
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To: Eurotwit; MadIvan; Sir Gawain

Oldie but goodie.


45 posted on 07/29/2005 1:31:18 PM PDT by swarthyguy
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To: Srirangan

Ping.


46 posted on 07/29/2005 1:34:23 PM PDT by swarthyguy
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To: Sir Gawain; Mr. Mojo
they had instead created a race of 900 million people who, no matter how many times they are reincarnated, can never please their mothers.

ROTFLOL! Priceless!!

47 posted on 07/29/2005 1:42:55 PM PDT by NRA2BFree
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To: dead
"If we Christians don't merge with the Buddhists, were totally screwed now."

Do we call ourselves BUTIANS or Chrisdists?

48 posted on 07/29/2005 1:46:37 PM PDT by litehaus
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To: All

Also from SatireWire ...

GOD NAMES NEXT "CHOSEN PEOPLE"; IT'S JEWS AGAIN
"Oh Shit," Say Jews

Jerusalem (SatireWire.com) Update — Jews, whose troubled, 10,000-year term as God's "chosen people" finally expired last night, woke up this morning to find that they had once again been hand-picked by the Almighty. Synagogues across the globe declared a day of mourning.

Asked if the descendants of Abraham shouldn't be pleased about being tapped for an unprecedented second term, Jerusalem Rabbi Ben Meyerson shrugged. "Of course, you are right, we should be thrilled," he said. "We should also enjoy a good swift kick in the head, but for some reason, we don't.

"Now don't ask such questions until you watch the news, or read history, or at least rent 'Fiddler on the Roof'."

Much of the world's re-blessed Jewish community shared that feeling. "It's always been considered a joke with us. You know, 'Please G-d, next time choose someone else,' ha ha," said New York City resident David Bashert.

"Ha. Ha ha," Bashert added. "Shit."

According to a worldwide survey of faiths, not a single group expressed an interest in being chosen, and the only application submitted before last night's filing deadline, on behalf of the Islamic people, proved to be a fake.

"Somebody filled out a form and signed our name to it, but I guarantee it wasn't us," said Imam Yusuf Al Muhammed of Medina, Saudi Arabia. "I'm not going to say who it was, but the application was filled out in Hebrew."

"Oh, don't be such a k'vatsh," responded Meyerson. "It's only 10,000 years. Trust me, after a few diaspora, you would have gotten used to the universal hatred thing."

Due to the absence of voluntary candidates, God's Law stipulated that the Almighty had to choose a people at random to serve out the next 10-millenia term. Elias Contreau, director of the International Interfaith Working Group, said he wasn't surprised it came to a blind drawing.

"According to the Bible, God promised to bless Abraham and those who came after him," said Contreau. "Who knows, maybe that sounded good at the time, or maybe 'blessed' meant something different back then, like 'Short periods of prosperity interrupted by insufferable friggin' chaos.' Whatever, I think it's safe to say that people didn't know what they were agreeing to."

Now they do, Contreau added, which he said explains why so many religions had lately been exalting God's existence, but downplaying their own.

"We were not avoiding Him. We just told our parishioners that if Anyone asks, we're out," insisted Archbishop of Canterbury Dr. George Carey, who had called off services during February. "Besides, we weren't the only ones. I didn't see the Hindus raising their hands."

"Now look, it's like we told the ethereal vision who dropped off the application, 'Sure, we have a strong shared faith and all that, but I wouldn't exactly say we're a 'people,' not really,'" recalled Hindu leader Samuldrala Swami Maharaj of Calcutta. "Plus, you know, I told him we had a lot of other commitments. We'd like to help, honestly. Another time, maybe."

In Jerusalem, Jewish leaders said they will propose an amendment to God's Law prohibiting a people from having to serve more than two consecutive terms. "Hopefully, G-d will hear our prayer," said Meyerson. "No, wait, that's what got us into this."

Americans, meanwhile, expressed outrage at the decision, saying they had assumed they were God's chosen people. However, explained Archbishop Carey, "It only seems that way because so many people don't like you."


49 posted on 07/29/2005 11:51:13 PM PDT by Srirangan
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To: Sir Gawain

lol, that was funny. Have you ever heard of a comedian called Russel Peters an Indian in Canada. He makes similar jokes and he is hilarious. Not politically correct though


50 posted on 07/30/2005 7:36:59 AM PDT by ulmo3 (I don't want to be immortal through my work I want to be immortal by not dying)
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