Skip to comments.Hilarious ebay description
Posted on 04/30/2003 10:36:06 AM PDT by weave09
This is a description of a car speakers listed on Ebay. Too funny. This is my first post so I apologize if errors are made. This guy has to be a freeper or freeper in the making.
You are bidding on a 600 Watt AMP + 2, twelve inch MTX subwoofers in an enclosed box. This system is pretty sweet, its got loud distinct bass, nothing to obscene, if you have an SUV or a truck this is perfect, it comes prewired already, just enough to feel your music, but not to irritate anyone else, or you can if you tweak it, or if your a loser who drives a Civic with a type R sticker, racing stripes, blasting really bad rap music through your suburban area with your pretentious "Im 21 but Im still in high school girlfriend" while driving with your hand up on the top of the steering wheel exposing your underdeveloped pasty white vitamin deficient arm and wearing your backwards BS upside down visor hat while feeling the tacky as a "Florida vacation" single diamond earring in your ear, If you are this person...with any luck the sun in its precise celestial positioning as you putter on by...will reflect its scorching rays into your earring, bouncing intensely in your rearview, and finally making contact with your eyes through the thin cheap lense of $5 gas station Oakley rip off glasses.. then burning your retnal cones into smoldering melting gobs of ocular material as you are blinded by the purest form of energy in our known universe, and as you scream no one can help or hear you because they dont know whats going on since the weed whacker sound of your shitty tiny little muffler which makes the Civic sound like a 747 rages on underneath making everyone turn at disgust and comment to thier husbands or wives how much of a dickweed you are by attaching that automotive abnormality to your stock economical daily driver engineered by Japanese Automotive specialists to fit the needs for entry level business workers in their early 30's, however your pathetic looking $11,000 car which you want to look like a friggin spaceship with redundant ground effects is now out of control since you are blinded, and as your car plunges off the side of a cliff while you scream in the purest form of terror while knowing you have lived a horrid excuse for a life, by doing the bare minimum in every facet of existence, while getting fired from one pathetic job to another, the majority of your time spent slacking smoking dope, getting kicked out of school, polishing your "game" on sweet innocent underage girls you eventually 'de flower' through exhaustive yet succesful attempts to get the date rapist drugs you have stashed in the glove compartment, into your poor victims drinks while offering them to take the "Pepsi Challenge" while making your mother hate you, and your poor father who wishes he had a daughter instead of your pathetic ass, since a girl would be more of a man than you ever were, like the occasion when you were hit in the arm by a wild pitch in little league, then you cried like a fat kid who dropped his ice cream cone, I'm already envisioning you impacting the rocks below, in a spectacular fireball ignited from the residue hairspray from your girlfriend plastered in the fabric passenger seat, blinded by your earring, deafened by the loud "Bling Blingin", and I will smile and roll around on the ground in orgasmic delight while you are consumed by flames whose intense heat and fury will liquefy your bone marrow that I will use to make jelly beans out of and eat them happily at your funeral as midgets dressed like Alex 6005321 from "A Clockwork Orange" dance around your coffin to loud industrial style techno music and strobe lights, and I will sleep soundly at night knowing another successful conquest of Darwinism has been attained. So...you can either use the system I'm selling like the fore- mentioned guy did, or you can buy it from this Cadet and use it properly and enjoy the compliments people will give you as you pass and let them listen to your outstanding taste in fine diverse music. Disclaimer: -No..Im not crazy...Following my 8 years of Military Service as a Naval Aviator, I plan to be a screenwriter. And no, you cant hire me...yet. I almost forgot, the RESERVE is UBER low, like dirt cheap. Shipping might be a bit expensive so if anyone is close to THE CITADEL, in Charleston South Carolina I can arrange a delivery, or you may pick it up. Thank you, if you have any questions please dont hesitate to ask. My profile and feedback is immaculate. Thank you. EMAIL...KIRSCHE@CITADEL.EDU if you need to get in contact with me for any reason. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Apr-23-03 at 09:46:37 PDT, seller added the following information: I forgot to mention, this item is about a year old, it was only used however for a limited period (3 months) I took it out of my Bronco, because I didnt need all the power, and it cut down on space. It hasnt been activated since then (last August) its in a box and in a climate controlled enviornment since then. Thank you very much. If you have any questions please let me know. SEMPER FI, and God Bless America.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Apr-24-03 at 18:15:47 PDT, seller added the following information: NOTE: Due to the overwhelming yet highly appreciated amounts Emails I have been getting allow me to broadly address some questions I've been getting...Im 21, Native New Yorker...Currently a Cadet training to become a US Military Officer, Influences: Mr Henry "THINK TANK" Rollins. Ludwig Von Beethoven, Voraciously reading every type of literary material I can get my hands on, and lifting massive amounts of weight to rid my self of weakness in a physical sense. Harsh, Direct, Unrelenting Truth, Republicanism, and Training to become an Officer for my country in the deepest sense of Patriotic fervor. My passion for all things great in this world is unrelenting; Life, Liberty, Family. The sacrifices our fore-fathers gave for the generations currently occupying this land enable us to continue on the path of Freedom, and our youth maintain that long line of Courage through selfless service to an idea of America which is as bright as the sun in the sky, in this darkened world. As far as the background story to this ad goes, it took me about as fast as I could type to write, and it was done with the greatest degree of fun, I cant believe the response Im getting from all of this, thank you all very much, God Bless you All.
He may consider taking a couple of written English courses first.
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