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Comic's CD turns laughs on telemarketers
Post and Courier Charleston ^ | August 12, 2003

Posted on 08/16/2003 1:32:20 PM PDT by gitmo

The federal government's do-not-call list has saved millions of Americans from pesky telemarketers, but Tom Mabe had to take it one step further.

The comedian and jingle-writer goes on the offensive on "A Wake-Up Call for Telemarketers," his CD being released today. Last year, Mabe traveled to Washington, D.C., for a telemarketers convention and stayed at their hotel. He waited until the wee hours of the morning -- and started dialing.

Telemarketer: "Hello. Hello."

Mabe: "Hi, this is Tom Mabe. I'm calling on behalf of the Telemarketers With Insomnia Foundation. How are you doing this evening sir?"

Telemarketer: "Excuse me?"

Mabe: "This is Tom Mabe. I'm calling with the Telemarketers With Insomnia Foundation. We call you at this hour only so you can better understand what these poor telemarketers with insomnia go through."

Telemarketer: "You're an idiot."

Mabe: "Sir with your help, we can help some of these telemarketers get some rest."

Telemarketer: "You're an absolute idiot."

Mabe: "I don't appreciate you calling me an idiot."

Telemarketer: "Well I don't appreciate being called at this hour. You're an idiot."

Mabe manages to ask the increasingly agitated victim for his credit card number before the phone slams down.

While Mabe, 36, was commuting from his Louisville, Ky., home to Nashville, Tenn., to write jingles and television theme songs, he said most of his inspiration struck at night, leaving him to sleep during the day.

When the phone rang, almost every call was from a telemarketer.

"They wouldn't take no for an answer," Mabe said. "I tried to be nice but nothing worked."

Eventually, Mabe started luring telemarketers into embarrassing and awkward situations with his quick tongue, which provided the material for his first two comedy CDs.

He revisits the gag on his new disc. Mabe asks one caller to wait a moment while he sees who is at the door. Listeners then hear Christmas carolers, followed by a series of shotgun blasts and murderous shrieks.

Mabe then asks the confused telemarketer -- who was selling a service that pays your credit card bill if you are incapacitated -- if the system works for people in prison.

"Telemarketers tell you that they are just doing their job, but some of them will rip you off," he said. Anyway, "telemarketers hate telemarketers."


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: comedy; harass; telemarketing; vengence


How sweet it is!
1 posted on 08/16/2003 1:32:21 PM PDT by gitmo
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To: gitmo
I heard an interview with him. He said that during the telemarketer convention, he looked out his hotel room window in the middle of the night and saw a video store that the cops were searching because the burglar alarm had gone off. He looked the store's phone number up in the phone book and called it. When a cop picked up, he said, "Dude! Get out now, there's cops all over the place!" Funny stuff.
2 posted on 08/16/2003 1:41:36 PM PDT by John Jorsett
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To: gitmo
I'm ordering one today

The shotgunning of the carolers is priceless.

So9

3 posted on 08/16/2003 1:43:01 PM PDT by Servant of the Nine (A Goldwater Republican)
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To: John Jorsett
LOL
4 posted on 08/16/2003 1:46:20 PM PDT by gitmo (Moderation in all things? Isn't that a little extreme?)
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To: mhking
Ping!
5 posted on 08/16/2003 1:47:22 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (But it's pronounced "Throatwarbler-Mangrove.")
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To: John Jorsett
I led on a telemarketer who was selling me home siding. I got more and more excited on the phone. I asked every imagineable question about his product. Eventually, the guy asked me what kind of house I owned. I paused, and said "What do you mean?" I explained that I lived in an apartment building.

He hung up on me.
6 posted on 08/16/2003 1:48:56 PM PDT by gitmo (Moderation in all things? Isn't that a little extreme?)
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To: John Jorsett
I love your profile page!
7 posted on 08/16/2003 1:50:54 PM PDT by gitmo (Moderation in all things? Isn't that a little extreme?)
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To: gitmo
I love your profile page!

Thanks. I don't know what I'll do once our governor is gone; he's been such an inspiration to my muse.

8 posted on 08/16/2003 1:54:19 PM PDT by John Jorsett
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--How can you tell if someone's a FReeper?

