USO Canteen FReeper Style ~ Military Humor Day ~ February 13 2003

68-69TonkinGulfYatchClub and FRiends of the Canteen

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Airman Jones comes straight to his commanding officer.
He complains that his Sergeant is totally nuts and out to get him.
Jones adds, "I wouldn't be surprised if Sergeant asked me to jump into a lake."
The commanding officer says "I don't think that's right, but if it ever happens, report to me directly."
Noting the thrilled expression on the airman's face, he adds...
"But you jolly well be wet when you report to me."

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.
The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way.
The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed.
In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules - make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."



The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup
when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"
"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they hatch."
"That was a fine story Lucy." "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm; her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun; a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break; then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last ten with her bare hands. "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher,
"What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Don't screw with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"

Dear China,

We're sorry you don't train your fighter pilots better. As a token of our apology,
here's a copy of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000.
We're also sorry your front-line fighter planes can't outmaneuver a 35-year old prop-driven airliner.
Perhaps you'd like to purchase some surplus 1950's-era Lockheed Starfighters from Taiwan...
since they just replaced all theirs with new F-16's.
We're also sorry you believe your territorial waters extend all the way to Australia. For future reference, here's an American 6th grade geography textbook. (Please note the Copyright information printed inside the cover.)
In addition, we're sorry you can't seem to see your part of this incident. We know it seems easier to blame others than to take responsibility. Consider this while we build several new Aegis destroyers for our friends in Taiwan.
Finally, we're sorry we granted you Most-Favored-Nation trading status. This will be rectified at the soonest possible opportunity. Along those lines, we're especially sorry we treated you with such respect for the last 20 years. We'll definitely rethink this policy, and will probably go back to treating you like a street gang very soon.

Sincerely,

The People of the United States of America

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

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PREVIOUS THREADS

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Will you take some time to put a smile on a military lurkers face today?

Please Post your graphics, jokes, prayers, stories, music, links etc.

This may be cyberspace but know that military lurkers today will know they are not forgotten.

Thank You Military Lurkers
for your service to our country.

USO CANTEEN FREEPER STYLE MISSION STATEMENT
Showing support and boosting the morale of
our military and our allies military
and the family members of the above.
Honoring those who have served before.

[JohnHuang2]

G'morning, friend

[JohnHuang2]

[Aeronaut]

Good morning all.

[firewalk]

Good morning everyone (-:

[tomkow6]

Good morning, Tonk!  Good morning, Canteen Crew!  Good morning, EVERYBODY!

GOOD

MORNING

TROOPS!!

[Soaring Feather]

Canteen Blessing
for the Troops
May your heart be calm
your voice strong
steady of foot
radiant of smile
confident and willing
knowing you are safe
Blessings upon you...

bentfeather

[tomkow6]

Today's FEEBLE attempt at humor:

Jane had a system for labeling homemade freezer meals. She
would carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or
"Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables" or "Chicken and
Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."

Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for
dinner, he never asked for any of those meals. She decided
to stock the freezer with his various requests. What he
really likes.

In Jane's freezer you'll see a whole new set of labels.
You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say:
"Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care,"
"Something Good," or "Food."

No more frustration for Jane because no matter what her
husband replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner,
it's there waiting.

[Aeronaut]

Good morning John.

[JohnHuang2]

G'morning backatya, friend

[tomkow6]

Chicagoland Weather
Current Conditions:
As reported at KORD, O'Hare Arpt..
Last update Thu 13 Feb 2003 4:56 AM CST.

Mostly Cloudy
14°F Feels Like: 3°F
UV Index: 0 Minimal
Wind: From the WNW at 8 mph
Humidity: 49 %
Visibility: unlimited
Barometer: 30.141 inches and Steady

Today's Forecast Thu 13 Feb 2003 03:46 AM CST
Mostly Sunny
Low 19°F
High 30°F

[tomkow6]

[Soaring Feather]

Good Morning tomkow!
The roses are beautiful, thank you so much.
Soooooo, you're Austin today, eh?
KWEL

[mbynack]

An Air Force Transport landed in Iceland very early one morning and needed servicing. An Airman Basic was sent out to the plane with a bucket to empty the toilet holding tank. When he arrived at the plane he walked past the pilot without saluting. The pilot began yelling at the airman for the breach in courtesy.

The airman replied, "Sir, it's two in the morning; I'm in iceland; It's 12 degrees below zero; I'm already at the lowest rank I can be and I'm carrying a bucket of shit. What else can you do to me?"

[Valin]

