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Politician Caught Up in Vampire Rumors
Reuters ^ | 1-10-2003

Posted on 01/10/2003 7:42:20 AM PST by Happy Valley Dude

BLANTYRE, Malawi (Reuters) - Hundreds of angry Malawians hounded a senior political figure from his house and stoned him late Wednesday, accusing him of harboring vampires. Blantire Urban Governor Eric Chiwaya, a member of the ruling United Democratic Front, was the latest victim of a bizarre rumor that the country's government is colluding with vampires to collect human blood for international aid agencies.

Bearing severe cuts to his face and body, he told Reuters from his hospital bed that a crowd had hailed him with stones and other missiles, chanting "vampire" and threatening to kill him.

Chiwaya said he knew some of his assailants, adding that political opponents were trying to discredit him and the government.

The vampire rumors have sparked several vigilante attacks on suspected bloodsuckers in recent weeks, despite official attempts to stop the rumor. One man was stoned to death, and three priests were attacked by angry villagers in the south.

Political tensions are already high in Malawi. President Bakili Muluzi's attempts to stay in office for another five-year term have already sparked protests, while many face starvation in the face of a regional food crisis.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: africa; bullgenitals; goat; kenya; malawi; mermaid; penileshrinkage; politicians; southafrica; vampire; vampires; witchcraft; wizard; zambia; zimbabwe
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1 posted on 01/10/2003 7:42:21 AM PST by Happy Valley Dude
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To: Happy Valley Dude
But wait, there's more.
There's:

2 posted on 01/10/2003 7:46:11 AM PST by BenLurkin
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Nothing Stone Age to see here...

Move along...

3 posted on 01/10/2003 7:47:16 AM PST by DWSUWF
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To: Happy Valley Dude
BTW, this is evidence that the spread of American "culture" is not an aid to democracy. Not when the "culture" being exported is pop culture with the likes of X-files and Snoop Dog Dog.
4 posted on 01/10/2003 7:48:54 AM PST by BenLurkin
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To: BenLurkin
Triffids can be killed by spraying them with sea water.
5 posted on 01/10/2003 7:49:34 AM PST by N. Theknow (Giant Tarantulas on the other hand....)
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To: Happy Valley Dude
>...accusing him of harboring vampires.

You know, I had thought
that Clinton had been accused
of everything. But...

6 posted on 01/10/2003 7:50:18 AM PST by theFIRMbss
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Another Liberals' African success story...
7 posted on 01/10/2003 8:08:03 AM PST by pabianice
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Sounds like the premise of a really out-there horror film.
8 posted on 01/10/2003 8:08:35 AM PST by thisiskubrick
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Vampires? I know just the person for the job -


9 posted on 01/10/2003 9:20:31 AM PST by Cable225
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Reminded me of this...

Zambians Traumatised By Crash-landing Flying Wizards

Panafrican News Agency

January 6, 2001
Mildred Mulenga
Lusaka, Zambia

More than 30 stark naked people suspected to be wizards "crash-landed" on rooftops of houses owned by families, institutions and filling stations in Zambia last year, leaving the population puzzled.

The latest of these bizarre incidents occurred on New Year eve when one of such suspected wizard crash-landed in Kasanda, a mining township near the midlands central town of Kabwe, 80 km north of Lusaka, the capital. He sustained fatal body and knee injuries on impact.

The suspected wizard, believed to be in his 50's, reportedly fell on the roof of house owned by one Christopher Muwowo at about 01:15 hours Zambian time, causing pandemonium among sleeping family members.

Muwowo, a minibus driver and other members of his family were awakened by a loud bang on the roof, which also prompted dogs to start barking.

The man's wife, who was the first to get out of the house, was astonished to find a stark naked man kneeling on the doorsteps. She yelled for help.

When Muwowo dashed outside and asked the strange visitor what he was looking for at that awkward hour, the naked man simply said "kuku" (meaning Please Help). After that, he could not answer or talk anything until he was taken to Kasanda police station.

Curious neighbours, mostly dressed in their night wear who had heard the man's screams, went to Muwowo's house, only to be shocked by the presence of a naked man sprawling on the ground.

The naked uninvited guest was taken to Kasanda Police Station.

"Cases of witches and wizards crash-landing are rare in Kabwe but very common in Lusaka," said one onlooker.

Among the first people to rush to Kasanda Police Station to have a glimpse of the wizard was Kabwe Mayor John Siamuzyulu and Central Province Police Chief Ryan Chitoba.

Residents eager to see the wizard besieged the police station. A good Samaritan provided a blanket to cover the hapless man.

But since he could not talk, the police had difficulties to establish his name, age, his destination and where he was coming from.