--When the telemarketer asks what home security system you have, you answer, "I use the (insert firearm manufacturer's name here)system to protect my home."

9 posted on 08/16/2003 1:58:46 PM PDT by RandallFlagg ("There are worse things than crucifixion...There are teeth.")
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To: gitmo
If you ever get a chance, listen to the one where a telemarketer selling funeral plots calls him and Mabe tell the telemarketer that he was thinking about commiting suicide and that he viewed the call as a sign from God to go ahead and do it.

From there on, the poor telemarketer goes back-pedalling trying to talk him out of it.

10 posted on 08/16/2003 1:59:45 PM PDT by capt. norm (How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...)
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To: John Jorsett
California is rich comedy territory! PETA, BS, ... the list goes on.
11 posted on 08/16/2003 2:04:05 PM PDT by gitmo (Moderation in all things? Isn't that a little extreme?)
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To: gitmo
I did something similar once. A telemarketer called and asked for Mrs Salman. There is no Mrs Salman. I put the phone down without hanging up and put on my best Arab accent. Then I started shouting "Who is this MAN who keeps calling you?" repeating it louder each time. Then I made slapping sounds accompanied by high pitched screams.

When I picked up the phone again there was no one there.

12 posted on 08/16/2003 2:04:20 PM PDT by Salman (Mickey Akbar)
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To: gitmo
Another fellow from Texas does the same sort of thing. He got a carpet cleaning service sales rep going, asking whether their process would remove blood. "Oh, yes sir."
--Can you take it off the walls and ceilings too?

More questions/answers followed. Soon the sales rep was convinced he was talking to a mass murderer.

He did it again with a funeral home asking whether he could get a cheap funeral for his grandma. The reply was $1200. He pressed the rep to give him installments, $100 per month or such. No deal. He then told the rep they would just have to keep her in the freezer like they had for the past 10 days until they found a funeral home that would take payments on the installment plan.
13 posted on 08/16/2003 2:14:49 PM PDT by DeFault User
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To: gitmo; Pete-R-Bilt
Tom Mabe takes the carpet cleaner call...
14 posted on 08/16/2003 2:23:37 PM PDT by glock rocks (dog?? the dog IS my food storage)
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To: RandallFlagg
LOL! My mom really did that once but she is just a lurker!!
15 posted on 08/16/2003 2:41:27 PM PDT by 4mycountry (One voice, connecting with others like a water droplet on a lake. It cannot be missed.)
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To: gitmo
Looking over the other posts and ltip.
16 posted on 08/16/2003 2:49:39 PM PDT by Dutchgirl (Another Friendly Floridian.)
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To: WKB
This is right up your alley.
17 posted on 08/16/2003 2:56:17 PM PDT by dixiechick2000 (Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other ---"I'll man the guns, You drive")
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To: gitmo
If I ever got one of those calls, I think I'd try to sell HIM something.
18 posted on 08/16/2003 2:59:02 PM PDT by Sofa King (-I am Sofa King- tired of liberal BS! http://www.angelfire.com/art2/sofaking/)
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To: gitmo
My father had a telamarketer tell him that he had won a prize. My father said, "Thank you," and hung up. The flustered telemarker called back to say, "Sir, I'm not finished yet!"
19 posted on 08/16/2003 2:59:18 PM PDT by redheadtoo (Dad has yet to receive his "prize.")
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To: gitmo
When telemarkers became a problem, hubby would frequently insist on answering the phone wherever we were.

I remember two of his best: one simple one where he answered the phone "Hello, (your region here) Police barracks, may I help you" - which usually left them sputtering and apologizing - and the "House of Sex, what would you like, big boy..." which also left them sputtering and apologizing.

20 posted on 08/16/2003 3:16:19 PM PDT by cake_crumb (UN Resolutions = Very Expensive, Very SCRATCHY Toilet Paper)
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To: redheadtoo
I had one call me about waterproofing my basement. I let him go on with the whole speach before informing him that I lived in Florida.....seven feet above SEA LEVEL! Sadly, he was deeply dissapointed.
21 posted on 08/16/2003 3:18:00 PM PDT by Normal4me
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To: RandallFlagg
Then there's the classic answer for people who call to sell newspaper subscriptions to some rag you hate:

"When I want to read what your rag has to say, I send my dog steal my neighbor's paper."

