BAGHDAD BOB -- The Wild Whoppers of Iraq's Weird & Wacky Minister of Information

The Iconoclast ^ | April 7, 2003 | Lin Anderson

[Apolitical]

TODAY'S ICONOCLAST FEATURED COMMENTARY

BAGHDAD BOB AND THE DEATH OF PROPAGANDA
The Wild Whoppers of Iraq's Weird and Wacky Minister of Information



by Lin Anderson

"Who are you going to believe," goes the old joke. "Me, or your own eyes and ears?"

That could well provide a decent and fitting epitaph for Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, Iraq's Minister of Information, although we harbor hope that he lives many years beyond the war. We sort of admire his hard-headed stubbornness to admit defeat -- indeed, not to accept anything other than sweet, sweet victory, 24 hours a day. He's one of a kind, the sort of fellow you'd expect to find in a Monty Python sketch, or a Peter Sellers movie.

No question the Minister's finest hour came late Sunday here in the States, early Monday Baghdad time. At a hastily-called outdoor press conference in Baghdad, punctuated by the unmistakable sounds of gunfire and those darned inopportune glimpses of U.S. tanks, the man some have affectionately nicknamed "Baghdad Bob" stubbornly stood his ground, denying the very existence of all that rather deadly-serious reality surrounding him.

To use another apt movie analogy, al-Sahhaf was the Iraqi version of martinet Greg Marmalard in the frat party classic Animal House, frantically screaming "All is wellllllll!" while being trampled by a mob.

To U.S. claims that Coalition forces had taken the ministry itself, the minister adamantly declared, "Absolutely that's not true. I can tell you that because I am here at the Ministry of Information."

Well, yes, but apparently outside in the parking lot. The very smoky parking lot.

The minister continued spinning his fanciful tale of Iraqi triumph in the literal face of abject failure, compiling a group of cockeyed statements which merit forever a hallowed place in the Museum of Propaganda.

"They said they have entered Baghdad in 65 tanks, into the centre of the city, and I am telling you this is not true," al-Sahhaf said, as U.S. tanks sat just a few hundred yards away.

"This is part of their sick game. We have slaughtered three-quarters of them so far," al-Sahhaf also claimed. "There is no presence of the American columns in Baghdad at all. Their columns are slaughtered and they have been fed a sour taste, a poison, by the brave forces of Saddam Hussein!"

At this point, it is well to remember, statues of Saddam Hussein were being blown up by gleeful Baghdad-based U.S. troops, some of whom also were hilariously unfurling their college flag on the lawn of the presidential palace.

But al-Sahhaf's greatest moment was yet to come, as he described the terror being wrought on coalition forces, a terror so, er, terrible that U.S. soldiers were ending their own lives in droves, rather than submit to it:

"They are beginning to commit suicide at the walls of Baghdad!" the minister declared. "And I encourage them to increase the rate of suicide. Their columns are being killed in the hundreds at the walls of Baghdad! We have fed them hell and death!

"Washington and London have thrown their soldiers into the fire," he continued. They are war criminals. They will bury their soldiers in hell, sent there by the hands of the Iraqis!"

As head-shakingly funny as this press conference was, it also served to point out in the most absurdly-convincing way possible the complete folly of old-fashioned propaganda itself, in a world where information zings at the speed of light.

[Chirodoc]

Rush had a good one today. He said the Iraqi Information Ministry said that they had attacked the US on our soil, taken control of Yankee Stadium, and were marching down Broadway to seize all theater tickets.

[AgentEcho]

I caught his rantings on FNC last night. Did anyone else notice the Fox translator laughing at this goofball?

Æ

[Amore]

Oh, thank you so much for posting this! I was unaware of this publication and I love the present column and loved equally well the column on Tom, Dan, & Peter which I saw when I went over to their site -- it's just as hysterically funny as this one!

[Billthedrill]

Yeah - earlier in the war that translator was doing his best to stifle it. These days he's not even trying.

[chainsaw]

Hey, leave baghdad bob alone. He's entertainment for the troops. They need a good laugh.

