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War Protestors Flood Gondor, Denethor Flees
| Feb26, 2003
Posted on 02/26/2003 1:25:39 AM PST by Outraged At FLA
Ok, it is humor, but Tolkien fans will find this funny:
MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.
"We need more time for diplomacy," said a key member of the Middle Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West."
Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman's remarks. "Sauron says he's destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction (RMD) and that's good enough for me," said one fellow carrying a sign that said, "Elrond is a Balrog."
Another demonstrator urged, "Give the RMD inspectors more time. There's no reason to rush to any judgment just because Mount Doom is belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt, and Osgiliath has been decimated."
A third protester piped up, "I haven't heard a single bit of convincing evidence connecting the Nazgul with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath on their own initiative without any support from Sauron. Besides, it's understandable they're angry with Gondor. We haven't done nearly as much for the Orcs and Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It's understandable they throw their support to them. It's our own fault really."
As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted, "No blood for Mount Doom," voicing a common sentiment that the leaders of the Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the powerful Mount Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.
Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was in an undisclosed underground location, which sources codenamed: Moria.
TOPICS: Activism/Chapters; Extended News; Foreign Affairs; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: antiwar; appease; appeasement; appeasers; cowardice; lordoftherings; peacenik; peaceniks; pissniks; protest; tolkien; yellow
The things you find on the net....
To: Outraged At FLA
I'd bump it to the hobbit hole if I knew how...
posted on 02/26/2003 4:24:28 AM PST
To: cavtrooper21; Vic3O3
No drinking coffee while reading this....
posted on 02/26/2003 6:15:40 AM PST
(Lookout Texas here we come!)
To: dd5339; Outraged At FLA
This parody is dead on except one thing: Saruman is a powerful wizard, right? Why would he be placed in the same position as the U.N. or French or Germans?
posted on 02/26/2003 7:49:41 AM PST
(Wormtongue had nothing on David Bonior.)
LOL, never thought of that..
To: Outraged At FLA
To: Outraged At FLA
Another part of this I saw posted on alt.fan.heinlein on USENET...
Why We Must Avoid War with Mordor
New Gondor Times Opinion Editorial
There are many in Gondor who would counsel war with Mordor, pickers of bones, meddlers in other men's sorrows, carrion-fowl that grow fat on war. While wizards and enchanters like that Stormcrow Gandalf and the Sorceress of the Golden Wood conspire to stage a power struggle with the rightfull Lord of the Rings, they intend to use us as cannon fodder in their schemes to gain control of the One Ring of Power for themselves.
While none would deny that Sauron has committed evil acts, there was a time when Numenor took counsel with Morgoth. One must ask why was it acceptable for the wise to listen to the counsel of Morgoth who it seems was not a threat, yet they claim that Sauron must be eradicated. There are other dark forces in the Middle Earth today. Are we to pursue each and every dark power which wishes to rule Middle Earth and enslave all men and elves? If we did, we would be constantly enmeshed in fighting such wars. Furthermore Sauron's greatest atrocities are long behind him and he is even a force for stability in the region.
If Sauron is to be toppled, the result would be chaos as armies of Orcs, Wargs and Trolls would wage war on each other. Even now there have been reported clashes between Orc groups and this situation would only deteriorate further without Sauron to maintain order. If Sauron is gone, we would be obligated to keep that order ourselves, an enterprise which would tie up tens of thousands of troops and deplete our treasuries.
Even if we were to undertake such rash actions, we must also consider the Easterling and Haradrim street which would undoubtedly be outraged by the slaughter of tens of thousands of Orcs and might well choose to believe that this is a war against all those who allied themselves with Mordor. Thus a conflict with Mordor could spill over until we find ourselves fighting numerous wars on numerous fronts. Gondor is a great power but even Gondor cannot defeat all of Middle Earth.
It thus becomes quite clear that we cannot allow the schemes of Wizards contending for power to pull us into a conflict which can be avoided if we instead choose the way of peace. But where wise men like Saruman counsel peace, Gandalf Stormcrow calls for war bringing ill wherever he goes. It is hoped that Denethor and my lord Theoden will listen to the voices of the vast majority of the Men of Gondor and avoid a war that will bring untold horrors with it.
: Grima Wormtongue was a key adviser to Theoden son of Thengel and is currently residing in Orthanc.
posted on 02/28/2003 5:14:10 AM PST
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