Skip to comments.The Joys of Politically Incorrect Living.
Posted on 07/15/2003 5:59:31 AM PDT by gdogdaily
Call you a waitperson? I asked. What the hell was a waitperson? But that was what a girl told me to refer to her as after I called her a waitress. The year was 1991 and it was my first introduction to the totalitarian phenomenon known as political correctness or PC. I had been previously shielded from it, although my friends who graduated from Michigan or Michigan State were already well familiar with its iron requirements. I was lucky to have attended a Jesuit university which, back then, was devoid of a womyns studies program or a queer devotional center to instill the anti-virtues of PC. My friends informed me that I had to watch what I said or Id alienate everybody. I thought their opinions absurd.
A few weeks later another girl corrected me that she was not Oriental but Asian. Nowadays the use of Oriental looks very odd indeed, but back then there was, at least that I had heard, nothing wrong with using term. She told me that Oriental was what westerners called Asians but that Asian was what they called themselves. Thus, it was the preferred term. I asked her, rather innocently, but if you willingly move to a western country what right do you have to change the way that the natives talk? I was right but she stopped talking to me nonetheless. The words of Orwell are helpful in this context: Do you know that Newspeak is the only language in the world whose vocabulary gets smaller every year?
After these two events, I had a couple of choices. Either I would attempt to learn what I was supposed to say regarding our world or I would revolt against my illogical masters. In the ultra famous words of Robert Frost: I took the road less traveled by and that has made all the difference. From then on life has been one sandpaper coated sled ride after another, but I have found true happiness while marring their verbofascist toboggan runs.
Dating is the only area where I still have to play the language game. I often keep my mouth shut but, even then, I still sometimes manage to offend sometimes. On one occasion, I found myself being corrected by a slightly above average young thing as I drove to the United Center. She informed me not to say pussy anymore as it was offensive to women. I responded, quite accurately in fact, that there is no better term for my fellow drivers than the word pussy. She was not receptive to my explanation. I then illuminated that pussy really comes from the word pusillanimous and has nothing to do with a womans anatomy. She ignored me and I meekly refrained from using the word for the rest of the night (which was easy after the car was parked). Yet, my competitive and base urges were somewhat satisfied later as I escorted her back to the bedroom saying the politically insensitive, now let me take a look at those mega hooter-mcgooters. Luckily, by then she was no longer in the mood for editorial comment.
Its not easy being green or being a politically incorrect citizen, but the pleasures of shocking everyone are unending. My former university has now turned into the same type of chic leftist hippodrome as all the others. The Jesuits now seem to be storm troopers of hip post-modernism as opposed to being the defenders of western culture. They sent me a newsletter bragging about how they had brought Cornell West and Randall Robinson to our campus. They followed up this offense by calling and asking for money. I responded Well Im not a racist. The other end of the phone line was silent. Did you know that you guys paid Cornell West and Randall Robinson to speak at our campus? I asked the undergraduate telemarketer. Yes he answered. Okay, well Im glad I answered your question. No donations from me, I said and hung up the phone. He did not call me back but I was going to read two full chapters from David Horowitzs Uncivil Wars aloud if he did.
In graduate school, I witnessed a vehemently anti-male professor we had, a certain Dr. Jennifer Jackson-Klingon-Martinez-Mephisto-Brown (or something along those lines), spontaneously attack the only other man in the room because he had used gal in a sentence. The person she attacked was a former seminarian who happens to be one of the nicest guys on the planet. A classmate came up to me afterwards and said Im surprised she didnt do that to you.
I answered, Im not. I know all about those iguanas and intentionally try to say nothing at all to them during class. As opposed to me, the other man was pure of mind and thought that speaking without a PC filter was appropriate. I knew better. Without the filter there is reality and reality is PCs naturally occurring predator. For his offense, he ended up having to undergo a three hour brainwashing session with the good professor. I can tell you sincerely that spending three hours alone with Dr. Whatever-Whatever would have been only slightly preferable than watching The Bridges of Madison County in slow motion. In short, a fate worse than death.
