The best of the worst country song titles

Minneapolis Star Tribune ^ | 4/25/03 | Mike Harden

[rhema]

Bang the drum slowly, dear readers, and play the pipes lowly.

It appears the time has come to bid adieu to an annual column that has been a tradition for 15 years: the Worst Country Music Song Titles of All Time Until the Next Time.

[Alberta's Child]

"Irving Berlin Is A Hundred Years Old Today" by Ian Tyson must be on an all-time list of worst (or best) country sing titles.

[sushiman]

Here is my original title . What do you think ? " You left footprints on my stomach when you walked out of my heart " ?

[Marauder]

"If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?" by the Bellamy Brothers.

[geaux]

My favorites: "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotamy" and "Before the ring on your finger turns green"

[Scenic Sounds]

I heard somebody once describe country music as the "music of codependency."

[L.N. Smithee]

"If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart"

[Alberta's Child]

LOL.

[waterstraat]

"If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?" by the Bellamy Brothers.

Ditto!

[L.N. Smithee]

This is not a country title, but it could be:

"Take The 'L' Out Of 'Lover' And It's Over" from the mighty Motels.

[Ditter]

I haven't heard my old favorite "I've Got Tears In My Ears From Laying On My Back Crying Over You" in a long long time. I have heard my other favorite recently "I'm Gonna Hire A Wineo To Decorate Our Home".

[oyez]

Calling the late, great Louis Grizzard.

"You're the Reason our Kids are Ugly"

"Get your Tounge out of my Mouth I'm Kissing you Bye-Bye"

[Dick Bachert]

"I'd Tell You I Love You But I Can Hardly Breathe Down Here, Baby."

[Doohickey]

"Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life"

"I Had Triple Bypass Surgery (Because I Had a Change of Heart)"

[WKB]

Anybody ever heard David Allen Coe:
You once said no one would ever lay in your bed
But now there's ______ stains on the pillow where you once laid your head.

[okie01]

"The Only Ring I Ever Gave Her Was The One Around The Tub"

[Taft in '52]

Among my favorite country/western titles are:

• They Locked God Outside the Iron Curtain by Wesley Tuttle (1952)
• When They Drop the Atomic Bomb by Jackie Doll and His Pickled Peppers (1951)
• Stalin Kicked the Bucket by Ray Anderson (1953)
• The Red Deck of Cards by Tex Ritter (1954)
• When That Hell Bomb Falls by Fred Kirby (1950)
• This Cold War With You by Floyd Tillman (1949)
• When Mussolini Laid His Pistol Down by Al Dexter (c. 1943)
• It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels by Kitty Wells (1952)
• Hitler Lives by Herman the Hermit (1947)
• When the Atom Bomb Fell By Karl and Harty (1946)
• Those Flying Saucers by the Buchanan Brothers (1947)

These are all great tunes.

[WVNan]

"The Shades of Night Were Falling, But I Got a Good Look Anyway."

[woofie]

"My Visa Card Aint Big Enough for the Two of Us"
"The Frog Of Love Done Jumped down my Throat"
"I'll see Tommorrow Again If You'll Leave my Yesterdays Alone"
"You Shut The Door on The Big Toe Of My Heart"

[teeman8r]

i love that wino song, it is a classic...

my all time favorite is a johnny cash number, "i've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart"

"i've been washed down the sink, of your conscious...
in the theatre of your love, i lost my part...
and now you say you've got me out of your conscience,
i've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart.."