[EaglesUpForever]

Bob could be the next Eveready bunny...

[dfwgator]

There are no troops in Bagdad.....yaah that's the ticket

I heard that from my wife...Morgan Fairchild.

[PhilDragoo]

Left to right, Colin Ferguson, defendant; Colin Ferguson defense attorney.

Colin Ferguson, the man accused of killing six and injuring 19 on the Long Island Railroad in 1993, announced that he plans to take the witness stand next week and cross-examine himself. He continues to insist that he didn't shoot anyone and that it was a white man that took his gun, while he was asleep, and proceded to shoot everyone.

To spearhead his appeal next month, Ferguson has denied rumors he had selected the Iraqi minister of information.

"Dot mon geev Colin Ferguson thee heebie-jeebies; he possessed of demons," Ferguson said.

[Revolting cat!]

Actually, it all rings rather familiar. Me thinks Baghdad Bob must have graduated from an American CEO University (correspondence courses?) You all recall Ken Lay in the final days before Enron declared bankrupcy? I tell you, I watched several successive CEO's of a billion $ enterprise talk the talk of Ken Lay and Baghdad Bob all the while the company was steadily sinking and finally sank to Chapter 7. Happy talk and nothing but! Standard Operating Procedure!

[CyberAnt]

Rush said the dems should hire "Baghdad Bob" to run their radio show; he's so good at disinformation, and he's funny.

[Howlin]

[Howlin]

BTW, that is a REAL screen capture, not altered.

[mpreston]

Given his conviction to carry this to the end, I suspect Saddam has his family somewhere 'safe' and told him what to say. Until the regime falls and he knows those that threaten him and his family are dead, he'll continue to the end.

[PhilDragoo]

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, a Republican, continues to call the election of Baghdad as he sees it."

[Billthedrill]

Saw it. Durn near died. Tell me the folks at FSN weren't having fun with that one!

[MadIvan]

I remember when I first saw Baghdad Bob after the war began - the man was in hysterics after the decapitation strike occured: the best he could stammer out was that Bush was "stupid, and he is condemned. He is....condemned!"

The fact that he couldn't find anything more creative than that spoke volumes. Iraq is run not only by murderers and tyrants, but idiots as well. Chemical Ali, I've heard, can barely read, Uday is a psychopath, Qusay obviously gets his military strategy with the free prize in Corn Flakes boxes. Their propaganda is dim-witted: endless music videos showing young men in cheap suits on a stage, singing Saddam's praises, interspersed with video of Saddam meeting world leaders - also, pictures of parades of missiles and soldiers doing that "hopping march" that only idiot dictatorships can make the military do. No, the Allies are not stupid - Iraq is run by stupid, venal, evil men. I hope that Baghdad Bob learns how truly stupid HE is.

Regards, Ivan

[Happygal]

Another entertaining and insightful essay from Iconoclast's inimitable Lin Anderson

Lin who? Never heard of him! ;-)

[LUVYA DUBYA 2000]

I am starting to think this idiot is our CIA agent. He is just way to funny!

[Nick Danger]

Over on another thread, they're talking about how our ELINT guys have been listening in as various Iraqi Generals call in to Qusay (he seems to be alive, and in charge) to bring him up to date. Apparently, it's the Generals who are feeding this crap into headquarters. They are telling Qusay that they are defeating the Americans, that they have re-captured the airport, that they still hold all these cities down South, and so on.

It would seem that the penalty for bringing Qusay bad news is sufficiently high that even top Generals won't do it. Baghdad Bob might not even know he's lying; he may be passing along exactly what the Iraqi military is telling him.

The good news is that all this BS has probably led Qusay (who may be the only one left alive) to wait too long to make his escape. Our own press assisted with this, by talking about all these "pauses" and logistical snafus that were supposedly going to have us cooling our heels outside Baghdad for at least a couple of weeks. By the time Qusay figured out he'd been had, the escape routes were closed and the tanks were in the city.

[Grampa Dave]

Actually, he reminds ME of the shreiking left wing, lying heads on ABCNNBCBS.