Vanity- Tongue piercing

[Trust but Verify]

We have an 18 year-old daughter who wants to get her tongue pierced. We have been adamantly against any piercings for our son, and any that go beyond regular ear piercing for our daughter. We have, essentially forbidden this as well as tatooing. We feel it is a passing phase with more permanent repercussions.

Today my daughter plead her case for having it done, saying it is something she wants and can do with or without our permission now that she is 18.

She is a college freshman and is struggling with her 'identity' as such, and I think she thinks this is going to make her feel more grown-up and independent.

I'm almost to the point of telling her to do what she wants, but I know her father will have a fit and then we'll all have to live with the fall-out.

I have always sweated everything, large and small. These days, I only want to sweat the large stuff. My question is, "Is acquiescing on the tongue piercing large or small stuff?"

[Trust but Verify]

I could use some help here from someone who has been in this position. Any takers?

[hole_n_one]

Look here

[IncPen]

Don't read any further if frank discussion embarasses you.

I'll ignore the obvious 'large and small stuff'and cut to it. She is at risk for infection post-op.

_{The purpose of tongue piercing is to enhance oral sex. So I hear.}

If you're paying anything toward her college, say absolutely not.

[paleolith]

Trust but Verify,

Piercings can be a manifestation of adolescent independence as you appear to hope. But, they do carry infection risks. And, tongue piercings derived their current popularity from the perception that women can use them to give greater pleasure during fellatio.

Best Regards.

[ewing]

I would advise her to think about applying and interviewing for a summer job (or a job in the real world) that she may want with a piercing in her tongue.

It may not be a big deal to some folks but others may percieve it differently.

[winged1]

My understanding is that it's main function is oral gratification of the male partner. Youth who have this done means their parents don't have a clue, don't care to have a clue or like you - their kids don't care if the parent has a clue or not.

[CindyDawg]

Make her follow the rules of your house. My "grown"son and his friends know they have to get rid of the hardwear before entering my home. At first he was huffy about it and they stayed away but eventually they got hungry lol CD

[July 4th]

As someone who's not much older than your daughter, I can tell you that I find it totally disgusting.

If you're giving her any money for college, cut the cash off if she gets it done. It's how my parents kept me in line through college. :)

[Paul Atreides]

First, ask your daughter why her self-esteem is so low that she needs a pierced tongue to make her feel like an adult.

Second, ask her how doing what the crowd does is showing independence.

Third, ask her if she knows that a pierced tongue will make her look like a skank.

[The KG9 Kid]

Tongue piercing is a passe' fad, except for aspiring amateur porn actresses or similarly-minded coeds who hang around frat house parties wanting to meet boys. It's an open signal to guys about how talented she is.

She'll find the popularity she seeks, I'm sure. Since they're even shooting porn movies at colleges now with the administrators' approval (See the O'Reilly Factor), she may even find the fame she's searching for too.

She's 18. She can pierce what she wants, I suppose.

Tell her that she can easily choke on spaghetti with a post through her tongue.

[1rudeboy]

Some of the best lap-dancers I know have pierced tongues. And you can tell your daughter I said that . . . .

[anniegetyourgun]

Click here for medical info.

However, logic is probably not going to persuade her as kids think they are invincible. If she claims to be a Christian, you can ask her why she feels the need to be conformed to this world. If she isn't, it would be normal and natural for her to want to conform to the world. You could appeal to the "you're living under my roof/I'm paying the bills, so you do as we say while you're here" argument.

If none of these will work (and God bless you for having held the line up to this point), there isn't much one can do given that she is "legal age" other than to let her know you disapprove. She is able to make her own choices - stupid though they be.

[dwills]

this is small stuff (except for the infection hazard--find some horror stories on the net) that is symptomatic of larger stuff

whatever gratification your daughter is seeking from a tongue-piercing is in place of positive accomplishments that will build toward a stable life

piercings, shopping, drug-taking, sex before commitment all distract from whatever she's supposed to be getting from school

however you come out on the piercing, do what you can to find out why school is not occupying her attention and help her through it before she squanders your resources and her opportunity there

[dennisw]

To put it cruelly and bluntly:
What your daughter is doing is hanging a flashing neon sign around her neck saying I'm a ho' and my tongue piercing will give you cute guys better cunnilinguis. Just give me a try.

[Mercat]

Tongue piercing was started to give prostitutes an extra "edge" when giving head. The wound never heals. I've heard it can cause absessing. Our BPD adopted daughter had it done on her 18th birthday and ran away and got pregnant so I'm probably pretty much against it.

[Freakazoid]

It's really simple. Your tongue is an internal organ. Would you pierce your liver?

[I_Love_My_Husband]

If you're paying for her college education, and you say "No", then you could tell her she's free to get it as long as you're not paying for her education, her room and board, etc.

If she insists, and gets it behind your back then you need to cut her off financially. Let her find out how it is in the real world, and support herself financially.

If you're not paying for her schooling, then strongly advise her not to do it.

You actually have all the cards here if you're paying for her education and room and board.