There is only one thing for certain about the politically correct individual and that is they will be constantly and endlessly offended for the rest of their lives. It will never end. Under the draconian pressures of how they think the world should be, real life will disappoint them again and again. Thats why they hideout in universities so often: because it guarantees that they will never have to mix with the general population under any circumstances. The best tactic to take with them is have a little fun at their expense. They usually dont know too many people that will put as much work into offending them as I will so its quite enjoyable to set them up and watch them blow. Theres never any reason to feel bad about it though because these martinets are the ones trying to rewire your brain. F--- them.
I used to work with a poor womyns feminazi, meaning that she only knew the stuff about feminism they talked about in Oprah Magazine. One afternoon we all went to lunch at a site several miles from work. I knew that it was open season on her if she was foolish enough to say anything cross to me. Nature being what it is, she did. She corrected me when I said the word chick. I asked her why it was offensive? She said that women arent animals [!] I corrected her that they were and then gave a lecture. Afterwards, I told her that in the future Id be more sensitive and use the PC word box instead. She had a meltdown in the restaurant while I enjoyed my lunch. Then she did not speak to me for a semester so it was a win/win situation for me.
Other things that bring pleasure to ones days are using as much anti-PC talk as possible in simple conversation. I try to use the word man in every sentence if I can. Its (and Ill use one of their words here) empowering that such a simple and useful word manages to offend so many.
Along the lines of women, who are our de facto societal sacred cows, it is very easy to offend conversationally if you divide them into two groupings: those who are attractive and those who are not. You see, contemporary wisdom is that they all possess equal and transcendent value. Well, like most other PC notions, this is a complete lie. The attractive ones should be referred to by names like babus lorabus or exclamations like oh mommy! upon sighting them. Then, as if coolly describing the topographic features on a map, describe the unattractive ones as being wildebeests or troglodytes. This gets under the PC skin faster than blown shards of fiberglass.
Women and physical behavior are also an important area of an anti-PC gorilla war. It used to be, when I was not in complete revolt against the mandarins that structure our daily behavior, I resisted the temptation to turn around and salaciously examine attractive women as they passed by. Then I realized that leering is a magnificent political statement by itself. I now make certain to do it both as a way to please myself and also to alienate the social engineers that may be waddling down the other side of the street.
Why deprive oneself? One of the great joys of a mans existence is getting a chance to visually appreciate a womans derriere, particularly if her waist is about seven-tenths the size of her hips. Id say it was also a great joy of a lesbians existence but I think that we all know theyd say theyd rather gaze into a womyns soul. Sure, thats more fun, if you happen to be an eunuch.
The only bad side effect of incorrect living, is that, like a gunslinger in the old west, once one has a reputation for fighting the thought police others try to court your destruction whenever someone comes into a room speaking of being sensitive and promoting diversity. Upon hearing this, your friends and associates gaze your way in the hopes that youll say something about the plights of Caucasians in Zimbabwe or whether anyone in the US has actually ever watched a WNBA game. However powerful the desire to entertain is, I usually am successful in the forcible resistance of itat least at work.
Yet, one time last year, when there were no witnesses around, a new social worker came into my office to ask where Mr. B was. Mr. B runs a drug and alcohol group with me. I whispered to her, in a conspiratorial tone, that Mr. B was off doing top level research at the moment. After she promised not to tell anybody, I shared that he was actually down the street in the middle of a screaming bender in order to better understand the cravings and addictions of our students. I told her that I knew this to be a fact as he had just called and asked me to wire him 18 dollars and 22 cents (he said the 22 cents was needed to bribe a public official). He further said that I was not to mention anything about a girl named Rochelle or a chimpanzee named Hypotenuse should his wife call. I swore the social worker to secrecy about the matter and then heard the next day that she had told everyone about it. Ah, the distinct pleasures of the working life! Call Studs Terkel!
In summation, my advice is never to surrender to PC. Fight on into that good night, even if its lonely. Anythings better that having to call a stewardess a flight attendant. We should all follow my friend Seans example and call them trolley dollies instead.
There is no halfway in this struggle. Its good to recall Chapins Law here:
Those who dance with cultural Marxists end up dosed with Rohypnol and awaken sprawled out in a hotel lobby groping for their missing left kidneys.
If you give in just a little, in a few months time youll be listening Ani DeFranco, sporting a nose ring and saying things like I didnt know that many earthworms died during a storm, there ought to be a law! Eventually, youll awaken in a garden apartment surrounded by radical feminists who curiously stare while calling you gimp as the Pulp Fiction DVD drones on as background inspiration Dont let this be you! Join me in this crusade (make sure to use crusade in daily conversation toothe PC monsters will love that).