On This Day In History


Birthdates which occurred on February 13:
1440 Hartmann Schedel German physician/humanist/historian
1480 Hieronymus Aleander [Girólamo Aleandro], Italian diplomat/cardinal
1599 Alexander VII [Fabio Chigi], Siena Italy, pope (1655-67)
1610 Jean de la Badie French divine, founder of the Lagardists
1622 Adam Pijnacker landscape painter/etcher, baptized
1658 Jan B Wellekens Dutch poet/painter
1660 Johann Sigismund Kusser composer
1682 Giovanni Battista Piazzetta Venice, painter (Fortune Teller)
1713 Domingo Miguel Bernaube Terradellas composer
1721 John Reid composer
1755 François Alexander Sallantin composer
1756 Joannes van der Linden lawyer/judge (Ware Pleiter)
1757 John C Hespe Dutch journalist/politician
1766 Thomas Malthus Rookery Surrey UK, economist/demographer/population expert (Law of Malthus)
1768 Édouard Mortier French general, duke, prime minister (1834-35)
1778 Fernando Sor composer
1787 James P Carrell composer
1805 David Dudley Field lawyer/law codifier
1805 Peter G L Dirichlet Germany, number theorist/analyst
1807 Bartolommea Capitanio Italian monastery founder (Liefdezusters)
1813 Charles Pierre Schimpf Governor of Suriname (1855-59)
1820 Bela Albrecht Pal Keler composer
1822 Lev A Mej Russian nobleman/poet
1829 Gerard Keller writer (Netherlands Spectator)
1831 John Aaron Rawlins Bvt Major General (Union Army), died in 1869
1833 William Whedbee Kirkland Brigadier General (Confederate Army), died in 1915
1837 Valentin de Zubiaurre y Unionbarrenechea composer
1840 Georg Jacobi composer
1849 Lord Randolph Churchill England, politician, Winston's father
1852 Johan L E Dreyer Danish astronomer (New generation catalogue of nebulae)
1859 Frank van de Goes Dutch writer/marxist theorist
1859 William Strang Scottish painter/engraver
1861 Uchimura Kanzo Tokyo, religious writer (How I Became a Christian)
1862 Karel Weis composer
1870 Leopold Godowsky Lithuania, virtuoso pianist/composer
1874 Hendrik Spiekman Dutch politician (social-democratic)
1875 Kanouse quintuplets Watertown WI, 1st quintuplets in US, born to Edna Kanouse
1877 Jazeps Medins composer
1881 Eleanor Farjeon English writer (Martin Pippin)
1883 Harold "Hal" Chase baseball player/manager
1883 Bainbridge Crist composer
1885 Elizabeth Virginia "Bess" Truman 1st lady (1945-53)
1886 Ricardo Güiraldes Argentina, novelist/poet (Don Segundo Sombra)
1887 Alvin York famed US soldier with 25 kills in WWI
1888 Georgios Papandreou Greek prefect of Lesbos/minister/premier
1888 Heintje Davids [Hendrika], Dutch revue star
1892 Grant Wood US, painter (American Gothic)
1892 Robert Houghwout Jackson 84th Supreme Court justice (1941-54)
1893 Ana Pauker-Rabensohn Romania, communist/foreign minister (1945-52)
1895 Fred Essler Austria, actor (Unsinkable Molly Brown, Saratoga Trunk)
1898 Neville Pearson English publisher
1902 Blair Moody New Haven CT, (Senator-MI)
1902 Karl Menger Austria/US mathematician (theory of dimension)
1903 Georges Simenon Belgium, mystery writer (Snow Was Black)
1908 Gerald Strang Claresholm Canada, composer
1908 Sulo Nurmela Finland, 4 X 100K relay skier (Olympics-gold-1936)
1908 Pauline Frederick journalist/correspondent (UN, NBC TV)
1910 William B Shockley London, US physicist (Nobel 1956 - for research on semiconductors and discovery of the transistor effect along with John Bardeen and Walter Houser Brattain)
1911 Jean Muir Fullarton actress
1912 Jose de Capriles US, fencer (Olympics-1936, 48, 52)
1912 French J Van den Brande Flemish actor
1912 Margaretta Scott actress (Crescendo, Where's Charley, Counterblast)
1913 Arthur Carleton Hetherington public servant
1913 Guiseppe Dossetti politician/priest
1914 Earl Cadogan British large landowner (Military Cross)
1914 George Kleinsinger San Bernardino CA, composer (Tubby the Tuba)
1915 Lyle Betther Philadelphia PA, actor (Harry-Grand Jury, Lone Ranger)
1916 James Griffith Los Angeles CA, actor (Sheriff of Cochise)
1917 Polly Rose actress (Myrtle-Love That Jill)
1918 Helen Stephens Fulton MO, 100 meter runner (Olympics-gold-1936)
1918 Patty Berg Minneapolis MN, LPGA golfer (1938 US Amateur, 1943, 1955 AP Sports Woman of the Year)
1919 Eddie Robinson winningest college football coach (Grambling)
1919 Joan Edwards New York NY, singer (Joan Edwards Show)
1919 Tennessee Ernie Ford Bristol TN, country singer/actor (pea picker)
1920 Bryant Boudleaux Shellman GA, rock writer (Bye Bye Love)
1920 Eileen Farrell Willimantic CT, opera soprano (Interrupted Melody)
1921 Henk van Galen Last Dutch journalist
1921 Zao-Wou-Ki Chinese/French painter/graphic artist
1922 Lord Pym of Sandy British minister of foreign affairs
1923 Chuck Yeager US test pilot (1st man to break sound barrier)
1924 Jean-Jacques Servan-Schreiber French economist/politician
1925 Gene Ames singer
1925 Jan Arends Dutch poet/author
1926 Barney Childs composer
1927 Harry Wich Dutch set designer
