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CHIRAC POSES NAKED FOR COVER OF ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY!
The Borowitz Report ^ | April 27, 2003 | Andy Borowitz

Posted on 04/27/2003 8:38:12 AM PDT by proud American in Canada

CHIRAC POSES NAKED FOR COVER OF ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

‘Desperate’ Attempt to Win Back American Fans, Critics Say

French President Jacques Chirac startled diplomatic circles today with his decision to pose nude for the cover of Entertainment Weekly magazine.

Mr. Chirac, his hands strategically covering key parts of his anatomy, appears buck naked on the magazine cover with controversial phrases and epithets such as “cheese-eating surrender monkey” written on his body in what appears to be a magic marker.

Reached at his home in Paris, Mr. Chirac said he took the unusual step of doffing his duds for Entertainment Weekly after losing a coin toss to French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin.

While some in the State Department called Mr. Chirac’s bid to win back American fans “desperate,” the French President defended his decision: “It’s not about the nakedness. It’s about clothes getting in the way of labels.”

A spokesman for the French President later acknowledged that Mr. Chirac had no idea what that statement meant.

Secretary of State Colin Powell, who just last week said that the French would be “punished” for opposing the U.S.-led mission in Iraq, said today he was not sure whether Mr. Chirac’s naked photo shoot fit the bill.

“After looking at Mr. Chirac naked, it’s hard for me to say who’s punishing whom,” Mr. Powell said.


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: antifrenchhumor; chirac; dixiechicks; france; humor; villepin
All I can say I hope they airbrushed Jacques as much, or more, than they did the Dixie Chicks!
1 posted on 04/27/2003 8:38:12 AM PDT by proud American in Canada
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To: Timesink; coteblanche; EternalVigilance; Argh; ohioWfan; skr; Dionysius; Freepin in Florida; ...
humor ping! :-)

2 posted on 04/27/2003 8:39:30 AM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: proud American in Canada
It's really desperate when he has to go trolling for Barney Frank!
3 posted on 04/27/2003 8:41:24 AM PDT by dalereed
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To: Rightproud; Hillary's Lovely Legs; Billie; mountaineer; Timeout; BigWaveBetty; ClancyJ; ...
ping!
4 posted on 04/27/2003 8:41:50 AM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: proud American in Canada
Where's the pic? I was gonna look before I eat.
5 posted on 04/27/2003 8:42:16 AM PDT by mafree
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To: proud American in Canada
No picture. That was merciful...
6 posted on 04/27/2003 8:42:36 AM PDT by null and void
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To: null and void; mafree; Registered
"No picture. That was merciful."

I wonder if some creative Freeper can create such a masterpiece? :-)
7 posted on 04/27/2003 8:44:53 AM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: dalereed
"It's really desperate when he has to go trolling for Barney Frank"


LOL! :-)
8 posted on 04/27/2003 8:45:24 AM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: proud American in Canada
All I can say I hope they airbrushed Jacques as much, or more, than they did the Dixie Chicks!

No need for much air brushing. From the accounts I've read, there's no there, there... if you know what I mean. ;-)

9 posted on 04/27/2003 8:47:44 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty
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To: proud American in Canada
Ewww! Gross! Yuckers!
I am SO glad there isn't a pic. That would have been disturbing........
>_<'''
10 posted on 04/27/2003 8:47:49 AM PDT by 4mycountry (Anyone can be average---it takes something special to be weird. I am honored to be weird.)
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To: proud American in Canada
What, no photo?
11 posted on 04/27/2003 8:47:59 AM PDT by tuckrdout
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To: proud American in Canada
>>>I wonder if some creative Freeper can create such a masterpiece? :-)

Don't you mean a disaster-piece?
12 posted on 04/27/2003 8:49:13 AM PDT by 4mycountry (Anyone can be average---it takes something special to be weird. I am honored to be weird.)
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To: null and void
Yes
13 posted on 04/27/2003 8:51:17 AM PDT by oceanperch ((All Night Freeper, Day Job Lurker))
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To: 4mycountry
how about a mini-piece


14 posted on 04/27/2003 8:51:29 AM PDT by ALS
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To: mafree
Where's the pic? I was gonna look before I eat.

On a diet, I take it?

15 posted on 04/27/2003 8:56:23 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (There be no shelter here; the front line is everywhere!)
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To: mafree
Yeah, where is that pic? People on diets could run off copies and use them for place mats on the dining room table-maybe stick a copy on the front of the fridge.
16 posted on 04/27/2003 8:59:39 AM PDT by F.J. Mitchell (Sacre Bleu!!! the Dixie Chicks and Chirac too?)
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To: F.J. Mitchell

17 posted on 04/27/2003 9:03:41 AM PDT by ALS
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To: ALS
Ugh!,sorry I asked. Did the quick thinking sailor save the eyesight of many by quickly covering the Chirac, or had the poor guy been too long at sea ?
18 posted on 04/27/2003 9:19:57 AM PDT by F.J. Mitchell (Sacre Bleu!!! the Dixie Chicks and Chirac too?)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
No, I was more trying to prevent myself from barfing if I saw it after I ate.
19 posted on 04/27/2003 10:02:55 AM PDT by mafree
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To: F.J. Mitchell
the guy would have to be at sea too long to wanna do the macarena with ol' pierre!
20 posted on 04/27/2003 10:21:52 AM PDT by ALS
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Comment #21 Removed by Moderator

To: mafree
The new diet plan: If you want to lose weight, imagine Jacques Chirac and Michael Moore naked on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, right before meals! 10 lbs loss per week guaranteed!
22 posted on 04/27/2003 10:24:07 AM PDT by winner3000
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To: winner3000
The new diet plan: If you want to lose weight, imagine Jacques Chirac and Michael Moore naked on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, right before meals!

