Posted on 04/17/2003 9:58:46 AM PDT by ellery
Anti-Americanism in France? Comment c'est incroyable!
You mean they wine, and we dumped it all out. As for Sparkets drinking water (Frenched Owned), I cancelled the service. Come get your cooler. New tires are going on my car tomorrow morning...it would have been Michilin or BF Goodrich (my favorite brands but now I learn French owned). Their tires are not going on my car.
Too bad none of them are reading this so they can see how I feel (not too many of them even know English) so I guess I will just have to settle for them feeling my little dents to their economy.
"Okay, everyone, I have a perfect compromise: Make the dog pay for the window."
Truth is stranger than fiction:
Their slogan, believe it or not, is: "No more drinking stupid, drink with commitment! 1O percent of our profits for Palestinian Children."
Of course, you will notice that they outright stole Coca-Cola's proprietary brand image.
I wonder if it's available in New York City. Now I'm curious...
Holy smokes!
US special forces make startling discovery! Comedian Andy Kaufman is alive and well and living a comfortable life as the dictator of Syria!
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I am Andy
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I am Andy
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We are both Andy!
Denk you berri much
Eebee da! Eebee da! Denk you berry much.
| Dogeggs Exclusive... |
Friday 5AM Washington-As impossible as it may seem, sources at the Pentagon have indeed confirmed to dogeggs.com earlier this morning that Syrian Dictator Bashar Assad is none other than the late legendary comedian Andy Kaufman, the mega superstar of such hit TV shows as "Taxi"and "Saturday night live"
Kaufman, whose meteoric rise to mega stardom and world domination was the basis for the movie "Man on the Moon" that starred a ridiculously miscast Jim Carey a few years back instead of the obvious choice of James Earl Jones, was found alive and well yesterday living in opulence as "Bashar Assad" ruler of Syria.
Bashar Assad, a name Kaufman claimed was initially suppose to be pronounced "Bash your ass hard" explained that he indeed faked his own death and hid out for years in shame after losing his Intergender World Wrestling Championship belt in a secret match with Janet Reno. "Janet was a lot younger and more masculine back then" explained Kaufman, "Back then she had a full grown beard and a deeper voice and she pinned me to the floor in a matter of seconds like I was a French man in full battle mode which humiliated me to no end."
In what has got to be one of the greatest hoaxes of all time, Kaufman explained that he couldn`t bear to show his face in the public arena anymore after being so humiliated, so he devised an elaborate scheme whereas he would fake his own death and escape to the tranquility of the middle east. "It sounded a lot better than Manhattan at the time." he expained, "I had this weird premonition that this vile witch from Arkansas was going to become a Senator in New York even though she never lived in New York, or never worked in New York, or was even elected to a public office, and had more scandals than vandals with sandals. I think I was just a little too neurotic at the time because obviously no one would ever vote for a person like that, I mean could you imagine if people ever got that low on the IQ scale? Impossible, but I just had this terrible Armageddon like feeling so I went to Syria."
How Kaufmans ruse was discovered is a story in itself that`s stranger than a fictitious Michael Moore movie. While US special forces were conducting searches with their deck of cards in Syria for the "Iraqs most wanted" gang who may have fled over the border, members of the team were shocked when closing in on the quarters of the Syrian dictator Bashar Assad. Coming around a corner they suddenly heard the theme song from the "Mighty Mouse" cartoon . Thinking it odd that such a rare and old American cartoon theme song should be playing in of all places Syria, they closed in with cards ready. What they saw they was shocking to say the least.
"We couldn`t believe what we were seeing when we looked in the window" said squad commander Vic Ferrare. "There was a man standing by a record player playing the old Mighty Mouse song, doing absolutely nothing but just standing there still and staring at us looking like a little kid. But suddenly when the "here I come to save the day" part came up, he suddenly flew into action, swinging his arm up and miming the words like he was a super hero or something!. It was just totally insane! We were thinking to ourselves "Oh another dictator who thinks he`s Superman, what a suprise!" It was then that special agent CIA operative Tony Clifton remembered seeing something similar to this years ago on a Saturday night live show. "And then it just hit me.." he said. "It was Andy Kaufman! I couldn`t believe it, but I was sure of it!" Special forces then immediately told Mr. Kaufman aka Bashar Assad to hit the deck as they checked their decks to see if they had a card on him. It was confirmed. Andy Kaufman had pulled one of the greatest hoaxes of all time, and now it was over.
Later in one scene that was not at all suprising, as expected, Jacques Ch-Iraq of France came barging in making kissing noises at the dictator but then seemed to get visibly annoyed when Kaufman pulled his world renowned "Latka Gravis" act on him.
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"What eez theez "eebee-dah"? I don`t understand theeze "eebee-da"! `Ow can I properly kiss zee Dictators arse if I don`t know what ze "eebee da" eez?
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(c)Dogeggs.com
While we are basking in the Florida Keys this Spring, I will be thinking of the arrogant little French bas!ards with their half empty hotels and surplus wine inventories and the extra thousands of $$$ in my bank account.
| Paris Today |
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| 5 Day Forecast |
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We are the Europeans who woke up one morning in our little European town, stepped out the front door, looked up and down the street and thought to ourselves, "You know....there has to be someplace on this planet I can go and not be surrounded by all these assholes." And then we packed our bags and left for America.
Welcome to America, as they say. I am glad intelligent people like you are leaving that sinking, stinking continent. Where did you come from, by the way. Good Luck.
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