Posted on 08/06/2002 7:16:36 PM PDT by KLT
Geeze, here in NY I'm embarrassed to publicize our "Senators" and "Congresspeople".....not only do they not have a brain...but they are the biggest scammers in all of politics...
Wow, that sounds like a new Senatorial breakfast cereal..."Buy new Crunchy Nose Crusties, all our Senators eat them and look at them."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Funny, mine has a bow on top...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG...I'm dyin...you are soooooooo funny...
Even tho' this is humor, don't the alphabet agencies employ 'psychics' in their attempts to solve crimes?
Hell, I can't find a job in IT, and I really don't want to smuggle cigarettes, maybe I'll apply for a 'psychic' job at one of the alphabet agencies.
That'd be November 2004...MUD
WASHINGTON – A week af'er lawmakers servin' on th' House-Senate panel probin' pre-Sepp. 11 intellyjunce bustdowns refused t'submit t'lie-detecko' tests t' larn th' source of a leak, corngresshunal leaders now accuse th' FBah of attemppin' t'read their minds through a process known as psychotronics.
House an' Senate leaders deman'ed an' received a private meetin' wif President Bush befo'e his departure on a month-long-paid-fambly-leave t'discuss th' issue, arguin' thet members of Congress sh'd not be subjecked t'mind readin'.
"ah reckon it's [mind readin'] a bad idea,” said Senate Majo'ity Leader Tom Daschle (D-SD). “Th' only thin' I’ve evah leaked while a member of th' Senate was mah diaper.”
Th' Republican leader, Sen, as enny fool kin plainly see. Trent Lott of Mississippi , agreed: “Yo' know, this separeeshun of powers thin's is sartinly difficult fo' most of us on Capitol Hill t'unnerstan'. But havin' said thet, ah reckon mind readin' is an infringiment cornsteetooshunally on th' legislative branch, an' an infringiment on mah right t'daydream about…fine, whutevah ah's hankerin' t'daydream about.”
A source close t'a source who is close t'an illegal alien who is th' maid of an anonymous FBah ajunt who is somewhut familiar wif th' investigashun confirmed t'BSNN thet th' mind readin' of Congressmen has been gwine on fo' sevahal weeks, but th' results haf been disappointin'.
“Ole Man Frankly,” th' source told BSNN, “Thar’s not a lot of mind t'read wif most of these folks.”
Th' only info'mashun th' FBah has been able t'obtain so far is thet Senato' Daschle spends a lot of time dreamin' about gittin' a pizza delivery inside th' Oval Office, an' when speakin' on th' Senate flore, Senato' Lott pitchers hisse'f warin' a cheerleadin' costoom.
Fo' his part, Senato' Richard Shelby (D & R – Al, ah reckon.), put th' onus back on members of Congress: "ah have t'say thet th' thin' fo' members of Congress t'do is t'keep their minds closed so th' FBah has nothin' t'read, cuss it all t' tarnation. It’s simple pow'ful; I’ve been close-minded fo' years. All yo' hafta does is spend 24 hours a day reckonin' about picklin' okra. It’s a technique mah Mammy taught me. But jest in case thet doesn’t wawk, ah also wears a tinfoil hat.”
FBah officials say thet mind readin' is a stan'ard investigative technique.
"Mind readin'—an' t'a lesser extent, mind corntrol—is a stan'ard element of FBah investigashuns an' it is meant t'eliminate varmints fum suspicion, as fine as provide some intertainment fo' th' ajunt on duty," an official said, speakin' on corndishun of anonymity.
Th' FBah investigashun was requested af'er noos o'ganizashuns repo'ted details of a particularly tasty hoomus recipe intercepped by th' Nashunal Security Ajuncy. Th' recipe is said t'make Viagra look like a sugar pill, an' most members of th' committee had hoped t'keep it t'themselves.
White House spokesman Hari Flascher defended th' FBah ackshun, sayin' thet when th' leaked recipe appeared in noospapers th' level of detail was "alarmin'ly specific" an' unnermined nashunal security.
“We kin’t haf ev'ry man in th' country eatin' this hyar stuff,” Flascher said, cuss it all t' tarnation. “Stamina'd rise an' produckivity'd plummet, harmin' an already fragile economah. It'd give noo meanin' t'th' phrase ‘double-dip recesshun.’”
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