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Hilarious ebay description
ebay ^

Posted on 04/30/2003 10:36:06 AM PDT by weave09

This is a description of a car speakers listed on Ebay. Too funny. This is my first post so I apologize if errors are made. This guy has to be a freeper or freeper in the making.

You are bidding on a 600 Watt AMP + 2, twelve inch MTX subwoofers in an enclosed box. This system is pretty sweet, its got loud distinct bass, nothing to obscene, if you have an SUV or a truck this is perfect, it comes prewired already, just enough to feel your music, but not to irritate anyone else, or you can if you tweak it, or if your a loser who drives a Civic with a type R sticker, racing stripes, blasting really bad rap music through your suburban area with your pretentious "I’m 21 but I’m still in high school girlfriend" while driving with your hand up on the top of the steering wheel exposing your underdeveloped pasty white vitamin deficient arm and wearing your backwards BS upside down visor hat while feeling the tacky as a "Florida vacation" single diamond earring in your ear, If you are this person...with any luck the sun in its precise celestial positioning as you putter on by...will reflect its scorching rays into your earring, bouncing intensely in your rearview, and finally making contact with your eyes through the thin cheap lense of $5 gas station Oakley rip off glasses.. then burning your retnal cones into smoldering melting gobs of ocular material as you are blinded by the purest form of energy in our known universe, and as you scream no one can help or hear you because they don’t know what’s going on since the weed whacker sound of your shitty tiny little muffler which makes the Civic sound like a 747 rages on underneath making everyone turn at disgust and comment to thier husbands or wives how much of a dickweed you are by attaching that automotive abnormality to your stock economical daily driver engineered by Japanese Automotive specialists to fit the needs for entry level business workers in their early 30's, however your pathetic looking $11,000 car which you want to look like a friggin spaceship with redundant ground effects is now out of control since you are blinded, and as your car plunges off the side of a cliff while you scream in the purest form of terror while knowing you have lived a horrid excuse for a life, by doing the bare minimum in every facet of existence, while getting fired from one pathetic job to another, the majority of your time spent slacking smoking dope, getting kicked out of school, polishing your "game" on sweet innocent underage girls you eventually 'de flower' through exhaustive yet succesful attempts to get the date rapist drugs you have stashed in the glove compartment, into your poor victims drinks while offering them to take the "Pepsi Challenge" while making your mother hate you, and your poor father who wishes he had a daughter instead of your pathetic ass, since a girl would be more of a man than you ever were, like the occasion when you were hit in the arm by a wild pitch in little league, then you cried like a fat kid who dropped his ice cream cone, I'm already envisioning you impacting the rocks below, in a spectacular fireball ignited from the residue hairspray from your girlfriend plastered in the fabric passenger seat, blinded by your earring, deafened by the loud "Bling Blingin", and I will smile and roll around on the ground in orgasmic delight while you are consumed by flames whose intense heat and fury will liquefy your bone marrow that I will use to make jelly beans out of and eat them happily at your funeral as midgets dressed like Alex 6005321 from "A Clockwork Orange" dance around your coffin to loud industrial style techno music and strobe lights, and I will sleep soundly at night knowing another successful conquest of Darwinism has been attained. So...you can either use the system I'm selling like the fore- mentioned guy did, or you can buy it from this Cadet and use it properly and enjoy the compliments people will give you as you pass and let them listen to your outstanding taste in fine diverse music. Disclaimer: -No..Im not crazy...Following my 8 years of Military Service as a Naval Aviator, I plan to be a screenwriter. And no, you cant hire me...yet. I almost forgot, the RESERVE is UBER low, like dirt cheap. Shipping might be a bit expensive so if anyone is close to THE CITADEL, in Charleston South Carolina I can arrange a delivery, or you may pick it up. Thank you, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask. My profile and feedback is immaculate. Thank you. EMAIL...KIRSCHE@CITADEL.EDU if you need to get in contact with me for any reason. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Apr-23-03 at 09:46:37 PDT, seller added the following information: I forgot to mention, this item is about a year old, it was only used however for a limited period (3 months) I took it out of my Bronco, because I didnt need all the power, and it cut down on space. It hasnt been activated since then (last August) its in a box and in a climate controlled enviornment since then. Thank you very much. If you have any questions please let me know. SEMPER FI, and God Bless America.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Apr-24-03 at 18:15:47 PDT, seller added the following information: NOTE: Due to the overwhelming yet highly appreciated amounts Emails I have been getting allow me to broadly address some questions I've been getting...I’m 21, Native New Yorker...Currently a Cadet training to become a US Military Officer, Influences: Mr Henry "THINK TANK" Rollins. Ludwig Von Beethoven, Voraciously reading every type of literary material I can get my hands on, and lifting massive amounts of weight to rid my self of weakness in a physical sense. Harsh, Direct, Unrelenting Truth, Republicanism, and Training to become an Officer for my country in the deepest sense of Patriotic fervor. My passion for all things great in this world is unrelenting; Life, Liberty, Family. The sacrifices our fore-fathers gave for the generations currently occupying this land enable us to continue on the path of Freedom, and our youth maintain that long line of Courage through selfless service to an idea of America which is as bright as the sun in the sky, in this darkened world. As far as the background story to this ad goes, it took me about as fast as I could type to write, and it was done with the greatest degree of fun, I cant believe the response I’m getting from all of this, thank you all very much, God Bless you All.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: ebay; hilarious; rant
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1 posted on 04/30/2003 10:36:06 AM PDT by weave09
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To: weave09
Now that's writing.
2 posted on 04/30/2003 10:41:58 AM PDT by El Sordo
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To: weave09
Sounds like the cadet has a problem with Rice Boys.