1929 Omar Torrijos Herrera President of Panama
1930 Dotty McGuire Middletown OH, singer (McGuire Sisters)
1931 Marjorie Jackson Austria, 100 meter/200 meter dash (Olympics-gold-1952)
1933 Emanuel Ungaro France, fashion designer (Neiman-Marcus Award-1969)
1933 Paul Biya President of Cameroon (1982- )
1933 Caroline Blakiston actress (At Bertram's Hotel)
1933 Kim Novak [Marilyn], Chicago IL, actress (Vertigo, Of Human Bondage)
1934 George Segal actor/banjo player (Carbon Copy, Fun with Dick & Jane)
1935 Tommy Jacobs golfer
1936 John Harris British cricket player
1936 Leamon King Tulare CA, 4X100 meter relayer (Olympics-gold-1956)
1937 Sigmund Jähn German DR, cosmonaut (Soyuz 31/29)
1937 Susan Oliver New York NY, actress (Ann-Peyton Place, Star Trek-Cage)
1938 Oliver Reed London England, actor (Big Sleep)
1939 Valery Illych Rozhdestvensky USSR, cosmonaut (Soyuz 23)
1941 Bo Svenson Göteborg Sweden, actor (North Dallas 40, Walking Tall)
1942 Carol Lynley New York NY, actress (Night Stalker, Fantasy Island, Immortal)
1942 Donald E Williams Lafayette IN, Captain USN/astronaut (STS 51D, STS 34)
1942 Peter Tork [Peter Halsten Thorkelson] Washington DC, singer/actor (Monkees-Last Train to Clarksville)
1943 F C Delius writer
1943 Geoff Edwards Westfield NJ, actor (Jeff-Petticoat Junction, Jackpot)
1943 Leo Frankowski US, sci-fi author (High Tech Knight, Flying Warlord)
1944 Stockard Channing New York NY, actress (Grease, The Big Bus, Without a Trace)
1944 Jerry Springer London England, talk show host (Jerry Springer Show)
1944 Sal Bando baseball player (Oakland A's)
1945 Keith Nichols jazz pianist
1945 King Floyd rocker
1945 Roy Dyke Liverpool, rock drummer (Ashton, Gardner & Dyke)
1946 Rainer Werner Fassbinder German director/actor (Ehe der Maria Braun)
1947 Mike Krzyzewski basketball coach
1947 Tony Butler rock bassist (Big Country-It's a Big Country, Wonderland)
1950 Leonard Pascoe cricketer (dynamic Aussie quick 1977-82)
1950 Peter Gabriel Surrey England, rock vocalist (Genesis, In Your Eyes)
1951 David Naughton Hartford CT, actor (My Sister Sam, Seperate Vacations)
1952 David Puilum Choi Hong Kong, murderer (FBI Most Wanted List)
1952 Ed Gagliardi New York NY, rock bassist (Foreigner-Cold As Ice)
1953 Sharon Wyatt Lebanon TN, actress (Tiffany-General Hospital)
1953 Suleiman Nyambui Tanzanian runner (world record 5k indoor)
1955 Jan de Ligt Dutch saxophonist (I've Got the Bullets)
1955 Scott Smith rock bassist (Loverboy-Get Lucky)
1956 Liam Brady British soccer player
1956 Peter Hook English rock bassist (New Order-Round & Round, Run)
1956 Richard Eden actor (Brick-Santa Barbara, Solar Crisis, Robocop)
1957 Doris King Nashville TN, vocalist (Girls Next Door-Don't Be Cruel)
1957 Thelston Payne cricket wicket-keeper (West Indies 1986)
1958 Mark Fox congas/percussionist (Haircut 100-Nobody's Fool)
1959 Ali Campbell rocker (UB40-Red Red Wine)
1960 Michael Craig rock bassist (Culture Club-Do You Want to Hurt Me)
1960 Kelly McCormick Anaheim CA, diver (Olympics-silver-1984)
1960 Matt Salinger Windsor VT, actor (Captain America, Deadly Deception)
1961 Les Warner rocker (Cult-Fire Woman)
1961 Henry Rollins US vocalist/poet (Black Flagg, Rollins Band)
1961 Kyi Hla Han Yangon, Australasia golfer
1962 Jackie Silva Rio de Janeiro Brazil, volleyballer (Pan Am-bronze)
1963 Roberta Vasquez Los Angeles CA, playmate (November, 1984)
1963 Penelope Ann Miller actress (Awakenings, Chaplin, Freshman)
1964 Evi Strasser Bavaria German, equestrian (Olympics-96)
1965 Stephen Manley Los Angeles CA, actor (Donny-Married the 1st Year)
1965 Kenny Harrison Milwaukee WI, triple jumper
1966 Freedom Williams rock vocalist (C&C Music Factory-Everybody Dance Now)
1966 Tally Chanel Tel Aviv Israel, actress (Warrior Queen)
1967 Melanie Denise Bridges Derry NH, Miss New Hampshire-America (1990)
1967 Bas Roorda soccer player (FC Groningen)
1967 Eddie Pye US baseball infielder (Los Angeles Dodgers)
1968 Matt Mieske US baseball outfielder (Milwaukee Brewers)
1969 Subroto Banerjee cricketer (Indian quickie & Dennis Lillee protégé)
1970 Kevin Stocker US baseball infielder (Philadelphia Phillies)
1970 Ruben Brown NFL guard (Buffalo Bills)
1970 Vernon Patao 141 lbs (64 kg) US weightlifter (alternate-Olympics-1996)
1971 Jim Reid NFL tackle (Houston Oilers)
1971 Mats Sundin Bromma Sweden, NHL center (Team Sweden, Toronto Maple Leafs)
1971 Shelly Hammonds NFL safety (Minnesota Vikings)
1971 Todd Williams US baseball pitcher (Los Angeles Dodgers)
1972 Charlie Garner NFL running back (Philadelphia Eagles)
1972 Juha Ylonen Helsinki Finland, NHL forward (Olympics-bronze-1998, Phoenix)
1973 Willie Smith NFL linebacker (Detroit Lions)
1974 Anthony Mortas hockey forward (Team France 1998)
1975 Mark Gerald Keddell Christchurch New Zealand, 200 meter (Olympics-96)
1979 Julie Nagle Miss North Dakota Teen-USA (1997)
1980 Kristy Powell Florida, gymnast (Olympics-96)

