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War on Iraq Drags on for Fifth Whole Day
ridiculopathy ^

Posted on 03/25/2003 11:36:47 AM PST by Sir Gawain

>>Tuesday March 25, 2003


War on Iraq Drags on for Fifth Whole Day

BASRA, IRAQ- Americans awoke this morning to disappointing news. The war they had for so long anticipated is still ongoing. After months of preparation and nearly five full days of combat, the US-sponsored coalition has still yet to achieve full and complete victory. And as if that weren't enough, Pentagon officials now say the war might take as much as three or four weeks.

Adding to the Coalition's difficulties is the fact that Iraqi troops are not capitulating at the rate the news media expected. UN observers as well as representatives from neighboring Jordan have contacted members of the Hussein regime to remind them that massive surrenders are supposed to be part of the package. The Jordanians wondered if perhaps Iraqi officials had misplaced the memo that clearly explained this, but this did not seem to be the case. For some reason, these people seem committed to defending their country as well as their own fragile political status- even if it means hogging the headlines for several days or even a whole month.

On Saturday, Coalition armored divisions covered more ground in a single movement than any such group in history, and in a quarter the time. Yet the uncomfortable fact remains: almost a week has passed, and we are still at war.

The predictions of several retired military officers that the Coalition forces would be battling for Baghdad by Sunday prime time did not come to fruition, leading some to charge that the Defense department misled the public about a quick, casualty-free war.

On Monday, the key stock indices slid into negative territory for the first time in weeks amid fears of a long and protracted war in Iraq. Not surprisingly, Coalition Central Command General Tommy Franks continues to deny responsibility for the market downturn.

Already it seems Cent Com has become insecure about its failure to complete the war with Iraq on the accepted timetable. Take for example yesterday's terse and defensive exchange with NBC's John Gregory:

Gregory: So, why do you think it is that our forces have not yet been able to secure the entirety of Iraq under Coalition control? Weren't the American people led to believe that the war would be over by now?

Franks: I believe that it was the 24 hour news channels that convinced people that the war would be short and sweet. No one in any official capacity has ever indicated that.

Gregory: So, when do we plan on giving up, pulling out?

Franks: Are you high on the junk, son? It hasn't been a week yet. The President has said on several occasions that the war is still in its initial stages.

Gregory: But why? Shouldn't we be further along than 'initial stages' by now?

Franks: Of course not.

Gregory: There is certainly no need to be defensive, General Franks.

It is also becoming clear that the drawn-out war in Iraq is taking a toll on the American people. Several people we spoke with expressed a mixture of anxiety and boredom concerning the conflict.

"Are we still at war with Iraq?" complained one man. "It's Monday."

"Are we there yet?" asked another.

"Don't make me pull this war over, dammit!" shouted Franks at a recent press conference. "I've had about enough of your bellyachin'. Don't you think for a minute that I won't!"

Although anti-war protests have abated somewhat since the onset of hostilities, other types of opposition to the conflict have popped up.

Just yesterday a group of concerned citizens in Encino, California, picketed their local ABC affiliate to complain about the preemption of prime time programming.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not pro-Hussein or anti-American," said television activist Leon McCouch. "It's just that the war has gotten so boring. It's, like, the only thing on. If they would at least flash in with blurbs about Ross and Rachel, then that would at least be something."

--staff


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: battleforbaghdad; humor; iraqifreedom; satire

1 posted on 03/25/2003 11:36:47 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Billthedrill; Cyber Liberty; dead; Victoria Delsoul; Fiddlstix; glock rocks; nunya bidness; ...
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2 posted on 03/25/2003 11:37:01 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Sir Gawain
I want to say something about attention spans and 12 year olds, but I've lost interest.
\sarcasm off\
3 posted on 03/25/2003 11:45:03 AM PST by Drammach
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To: Sir Gawain
Oh fer sure, I mean 2 more days and it's a WHOLE WEEK! Can we endure more re-runs of our favorite shows on TV?
4 posted on 03/25/2003 11:49:48 AM PST by Mark (Treason doeth never prosper, for if it prosper, NONE DARE CALL IT TREASON.)
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To: Sir Gawain
Headlines:

5 Days - War Drags On

Women and Children Most Affected

Baghdad citizens are divided over The Academy Awards; Michael Moore Booed by Shi'ites.

5 posted on 03/25/2003 11:58:20 AM PST by First_Salute
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To: Mark; Sir Gawain
Hey, now, waid-a-minnit!!!!

I like the re-runs I'm seeing now...you know, reruns of sandstorms, re-runs of ruins in Bagdhad, reruns of convoys circling Basra, re-runs of jets taking off from and landing on carrier decks...

Like, I mean, wow, man. You just can't get any more exciting than watching some retired Air Force (or is it Army?) General on CNFX play with the light board, right?
6 posted on 03/25/2003 11:58:25 AM PST by HiJinx (Canteener)
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To: Sir Gawain
5 Whole Days?!!

It's Vietnam all over again!!

QUAGMIRE, QUAGMIRE, QUAGMIRE!!!!
7 posted on 03/25/2003 11:59:19 AM PST by wimpycat ('Nemo me impune lacessit')
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To: Sir Gawain
i found this very funny--but i was at a bbq on Sunday, and i actually had to tell a few people, "it's only the 4th day!"
8 posted on 03/25/2003 12:01:05 PM PST by latina4dubya
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To: Sir Gawain
This is series!

Uprising By Shiites in Basra Underway; British Pouring Artillery into City

9 posted on 03/25/2003 12:03:54 PM PST by Fractal Trader (Free Republic Energized - - The power of Intelligence on the Internet! Checked by Correkt Spel (TM))
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To: Sir Gawain
DRAGS ON???

What idiotic, ignorant fools.

10 posted on 03/25/2003 12:06:06 PM PST by TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!
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To: Sir Gawain
BUMP
11 posted on 03/25/2003 12:07:10 PM PST by RippleFire
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To: Sir Gawain
"Adding to the Coalition's difficulties is the fact that Iraqi troops are not capitulating at the rate the news media expected. "

Adding to the Coalition's difficulties is the fact that Iraqi troops are not capitulating at the rate the news media would have, in their shoes.

...interpreted...

12 posted on 03/25/2003 12:22:48 PM PST by MainFrame65
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To: Sir Gawain; BlueLancer; spetznaz; Hobsonphile
Quarmire, war party, neocons, no blood for oil, let every vote count. Hehe. I don't know if freepers are represented at the rally but there is a rally for America at WPI tommorow 1:00-5:00( expected to be much larger then the anti war protest of last fridat) after my 6 hours of lab I will attend for an hour, then I gotta study for my advanced logic design exam.
13 posted on 03/25/2003 1:01:56 PM PST by weikel (Walter Cronkite the most distrusted reporter in America)
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To: Sir Gawain
"Are we still at war with Iraq?" complained one man. "It's Monday."

Well, the Oscars had the lowest ratings ever. So I don't think people are bored just yet. :-)

14 posted on 03/25/2003 8:56:24 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Victoria Delsoul
hehe
15 posted on 03/26/2003 7:09:02 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Sir Gawain
We could end this thing today, but they wouldn't like the way that could be done.
16 posted on 03/26/2003 7:11:50 AM PST by Duckdog
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