Rice Boys
3 posted on 04/30/2003 10:43:11 AM PDT by Arkinsaw
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To: hobbes1; Sparta
ROTFLMAO Ping
4 posted on 04/30/2003 10:45:58 AM PDT by MattinNJ
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To: weave09
Great first post
5 posted on 04/30/2003 10:46:32 AM PDT by MattinNJ
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To: El Sordo
I think there was a period in there....somewhere.
6 posted on 04/30/2003 10:46:49 AM PDT by rmmcdaniell
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To: weave09
Following my 8 years of Military Service as a Naval Aviator, I plan to be a screenwriter.

He may consider taking a couple of written English courses first.

7 posted on 04/30/2003 10:48:37 AM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (Even if the government took all your earnings, you wouldn’t be, in its eyes, a slave.)
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To: Blood of Tyrants
Dont need to... The editors will clean it up. Screenwriter should be creative and have imagination. Which this guy has.
8 posted on 04/30/2003 10:49:49 AM PDT by smith288 (Thats right, Christianity is exclusive, you have to love animals to be in PETA, is that exclusive?)
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To: weave09
He's nailed the whigger population to a tee...
9 posted on 04/30/2003 10:50:05 AM PDT by Hatteras (The Thundering Herd Of Turtles ROCK!)
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To: weave09
Somebody's stream of consciousness is the Mississippi River.
10 posted on 04/30/2003 10:51:57 AM PDT by strela ("... you're lucky you still have your brown paper bag, small change ...")
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To: weave09; RaceBannon; Truelove
I'd love to see the fitness reports this guy will be writing...

:)
11 posted on 04/30/2003 10:52:34 AM PDT by MudPuppy (Semper Fidelis!)
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To: smith288
But can you imagine a script written by this guy? He makes Ayn Rand look like she suffered from writer's block.
12 posted on 04/30/2003 10:53:17 AM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (Even if the government took all your earnings, you wouldn’t be, in its eyes, a slave.)
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To: weave09
WOW! ROTFLMAO Big time. This is Funny!
13 posted on 04/30/2003 10:53:20 AM PDT by peteram
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To: weave09
I was a little worried there for a moment, I thought the fella might've had some "issues."
14 posted on 04/30/2003 10:53:25 AM PDT by fieldmarshaldj (~Remember, it's not sporting to fire at RINO until charging~)
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To: weave09
I think someone sprinkled a lil' meth on his cheerios that morning......
15 posted on 04/30/2003 10:53:48 AM PDT by jmq
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To: weave09
...then burning your retinal cones into smoldering melting gobs of ocular material as you are blinded by the purest form of energy in our known universe...

LOL

16 posted on 04/30/2003 10:54:02 AM PDT by Petronski (I'm not always cranky.)
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To: MudPuppy
BWAHAHAHAHA!
17 posted on 04/30/2003 10:54:03 AM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (Even if the government took all your earnings, you wouldn’t be, in its eyes, a slave.)
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To: weave09
Thanks. I love a good out loud laugh.
18 posted on 04/30/2003 10:54:24 AM PDT by pops88
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To: weave09
Direct, to the point, on Target,move along.
19 posted on 04/30/2003 10:54:53 AM PDT by cav68
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To: jmq
"...meth on his cheerios..."