[ancient_geezer]

I'm almost to the point of telling her to do what she wants,

At 18 she is going to pretty much do what she wants in any case. By then it is wise to recognise that kids ultimately leave the nest whether we want that or not and one of the things they inevitably go through are the mistakes that become learning opportunities.

The key is to make sure they have the fall back position at home for recovery from the more disasterous errors that can and often do occur in every family.

"Is acquiescing on the tongue piercing large or small stuff?"

That which does not kill us, gives us strength. Every generation has its own set of parental irratations it grows through.

[Lecie]

CindyDog is right. Tell your daughter that as long as she lives under your roof, and you are paying her bills she will abide by your wishes. If she wants to do as she pleases then she is more than welcomed to get a job and an apartment of her own.

[hole_n_one]

The wound never heals. I've heard it can cause absessing

Tongue Piercing Causes Brain Abscess

[holyscroller]

If she is a Christian (and it sounds like she's not, or she wouldn't even be considering this), remind her that the bible forbids us from mutilating the body (and both tatooing and body piercing are mutilations.) (And I know, an awful lot of Christian girls do have ear piercings, but a tongue piercing is in a whole different league as far as I'm concerned.) God's word has a lot to say about the lips, the tongue, etc., but sure not in the context of piercing them. Our bodies are, after all, the temple of the Holy Spirit.

If you're praying people, pray for God to give her a good dose of common sense and maturity. She will pay the price for years if she does this. Sad.

[petuniasevan]

How about the health dangers?
From various web sources...

The dangers of body piercing may not reach the ears of fad-driven teenagers. Many young people put their health at risk by getting pierced tongues or faces at the hands of inexperienced clerks. Dr. Charles Stewart of the Dakota Heartland Hospital in Fargo explained in a recent issue of Emergency Medicine that allergic reactions, infection, scars, injury, or jewelry rejection can complicate body piercing. Infections cause redness, swelling, and pain. If sterilized instruments are not used, there is a risk of contracting hepatitis B virus or HIV from blood left on the tools. Nose piercing can cause staphylococcal infection, and tetanus is also a risk for those not recently immunized.

Body piercing has big dangers

Body piercing, like tattooing, has become popular with some older teens. Pierced eyebrows, belly buttons, lips, tongues, noses — and multiple earrings — have become common.

But body piercing can give you serious diseases, some of which may not show up for years.

Dr Rebecca Euwer, of Coppell, has said that infection is the main problem. “Any time you puncture the skin, you're at risk for a staph or strep infection. Plus, a lot of people are allergic to the nickel in the metal that's used, so they'll get contact dermatitis in the area and develop a secondary infection,” she said.

Other doctors warn that unsterilized needles may lead to liver cancer, HIV, hepatitis B, and the more serious hepatitis C.

Virus hides in your body
Hepatitis C is a virus that causes long-term liver disease, even cancer. It can remain hidden in your body for 10 years or more. Many people who have gotten the virus from body piercing may not realize they are sitting on an infectious time bomb until the disease strikes.

The owner of a chain of body-piercing shops said that thin, low-quality metals can rip through your skin. “Thin wire, like on earrings, can pull through the skin like a cheese slicer," he said.

Body-piercing jewelry made from nickel can cause bad reactions, but even gold and niobium can cause a reaction.

Belly button problems
University bookstore employee Jill Bartelt had a hematite (a red mineral) ring put in her belly button. She was allergic to it and became badly infected. Others who have had their belly button pierced have had infections for more than a year.

Belly button piercing can cause great pain. You may have trouble sleeping, and clothes sometimes don't allow enough air to circulate. Moisture collects around the pierced area and makes sores slower to heal.

Nipple-piercing dangers
Nipple piercing can cause infection, and if you are female it can cause extra difficulties because the piercing may burrow through your milk-producing ducts. This can create problems if you have a baby and want to breast-feed.

Young teens are fortunate that many body-piercing shops won't pierce anyone under 18, and require photo identification to check age. (Sure they do...money talks - petunia)

[Trust but Verify]

She is a 'good girl' in every single sense of the word. She is either doing it to 'fit in' or to rebel, I haven't decided which.

We are paying for her tuition, but I do not want to hold that over her head because that is a long-standing commitment on our part and we have been very clear on what each of our responsibilites are during her college years. We pay the big bills, she pays the little ones and stays out of debt.

[pabianice]

Let me set her up with the 19-year-old who works at my town's CVS drugstore. He has scarlet hair and fourteen (14) different piercings in just his face alone. Whenever I go in there I forget what I came for as I stare helplessly at the bolt through his tongue. Just imagine what the rest of his body looks like. He clanks when he walks.

[Dasaji]

Hi Trust,
My brother did this about 6 years ago....had severe infections. In fact, as bizarre as this sounds, he had a heart attack (2 years ago) at the age of 30 due to endocarditis brought on by an undiagnosed/untreated strep infection. Had to have his atrial valve replaced and mitral valve repaired. It was a time of raw terror for my family.

