Skip to comments.Onion spoof of Allard has politicos tearing up with laughter
Posted on 03/08/2003 11:15:44 AM PST by Drew68
By Lynn Bartels, Rocky Mountain News
February 27, 2003
U.S. Sen. Wayne Allard, known in some political circles as Senator Anonymous, has finally hit pay dirt:
Colorado's junior senator has been spoofed in The Onion.
The Feb. 26 story in the national satirical newspaper portrays Allard as a reformed party animal who wants to move from his congressional dorm because he's now more serious about his job.
"I had to get up at 7 a.m. today for a fund-raiser breakfast, and at, like, 3 o'clock in the morning, someone started blasting that In Da Club song (by rapper 50 Cent)," Allard is quoted as saying.
Colorado's politicos can't stop laughing over the fictitious article, but no one is as amused as Allard's spokesman, Dick Wadhams.
"I think it's a badge of honor," Wadhams said Tuesday. When asked whether he had read the part where Allard talks about wild sex parties in the early years, Wadhams laughed so hard he couldn't talk at first.
"If Colorado voters had only known the real Wayne Allard as exposed by The Onion, he would have won by 20, 25 percent," Wadhams said.
The photos are equally hilarious. One features Allard sitting on an unmade twin bed under a poster of Ronald Reagan. Another features Allard and Sen. Tim Hutchinson, R-Ark., hanging out in the dorm and Allard reaching into his colleague's bag of Doritos.
"No, they're not real," Wadhams said of the photos, adding, "He prefers Fritos, by the way."
What is real is that Allard is a Republican who in January began serving his second term in the U.S. Senate after serving three terms in the U.S. House. During Allard's re-election campaign last year, his critics said he was an unknown who hadn't made an impact in Washington.
Allard and his wife, Joan, own a house in Washington, but in the New York-based tabloid Allard lives in the fictional Jefferson Hall.
The piece reads like a classic dorm story from any university, only with a Capitol Hill twist. Newcomers party hard, some dorms are better than others and the residents gripe about having to live there during their underclassmen years.
Allard wants to move because of the constant noise, distractions and lack of privacy. He admits Jefferson Hall has has been "way less fun" ever since upperclassmen Sens. Daniel Akaka of Hawaii and Mike DeWine of Ohio got their own apartment. Allard says he plans to move in with them when his term is up in 2008.
"Daniel has a foosball table, and we've been talking about getting a pinball machine, too," Allard said. "Provided I get re-elected, those next six years are gonna be sweet."
bartels@RockyMountainNews.com or (303)892-5327
I hope this hasn't been posted. I did a search and couldn't find it. I was going to post it a week ago when I first read it but didn't get around to it.
Enjoy... And once again, this proves that Republicans do have a sense of humor!
You are correct. As a Colorado native and resident, I celebrated when he beat that weasel democrat Tom Strickland last November. It was a tough race.
This is not the first time this has happened to me. I don't know what is up with FR. Seems to happen when I post on weekends.
When I click on "error99" I get the profile page of "catch22".