Skip to comments.Transcript: Howard Stern Reviews "The Matrix Reloaded" (And HATES It)
Posted on 07/07/2003 6:42:22 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
A caller asks Howard for his review:
Howard: Yea well we actually saw it last week and I didn't review it because the movie studio was nice enough to give us a private screening of it and uh so I held off my opinion. . .
I thought it was horrible!
Caller: Oh it was great, people loved it.
Howard: Yea it made the most money like, just a little bit less than Spiderman but . . .
Robin: Like a hundred thiryfive million or something. . . ?
Howard: Yea it made a huge amount of money and nobody was more excited about seeing the Matrix Reloaded than me. I went in there and the first half hour was brutally boring like...BRUTAL!! Then the effects, dont get me wrong, were stunning! But it was almost like one of those things when you go to Expo at the worlds fair...or Dis...
Robin: Yea like an exhibition. Im just showing you one stunt after another. This is what we can do with this material.
Howard: There was zero story and then at the end theres, Im not going to ruin it for anybody, but theres sort of a...a 2001 kind of speech like you know when HAL the computer...and there...and its just lots of talking...when theyre not fighting theyre just doing a lot of nonsense talk. Jaida Pinkett Smith I dont even know what she was doing in the film. I dont know who her character was. There was some guy who was...
Robin: There was no reason for it!
Howard: There was some guy who was angry with Lawrence Fishburne, you dont even know why.
Robin: And those uh...you know everybody kept making a big deal about the Twins... 'the Twins! the Twins! Wait till you see the Twins!!!'
Robin: Im like who are they?!?!
Howard: Yea and how come they have special powers?!?!
Robin: Yea why do they act that way?!?!
Howard: Yea I mean how did they get that?!
Artie: If someone says to me wait till you see the twins, you better be talking about chicks!
Howard: Right! Im surprised that people are saying they like it.
Robin: Thats what I said to you...
Fred: Emporers New Clothes!
Robin: I said to you on Friday, I said you know what? Itll be interesting to see...and I thought that this is what would happen. Most people would come out and say Oh it was brilliant! because I think they as Fred said think that theyre supposed to say it!
Howard: I was even like reading some of the reviews and a guy who gave it a three star review but then I read the review and he was kind of like well the story doesnt make much sense and its boring and uh then he gave it three stars cause I think hes afraid not to!
Fred: Hes gonna look foolish.
Robin: Cause thats exactly what I...I read every review, nothing was glowing and stellar it was like all well yea theres a long chase and this and that.
Howard: Marshall Fein really liked it. I said to him how could you...I dont even understand uh how you like it?! I dont even understand the movie! I mean...
Robin: Did he write you back and tell you what he liked about it?
Howard: Yea but you know (yells at caller who was interrupting him. . . .) the gay dude who calls in all the time from Premiere magazine?
Robin: Uh huh.
Howard: Brant? Who I like, he's a nice guy.
Robin: Did he like the Matrix?! (laughs)
Howard: Umm...wait he wrote me a note too, he hit it right on the head...cause I gotta read this to you...he hit it right on the friggin head! (looking for email from guy) All I know is Robin Radzinski fell asleep during it and I was jealous! I was like I wish I was sleeping!
Robin: It was funny because uh Toni Coburn, your hair dresser, came up to me the other day and she said "What did you think of that movie?" and I said I was you know majorly disappointed! She was like "Really?! My husband and I thoroughly enjoyed it!"
Howard: Yea well they're just happy to get out of the house!
Howard: Yea that's the only thing I can explain there!
Robin: You found Brantley?
Howard: Yea (reading email from Brantley): "If you're wondering why you haven't gotten my Matrix report yet, it' s because I hated it! The first half hour is Effing deadly dull! So much so that I actually took a quick nap and when I awoke a minute later there was a sort of an orgy scene that was going on that was also so dull that I took another nap! Inbetween the action sequences which are certainly wham! pow! zok! impressive, but I couldn't have cared less about them..."
Howard: "...because of these long, long, long, long, incredibly deadpan dialogue scenes rife with tedious Germanic philosophy that reminded me of the last two Star Wars films, in horror!" (snickers)
Howard: "Yes that dull! So there's my report."
Robin: He's right on the money!
Howard: Yea so uh that's from Brantley over at Premiere Magazine.
Artie: Well the action scenes are amazing in it but God when it's not an action scene or Keanu Reeves is talking it's like the theature fills with sleeping gas.
Howard: I know! It's awful!
Robin: Is he duller than he's ever been?!
Artie: Wow! And when he's saying stuff that doesn't make any sense, it's really bad!
Howard: Like don't you think the Matrix would've been cool like when they last left you on the first Matrix...
Artie: I loved it!
Howard: It was a great movie and this guy realizes he's The One, and then all of a sudden when you come back to this new one, he's The One and it's just sort of hohum...there are people offering things...bringing this kid...you know there's all of these throwaway things. . .
Robin: Well yea I said you know they had religious references and then there was a tribute to just about every action film we've seen in the last 20 years.
Howard: Yea I mean wouldn't it be cool to see him sort of develop being The One and start sort of coming to grips with it and people starting to worship him and him tellin 'em "look I dont know what's going on..."
Robin: But all of those people were still asleep how'd they all wake up? You know?!
Howard: I don't know
Robin: You (meaning the movie viewer) don't know anything! You don't know what it took to get people to come out of the Matrix...
Howard: That would've been more interesting right?
Howard: Yea I don't know, I started rewriting the movie. But wha'do I know?
Artie: Well all I know is the third one better wrap everything up beautifully otherwise this was a complete waste of...
Howard: Well if you sit through the credits...at the end they show you the trailer for the next Matrix. It looks like it's more of the same. Just a lot of guys beatin each other up.
Howard: But no real story. I don't know...that was just my opinion, I some people who said they really liked it.
Robin: Right it sounds like a lot of people over the weekend liked it but you know there wasn't enough of Agent Smith to me...I mean you know here was this great villian and you know he was reduced to being an also ran.
Howard: Yea! And they have some twins runnin around, they have powers....
Robin: You don't know why they have these powers...
Howard: They have powers, everyone's got powers...and you know some people do have powers...(and some people don't implied)...
Lawrence Fishburne looks like he ate a cow!
Robin: He ATE a Matrix!!!!
Howard: Yea I mean he got fat as a truck and then he's fighting and you're like I don't think this guy's going to be able to fight!
Artie: Yea I was gonna say at the end of the first movie was he on his way to a steak and shake?!
Howard: Yea I mean WOW! He swallowed an elephant!
Robin: (laughing) He could've sat on his enemies in this film and subdued them.
Howard: Wow, I mean the first half hour was as dull as it gets....
Another caller: (said when he went at 1pm and inbetween the action scenes there was an old guy snoring his ass off and as soon as the action came back on he woke up then he went right back to sleep)
Howard: That's the way I would ike to have watched it!
Robin: Yea wake up for the good parts!
Howard: I could've slept through most of it then I'd be alright!
His review of The Matrix Reloaded is ON THE MARK!!!
The big reason why a lot of people think it was a great movie is because it was incomprehensible. They figure that it was so complex and deeply philosophical that it is hard to understand. I know this is the case because a lot of "Matrix Reloaded" weenies are saying you have to see this dopey flick several times to get the real meaning of it. The reason why this movie is incomprehensible isn't because of its subtle complexity. It is because the script was IDIOTIC!!!
It is 9 short animated films by 9 different directors. Get it on DVD. It is quite good and will hold your interest better than "Reloaded".
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