22 posted on 08/16/2003 3:21:18 PM PDT by cake_crumb (UN Resolutions = Very Expensive, Very SCRATCHY Toilet Paper)
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To: All
Check out this page: How to Have Fun with a Telemarketer.
23 posted on 08/16/2003 3:22:24 PM PDT by TrappedInLiberalHell (Pete Rose, but then he fell)
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To: Normal4me
One called my sister-in-law one morning when she was really sick - hubby and I had spent the night there because we were worried about her - she insisted on answering the phone.

She said: "We don't need any, we $hit in a bucket!" and slammed the phone down.

You can guess what they were selling.

24 posted on 08/16/2003 3:24:36 PM PDT by cake_crumb (UN Resolutions = Very Expensive, Very SCRATCHY Toilet Paper)
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To: Temple Owl
Temple Owl knows how to handle telemarketers
25 posted on 08/16/2003 3:32:50 PM PDT by Tribune7
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To: gitmo
Had one call one evening - young woman by the sound of her voice - I let her go on and on about the product. She stopped and asked "Well, sir, what do you think?"

I answered "I'm completely naked - what are you wearing?"

It was silent for about five seconds, and then she hung up.
26 posted on 08/16/2003 4:08:54 PM PDT by Tennessee_Bob (LORD, WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?)
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To: Tennessee_Bob
I need to make a list of the best ones on this thread and post it by the phone.

I usually just try and play the idiot, with something like, "What!! You're sending my your credit card!! Wow! You don't even know me!"
27 posted on 08/16/2003 4:30:27 PM PDT by watchin
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To: watchin
"my" should be "me"
28 posted on 08/16/2003 4:31:34 PM PDT by watchin
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To: watchin
In the past, we have said: "Huh"..."pardon me"..."Wuttt" and VERY, VERY LOUD...with grunts in between...they eventually hang up! Now we just hang up IF we get any at all which is RARE for sure.
29 posted on 08/16/2003 4:36:50 PM PDT by cubreporter
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To: gitmo
Before the "do not call" list, I seemed to have found the solution. When called by a telemarketer who asked if Mrs. So-and-so was home, I would pause for about ten seconds and then reply, "She passed away last week." The caller would stumble and apologize. And it would be months before another telemarketer, from ANY company, called again.

I'm convinced that my name or her name was manually struck from a master list of "callees". And we were no longer bothered ... at least until the next computer-generated list came out.
30 posted on 08/16/2003 4:46:57 PM PDT by AngrySpud
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To: cake_crumb
Sometimes when I get a call from an unidentified number, I'll answer "Telephone.". Most people go "Uh Uh Uh" and hang up. Somehow that response just baffles them.
31 posted on 08/16/2003 4:55:08 PM PDT by gitmo (Moderation in all things? Isn't that a little extreme?)
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To: dixiechick2000
This is right up your alley.

You can get me this for my birthday next month
Thanks
32 posted on 08/16/2003 5:12:07 PM PDT by WKB (3!~ ( You can hear it anywhere but only here can you tell the world what you think about it))
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To: Tribune7
I feel sortry for some of the telemarketers. They are only trying to make a legal buck.
33 posted on 08/16/2003 6:45:05 PM PDT by Temple Owl
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To: Temple Owl
George Miller wouldn't feel sorry. If he were still alive, that is.
34 posted on 08/16/2003 6:48:40 PM PDT by Tribune7
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To: Tribune7
But George miller is dead and the schocked telemarketer was invited to the funeral.
35 posted on 08/16/2003 6:51:22 PM PDT by Temple Owl
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To: Temple Owl
Oh, tell the story.
36 posted on 08/16/2003 6:53:50 PM PDT by Tribune7
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To: gitmo
Orders for this CD can be placed through Tom Mabe's website (no I don't work for him or anyone in his family ;-):

TomMabe.com

37 posted on 08/16/2003 7:36:20 PM PDT by NotJustAnotherPrettyFace
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To: cake_crumb
Some telepest tried to sell me a subscription to the New York Times. I told him that I was kind of busy lately, but as soon as I had the free time for historical fiction I'd get back to him.
38 posted on 08/19/2003 9:49:44 AM PDT by steve-b
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