---

Deaths which occurred on February 13:
1130 Honorius II [Lamberto], Pope (1124-30), dies
1199 Stefanus Nemanja (Symeon) monk, dies
1237 Jordanus of Saxon 2nd general of Dominicans, drowns
1315 Jean I of Chalon-Arlay mayor of Neuchâtel, dies
1332 Andronicus II Paleologus Byzantine emperor (1282-1328)/monk, dies
1542 Catherine Howard queen of England/5th wife of Henry VIII, is beheaded
1602 Alexander Nowell English churchman, dean of St Paul's, dies
1629 Girolamo Giacobbi composer, dies at 61
1635 Georg R Weckerlin German poet, dies at 50
1660 Charles X Gustaaf king of Sweden (1654-60), dies at 37
1662 Elisabeth Stuart English daughter of James I, dies at 65
1693 Johann Kaspar von Kerll German composer, dies at 65
1724 Francisco Jose Coutinho composer, dies at 43
1741 Johann Joseph Fux Austrian composer/music theorist, dies at about 80
1784 Charles Gravier French earl of Vergennes/Minister of Foreign Affairs, dies
1798 Wilhelm H Wackenroder German writer (Fantasies of Art), dies at 24
1814 Augustin Holler composer, dies at 69
1818 George Rogers Clark frontier military leader in Revolutionary War, dies
1841 Thomas Ainsworth English/Dutch industrialist, dies at 45
1849 Christian Rummel composer, dies at 61
1873 Petrus AS van Limburg Brouwer [Abraham van Luik], literary, dies
1882 Henry Highland Garnet diplomat, dies in Monrovia Liberia at 66
1883 Pavel Melnikov [Petsjerski], Russian historian, dies at 64
1883 Wilhelm Richard Wagner German composer (Die Walküre), dies in Venice at 69
1891 David Dixon Porter US Rear Admiral (Union Army-Civil War), dies at 77
1893 Ignacio M Altamirano Mexican author (El Zarco), dies at 58
1894 Franjo Racki Croatian historian/politician, dies at 65
1896 Karl Reinthaler composer, dies at 73
1907 Marcel Bertrand French mine engineer, dies at 59
1917 Joel Angel Russian musicologist/composer, dies at 48
1921 Willem P C Knuttel Dutch bibliography/librarian, dies at 67
1927 Brooks Adams US philosopher (New Empire), dies at 78
1935 Violet Paget British author (Gospels of Anarchy), dies at 78
1937 C A Bernoulli writer, dies
1941 Naomi Uemura Japanese mountain climber, dies on Mt McKinley
1943 William Walraven journalist/writer (Neglected Grouser), dies at 55
1945 George Studd cricketer (4 Tests with brother vs Australia 1882-83), dies
1952 Alfred Einstein German/US musicologist, dies at 71
1958 Georges Rouault French painter (Christ aux outrages), dies at 86
1959 William L Axt composer, dies at 70
1960 Delmar G Roos designer of the jeep, dies at 79
1963 Harry Steers bowling hall of famer, dies
1965 Jerry Burke pianist (Lawrence Welk Show), dies
1965 William H Kilpatrick US mathematician/philosopher, dies at 93
1966 Elio Vittorini writer, dies
1968 Ildebrando Pizzetti Italian composer, dies at 87
1968 Mae Marsh actress (Birth of a Nation, Intolerance), dies at 72
1970 Herbert Strudwick cricketer (28 Tests for England, ct 60 stp 12), dies
1975 Dagmar Godowsky actress (Common Law, Red Lights), dies at 78
1975 Eric Harding Thiman composer, dies at 74
1975 Henry P Van Dusen US protestant theologist, dies at 77
1976 General Murtala Mohammed head of Nigeria, killed during a coup
1976 Lily Pons French/US soprano/opera diva (Met Opera), dies at 71
1977 Jack Gardner actor (Wild Bill Hickok, 3 Russian Girls), dies at 77
1979 Jean Renoir actor/director (Rules of the Game), dies at 84
1980 David Janssen [Meyer], actor (Fugitive, Harry O), dies at 49
1982 Zeng Jinlian Hunan China, grew to 8'1" (tallest woman), dies at 17
1983 Marian Nixon actress (Dr Bull, Sweepstakes), dies of cancer at 78
1987 M L "Curly" Page cricketer (New Zealand Test captain 1933), dies
1990 Ken Lynch actor (Paratroop Command, Legend of Tom Dooley), dies at 79
1991 Bernard Sauer Yiddish actor, dies of heart attack at 67
1991 Eddie Bartell actor (Every Night at Eight), dies at 83
1992 Bob den Uyl Dutch journalist/writer (Restless Travel), dies at 61
1993 Agatha Hagtingius-Seger Dutch author (Sparkles Chain), dies at 91
1994 Jack Kirby cartoonist (Marvel Comics), dies at 76
1994 Michael Francis Morris Lindsay orientalist, dies at 84
1994 Theo Bitter Dutch painter/set designer, dies at 79
1995 Abdelhafid Said Algerian student leader, murdered
1995 Alberto Burri Italian physician/sculptor/painter), dies at 79
1995 Azeddine Medjoubi head Algerian nationally theater, murdered at 49
1995 Joan A C Ramsey nee Hamilton lady Ramsey of Canterbury, dies at 84
1995 Wilton "Bogey" Gaynair saxophonist, dies at 68
1996 Daniel K Womack singer/guitarist, dies at 91
1996 Martin Balsam actor (Archie's Place), dies at 76
1998 Jo Clayton author, (Cancer Died, Drums of Chaos), dies at 58

