Posted on 11/04/2002 5:37:57 PM PST by KLT
"I will not exploit, for political purposes, the apparent sanity of my opponent," said Walter Mondale (D-Insane) when asked whether he was up to the task of returning to the Senate. Mondale made the comments at a press conference where he revealed a wardrobe change, a change that he says will prove once and for all that he is still "hip enough to be a US Senator."
"I want my campaign to appeal to young people," Mondale said. To that end, the former Vice President is hosting an election eve dance party headlined by K.C. and the Sunshine Band.
Activists Push Voting Rights for Animals
By Fauna Piscine and Bruce Richards
WASHINGTON — Animal-rights activism is colliding head-on with constitutional tradition with a new proposal to extend voting rights to animals. Supporters of the Voting Rights Act of 2003 say the disenfranchisement of animals is inhumane and gives democracy a bad name. The legislation aims to extend voting rights to animals in time for the 2004 national elections.
The bill is sponsored by Senate Majority leader Tom Daschle (D-Clymer) and House Minority leader Dick Gephardt (D-Wannabe). The two were joined by DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe as they announced plans to introduce the bill after the midterm election.
Asked how the animals would indicate a party preference on their ballot, McAuliffe bristled, responding, "They know who their friends are. We'll take care of that."
Voting rights for animals became illegal in 1885 when the Supreme Court ruled that animals are not US citizens. The judicial decision followed a disputed presidential election where Grover Cleveland became the first US President ever elected from the Democrat Party. Cleveland ’s election was based largely on his receipt of 100% the votes cast by cows residing in the stockyards of Chicago.
Following their failed effort to give prison inmates voting eligibility, the new proposal is part of the Democrat effort to be "inclusive" of all groups that vote for Democrats, and follows the "Dead Voter" program made famous in Chicago, St. Louis, and Indian reservations in South Dakota.
Senate Minority Leader Trent Lott (R-Misscongeniality), who attended the photo-op because he was told it was a memorial service for Barney Frank’s pet gerbil, reacted negatively and walked out of the press conference.
Afterwards, Lott said that while most GOP senators would oppose the measure he would support a compromise limiting voting rights to household pets.
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Separated At Birth:
Senator Barbara Mikulski (D-Md) and humorist Art Buchwald
That stone age icon Fred Flintstone and that tax-ya-to-the-stone age icon Bill McBride
MIT's beaver mascot and the beaver from Maryland, Kathleen Kennedy Townsend
Bela Lugosi as the bloodsucking Dracula and that noted bloodsucker Walter Mondale
Actually, you don't even have to use satire to ridicule Mondale. You can use his own quotes.
An actual Mondale quote from the debate earlier today:
"Don't worry about me and terrorism, I'm opposed to it!"
I'm not making this up!
I think he looks like a pimp from 70's movies in that outfit. Maybe I am being a little harsh on pimps :-)
Turtle, turtle...
I think they already have...
"Duuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"
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