The suspected wizard was later taken to the Department of Social Welfare to await being taken to the Traditional Healers and Practitioners Association of Zambia or THAPAZ who had agreed to exorcise him.

Unfortunately, the wizard died before he was charged and police have appealed to the Zambian public to come forward and identify the man.

THAPAZ president, "Dr" Rodwell Vongo, who heads a group of 40,000 local traditional herbalists, claimed in an interview with PANA that the Kabwe wizard was the only fatal case out of the over a hundred wizards who had so far crash-landed on roof-tops of houses in the country.

"They normally crash-land, giving lack of fuel as the cause of crash-landing and ending their missions prematurely," Vongo said.

Asked to clarify why wizards must fly naked, Vongo explained that this was the only way they could conceal their identity when flying.

"But the most important secret in their view is that the potency of their concoctions would respond to their taking off from the ground when naked than when they are dressed," he claimed

THAPAZ's director of Information, "Dr' Alex Kekelwa, said that exhaustion of fuel was not the only reason why wizards crash-land at times.

"Sometimes, some of these chaps fly over enemy territory, and they are shot down with traditional ground to air missiles.

"I am a traditional herbalist and my mission is to save life through healing and so THAPAZ does not recognise witchcraft. But if a wizard flew over my house, which is my territory, I will certainly respond by protecting my family and myself by shooting down a wizard.

I do not want to say anything beyond that", Kekelwa stressed.

Kekelwa declined to unravel the motives of flying wizards, saying he was not one of them to know their strategies. "May be some of these guys have concubines they want to visit hundred of kilometres away from where they live while others have sinister motives of going to kill their targeted enemies."

10 posted on 01/10/2003 10:37:06 AM PST by gnarledmaw
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To: Happy Valley Dude
This sucks.
11 posted on 01/10/2003 6:08:43 PM PST by boris
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To: Cable225
Vampires? I know just the person for the job -

There's nothing wrong with a vampire that can't be solved by Buffy....

12 posted on 01/10/2003 6:14:26 PM PST by Mulder
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Shoot. I thought this was a Hillary article.
13 posted on 01/10/2003 6:16:13 PM PST by Lanza
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To: gnarledmaw
The problem is that the herbs give a wizard the ability to fly. Not to land. Big difference.
14 posted on 01/10/2003 6:17:51 PM PST by Billthedrill
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To: Happy Valley Dude

Sounds like your typical homeowners association..

15 posted on 01/10/2003 6:23:22 PM PST by Jhoffa_ (I am Bad Ash.)
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To: gnarledmaw
gnarledmaw - Funniest post EVER!

"Sometimes some of these chaps fly over enemy territory, and they are shot down with traditional ground to air missiles."

Losing bladder control.
16 posted on 01/10/2003 6:25:20 PM PST by ricpic
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To: gnarledmaw
When Muwowo dashed outside and asked the strange visitor what he was looking for at that awkward hour, the naked man simply said "kuku" (meaning Please Help).

"Cuckoo" misspelled and misinterpreted. Obviously, the people involved didn't realize they were stuck in some kind of Warner Brothers cartoon, probably a Road Runner.

17 posted on 01/10/2003 6:29:15 PM PST by VadeRetro (Faster than a speeding building; able to leap tall bullets in a single bound!)
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Surely, you jest?


18 posted on 01/10/2003 6:37:49 PM PST by Elenya
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Part of the NWO?
19 posted on 01/10/2003 7:25:58 PM PST by wingnuts'nbolts
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
PING
20 posted on 01/10/2003 7:32:14 PM PST by ricpic
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To: BenLurkin
I saw that when it came out in the theaters. Scared the CRAP out of me. The one that really gave me nightmares was the giant radioactive spider.
21 posted on 01/10/2003 7:32:30 PM PST by dljordan
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To: ricpic; Cagey; SeeRushToldU_So; Argh; dubyaismypresident; Shooter 2.5
"But the most important secret in their view is that the potency of their concoctions would respond to their taking off from the ground when naked than when they are dressed," he claimed

Makes sense to me......

22 posted on 01/10/2003 7:53:39 PM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
Ok, so take a wooden stake and stick them in the heart. If they aren't dusted then everything is alright. They aren't a vampire.
23 posted on 01/10/2003 8:03:23 PM PST by Shooter 2.5
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To: Shooter 2.5
Good point.........
24 posted on 01/10/2003 8:06:24 PM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
According to "Dr" Rodwell Vongo: "They normally crash-land, giving lack of fuel as the cause of crash-landing..."

I smell an SUV in the woodpile.
25 posted on 01/10/2003 8:19:22 PM PST by ricpic
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To: Howlin; Ed_NYC; MonroeDNA; widgysoft; Springman; Timesink; AntiGuv; dubyaismypresident; Grani; ...

"Hold muh beer 'n watch this!" PING....