---

On this day...
1130 Gregorio de' Papareschi elected as Pope Innocent II
1349 Jews are expelled from Burgsordf Switzerland
1510 Charles of Gelre conquerors Oldenzaal
1545 Willem of Nassau becomes prince of Orange
1566 St Augustine FL founded
1601 John Lancaster leads 1st East India Company voyage from London
1633 Italian astronomer Galileo Galilei arrived in Rome for trial before Inquisition for professing belief that earth revolves around the Sun
1635 Oldest US public institution, Boston Latin School founded
1651 Flemish missionary Joris van Geel departs to Congo
1668 Treaty of Lisbon Spain recognizes Portugal
1678 Tycho Brahe 1st sketches "Tychonic system" of solar system
1689 British Parliament adopts Bill of Rights
1692 MacDonald clan murdered on orders of King William III
1693 College of William & Mary opens
1706 Battle at Fraustadt Swedish army beats Russia/Saksen
1741 Andrew Bedford publishes 1st American magazine (The American Magazine)
1755 Rebel leader Mangkubuni signs Treaty of Gianti Java
1777 Marquis de Sade arrested without charge, imprisoned in Vincennes fortress
1782 French fleet occupies St Christopher
1786 Abraham Baldwin selected president of University of Georgia
1795 1st state university in US opens, University of North Carolina
1799 1st US law regulating insurance passed, by Massachusetts
1809 French take Saragossa, Spain after a long siege
1816 Teatro San Carlo in Naples destroyed by fire
1826 American Temperance Society, forms in Boston
1832 1st appearance of cholera at London
1837 Riot in New York over high price of flour
1858 Sir Richard Burton & John Speake explore Lake Tanganyika, Africa
1860 King Basse Kajuara departs Boni South-Celebes
1861 1st military action to result in Congressional Medal of Honor, Arizona
1861 Abraham Lincoln declared President
1861 Colonel Bernard Irwin attacks & defeats hostile Chiricahua Indians
1862 Siege of Ft Donelson TN
1864 Meridian Campaign fighting at Chunky Creek & Wyatt, Mississippi
1866 Jesse James holds up his 1st bank, Liberty MO ($15,000)
1867 Johann Strauss' "Blue Danube" waltz premieres in Vienna
1886 Painter Thomas Eakins resigns from Philadelphia Academy of Art after controversy over use of male nudes in a coed art class
1895 Moving picture projector patented
1899 -1ºF (-18ºC) New Orleans LA
1899 -2ºF (-19ºC) Tallahassee FL (state record)
1899 -16ºF (-27ºC), Minden LA (state record)
1905 -29ºF (-34ºC) Pond AR (state record)
1905 -40ºF (-40ºC) Lebanon KS (state record)
1905 -40ºF (-40ºC) Warsaw MO (state record)
1907 English suffragettes storm British Parliament & 60 women are arrested
1912 England regains cricket's Ashes
1914 American Society of Composers, Authors & Publishers-ASCAP forms in New York NY
1920 National Negro Baseball League organized
1920 League of Nations recognizes perpetual neutrality of Switzerland
1920 Switzerland rejoins League of Nations
1923 1st Black pro Basketball team, "Renaissance", organizes
1924 King Tut's tomb opened
1925 US Congress makes Surpreme Court appeal more difficult
1927 Uprising against Portuguese regime of General Carmona defeated
1929 Cruiser Act OKs construction of 19 new cruisers & an aircraft carrier
1929 Vladimir Mayakofsky's "Klop" premieres in Moscow
1932 "Free Eats" introduces George "Spanky" McFarland to "Our Gang"
1934 Austrian Dollfuss government bans socialistic party
1935 1st US surgical operation for relief of angina pectoris, Cleveland OH
1935 Bruno Hauptmann found guilty of kidnap & murder of Lindbergh's infant
1937 "Prince Valiant" comic strip appears; known for historical detail
1937 Maribel Vinson wins her 9th US figure skating championship
1937 NFL Boston Redskins move to Washington DC
1937 Bradman scores 123 South Africa vs Queensland, 165 minutes, 10-4 1-6 in cricket
1937 US female Figure Skating championship won by Maribel Vinson
1937 US male Figure Skating championship won by Robin Lee
1940 Bradman scores 209 in 161 minutes for South Australia at the WACA
1941 Nazi leaders attack Dutch Jewish Council
1942 Hitler's Operation Seelöwe (invasion of England) cancelled
1943 German assault on Sidi Bou Zid Tunisia, General Eisenhower visits front
1943 Women's Marine Corps created
1945 Allied planes bomb Dresden Germany; 135,000 die
1945 USSR captures Budapest, after 49-day battle with Germany; 159,000 die
1946 "Duchess Misbehaves" opens at Adelphi Theater NYC for 5 performances
1948 Wright Flyer, 1st plane to fly, returns to US from England
1948 Andy Ganteaume scores 112 for W Indies in only Test Cricket innings
1948 Ice Pairs Championship at Davos won by Lannoy & Baugniet of Belgium
1948 Men's Figure Skating Championship in Davos won by Richard Button USA
1952 Rocky Marciano defeated Lee Savold for his 39th straight win
1953 A's change name of Shibe Park to Connie Mack Stadium
1954 Furman basketball star Frank Selvy scores 100 points in a game vs Newberry
1954 Frank Selvey scores 100 points for Furman beating Newberry 149-95
1955 Israel acquires 4 of 7 Dead Sea scrolls
1955 KRCG TV channel 13 in Jefferson City MO (CBS) begins broadcasting
1955 Patty Berg wins LPGA St Petersburg Golf Open
1956 KYW-AM in Philadelphia PA gives calls to WTAM (now WWWE) Cleveland
1957 Southern Christian Leadership Conference organizes in New Orleans
1959 Barbie doll goes on sale
1959 Miro Cardon, premier of Cuba, resigns
1960 "Beg, Borrow or Steal" opens at Martin Beck Theater NYC for 5 performances
1960 "Saratoga" closes at Winter Garden Theater NYC after 80 performances
1960 France performs 1st nuclear test at Reggane Proving Grounds Algeria
1961 Frank Sinatra launches Reprise label under Warner Brothers Records
1961 Soviet Union fires a rocket from Sputnik V to Venus
1965 US female Figure Skating championship won by Peggy Fleming
1965 US male Figure Skating championship won by Gary Visconti
1966 USSR performs nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhstan/Semipalitinsk USSR
1968 US sends 10,500 additional soldiers to Vietnam
1969 Mary Hopkin's Postcard album on Apple is released
1969 Suriname government of Pengel resigns
1970 Man-eating tiger is reported to have killed 48, 80 km from New Delhi
1970 NL offices begins move from Cincinnati to San Francisco (completed Feb 23)
1971 Golfing Vice President Spiro Agnew hits 2 tee shots into the crowd, injuring 2
1971 12,000 South Vietnamese troops cross into Laos
1972 "1776" closes at 46th St Theater NYC after 1,217 performances
1972 "Grease" opens on Broadway
1972 11th Winter Olympics games close at Sapporo, Japan
1973 Musical "El Grande de Coca-Cola" premieres in New York NY
1973 US dollar devalues 10%
1974 Dissident Nobel writer Alexander Solzhenitsyn expelled from USSR
1974 "Rainbow Jones" opens & closes at Music Box Theater NYC
1974 James "Cool Papa" Bell is named to baseball's Hall of Fame
1975 Cyprus premier Denktash proclaims Turkish-Cypriot Federation
1976 Dorothy Hamill wins Olympics figure-skating gold, Innsbruck, Austria
1976 Peter Casserly of New Zealand hand-sheers record 353 lambs in 9 holes
1977 Eric Heiden is 1st American to win world speed skating championship
1977 "Guys & Dolls" closes at Broadway Theater NYC after 239 performances
1977 "Ipi Tombi" closes at Harkness Theater NYC after 39 performances
1977 "Robber Bridegroom" closes at Biltmore Theater NYC after 145 performances
1977 Pam Higgins wins LPGA American Cancer Society Golf Classic
1978 US performs nuclear test at Nevada Test Site
1979 Washington State's Hood Canal Bridge breaks up in windstorm
1979 2nd Emmy Sports Award presentation
1980 Apollo Computer Inc incorporated
1980 New Zealand beats West Indies by one wicket in cricket at Dunedin
1981 Longest sentence published by New York Times-1286 words
1982 Islander's Bryan Trottier scores 5 goals against the Flyers
1982 Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" is on the charts for 402nd week
1983 World Boxing Council becomes 1st to cut boxing from 15 to 12 rounds
1983 "Merlin" opens at Mark Hellinger Theater NYC for 199 performances
1983 33rd NBA All-Star Game East beats West 132-123 at Los Angeles CA
1983 Australia beats New Zealand 2-0 to win World Series Cup
1983 Donna White wins LPGA Sarasota Golf Classic
1983 E Bernstein, Levinson & Link's musical "Merlin" premieres in New York NY
1984 Konstantin Chernenko succeeds Yuri Andropov as USSR leader
1984 6 year old Texan Stormie Jones gets 1st heart & liver transplant
1985 Dow Jones closes at 1297.92 (record high) after topping 1300 earlier
1985 Polish police arrests 7 Solidarity leaders
1987 Tigers' Jack Morris awarded $1.85 million salary by arbitrator
1988 15th Winter Olympics games open at Calgary, Canada
1988 Christine Wachtel runs world record 800 meter indoor (1 minute 56.40 seconds)
1988 European Community plans removal of inner boundaries on Jan 1, 1992
1988 Heike Dreschler long jumps world record indoor (7.37 meters)
1988 Ronald Weigel runs unofficial world record speed walking (18 minutes 11.41 seconds)
1989 Oklahoma football player Charles Thompson is charged with selling cocaine; he is later sentenced to 2 years in prison
1989 Salvadoran army attacks Encuentros hospital, rapes, kills patients
1989 Kidnapped Belgian Premier Vanden Boeynants freed
1990 Larry Bird (Celtics) ends NBA free throw streak of 71 games
1990 US, England, France & England give Germany the OK to re-unify
1990 50 killed at Inkatha-UDF battle in Natal, South Africa
1991 Syria tells Germany they are ready to recognize Israel
1991 US bombs Iraqi air raid shelter, killing 334
1992 West beats East 14 to 9 in Major Soccer League all star game
1992 "Most Happy Fella" opens at Booth Theater NYC for 229 performances
1992 Jose Canseco repeatedly rams his Porsche into wife Esther's BMW
1993 Ljubow Kremljowa runs world record 1000 meter indoor (2 minutes 34.84 seconds)
1993 Merlene Ottey runs world record 200 meter indoor (21.87 seconds)
1993 Sergei Bubka pole vaults indoor record (6.14 meters)
1994 44th NBA All-Star Game East beats West 127-118 at Minneapolis MN
1994 Inna Lassovskaya jumps world record 14.9m
1994 Johann Olav Koss skates world record 5000 meter 6 34,96
1994 Ship disaster near Ranong Thailand, kills 200
1995 Howard Stern radio show premieres in San Diego CA on KIOZ 105.3 FM
1995 West Indies beat New Zealand by innings & 332, Courtney Walsh 13-55
1996 Howard Stern announces he will be making the film "Private Parts"
1996 Rock musical "Rent", by Jonathan Larson, opens off-Broadway
1997 "Three Sisters" opens at Criterion Theater NYC
1997 Discovery captures Hubble Space Telescope
2000 US female Figure Skating championship
2000 US male Figure Skating championship