Meanwhile:

And:

(All of these courtesy of the www.fark.com Photoshop challenge using the DC EW cover as material)

23 posted on 04/27/2003 10:41:40 AM PDT by Ichneumon
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To: ALS
LOL,understatement of the century, for sure.
24 posted on 04/27/2003 10:42:14 AM PDT by F.J. Mitchell (All the girls look prettier at closing time, or after six months at sea.)
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To: Ichneumon
Better yet, create life size cutouts to stand in the middle of the table. THat could soon have the food producers of the world, whining like the French, though.
25 posted on 04/27/2003 10:48:07 AM PDT by F.J. Mitchell (All the girls look prettier at closing time, or after six months at sea.)
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To: proud American in Canada


26 posted on 04/27/2003 10:56:10 AM PDT by mountaineer
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To: McGruff
Not my work either (from the same source (not sure if it shows for non-registered individuals)).

Someone please let me know if doesn't show, so I won't try it in the future (just getting my posting legs here). :)
27 posted on 04/27/2003 12:03:04 PM PDT by easonc52
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To: easonc52
Sorry. got the answer to my own question. The picture changed to one I hadn't intended to post. :(
28 posted on 04/27/2003 12:05:18 PM PDT by easonc52
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To: All
Is there a way to edit or delete a post?
29 posted on 04/27/2003 12:07:07 PM PDT by easonc52
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To: Admin Moderator; Jim Robinson
Please remove my reply immediately. That's not the picture I posted!!!!!
30 posted on 04/27/2003 12:39:10 PM PDT by McGruff (Let's get Syriaus.)
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To: proud American in Canada

31 posted on 04/27/2003 1:01:59 PM PDT by Rain-maker
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To: BigWaveBetty
"No need for much air brushing. From the accounts I've read, there's no there, there... if you know what I mean. ;-)"


LOL!

It would be interesting to compare Al Gore's Rolling Stone cover picture to Jaques' EW cover... by the way, is that "ewwwww" deliberate?? ;-)
32 posted on 04/27/2003 5:51:15 PM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: ALS; F.J. Mitchell
"the guy would have to be at sea too long to wanna do the macarena with ol' pierre!"


I'm so sad... all I get is a square with a little red X in it... I would have loved to have seen that picture! ;-)
33 posted on 04/27/2003 5:53:03 PM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: Ichneumon
ROFLMAO!

These are hilarious! And yet, extremely disturbing and vaguely nauseating.

Hilarious, nonetheless!

Thanks for posting them! :-)
34 posted on 04/27/2003 5:55:02 PM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: proud American in Canada
Well, I suppose it works more quickly than Ipecac syrup.

Regards, Ivan

35 posted on 04/27/2003 5:56:04 PM PDT by MadIvan
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To: easonc52; mountaineer
It shows!

Is there some relation to the Jacques / worm picture? ;-)

LOL!
36 posted on 04/27/2003 5:56:24 PM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: Rain-maker
*standing ovation*

Thank you, Rainmaker! I loved it! :-)

37 posted on 04/27/2003 5:57:49 PM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: easonc52
"Is there a way to edit or delete a post?"

Many times I have wished there were... ;-)
38 posted on 04/27/2003 5:58:51 PM PDT by proud American in Canada ("We are a peaceful people. Yet we are not a fragile people.")
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To: proud American in Canada
Thankfully, there is no pic of jerk chirac au natural!
39 posted on 04/27/2003 6:10:54 PM PDT by mombonn
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To: proud American in Canada
ROTFL!!! I guess we can assume he didn't do a Napoleon with his hand right? ;-) No pockets! (oh well, that is pathetic, I admit it!)
40 posted on 04/27/2003 6:16:25 PM PDT by ladyinred
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To: proud American in Canada
You missed a funny one.

I often get those x's in a box instead of the picture too, I'm not computer literate enough to know why.
41 posted on 04/27/2003 7:26:48 PM PDT by F.J. Mitchell
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To: proud American in Canada
it's showing now isn't it?

red x's usually indicate either the pic url was incorrect, the pic server shut off access or the server is temporarily down.
42 posted on 04/27/2003 9:23:21 PM PDT by ALS
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To: proud American in Canada
The very idea may produce nightmares!
43 posted on 04/27/2003 9:50:04 PM PDT by skr
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