Posted on 07/20/2003 5:51:29 PM PDT by The Brush
Dear Iraqi People,
Please understand that we feel your pain.
We felt your pain for the children.
That is why when we had a Democratic President in office, we just fired cruise missiles into your neighborhoods instead of making the tough decision to free you from tyranny.
Our President, William Jefferson Blythe Clinton, understood your situation and he wants you to know that he tried his best to think about you while receiving oral sex over a fresh pizza. Afterall, he was a multi-tasker and directed troop movements over the telephone when getting a Presidential blowjob.
Now our party, the Democrats, insist that you have been the recipients of ill gotten freedom since we didn't think of going to war first. You see, your liberator is a moron and he deceived us by telling us the truth.
We cannot handle the truth.
We think everyone lies because we do.
We know there were scores and scores of mass graves from torture and mass executions in Iraq during the time that Bill Clinton was President.
Did we mention we are against torture and capital punishment?
Our President Bill Clinton was so concerned about the Weapons of Mass Destruction that in 1998 he launched cruise missile after cruise missile into your homeland. He stated repeatedly that he knew that your government had WMD's.
Did we mention that we now know that your country didn't have any WMD's despite 12 years of UN resolutions noting to the contrary?
Our change in our policy was done strickly for the children.
We've remained consistently a party which thinks about you every day. When Bill Clinton was President we supported numerous occasions where we invaded countries that never had any hope of threatening us.
We did it for the children.
We went into Haiti to install our form of democracy. The kind that forces the rich to pay for the lazy. The kind that plays race and class warfare in place of cooperation and civility.
We went into Kosovo over genocide that wasn't even invented by Albert Gore, jr. Bill Clinton invented it all by himself and had the balls to order bombings from several miles up. He took out a Chinese embassy, a Yugo plant, and 80 percent of Slobo's trash bag military.
We did it for the children.
Yet, we ran out of time. We had all those pardons to administer in our last day so you'll pardon us for allowing you to fester in tyranny all the while longer.
We did it for the children.
And now when you have tasted freedom for the first time in decades, you'll have to excuse us for being petty, lying, rat bastards who see our chances on being a significant second party escaping from our grasp. We've got to do anything to make ourselves look good.
We'd burn the flag if it would help the children.
And so while you look around you and see American soldiers who would give their lives in the name of liberty, remember that none of us would do the same. You see, your lazy asses don't vote and we have no need to solve tyranny when it doesn't affect our plantation of blacks and hispanics who we've conned into thinking we care.
But we do care about the children.
Signed,
Terrance "Global Crossing Profiteer" McDaddy DNC Chairman and recipient of the 2003 Dumbass Award
I used to park at a shopping center with signs all over saying, "Parking for non-customers is strickly forbiden."
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