I think so.
20 posted on 04/30/2003 10:55:15 AM PDT by headsonpikes
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To: weave09
He posted an addendum to his description, apparently in response to the amount of email he's getting to his description:

NOTE: Due to the overwhelming yet highly appreciated amounts Emails I have been getting allow me to broadly address some questions I've been getting...I’m 21, Native New Yorker...Currently a Cadet training to become a US Military Officer, Influences: Mr Henry "THINK TANK" Rollins. Ludwig Von Beethoven, Voraciously reading every type of literary material I can get my hands on, and lifting massive amounts of weight to rid my self of weakness in a physical sense. Harsh, Direct, Unrelenting Truth, Republicanism, and Training to become an Officer for my country in the deepest sense of Patriotic fervor. My passion for all things great in this world is unrelenting; Life, Liberty, Family. The sacrifices our fore-fathers gave for the generations currently occupying this land enable us to continue on the path of Freedom, and our youth maintain that long line of Courage through selfless service to an idea of America which is as bright as the sun in the sky, in this darkened world. As far as the background story to this ad goes, it took me about as fast as I could type to write, and it was done with the greatest degree of fun, I cant believe the response I’m getting from all of this, thank you all very much, God Bless you All.

21 posted on 04/30/2003 10:56:34 AM PDT by Hildy
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To: rmmcdaniell
I think there was a period in there....somewhere.

No...I don't think so. But then again....I'm blind in at least one eye from reading it twice.

22 posted on 04/30/2003 10:57:47 AM PDT by Focault's Pendulum (I'm just a curmudgeon surrounded by the hopeless panacea of youth)
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To: weave09
I inserted paragraphs for your reading pleasure. No one should miss this....it's going to be used as several examples in tomorrow's lit class!

his is a description of a car speakers listed on Ebay. Too funny. This is my first post so I apologize if errors are made. This guy has to be a freeper or freeper in the making.

You are bidding on a 600 Watt AMP + 2, twelve inch MTX subwoofers in an enclosed box. This system is pretty sweet, its got loud distinct bass, nothing to obscene, if you have an SUV or a truck this is perfect, it comes prewired already, just enough to feel your music, but not to irritate anyone else, or you can if you tweak it,…

or if your a loser who drives a Civic with a type R sticker, racing stripes, blasting really bad rap music through your suburban area with your pretentious "I’m 21 but I’m still in high school girlfriend" while driving with your hand up on the top of the steering wheel exposing your underdeveloped pasty white vitamin deficient arm and wearing your backwards BS upside down visor hat while feeling the tacky as a "Florida vacation" single diamond earring in your ear,

If you are this person...with any luck the sun in its precise celestial positioning as you putter on by...will reflect its scorching rays into your earring, bouncing intensely in your rearview, and finally making contact with your eyes through the thin cheap lense of $5 gas station Oakley rip off glasses.. then burning your retnal cones into smoldering melting gobs of ocular material as you are blinded by the purest form of energy in our known universe, and as you scream no one can help or hear you because they don’t know what’s going on since the weed whacker sound of your shitty tiny little muffler which makes the Civic sound like a 747 rages on underneath making everyone turn at disgust and comment to thier husbands or wives how much of a dickweed you are by attaching that automotive abnormality to your stock economical daily driver engineered by Japanese Automotive specialists to fit the needs for entry level business workers in their early 30's,

however your pathetic looking $11,000 car which you want to look like a friggin spaceship with redundant ground effects is now out of control since you are blinded, and as your car plunges off the side of a cliff while you scream in the purest form of terror while knowing you have lived a horrid excuse for a life,

by doing the bare minimum in every facet of existence, while getting fired from one pathetic job to another, the majority of your time spent slacking smoking dope, getting kicked out of school, polishing your "game" on sweet innocent underage girls you eventually 'de flower' through exhaustive yet succesful attempts to get the date rapist drugs you have stashed in the glove compartment, into your poor victims drinks while offering them to take the "Pepsi Challenge"

while making your mother hate you, and your poor father who wishes he had a daughter instead of your pathetic ass, since a girl would be more of a man than you ever were, like the occasion when you were hit in the arm by a wild pitch in little league, then you cried like a fat kid who dropped his ice cream cone,

I'm already envisioning you impacting the rocks below, in a spectacular fireball ignited from the residue hairspray from your girlfriend plastered in the fabric passenger seat, blinded by your earring, deafened by the loud "Bling Blingin",

and I will smile and roll around on the ground in orgasmic delight while you are consumed by flames whose intense heat and fury will liquefy your bone marrow that I will use to make jelly beans out of and eat them happily at your funeral as midgets dressed like Alex 6005321 from "A Clockwork Orange" dance around your coffin to loud industrial style techno music and strobe lights,

and I will sleep soundly at night knowing another successful conquest of Darwinism has been attained.

