Marriage to somethinglike this might inspire us all
to switch our franchise...
Posted on 07/26/2003 2:45:21 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
.....But he is homosexual.
Huh? Could someone explain that?
Nothing makes Mike madder than this idea that he was a spoiled, pampered empty suit.
Mikey makes a vehement assertion but a few lines later...
By now, Mike was in his late twenties, and he soon discovered that his heart wasn't really in banking. Roy had never invited him to join the family business, Huffco, and that was okay, because Mike didn't care for oil, either. He was totally uninterested. The only thing he liked about the oil business was the movie Giant, with Elizabeth Taylor and James Dean.
Sorry Mikey but it does sound like you are a spoiled, pampered empty suit.
During these years, he had a handful of one-night stands and one on-again, off-again relationship that lasted for about a year. He thought he might be in love with this man and kept a small picture of him hidden in his apartment. Yet each time he had sex with a man, he became guilt-ridden and depressed. He thought that he was straight, and all this sex with men was confusing to him.
And your absurd claim to be straight is confusing as hell to me.
Mike now thought he could eliminate his attraction to men through prayer. He felt that God had wiped everything clean.
Once you go gay (or in Mikey's case, "homosexual" only), you're gay. No amount of prayer will change that. I know some of you out there violently disagree with that statement but read on....
...But one thing that interested him about these parties was that sometimes they were opportunities to meet gay men. The fleeting thoughts about sex with men were more persistent now. He resurrected the old technique from his bachelor days in Houston. He would get telephone numbers from some of these men.
So much for prayer. But the fact is when you're gay, you're gay and it isn't surprising that Huffington relapsed.
At age thirty-three, Mike Huffington made a resolution: I am straight. I will get married. I will have children. I will never sleep with another man again.
Or so he claimed before his relapse posted above.
God struck a chord, for Mike was then in the process of becoming an Episcopalian. He wanted the rituals, the choirs, communion, and confession....
.....He wanted MEN!
Arianna's previous boyfriend had been Mort Zuckerman, and he liked champagne and caviar. Mike told Arianna he wasn't like More Zuckerman. He liked Coke and pizza. Arianna and Mike spend the next weekend together. Arianna ordered pizza, and Mike began to think something special was going on.
SHEESH! Talk about being shallowly PATHETIC! He gets impressed because Arianna tried to impress him by eating pizza?
Now was the time for Mike to tell Arianna about his sexual past. He had never breathed a word of it to anyone and had no idea what to expect. He assumed that it might spell the end of the relationship, but Arianna told him it made her love him even more.
STOP THE MUSIC!!! Didn't Arianna once claim that she didn't know that her ex-hubby was gay while they were married? If so, this exposes her lie.
The couple honeymooned in .. in .. Michael Huffington can't seem to remember.
Must have been an exciting honeymoon....NOT!
Things didn't improve in Washington, where the couple settled. Through his connection to George Bush, Mike had gotten appointed as an arms-control negotiator at the Pentagon. But he was distracted in the job, couldn't focus. He remembers virtually nothing of his year there, except for the time that he tried to get a gay employee a security clearance.
Mikey sounds more and more pathetic as we progress into more of his pathetic life.
Soon enough, Mike realized that he wasn't a politician, and he wasn't much of a legislator, either. He found the minutiae of crafting laws boring. He found the desperate, ambitious, nose-to-the-grindstone culture of Washington to be as suffocating as Houston had been. He wanted to withdraw, retreat, escape.
And Mikey now wants to be governor of California?...Why?
He acted strangely. He began to hug his staff members, sometimes cornering them. One young man quit from all the hugs.
I can definitely see why. A homo (NOT gay) congressman wants to hug you a lot and no wonder you're uncomfortable.
But most of all, he was mad at Arianna.
Mikey seems to have a lot of pent-up anti-Arianna rage.
Mike thought Arianna was behind the persistent rumors in political and media circles that he was gay.
Yeah, Mikey was enraged by this since, as he said, he is homosexual, NOT gay.
Arianna had always talked too much for her own good, and there was nothing she hadn't told her close friend John-Roger, the guru who believed he was Jesus Christ.
Anybody else out there have friends who think they are Jesus Christ? I don't but I was wondering how you hang out with somebody who thinks they are Jesus. Maybe we should ask Arianna.
Mike was sure the bastard had spread the gay stories.
Again Mikey is mad because he is homosexual, NOT gay, dammit!
Mike spent his time taking the girls to school and picking them up and changing light bulbs in the Wesley Heights mansion. Arianna threw parties.
I feel there is a funny light bulb joke in there somewhere: How many Michael Huffingtons does it take to change a light bulb?
Norman Mailer showed up and predicted that Mike would be president.
So what kinds of drugs is Norman Mailer taking recently?
But one thing that interested him about these parties was that sometimes they were opportunities to meet gay men.
Somehow I think this is connected to the Michael Huffington screwing the light bulb joke.
He wasn't hitting on them, exactly, and he never had sex with them. He would remain faithful to Arianna.
Somehow he sounds like an alcoholic that lifts a drink to his lips but does not actually drink it.
As he had done in his conversations with his gay friend at Harvard twenty-five years before, he was trying to imagine what gay life was like, trying to find himself by knowing these men. He would talk awkwardly about what it takes to unlock your soul. When did you first know you were gay? How did you come out? What was the reaction? Whom do you date? How do you meet? What do you do in bed?
Uh, Mikey? Have you ever considered renting a video?
About that time, Arianna called Mike's mother, his sister, and his priest and told them that Mike was gay.
Such a saint Arianna was for outing Mikey without his permission.
Unintentionally, Arianna had forced Mike out.
When you tell the members of your hubby's family that he is gay...that is NOT unintentional.
He's taken out some men on what he likes to think are dates, without telling them of his intentions. He's managed to have sex a couple of times.
More likely a couple of HUNDRED times.
Michael Huffington wants you to know that he's happy now. Really, really happy. He's become Greek Orthodox.
Why? So he can date George Stephanapoulos without Georgie's family raising religious objections?
He's selling his film production company. Not really cut out for it.
It sounds like Mikey isn't really cut out for much of anything.
Marriage to something Or did you miss that name?
I didn't miss his name but if there was anything in the article that Mikey thought was inaccucurate, we would have heard from him. After this article was published there were NO objections from Mikey.
Peace!
Flaming but not flamboyant? Swishing but not swishy?
All the proof you need that Brock is gay: He thinks Zsa Zsa Junior is a "beauty".
No, sort of like "I didn't inhale" :-)
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