---

Holidays
Note: Some Holidays are only applicable on a given "day of the week"

St Augustine FL : Fiesta de Menendez

---

Religious Observances
Christian : Feast of St Martinian
Methodist : Race Relations Sunday (2nd Sunday in February)
Christian : Commemoration of St Catherine de Ricci, virgin/mystic
Anglican : Commemoration of Absalom Jones, priest,

---

Religious History
1826 The American Temperance Society (later renamed the American Temperance Union) was organized in Boston. It quickly grew into a national crusade, and within a decade over 8,000 similar groups had been formed, boasting a total of 1.5 million members.
1849 Otterbein College was chartered in Westerville, Ohio, under sponsorship of the United Brethren Church.
1936 The Lutheran Army and Navy Commission was organized by the Missouri Synod for the purpose of commissioning chaplains for military service and to minister to Lutheran personnel among the military overseas. In 1947 its name was changed to the Armed Services Commission.
1951 Death of Lloyd C. Douglas, 74, American Congregational clergyman and novelist. He published his first religious novel "Magnificent Obsession" in 1929, followed later by "The Robe" (1942) and "The Big Fisherman" (1948).
1973 The National Council of U.S. Catholic Bishops announced that anyone undergoing or performing an abortion would be excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church.

---

Thought for the day :
"Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him."

[tomkow6]

A MEMBER of the 1989 Inauguration officer corps, I was on
my way to Vice President-elect Dan Quayle's speech at the
National Museum of American History. Parking my car at
Bolling Air Force Base, I grabbed the hanger with my dress-
blue uniform and boarded a bus for the event. But when it
came time to change, I discovered the pants were missing. I
took a taxi to my car, found the pants and rushed back. In
my haste to get dressed, I dislodged some ribbons from my
chest. When I finally took my place next to a Navy captain,
I explained the problem with my decorations. "Don't feel
bad, son," he said. "You should hear about the idiot who
left his pants in his car!"

[tomkow6]

Zack volunteered for military service during WWII.
He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was
sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp. The very
first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier
on the base. All they could do was give him his gold
wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier
in the Pacific.

On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly
shot down 6 Japanese Zeros. Then climbing up to 20,000
feet he found 10 more Japanese planes and shot them all
down, too. Noting that his fuel was getting low, he
descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect
landing on the deck. He threw back the canopy, climbed
out and jogged over to the Captain.

Saluting smartly, he said, "Well, Sir, how did I do on
my very first day?"

The Captain replied, "You make one velly impoltant mistake."

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

From the men in the Military and the Canteen

[deadhead]

GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS AND VETERANS

A corporal needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw a private mopping the floors, and asked him, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" The private replied, "Sure." The corporal gave him an icy stare. He said, "That's no way to address a superior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?" The private replied, "No, SIR!"

[tomkow6]

ONE DAY when we were reviewing some old photographs, my
six-year-old daughter, a child of the space age, came
across a picture of me taken when I was a captain in the
Army Reserves. "Daddy," she asked, "were you in a war?"
"Yes," I fibbed, to see what her reaction would be. Wide-
eyed, she gasped, "Against which planet?"

[Soaring Feather]

Men in the Military and Canteen Men, thank you for the lovely flowers for the Canteen!

[tomkow6]

A re-post of one I posted a few days ago:

Dear Civilians,

We know that the current state of affairs in our great
Nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with:

1. The next time you see an adult talking during the playing of the
National Anthem ...... kick their a$$.

2. When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in
protest ... kick their a$$.

3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest
amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great.. Then hold them down while a Disabled Veteran kicks their a$$.

4. If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were.
Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to
be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been
okay if you were still seven. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your a$$ kicked.

5. If you witness someone calling an enlisted Marine "Sir," stand back
...a Marine will kick their a$$.

6. Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do
you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an a$$ kickin (children are exempt).

7. Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper ...
it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh, and sooner or later your a$$ will be kicked.

8. Next time Old Glory prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her .......of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe a$$ kicking.

9. What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy. The proper word to describe her is "traitor." Just mention her nomination for "Woman of the Year" and get your a$$ kicked..

10. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran.
We are Americans and we all bleed the same regardless of our party
affiliation. Our Chain of Command, is to include our commander in Chief. The President(for those who didn't know) is our CIC regardless of political party.. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those "representatives" meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your a$$ already.)

11. "Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me ... stop
saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and probably kick your a$$!

12. Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying "Let's go kill those Commie's!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military.. That reminds me ... if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know, so I can go kick their a$$.

13.. Bus Driver, Jar Head, Grunt, Swabbie, Squid, etc, are terms of
endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them & could get your a$$ kicked.

14. Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the
military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends please remember that there are, literally, thousands of troops overseas wishing they could be with their families.

Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day.
Without them, our country would get its a$$ kicked.

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Todays transportation for you and the Girlz.

[Valin]

Army Slogans that didn't make it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

---

1. "Kill All That You Can Kill"
2. "Shower With Men"
3. "Knock Up Foreign Broads"
4. "All The Grits You Can Eat"
5. "Be A Flame Thrower, Not A Flame Broiler"
6. "Purple Hearts = Free Beers At Hooters"
7. "Whimsical And Human, Just Like M*A*S*H"
8. "Cubicles Are For Wusses"
9. "Napalm Means Serious BBQ"
10. "Over 1,000,000 Sheared, Beaten, And Worked Into A Sub-Human Fury!"(My favorite)
11. "Totally Beefcake and Proud of It"
12. "Beat Up Sailors"
13. "We Won't Screw Your Mind Up As Bad As The Marines Will"
14. "Kicking Nazi Tail Since 1942"
15. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Accessorize"
16. "Risk Your Life for Freedoms No One Appreciates!"
17. "Play Doom For Real"
18. "Sure Beats Lurnin'!"
19. "Because Terminators Are Real"
20. "Forget Nation-Building -- Let's Destroy One!"
21. "Join the Army - The Judge Says So"
22. "Our business is killing people"
23. "We have guns, we'll teach you how to use them"
24. "Get in touch with your inner barbarian."
25. Army: Travel to foreign lands, meet interesting new people, and kill them.
National guard: ... but only on weekends!
26. "Let Us Win Your Hearts and Minds...or We'll Burn Your Damn Huts Down!"
27. Welcome to the Army: Where men are men, and so are the women.
28. "I'd fly 10,000 miles to smoke a camel"
29. US ARMY: [U]ncle [S]am [A]in't [R]leased [M]e [Y]et
30."Nuke em till they glow, shoot em in the dark, and use the bodies to light the perimeter"

[deadhead]

Good Morning Kathy, here is the weather report in my neck of the woods...New York. Have a great day. Prayers for our Troops. ~~~Colleen~~~

Date: Thursday 2/13/03 8 am
Wave Height: Knee High 0-1 ft
Wind: WSW 5-10 MPH
Water Temp: 42 degrees
Air Temp: 20's

[ALOHA RONNIE]

NEVER FORGET

.."IS it SAFE?" = HILLARY on Armed Services Committee

http://www.TheAlamoFILM.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=629

NEVER FORGET

[Valin]

An oldie but a goodie
The US military finally hunts down and kills Osama Bin Laden. Osama is lifted to the pearly gates.

There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation
I helped conceive!" yells Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans'
liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal
government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on
Osama's knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James
Monroe, and 65 other American patriots.

As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back
toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to
his final very hot destination, he screams "this is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies "I told you if you died attacking America there would be
72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What the heck did you think I said?"

[Pippin]

GOOD MORNING,

Is this the new you?

[where's_the_Outrage?]

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which over nine months, develop into a complete female baby.

The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female.

Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs.

If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak, and some of their cards are in their shorts.

This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways.

Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read.

Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls.

This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins.

After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differ, but the center of thought also differs.

Women think with their heads.

Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside. Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man.