If you want on or off this list, please let me know!

26 posted on 01/10/2003 8:20:03 PM PST by mhking
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To: ricpic
Political tensions are already high in Malawi. President Bakili Muluzi's attempts to stay in office for another five-year term have already sparked protests, while many face starvation in the face of a regional food crisis.

Well, there you go.... they aren't vampires, merely looking for food.......

27 posted on 01/10/2003 8:55:17 PM PST by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: Carry_Okie; SierraWasp
Just when you think politics in California is bad, there comes a story that puts a whole new light on things.
28 posted on 01/10/2003 10:20:28 PM PST by farmfriend ( Isaiah 55:10,11)
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To: farmfriend
When the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro.
- Hunter S. Thompson

29 posted on 01/10/2003 10:30:28 PM PST by Carry_Okie (With friends like these, who needs friends?)
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Huh. I thought the article was going to be about Hillary. Go figure.
30 posted on 01/10/2003 10:31:38 PM PST by rintense (We have our own blood-sucking old bat.)
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To: gnarledmaw
"Cases of witches and wizards crash-landing are rare in Kabwe but very common in Lusaka," said one onlooker.

If only these people had money, I am sure I could find something to sell them.

31 posted on 01/10/2003 10:44:24 PM PST by Yeti
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
This story bites......
32 posted on 01/11/2003 7:01:25 AM PST by NeoCaveman (Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most --- Ozzy Osbourne)
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To: mhking
So what is wrong with being a Vampire in Politics?


33 posted on 01/11/2003 8:17:53 AM PST by Grampa Dave (Support Free Republic. Become a monthly donor !)
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To: Happy Valley Dude
a member of the ruling United Democratic Front

Democrat (dem'e krat) n. 1 a reanimated corpse that sucks the blood of sleeping persons. 2 one who preys ruthlessly on others.

34 posted on 01/11/2003 8:42:38 AM PST by SC Swamp Fox
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To: gnarledmaw
that reminds me of the rash of stonings and assorted other mob executions a few years back in Kenya(?) of people accused of being witches and wizards. the chief accusation being made against them was -no joke- "He shrank my penis"
35 posted on 01/11/2003 10:05:21 AM PST by demosthenes the elder (non potestis me capere, sum homo gingibrati)
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To: Happy Valley Dude
"Paging Buffy Summers! Paging Buffy Summers!"
36 posted on 01/11/2003 12:42:11 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Hold muh stake and watch this!)
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To: Cable225
She killed a Hellgod, died, and was resurrected! She's perfect for this job!
37 posted on 01/11/2003 12:48:38 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Paging buffy summers! Paging buffy summers!)
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To: gnarledmaw
When Muwowo dashed outside and asked the strange visitor what he was looking for at that awkward hour, the naked man simply said "kuku" (meaning Please Help). After that, he could not answer or talk anything until he was taken to Kasanda police station.

Wow! Over here, "kuku" means it's one o'clock!

38 posted on 01/11/2003 12:53:40 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Paging buffy summers! Paging buffy summers!)
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To: Jonathon Spectre
Read post 10. Didn't you say something about boats?
39 posted on 01/13/2003 8:17:28 AM PST by FLdeputy
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To: gnarledmaw
Zim: Bogus traditional healer held (Told woman to hire mermaids, use bull 'privates' to find car)
40 posted on 03/21/2006 2:56:17 PM PST by gnarledmaw (I traded freedom for security and all I got were these damned shackles.)
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To: Happy Valley Dude

How do you cheer up a depressed vampire?










B positive!


41 posted on 03/21/2006 2:59:36 PM PST by aculeus
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To: gnarledmaw
Men avenged 'witchcraft' murder (South Africa)
42 posted on 09/06/2007 2:54:16 PM PDT by gnarledmaw ("Righteous Violence Zealot")
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To: Happy Valley Dude
Eric Chiwaya, a member of the ruling United Democratic Front, was the latest victim of a bizarre rumor that the country's government is colluding with vampires to collect human blood for international aid agencies

Over here, we just elect them to Congress.


43 posted on 09/06/2007 3:03:50 PM PDT by reagan_fanatic (Ron Paul put the cuckoo in my Cocoa Puffs)
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To: gnarledmaw
Newspaper claims suspect transformed into a goat
44 posted on 01/24/2009 7:59:00 AM PST by gnarledmaw (Hive-mind liberals worship "leaders". Sovereign conservatives elect servants.)
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To: gnarledmaw

Vampire Rumors Drain Africa's Malawi

BLANTYRE, Malawi, Dec. 24, 2002

President Bakili Muluzi calls the rumors unfounded and malicious (AP)

"There is no truth in this. There is no such thing as blood suckers anywhere in Malawi." police inspector general Joseph Aironi

(AP) Horrifying stories of vampires attacking villagers in the dead of night and sucking their blood has forced Malawi's government to wage a massive public relations blitz to calm the public.

