She Works, He Doesn’t (Men Who Play Mr. MOM)

NewsWeek. ^ | 5-05-2003 | Peg Tyre and Daniel McGinn

[longtermmemmory]

We used to call that a pimp. Instead of prostituting his wife's body for money, he prostitutes his wife's time for money.

[Go Gordon]

I am seeing more and more of this, where the man essentially "gives up" on being a breadwinner. Is this a result of the deballing of the American male, or are men getting downright lazy?

Two of my three kids are out of the house and on their own. The last one is a freshman in high school. While bringing up the kids over the last 25 years, I worked a tremendous amount of hours in a pressure packed profession where a wrong step could mean your career was over in an instant. During the early years, I used to average over 60 hours a week so the wife could stay home with the kids until there were in middle school.

What was once a career, has turned into a job that I do just to get a paycheck. Now, I feel pretty burned out. Would it be a bad thing if the wife took over the burden of being the leading bread winner for awhile so I could try something I enjoyed doing at reduced pay? I don't thing so. Does that make me "downright lazy" because I need a break? I don't think so.

Everyone's situation is different and if my son was done with school, I'd probably take a year or two off. Yes, I feel I'm entitled to do that after all the hard work and sacrifice that I've made over the years, and I don't think its being "downright lazy". Respectfully....GG

[LaineyDee]

The complexity of maintaining a household is pretty much equal to the jobs most of us hold.

Most men I know, expect women to do run a household...as well as hold a full-time job. What's with that? If you try to do both..... something suffers greatly......either home, work or family. I tried to be superwoman for 25yrs..... It's just not possible.

[HitmanLV]

I'm no scientist, but I do think that women who have to support their men look upon them as something less then men, and invariably leads to problems - sexual and otherwise.

[HitmanLV]

I have always felt that the compulsion to be a superwoman (or a superman for that matter) isn't healthy at all. I'm with you.

[Petronski]

If it is to be a single-breadwinner household, then the spouse who can earn the most should be the one who works.

If the woman's profession pays 50k and the man's only 35k, the family is better off with 50k.

[longtermmemmory]

I believe you are missing the point. The Mr. Mom's are being Mr. Mom first. You did the traditional and respectable supporting the family first. When you find a job you will take it. You have not chosen this. Contrary to the feminization efforts. The options for men have NOT changed. (nor should they) If you do not believe this, look at the courthouse divorce prceedings. Being a stay at home Mr. Mom will not get you the same status as being a stay at home Mrs. Mom. This issue is one of choice. Not having a choice and doing housework while looking for work is light years away from never having a job, intentionally to be a deballed Mr. Mom.

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

It would gall most husbands if their wife was making MORE money, some don't mind staying home and doing that job.

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

Naaaa he is only a gigalo if he is good in bed. So a woman being supported by her husband by websters definition is what, a verbally abused housewife that begs for a check and or money? Or a slut? Whore? Prostitute?

[longtermmemmory]

Your story is adapting. The feminists want Mr. Mom from the word go. No carreer for men, just stay at home.

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

With that amount of income there is maids and nannies, and one thing I have learned in life is money can't buy happiness. Rich, Moderate, Poor, there are always pains conflictions vices and devices to make unhappiness.

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

Exactly, but I would like to add, that men are more prone than women to verbally abuse with put downs when they are the bread winner. Women could care a crap less on who is bringing home the bacon, nor who fries it; as long as everything fits and is rolling along.

[Badger_MI]

I can relate to this. Except for the fact that I am a full-time grad student. My wife works full-time while I take care of our boys. 6 more months, assuming I find a job after I graduate, she can stay home and I'll be working.

I too can relate. After my job disappeared in Sept. 2001 I started back to graduate school to update my knowledge and make myself more marketable. At first I tried to work and go to school and took a job that paid half of what I made before. After a year we realized that it was costing more in gas and daycare to have me work than to have me be a full-time student and stay home to watch our 11 month old daughter. So now I will graduate in December with an MBA, God willing I will find a job and my wife can retire permanently. Though I must say it has been an extraordinary experience watching my daughter develop through her first year. Somehow I think these months that I have spent with her now will pay huge dividends in the form of a closer relationship in the future.

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

VERY true, working 32 hours, 3 teenagers and a hairy loud dog and grouchy retired early military husband that still has to work as well, has me exhausted.

[ContentiousObjector]

context is everything, if a couple decide to have children and feel there should be a parent at home. And the woman happens to have a higher income than her husband - if for no other reason it would make more sense for the husband to stay home

There is a big differance between a stay at home dad raising the kids and a gigilo

[longtermmemmory]

Legally speaking you CAN protect yourself. You can do finacial planning to protect assets to be outside of marriage. After you do that then you can adress the issue of a prenuptual agreement. If you really want to give you potential marriage a boost consider pre-marriage classes. This will at least give a fighting chance by discussing issues such as book keeping, whose career has priority, what would happen if he lost his job, bank accounts, financial disclosure (hint: financial dislosure good, secrets bad), frequency of sex.

You would be surprised how many marriages end quickly because he or she had private agendas that were not disclosed. There is such a complete lack of loving marriages as examples for people to emulate that disapointment is inevitable. I am not talking about perfect, I am talking about the normal everyday marriages where they have worked through the good the bad and the ugly.

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

In my home both of us work and it DOES always come down to me and my fault when the house looks like a tornado. WHY is that?

[longtermmemmory]

How about the one with the uterous is the one who gets to be the mother.

[longtermmemmory]

he did not choose to get cancer.

[longtermmemmory]

thats MISTER Tornado to you!