So...you can either use the system I'm selling like the fore- mentioned guy did, or you can buy it from this Cadet and use it properly and enjoy the compliments people will give you as you pass and let them listen to your outstanding taste in fine diverse music.

Disclaimer: -No..Im not crazy...Following my 8 years of Military Service as a Naval Aviator, I plan to be a screenwriter. And no, you cant hire me...yet. I almost forgot, the RESERVE is UBER low, like dirt cheap. Shipping might be a bit expensive so if anyone is close to THE CITADEL, in Charleston South Carolina I can arrange a delivery, or you may pick it up. Thank you, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask. My profile and feedback is immaculate. Thank you. EMAIL...KIRSCHE@CITADEL.EDU if you need to get in contact with me for any reason. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Apr-23-03 at 09:46:37 PDT, seller added the following information: I forgot to mention, this item is about a year old, it was only used however for a limited period (3 months) I took it out of my Bronco, because I didnt need all the power, and it cut down on space. It hasnt been activated since then (last August) its in a box and in a climate controlled enviornment since then. Thank you very much. If you have any questions please let me know. SEMPER FI, and God Bless America. -

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Apr-24-03 at 18:15:47 PDT, seller added the following information: NOTE: Due to the overwhelming yet highly appreciated amounts Emails I have been getting allow me to broadly address some questions I've been getting.

..I’m 21, Native New Yorker...Currently a Cadet training to become a US Military Officer, Influences: Mr Henry "THINK TANK" Rollins. Ludwig Von Beethoven, Voraciously reading every type of literary material I can get my hands on, and lifting massive amounts of weight to rid my self of weakness in a physical sense.

Harsh, Direct, Unrelenting Truth, Republicanism, and Training to become an Officer for my country in the deepest sense of Patriotic fervor. My passion for all things great in this world is unrelenting; Life, Liberty, Family. The sacrifices our fore-fathers gave for the generations currently occupying this land enable us to continue on the path of Freedom, and our youth maintain that long line of Courage through selfless service to an idea of America which is as bright as the sun in the sky, in this darkened world.

As far as the background story to this ad goes, it took me about as fast as I could type to write, and it was done with the greatest degree of fun, I cant believe the response I’m getting from all of this, thank you all very much, God Bless you All.

23 posted on 04/30/2003 10:59:42 AM PDT by blu
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To: weave09
***bump for ebay literature***
24 posted on 04/30/2003 11:00:37 AM PDT by JeepInMazar (www.answering-islam.org)
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To: weave09
Wow. I almost didn't wade through due to lack of format.
That was hilarious. Can't wait for his first movie.
25 posted on 04/30/2003 11:01:00 AM PDT by esoteric
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To: weave09
..and I will sleep soundly at night knowing another successful conquest of Darwinism has been attained.

(sniff!) That's just beautiful. The flow of invective to its eventual climax in the predetermined destruction of the lower life form, is just lovely. (sniff!)

26 posted on 04/30/2003 11:01:15 AM PDT by elbucko
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To: weave09
I enjoyed the heck out of that, thanks for the post.
27 posted on 04/30/2003 11:02:06 AM PDT by SoDak
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To: weave09
Wonder if he'll get an offer from the Nigerian scammers?
28 posted on 04/30/2003 11:02:07 AM PDT by lilylangtree
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To: weave09
Payment Instructions
Payment is highly preferred via Paypal, Cashiers check and money order shall suffice as well. Thank you. Dead Taliban is accepted as well.

Pretty funny stuff.

29 posted on 04/30/2003 11:05:18 AM PDT by PLOM...NOT!
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To: Hatteras
He's nailed the whigger population to a tee...

Now, now, that not PC. I'm sure you meant "wegro". Right?

30 posted on 04/30/2003 11:07:38 AM PDT by SunTzuWu
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To: Arkinsaw
My friends and I call them "Zoomers".
31 posted on 04/30/2003 11:10:07 AM PDT by Phantom Lord (Distributor of Pain, Your Loss Becomes My Gain)
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To: SunTzuWu
I thought "wanksta" was the current phrase for white gangsta wannabees.
32 posted on 04/30/2003 11:11:29 AM PDT by Norman Conquest
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To: weave09
thank you for this....I needed a laugh.
33 posted on 04/30/2003 11:11:35 AM PDT by ZinGirl (this tag itches...can Jim make an itchless tag...you know, like Hanes?)
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To: weave09; NativeNewYorker
NativeNewYorker, 'fess up.
34 posted on 04/30/2003 11:11:39 AM PDT by LurkedLongEnough (Living proof that a Conservative can spring from a "Liberal Arts" education.)
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To: weave09
I just love it when stereotypes of military folks get busted wide open! Been happening a lot lately :)

(A Navy wife)
35 posted on 04/30/2003 11:12:34 AM PDT by rightazrain
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To: PLOM...NOT!
Puts me in mind of "The Mogambo Guru".