The rumors began three weeks ago in the south of this impoverished nation in southeast Africa and have intensified in recent days.

Last week, frightened villagers beat to death a man suspected of being a vampire, attacked and nearly lynched three visiting priests and destroyed an aid group's encampment they feared was the vampires' headquarters.

President Bakili Muluzi called the rumors unfounded and malicious, and accused unnamed opposition groups of trying to undermine him by saying his government gave aid agencies human blood in exchange for food aid.

"No government can go about sucking (the) blood of its own people," Muluzi said Sunday. "That's thuggery."

The rumors were hurting efforts to pull Malawi out of its severe hunger crisis, Muluzi said, since many families were too scared to leave their villages to tend their fields.

A series of statements from the police, Information Ministry, Home Affairs Ministry and Internal Security Ministry have condemned the rumors and top government officials have journeyed to the districts of Thyolo, Mulanje, Chiradzul and Blantyre trying to quash the stories.

"There is no truth in this. There is no such thing as blood suckers anywhere in Malawi," said Joseph Aironi, the police inspector general.

But the fears have continued.

Some villagers are fleeing to the city of Blantyre for safety.

Others sleep clutching drums so they can wake up the village if they suspect they are about to be attacked.

A mob in the southern tea-growing district of Thyolo last week beat to death a man accused of being a vampire, police said.

Three visiting Roman Catholic priests also were beaten in Thyolo by a mob of angry villagers who did not recognize them and suspected them of being vampires, police said. The priests, who were held overnight until a local Catholic family identified them, were treated for severe bruises.

In the same district, villagers destroyed tents pitched by an aid group that was in the area to drill wells for drinking water. The villagers believed the vampires were using the tent camp as their headquarters. No one was injured in the attack.

The frenzy has been fueled by several people's stories of being attacked by vampires.

Edna Kachisa said the vampires drilled a hole in her mud-and-thatch house and sprayed a suffocation gas inside. The attackers fled after she banged on a drum and awoke the village, she said.

"Because of the smoke I inhaled I could not speak for three days and I am still suffering from a recurrent stomach ache," she said.

Another woman outside Blantyre showed journalists a mark on her forearm she said was where vampires inserted a needle to try to draw her blood.

45 posted on 07/02/2009 11:54:04 AM PDT by gnarledmaw (Hive-mind liberals worship "leaders". Sovereign conservatives elect servants.)
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To: gnarledmaw
Goat gives birth to a 'human'; a faun

The Zimbabwe Guardian ^ | The Chronicle | TZG reporters

THE community of Lower Gweru and its surroundings in the Midlands Province was left shell-shocked when a goat gave birth to human-like creature that had the combined features of a man and a goat.

A report in The Chronicle newspaper said the goat gave birth to the 'creature' on Sunday morning in Maboleni area.

The creature had a human head, face, nose, shoulders and human-like skin that had very scanty furs.

It had goat features from the “shoulders” to the legs.

Its sagging stomach prevented curious villagers from determining whether it had human or animal sex organs as it protruded covering the front part.

Villagers said the end product was so scary that even dogs were afraid to move close to the goat.

46 posted on 09/09/2009 10:40:14 PM PDT by gnarledmaw (Obama: Evincing a Design since 2009)
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To: gnarledmaw
South Africa 'Necklace' Kills Pet Baboon

Reuters
Published: March 18, 1996

JOHANNESBURG, March 17— A pet baboon suspected of being a witch in disguise was killed by "necklacing" by South African villagers, a Johannesburg newspaper reported today.

A crowd of about 150 people caught the baboon as it passed through their village near the popular Kruger National Park game reserve, beat it with metal poles, soaked it with gasoline and put a burning tire around its body, The Sunday Times said. "Necklacing" with burning tires was a type of punishment meted out in South African townships to suspected black collaborators with the former white apartheid government.

47 posted on 02/10/2010 2:28:38 PM PST by gnarledmaw (Obama: Evincing a Design since 2009)
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To: gnarledmaw
Mysterious Snakes, Bees Attack Boko Haram in Sambisa Forest
48 posted on 07/01/2014 12:39:25 PM PDT by gnarledmaw (Obama: Evincing a Design since 2009)
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To: gnarledmaw

God answers prayer.


49 posted on 07/01/2014 12:46:23 PM PDT by Kackikat (ELECTED officials took an OATH...get off your cowardly a$ses and be A PATRIOT now!)
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To: Happy Valley Dude

*Yawn*

Over here, politicians are expected to be bloodsuckers.
50 posted on 07/01/2014 12:53:45 PM PDT by Bratch
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