He's celibate until marriage, and dates won't tolerate it

Chicago Sun-Times ^ | June 15, 2003 | Mary Mitchell

[connectthedots]

I disagree. How heartbroken would you be to learn that the love of your life dumped YOU, because you couldn't perform due to cancer, MS, etc? How very sad. I would think that the love for your spouse would trump any sexual experience, and that you will love them while they suffered through a debilitating disease... and you should be able to ask the same of your spouse. This is a MARRIAGE, that is bound not only in legal terms but by the heart... otherwise why get married?

As a man, I agree, but there are many other ways to have sex than just intercourse, so in most cases, even illness or physical handicaps do not preclude a satisfying sex life.

[The Brush]

I'll bet there are allot of men who think like Eagle, it just isn't something that ever comes up

(Wait, that didn't sound right...)

[connectthedots]

I applaud men and women who can control themselves till they find the right person to marry and be intimate with. God's word says that when we marry we become one spirit.

Celibate until marriage and decent room service onm the honeymoon.

[laredo44]

If you can't be honest enough to stay faithful in a serious relationship, not including marriage, you can't be trusted period.

Which is why Honesty and not Fidelity would be at the top of my requirements list for marriage, or a serious relationship of any kind. Without trust, there is no relationship, and without honesty there is no trust.

My top five list for marriage would be:

1. Honesty.
2. Love
3. Respect
4. Compatibility
5. Attraction

Would you displace one of those with fidelity?

[hellinahandcart]

I never said the man was disturbed. I was going for "self-centered and indecisive". That's too common to qualify as a disorder.

But you're right. One of those "other possibilites" I've ignored so far is that he's only telling himself that the relationship ended for the reason he stated (it may have been for a reason that wouldn't make him a "victim"). Another possibility may be that the girl lost a little something in the translation from Real Ex-Girlfriend to Discussion Panel Topic.

Or, she may not exist at all.

Hey, anything's possible.

[laredo44]

A lot of guys are celibate

Not on purpose.

Wanna bet?

Depends on how you define "a lot" and what you propose for the bet. If by "a lot" you mean more than 10, then no. If you mean more than 10%, then yes, I'll make a genltleman's wager.

[laredo44]

For myself, fidelity wouldn't even rank in the top five requirements in my marriage.

So is marriage to you only signatures on a piece of paper?

I'm not sure how your question would follow from my statement. For the sake of argument, however, which would you consider more important. That your partner be faithful or that your partner not be a serial spousal killer?

[strela]

Count Me as one who has no problem with an intelligent woman thank you very much.

Noted (and appreciated). There's one!

[Mamzelle]

Actually, all unmarried men are celibate until they get married. But hardly any are *chaste*--most of them have the STD exposures of many women to bring to their bridal bedde.

What's the deal with the word, "chaste"? Why do we have to use celibate to mean what it does not?

[sauropod]

The first line, maybe. The 2nd line (what I said) comes from painful experience.

[sauropod]

She is a friggin' Democrat! That's not DECENT!!!

BTW, loved your line about the burglar! LOL!

[hellinahandcart]

a man and woman need to discuss the potential for a future marriage before six months. If the two have not discussed all aspects of their relationship in great depth by that time, they are not truly being honest with each other or themselves.

Exactly. WHAT is so unreasonable about that for two adults (especially in this case, when there was no SEX to distract from or delay the discussions they should have been having :D)? We're not talking about a couple of kids who don't even know themselves yet.

Waiting for marriage is one thing, waiting around for a person to know their own mind is quite another. People should be honest about what they want and don't want, before things have gone on long enough to create false expectations or hard feelings.

[sauropod]

ROFLMAO!

[sauropod]

I am in a fairly new relationship (less than a year old) and it is serious. I refuse to do a pre-nup. To me, if you do a pre-nup, then you won't trust the other person no matter what. Any future marriage would be doomed.

[RipSawyer]

"A hundred years ago most men would be nearing the end of their life expentency. (Well, I think it was 45)"


You are right except for one thing, you are referring to average life span which was short mainly due to infant death. My grandfather, born in 1879 lived until 1965 and he was not that exceptional. A man of 33 would have had reason to expect that he could marry and raise children to maturity before his death. Actually his expected life span would not have been that much shorter than it would be today.

[sauropod]

Whats with the Captializing of Your Pronouns?

[Hammerhead]

personally, I don't get why you have to have sex if you choose to be a celebrity.

[hellinahandcart]

I think he is just standing tall for his values of chastity and faithfulness!

How, by acting like a non-smoker who insists on sitting in the smoking section?

[RipSawyer]

"I would guess that it's under 10%, and that neither of you will bet against me."

"I understand that in cultures where parents arrange their offspring's marriage the divorce is even lower than that. Now what?"

"I also know that the divorce rate in my home is zero percent. Maybe everybody should emulate me! 8 ^ )"

I have three brothers, all are married and no divorces, I am on my second marriage and no divorces. One brother married at 22 to a woman who is considered by almost everyone who knows her to be the worst mistake my brother ever made. They have one child and are still married. One brother married at 28 to a woman he lived with for several years before marriage. One child, still married. One brother married at around 42 (can't recall exactly) to a woman he had lived with for twenty years already. No children, still married.
The point of all this is you cannot generalize about these things. I could point out others I have known who say they never had sex until the wedding night and the marriage didn't make it until the second night but that would prove nothing.
My own theory is that some people like my family simply don't know how to quit a commitment once it is made and others find it very easy to do so. I think that makes as much sense as most other theories.

[jimt]

I find some of your responses very surprising.

Mr. Washington cites his reasons for his celibacy very succinctly. And they're darn good ones.

Casual sex is empty sex. Instead of making me feel good, it often made me feel bad, once the adrenaline had settled down a bit.

On the other hand, sex with its accompanying closeness can make you believe you're in love with someone when you're not. If you viewed them dispassionately it would be obvious, but the haze thrown over the situation by the sexual activity obscures true feelings.

While Mr. Washington may be a creep on a power trip, it sounds more to me like he's a wise man. Besides the above (the most important), he's also protecting himself from unwanted paternity and STDs.

I can think of several times I wish I'd been as wise as he.