Good Stuff
36 posted on 04/30/2003 11:14:13 AM PDT by Ultrconservative
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To: LurkedLongEnough
ah, to be 21 again.. :)
37 posted on 04/30/2003 11:14:14 AM PDT by NativeNewYorker (Freepin' Jew Boy)
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To: weave09; billistic
ROFL - sounds like something my brother would have written.
38 posted on 04/30/2003 11:17:06 AM PDT by Allegra (Come Back to Us, Dix! We Miss You!!)
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To: Blood of Tyrants
If his script was good enough to make money, they will pour over every misplaced or missed comma, period and semicolon.
39 posted on 04/30/2003 11:23:00 AM PDT by smith288 (Thats right, Christianity is exclusive, you have to love animals to be in PETA, is that exclusive?)
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To: SunTzuWu
"Now, now, that not PC. I'm sure you meant "wegro". Right?"

See what I get for not staying in touch with the hip?! "Whigger" or "Wigger" was what the local black kids called the wannabes but I guess that was a few years back... Hmmm...I guess it runs in the family, after all, my dad's still refers to the Japanese as "Nips"...

40 posted on 04/30/2003 11:23:13 AM PDT by Hatteras (The Thundering Herd Of Turtles ROCK!)
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To: 4TheFlag; Aeronaut; ALOHA RONNIE; AntiJen; Aquamarine; AuntB; AZ Flyboy; Beach_Babe; BeachBelle; ...
A "You gotta read this" BUMP.


41 posted on 04/30/2003 11:23:51 AM PDT by Johnny Gage (God Bless our Military, God Bless President Bush, GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!)
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To: Blood of Tyrants
LOL!! So true!! I'm currently reading Atlas Shruuged again, since when I was 21 and read it the first time, the message kind of got lost in all of Rands' rhetorical waxing and waning in describing the most mundane conversations between two people where one sentence requires six paragraphs of desribing the mood and tone of the conversants. That book could have easily been written in 500-600 pages and lost nothing in literary terms. Why she felt so compelled to describe certain looks and statements with so much wording baffles me.
42 posted on 04/30/2003 11:24:54 AM PDT by Space Wrangler (Now I know what it's like washing windows when you know that there are pigeons on the roof...)
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To: weave09
Now that's what I call a Rant.....LOL

-Eric

43 posted on 04/30/2003 11:27:07 AM PDT by E Rocc
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To: Johnny Gage
LOL! Great description! Thanks for the ping Johnny.
44 posted on 04/30/2003 11:27:30 AM PDT by SAMWolf (Fatal Error. User Executed)
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To: Arkinsaw
.... with Rice Boys

This guy sounds like he's been to "Import Day" at the local NHRA drag strip.

One of these rice-burners shows up to the track, and like 8 people get out.

Then when (not if) the tranny blows, many times on the first run,
they all stand around with the hood up, looking in the engine compartment.

45 posted on 04/30/2003 11:28:34 AM PDT by Johnny Gage (God Bless our Military, God Bless President Bush, GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!)
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To: weave09
BUMP
46 posted on 04/30/2003 11:31:52 AM PDT by Centurion2000 (We are crushing our enemies, seeing him driven before us and hearing the lamentations of the liberal)
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To: elbucko
Can I borrow a tissue? I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!
47 posted on 04/30/2003 11:35:22 AM PDT by Howlin (The most hated lair on FR)
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To: weave09
Literally, ROTLFMAO!

Bump

48 posted on 04/30/2003 11:37:11 AM PDT by UlmoLordOfWaters
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To: 1Mike; 3catsanadog; ~Kim4VRWC's~; JeanS; Luis Gonzalez; Ms. AntiFeminazi; A CA Guy; ...
Self-indulgent roll on the floor and die laughing article -- do NOT miss reading this! (HTML version in #23)
49 posted on 04/30/2003 11:37:57 AM PDT by Howlin (The most hated lair on FR)
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To: martin_fierro; rdb3
you see this yet??
50 posted on 04/30/2003 11:39:03 AM PDT by Michael Barnes
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