In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as "Fixed Wing Pilots." Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as "Helicopter Pilots." A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as...... "Crew chiefs or Door Gunners"

[bkwells]

Good Day All!! So far so good with everything out here. Our inspections went very well. We have been quite busy lately up here. Here's a link

Here's some great quotes:

Political Quotes

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a Democratic member of Congress. But I repeat myself. --Mark Twain

We contend that for the Democrats to try to tax the country into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. --Winston Churchill

Democrats who rob Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. --George Bernard Shaw

A Democrat is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. --G. Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. --James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. --Douglas Casey, Classmate of W.J. Clinton at Georgetown U. (1992)

Giving money and power to Democrats is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. --P.J.O'Rourke Civil Libertarian

A Democrat’s view of the economy can be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. --P.J. O'Rourke

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. --Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the Democrats are in control. --Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap - except when Democrats do it. (Unknown)

A Democrat controlled government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. --Ronald Reagan

There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Democrats. --Mark Twain

****************

Dear Help Desk,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, replacing them with two undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail.

Please help!

Signed,

Desperate

Dear Desperate,

Please keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command C://-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME and then install Tears 6.2.

Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy/Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" WAV sound files.

DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 12.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

Help Desk

************** Golf Joke:

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few extra hours one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played fast, he could get in nine holes before going home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could join the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the elder gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. Although he didn't hit the ball far, he plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway, and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, directly into the top of the tree trunk, and it thudded back on the ground only a few inches from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

Well, that's a wrap from here. Ya'll take care!

[Soaring Feather]

Eamil story well worth a second read. Perhaps some have not seen this??
__________________________________

Charles Plumb was a U.S. Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by
a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands.

He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience.

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!" "How in
the world did you know that?" asked Plumb. "I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand said, "I guess it worked!" Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today."

Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he had looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor."

Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent at a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of
someone he didn't know.

Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?" Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. He also
points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory - he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety.

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them,
give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason.

As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachutes. I am sending you this as my way of thanking you for
your part in packing my parachute !!! And I hope you will send it on to those who have helped pack yours!

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes and stories to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain it: When you are very
busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do ---you forward jokes.

And to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get? --- A forwarded story.

So my friend, next time when you get a joke or story, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded mail, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile, just helping you pack your parachute!

[Soaring Feather]

Good Morning to You!

Thank You for your service to our great nation!

Also, thanks for the jokes and stopping by the Canteen!

Take Care!

[tomkow6]

 

[SAMWolf]

French Conquest

Paris (CNSNews.com) - What began as a six-day chaperoned music tour by a group of suburban Houston teenagers ended in an epic conquest in the pre-dawn hours of Friday morning as French military and government officials offered their unconditional surrender to students of the Aldine, Texas Eisenhower High School Music Department.

Accepting the surrender, Eisenhower High School Band and Choral Director Gary Baumer praised the French for avoiding further bloodshed and vowed an immediate postwar rebuilding effort. "We hope to achieve national recovery by prom," said Baumer. "The seniors have voted for the theme "Springtime in Paris."
In a goodwill gesture, Baumer said the victorious students would soon begin releasing most of the 400,000 French prisoners of war they had captured during the brutal three-day campaign. "We want the prisoners reunited with their families," said Justin Gonzales, a junior tenor in the Eisenhower Glee Chorus. "Besides, you can't even begin to imagine the smell." Baumer also granted former government officials and their families safe passage out of the country. Former President Jacques Chirac was last seen boarding his private Airbus jet at Orly Airport, as the Eisenhower Jazz Ensemble taunted him with an off-key rendition of "Na Na Na Na (Hey Hey) Goodbye." Chirac's plane was reportedly intercepted and escorted away by Royal Air Force fighter jets as it attempted to enter British air space. According to sources familiar with Britain's MI2 intelligence service, Chirac has accepted exile in Iraq.

Details of the Franco-American conflict were still emerging Friday morning, but British and American intelligence sources indicated the confrontation was prompted by the dismissive sneers of French onlookers as the Eisenhower Lady Madrigals performed 'The Greatest Love of All' at a Paris park. "It may not sound like much, but after three days of smelly French cigarettes and being called 'cowboys' and 'arrogant' and 'stupid' and stuff, it finally gets to you," said Megan Prosser, a sophomore alto who led the initial charge. "Basically, we just snapped." Those who have seen the videotapes of the Wednesday charge described it as "disturbing." "It is said the French oppose war because they know first hand its horror," said Edward Krohn of the Naval War College. "When I see hundreds of grown French men being beaten senseless by Texas schoolgirls, I completely see their point." By the time the Eisenhower Boys Barbershop Chorale learned of the melee, the Lady Madrigals had already captured Paris' Second, Third and Fifth Arrondisments. "It became sort of like a game," explained senior baritone Kevin Wilkes. "Like Ghost Recon , except the other guy just wets himself and runs away. We just wanted to win more ground than the girls and I guess it got out of hand."

When dawn broke Friday, the students had swept north to Calais, blocking the English Channel for would-be French escapees. Plagued by massive desertions and too-firm brie rations, the French army and Legion Etranger were ready to collapse by Thursday morning, but held out another 12 hours after receiving reinforcements from a group of 15 volunteer human shields from the United States. Led by filmmaker Michael Moore, the group vowed to "use our own bodies to block American high school imperialism and colonialism," and asked the French to "show us your solidarity with pastry, and some good butter." Moore was later taken into custody after an Eisenhower PsyOps agent mesmerized him with a box of the band's fundraising chocolate bars.

Amid panic and widespread wine shortages, President Chirac called Washington Thursday evening to request emergency U.S. military support for the crumbling nation. White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said President Bush vowed to "immediately send Secretary of State Powell to the United Nations to request the scheduling of a vote for the formulation of a committee to create an investigative team, at the earliest possible convenience."

The assault continued into the night Thursday as various forces of the school's performing arts department formed sweeping attack columns: Glee Club to the Pyrennes, Swing Band and Wind Ensemble to the Mediterranean, Symphonic Band to the Rhein. By early Friday morning, the fighting had largely ended. "We kept hearing about some French resistance," said Baumer. "Apparently that was a myth." Despite the furious action, casualties were low with no reported deaths. Some two million French remain hospitalized with minor injuries sustained while bowing, scraping, pleading and running away. Six of the 135 Eisenhower students were treated for injuries related to foot blisters and excessive kissing.

The swift rout of Europe's second largest military force caught many in the international diplomatic community by surprise. United Nations Secretary General Koffi Annan convened an emergency meeting of the General Assembly late Thursday to consider whether teen-occupied France would retain its seat on the UN Security Council. A member of the Dutch delegation, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the country had sufficient votes to retain council membership because "international stability is paramount when considering American teenagers with nuclear weapons." By mid-morning Friday, more than 40 countries had contacted Baumer to offer congratulations and request formal diplomatic ties, but as many as 100 world leaders expressed concern over prank phone calls from students. Particularly hard-hit was President Uthai Partasuk Jaat of Thailand. While normalization continues, there remains widespread confusion of the crisis and its effect on volatile world hotspots such as Iraq, Iran, Israel and North Korea. On Friday, it remained unclear what the name of the new country would be. Baumer said the victorious band and choir members were evenly split between 'France Junior' and 'Eagle Country,' in honor of the Eisenhower school nickname. Raucous celebrations followed news of the French surrender, as dozens of Eisenhower students tossed rolls of toilet paper at the barren elms along the Champs Elysses and staged drag races through the Arc de Triomphe, mooning the populace through the windows of commandeered Citroens. Others unfurled a huge banner from the Eiffel Tower declaring "EHS Rulez, EU Droolz".

