Love on air with Valentine vasectomy

LONDON (Reuters) - Fed up with giving his wife the usual flowers and chocolates for Valentine's Day, one Brit is opting for a more unusual present -- a vasectomy that will be broadcast on live radio. Radio producer Roque Segade-Vietito will have the operation at a central London clinic during a broadcast at 8.00 a.m. on Friday, February 14.

"Some women get flowers, but my wife is getting my vasectomy," the 31-year-old father of two said in a statement.

"She's got to be one of the luckiest women in London: it's the most romantic thing I've ever done."

The 10-minute procedure under local anaesthetic will be accompanied by a "snip-by-snip" commentary by Xfm radio DJ Christian O'Connell.

"Some women get flowers, but my wife is getting my vasectomy," the 31-year-old father of two said in a statement. "She's got to be one of the luckiest women in London: it's the most romantic thing I've ever done."

I think it is clear from this statement that he is not doing "it" for her. How he can see having his genitals disfigured as romantic is beyond me. The certain truth is that no man really has a vasectomy to help his wife out,(even though he may think this is what he is doing.) Ultimately it is so he can have sex when he wants to, with out the potential consequence (once thought of as a good) of having a child.

I know this because I once had a vasectomy thinking I was doing something for my wife, so she would not have to undergo a tubal ligation. But the thinking on this is wrong. There is nothing necessary about the sterilization of one or both spouses. Good marriage is about sacrificing for the other. If both partners are in on the deal, both benefit immeasurably. If the couple has decided (leaving out whether I personally think there reasons are valid or not) that the two children they have are all they can properly care for, then they have better alternatives than sterilization.

First of all sterilization is permanent and not always are such decisions about number of children. Secondly, sterilization says something about the relationship between the spouses. For example, I the husband have watched my wife suffer as she delivered our two precious children into this world. Pregnancy was tough and the delivery painful even to watch and most assuredlyu for her to endure. Which says I love you more: 1. 'I want to get sterilized so that you, dear, will not have to go through that pain and I will still be able to ask for sex whenever I want it.' or 2. 'I do not want you to suffer, dear, but I appreciate the value of your suffering and the children that came from it. I, too will sacrifice for you in many ways, including physically showing my love for you without the "need" for sexual intercourse everytime. I can wait for a time when you are ready.' Sometimes the things we say with our actions are more powerful than that which we say with words.

My own story of change on this issue was dramatic. I realized that ultimately, my vasectomy that I had once thought was an act of selflessness, was actually and ultimately selfish. I urge other husbands who may be considering this 'selfless' act to reconsider. Would you be willing to do something more selfless and abstain from sex when your wife is fertile? Could self control in this area of your marriage, help you to achieve self control in your anger or other areas that many of us struggle with? Then maybe your wife truly will be the "one of the luckiest women."

As a woman, an admittedly not very romantic one at that, I do think of it as a loving gesture by her husband. I don't see the need for the publicity, but that it beside the point. You imply that a man who loved his wife would restrain himself during her fertile times. This does not take into consideration the woman's desire level, you almost seem to dismiss the possibility that a woman may wish for sexual realtions with her husband without the burden of birth control. Unless there is a religious or moral view that both paries agree to, I see know reason why both the husband and the wife would not enjoy the freedom that steriliztion brings. I have had a tubal, my family is complete, coupled with the fact that another pregnancy would be impossible for me to maintain due to health reasons, I opted to be sterilized. Had I not had these health considerations, I would have hoped that my spouse would have considered sterilization for himself since it is a less invasive procedure. But he got lucky and I didn't even ask, since it was important to me that I not become pregnant again for my own health, regardless of possible divorce or death of spouse and remarriage potential.

Now if both parties agree that they prefer natural family planning, then abtsinence by bath parties would be required. But your post seems to only address the sex drive of the male and what he stands to gain from sterilization. Since females do have sex drives, and many woman tend to have an increase in libido during their fertile times, I do not see that your theory pans out. As far as the sex drive and anger connection, I am not a man, so I can not be sure that there is a connection.

Happy Valentines Day though!

Tunnel,

You make a very worthy point about the sexual desire of women. My post was not meant to exclude this (as if it did not exist), but expressly to speak to the men's viewpoint. Admittedly my focus on this viewpoint could even seem to imply that men who had vasectomies never had their wife's interest at heart. But this is not my view, rather that one of the messages that it sends (and one of the most common ones) is that sex is about satisfying 'me.' This contradicts a view of sex that it is a gift, that it is for 'you, my beloved.' Now a woman's desire (as a man's) is a very real thing, but that does not justify a woman (or a man) 'taking' sex.

Before fully addressing this, though, I would like to answer your last point, in which I think you conflated the anger and sex connection. My point here was simply that by showing self control in one area, the hypothetical husband would then learn greater self control in other areas.

My comments critical of sterilization are not meant to offend you or any other who has undergone same. Nevertheless, I feel that both parties agreeing to something does not necessarily make it right for them. This seems to be the point at which you draw a line. Not to get sick but there are many things that two people might 'enjoy the freedom' of, which would be objectively bad or harmful to one or both. If sex is gift to the other, not a taking or using the other person, then sterilization lessens the gift and thus psychologically is not good for either spouse. If sex is meant as a union of two persons with the potential to create a new life then sterilization lessens that unitive act, even if it has been fulfilled in children before. The ultimate enjoyment of sex, when its true purpose is manifest, is as a gift.

From your post it seems clear that you have a serious reason for avoiding having further children or childbirth. I sincerely wish you well, in your health and family. Nevertheless, I do not think this issue merely hypothetical or my concern moot in your case. Thank you for your kind reply. I am grateful to correspond in a forum in which disagreements can be aired civilly.

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