I have had my doubts ever since that the tongue piercing may have had something to do with it.

[Paul Atreides]

I see a lot of girls at college with piercing in various locations of their bodies. They all look like tramps and have the demeanor of tramps. I would be worrying about what crowd your daughter might be falling in with.

[deport]

You have gotten advice but let me suggest that you do some research on you own.... Use the internet search function then go visit your dentist and an orthodontist and pick their info bank.

[Trust but Verify]

I have tried these arguments with her, I will not say to no avail, since she hasn't gone and done it yet.

BTW, she is the farthest thing from a skank you can imagine, which is why this is so tough. People who don't know her, if they see the piercing, will think her a skank.

[proust]

"The purpose of tongue piercing is to enhance oral sex. So I hear."

I hear exactly the same thing. Chris Rock has some hilarious things to say about that that I doubt I could post here. There are many other ways to express yourself or be an individual, but this is one of the few "modifications" that mean more than just fashion statements.

[Paul Atreides]

Also, she needs to think of her future in terms of job prospects. One day, she's going to want to get a better job than being a salesperson in the trendy part of the department store.

[Poser]

(Doctor Laura Mode ON)

Say "No, not as long as you are my dependent. When you become independent, it will be your business, along with your support. It's your choice. I'll love you either way. Let me know what you decide."

(Doctor Laura Mode OFF)

[Trust but Verify]

and my tongue piercing will give you cute guys better cunnilinguis.

Uh, I think you're using the wrong term here.

[RJCogburn]

Is acquiescing on the tongue piercing large or small stuff?

Rearing my own kids was challenge enough, even though they turned out fine so basically I'd say do what you think is right in a manner consistent with all that you hope you have taught. So far as your specific question, the tongue pierceing is very small stuff in the grand scheme of life. The acquiescing part is another matter.

I would not pay a whole bunch of attention to the coments about the sexual purposes of tongue piercing. While true, the practice of tongue piercing is widespread among that age group and it is more of a fashion, style, fit in with the crowd stupid thing for most.

No, my kids are pierced nowhere and thankfully have no tatoos...which are a worse choice, IMHO.

[rintense]

Well, ultimately, if she is 18 it is her choice. All you can do as a parent is express your views and hope she listens. I was 30 when I got tattoo, and 32 when I got my navel pierced, so I'm not sure it's a phase. But, there are some studies that have linked tongue piercings to brain tumors, as well as horrible problems with dental work.

[Texaggie79]

I'm a ho' and my tongue piercing will give you cute guys better cunnilinguis.

Just how does that work, exactly?

[Trust but Verify]

Good point. I'll let you know how far back in her head her eyes roll when I use that one.

[Paul Atreides]

I'm no expert, but I suspect she is receiving some peer pressure.

[Mark]

Above all else, make sure she knows that you would be very DISAPPOINTED in her. Most yutes are hurt if they are not respected by their parents.

[Trust but Verify]

Yeah, she says she can always take it out when she gets older and wants to scrap the evidence of her earlier rebellion.

I think I'm gonna go with the medical/dental arguemnts.

[Texaggie79]

You can tell her, I'm 23 and I find it repulsive..... for a prospective wife at least ;-)

[proust]

"BTW, she is the farthest thing from a skank you can imagine,"

Please don't take this the wrong way, but how sure are you of that? Parents often see their kids through rose-colored glasses.. If I was a parent this would be a real red flag for other activities. I assume you're living by your nickname?

[Cicero]

Aside from the other implications, I've heard that it's very risky from a medical point of view. If she's dead set on being fashionable and getting the pierced look, and you just can't stop her, I would suggest almost any other kind of piercing instead--nose, eyebrow, one or two in the upper ear.

I hate the look of any of these, but it's much better than the health risks involved with tongue piercing--and the terrible discomfort as well.

[Paul Atreides]

If those fail, trying telling her that you will be wearing the same type of clothes as Madonna and tell her that you are going to get piercings as well.

[Trust but Verify]

I'm not real sure about this. None of her friends have done their tongues. A few have tattoos, small and fairly inconspicuous. I have a niece and a nephew who have lots of piercings and she knows what I think of them and their parents for 'letting' them trash up their bodies.

I'm trying to be objective in examining my motives for opposing it. Part of it is that I fear it will reflect badly on me as a parent.

[Happygal]

Tell her go ahead. She's an adult.

But when her tongue swells up and she is nigh on choking, she better have her OWN medical insurance to stop her from dying.

[Paul Atreides]

Plus, it won't just stop at one piercing. Most likely, she will have a face full of steel.

[Trust but Verify]

I'm absolutely positive. She is very shy and doesn't date at ALL. I mean NEVER. And she still ives at home, so we are aware of her activites.

[deport]

I think I'm gonna go with the medical/dental arguemnts.

And has anyone in her peer group experienced problems that you know of. If not, then most likely these want fly with her, but taking her to see the medical professionals and let them tell her what they have treated may help.

[dennisw]

You are right. Was trying to avoid crude terms.