The revelry led Baumer to issue a stern reprimand to the students, warning of consequences including "UN sanctions, or even possibly a note home to your parents." In Aldine, disciplinary notes seemed unlikely to dampen the enthusiasm of parents and families of the triumphant Eisenhower music students. Hundreds of local residents followed the action on television, and the conquest of the Gallic land mass has become a point of civic pride. "Beating France is the biggest win for Eisenhower since we beat Conroe Judson in the '88 Super-sectionals," says longtime resident Wayne McDaniel, president of the Eisenhower Eagle Booster Club. "We're planning a big wing-ding when they get back." Activities planned for the commemoration include a parade, as well as what McDaniel called "a very big plaque," at the Aldine Kiwanis hall. "Although, we might have to wait on that for a while," added McDaniel. "We're having a bake sale and car wash to send the football team to Germany."

[beachn4fun]

Real cute! You have been busy since I was here last. Here's one for you:

Corporate lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that ?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me ?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in advance with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate lesson 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129 ?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129 ?" Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity !

Corporate Lesson 3

A sales representative, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first ! Me first !" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof ! She's gone. "Me next ! Me next !" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life beside me." Poof ! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

[HiJinx]

Here's one with a bit of a twist...

A Marine Recruiter was looking for office help. He put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the Recruiter and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the Recruiter got the Station Commander.

The Station Commander looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the Commander.

The Commander said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the Commander and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The Commander was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the Commander.

By this time, the Commander was totally dumbfounded. He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The Commander said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you
have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face, and said, "Meow."

[Kathy in Alaska]

Click for current time
in Afghanistan

[Kathy in Alaska]

Good evening to you, Brian. Congratulations on your good inspections. I can imagine how busy you all are right now. Thanks and God bless you, and all your buddies, for your service to this great nation of ours, and for your contributions to keeping all of us safe and maintaining our freedoms. Thanks for the link to the story of your safe arrival with more of the men and women who help keep us safe. And, hey, the young "kid", A Marine, is from my town. God speed and safe return for you all.

BTW, Brian, good jokes! I'm hard pressed to pick a favorite, but there is something to be said about the ones from Mark Twain.

[ProudEagle]

I SAT, AS DID MILLIONS OF OTHER AMERICANS, AND WATCHED OUR GOVERNMENT IN A PEACEFUL TRANSITION OF POWER.

AT FIRST, I FELT A SWELL OF PRIDE AND PATRIOTISM AS I WATCHED GEORGE W. BUSH TAKE HIS OATH OF OFFICE. HOWEVER, ALL THAT PRIDE QUICKLY VANISHED AS I LATER WATCHED WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON BOARD AIR FORCE ONE FOR THE LAST TIME.

I SAW 21 MARINES IN FULL DRESS UNIFORM WITH RIFLES, FIRE A 21 GUN SALUTE TO THE OUTGOING PRESIDENT.

IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED HOW FAR AMERICA'S MILITARY HAD DETERIORATED UNDER CLINTON.

EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM MISSED.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Duty ~ Honor ~ Country

Click above to visit "A Day in the Life of President Bush"

[Kathy in Alaska]

A PRAYER OF PROTECTION

The light of God surround you
The love of God enfold you
The power of God protect you
The presence of God watch over you
Wherever you are,God is,
And all is well.
Amen.

.

Bless This House

Bless this house O Lord we pray;
Make it safe by night and day;
Bless these walls so firm and stout,
Keeping want and trouble out:
Bless the roof and chimneys tall,
Let thy peace lie over all;
Bless this door, that it may prove
ever open to joy and love.


Bless these windows shining bright,
Letting in God's heav'nly light;
Bless the hearth a'blazing there,
with smoke ascending like a prayer;
Bless the folk who dwell within,
keep them pure and free from sin;
Bless us all that we may be
Fit O Lord to dwell with thee;
Bless us all that one day we
May dwell O Lord with thee.

.

(Click on praying hands above,
or on banner at the top to hear the music)

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Today is my favorite day of the week!
See You All Tonight.


I had the chance to be on the helm of this boat last night for a little while and docked it (with instruction).
1st time I had been at the helm of a military vessel in 34 years

[MeekOneGOP]

Mornin', everybody !! Happy Thursday !

Have a cup while you FReep !

For those who prefer hot chocolate.....

[JohnHuang2]

Backatya, amigo

[MeekOneGOP]

FOX News: Verdict reached in Clara Harris murder trial
[Guilty of murder]

She is really crying now...

AP 2-7-2003
Defendant Clara Harris reacts as she
testifies about her husband's affair.

[Soaring Feather]

Duty ~ Honor ~ Country

[SAMWolf]

Current Military News
Student Valentine's for Our Troops

Quintin McGreevey, a student from McKenzie Elementary School in Wilmette, Ill., sent his valentine card featuring a hand-drawn American flag.


Brandon Bausch, a Stony Brook Elementary School student in Brewster, Maine, used a lighthouse them in his valentine card.


Dipika, a Lindbergh School student from Palisades Park, N.J., sent a "God Bless the USA" valentine card featuring seals of the armed forces


Whitney Ponder, a Hokes Bluff Elementary School student from Hokes Bluff, Ala., sent a "God Bless America" valentine card


Anna Fieweger, a McKenzie School student from Wilmette, Ill., depicted a youth saluting the armed forces in her "Operation Heart to Heart" valentine card.


The "Operation Heart to Heart" valentine card created by Ji-Sun, a Lindbergh School student from Palisades Park, N.J., features "American Freedom."


Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Timothy R. Dippon shows off the Operation Heart to Heart valentines he received Feb. 11, 2003, at Camp Schwab, Okinawa, Japan. Schoolchildren across the nation created some 15,000 valentine cards to send messages of support to service members overseas and to military families.


Marines based on Okinawa, Japan, exhibit Operation Heart to Heart valentines they received Feb. 11, 2003. Schoolchildren across the nation created some 15,000 valentine cards to send messages of support to service members overseas and to military families.

[HiJinx]

From Brian's link off Fox News.com:

Marine officials did not reveal the exact location of Wednesday's landing, instead showing footage of the arrival at a news conference in Kuwait City. Three huge ships anchored off the coast, and amphibious vehicles plunged into the sea, rolling ashore with hundreds of men.

Gotta love it when a plan comes together!

[where's_the_Outrage?]

How many French men does it take to defend Paris?

Don't know, it's never been done before.

---

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a recent commercial flight.

After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat broke the silence and abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a low voice, "General, United States Army, retired combat vet. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight-lipped smile, "General, United States Air Force, retired combat vet. Married, two sons, both judges."

After some time, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Sergeant, United States Marine Corps, retired combat vet. Never married, two sons, both generals."