Well, maybe my advice is all for naught as youre not particularly worried about societal fascism but, as for me, whenever I hear the words political correctness Ill continue to reach for my pen. Then Ill launch air strikes at their dominance by writing words like mankind and Anno Domini upon old fashioned bleached paper.
|How about the new highway named for Clinton in his home stste of Arkansas? It's a little crooked, and has a long yellow streak down the center. Be careful if you drive on it, it's a little slick.
Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup, to honor one of the nation's most distingushed men". It consists primariy of a weenie in hot water.
|Your donations keep us laughing at liberals|
Yet, my competitive and base urges were somewhat satisfied later as I escorted her back to the bedroom saying the politically insensitive, now let me take a look at those mega hooter-mcgooters.
Well, I might have enjoyed this article, but these quotes define this man as not-proudly-anti-PC, but just plain old common-as-dirt-vulgar.
Taking a stand against PC doublespeak doesn't mean checking your manners at the door... even the bedroom door
There is few things in daily life that are more enjoyable that setting off a PC Nazi.
I did enjoy the article but you are right... No nonPC person who is civilized should speak like this around a chick when dating. And if the date goes bad, its also in very poor taste to speak like this just to annoy. There is a difference between a feather ruffler and a plain a-hole.
It always evolves into discussions as to whether it's proper for a man to hold a door open for a lady.
A monumental waste of time and money. I always brought paperwork to these little sensitivity soirees, and never looked up or said a word during them.
I was talking about using words like pu%%y in front of a lady and then persist through out a date. Its just ignorant. This guy might have issues finding a woman who likes that type of couth... Just my opinion...everything else I agree with in this article
Certainly admiring them is to be expected. To actually SAY to your date "let me get a look at those hooter-mcgooters" is a little much.
Oh, well, its probably a generational thing. In my day "pussy" was a word that was never used in front of a woman, and sex for a single man was enough of an event that you didn't want to foul your chances for a second helping by acting like an ass.
Ah, the memories.
No truer words spoken!! For sensitive passengers, the word "vacuum" looks remarkably like something entirely different to a driver in another car.
I am so glad I am not alone, although here in Amherst, MA (Berkeley East), I am a distinct minority.
OMG i am dying. this is HILARIOUS!!
I really get annoyed reading a book which uses "BCE" instead of "BC".
My favorite non-pc moment came during a Christmas dinner while the whole Clinton-Lewinsky thing was going down.I was constantly surrounded by man hating liberal feminazis at these gatherings who would always try and provoke me. Sure enough they got around to asking me if I agreed with the GOP on the Lewinsky scandal. Much to their shock, It told them I agreed with them. I said(Paraphrasing) "Actually, I happen to agree with you. I think every man's who is in a position of power has the absolute right to cheat on his pain in the ass wife with a young employee. Good for him-I'm glad he used her as a play thing. I just wished he took that slut to some cheap motel where she belonged instead of the oval office, but maybe he was too busy. Just goes to show you that no matter how many laws you pass it's still a man's world."
Man, you could have heard a pin drop. Boy were they pissed. My mother's pot roast never tasted better.
No. I did'nt really approve of what that degenerate Clinton.
What joke? This is the name on my birth certificate. Are you making fun of my Indian/Polish heritage?
David Kendall? Is that you?
Seriously, you buy this argument?
I've got a guy up at work that about had a complete meltdown when I suggested that if he wanted to take care of the environment, he should go buy a plot of land HMISELF and plant trees.
Ever since then I posted the "Earth FIRST! , we'll stripmine the other planets later" bumpsticker in my cube.
So much for anonymity...
Mommy, are you kidding me? Oh well, my hair is getting grayer, and I'm notoriously unhip anyway.
I'll have to start working "pussy" into my daily vocabulary at mixed meetings.
And it's part of my job description to do just that. with relish and glee.
Try that in a dating forum and you might get very lucky.
Its never been an ok word to use in a public forum no matter what the definition this guy argues with.
Its just a lazy out so he can use the word to irritate when he should know it irritates more than just PC Nazis. Sure, use it on the basketball court with his pals or on a camping trip, but would you on a first date or a funeral?
Off topic: doesn't Weiner have the most perfect name, considering his personality?