BLOND ATHLETES SUE SCHOOL OVER MASCOT ("Those white boys are way whack!")

On The Fritz ^ | 8/21/03 | Fritz J. Liess

[South40]

Viking image offensive say minority students

LOS CERDOS, CA — Two blond athletes who attend Los Cerdos High School in Los Cerdos, California have filed a lawsuit against the Los Cerdos Union High School District alleging that their school’s mascot is offensive and demeaning to their race and culture.

Since the school opened in 1962, the Los Cerdos Viking has been the official school mascot. Several different graphic images have been used to represent the Viking character over the years. The current Viking depicted over the entrance to the school gymnasium, on yearbooks, lettermen’s jackets and other official school items is a cartoon representation of a snarling, shirtless man with long blond hair, wielding a bloody axe and wearing a horned Viking helmet.

Josh Kuhn, one of the plaintiffs in the lawsuit, is captain of the Los Cerdos football team. According to Kuhn, he has complained about the Viking mascot for over a year but his objections have been generally ignored by the Los Cerdos Administration and the School Board.

“I really didn’t want to sue anybody, but they weren’t taking us seriously,” said Kuhn, speaking from the office of his attorney, Dewey Skruem. “I mean, just look at that Viking picture. It looks like he just chopped someone’s head off with that axe! I find it offensive and demeaning to my Teutonic ancestors. Plus, having to wear a picture of the Viking on my jacket makes me look like a cracker racist or something. I also got sick and tired of always being asked to put on that stupid Viking helmet at all of the pep rallies! How come they never ask any of the black or Hispanic students to wear it, huh? It’s racial discrimination, that’s why!”

“This is a classic case of racial discrimination,” said attorney Skruem. “Los Cerdos High currently has a student population that is 74% Latino, 4% African American, 4% Asian and only 15% Caucasian. The white students are singled out for pranks, humiliation and taunting, simply because the school mascot demeans their race and culture!”

“Yeah, man, like every time I take a shower in the locker room, somebody always points at my blond pubes and shouts ‘look at the Viking short sword’ and stupid stuff like that. I’m really sick of it,” said Ryan Bucholtz, the other student bringing action against the school. “Even Coach Hernandez pointed at the mascot once and said it looked like me. I was humiliated and my self-esteem was very damaged, or at least that’s what the doctor Mr. Skruem sent me to said.”

“This lawsuit is absolutely ridiculous and without foundation!” exclaimed Los Cerdos Principal Willie Jefferson. “When this school opened in 1962, the city of Los Cerdos was overwhelmingly WHITE! The white founders of the town came up with the Viking mascot to begin with! They were proud of it! In fact, I think they thought of the Viking as a ‘white power’ symbol and intentionally used it to intimidate minorities! So, how come all of a sudden it’s an offensive image for these white folks? What about the Minnesota Vikings? I don’t hear anyone yelling to change the name of THAT football team!”

“Actually, my clients DO find the Minnesota Viking mascot to be outrageously offensive,” responded attorney Skruem. “In fact, I have several of my colleagues currently researching the possibility of legal action against the professional football team, the National Football League and former Viking quarterback Fran Tarkington.”

Most Los Cerdos students we interviewed were unaware of the lawsuit. “What the f**k?” said Los Cerdos junior Jose Chavez. “Those white boys are way whack! Damn, they can’t even take a little joke. Besides, Bucholtz DOES look just like the Viking! He does! What a fag, man!”

“I dig on that Viking dude! He’s totally badass!” said Los Cerdos soccer player Pablo Cruz. “Like, what are they going to call the team instead? The Los Cerdos Pigskins? That’s dumb! And what about the ‘Viking Chop’ that we do at all the games?” Cruz was referring to a sweeping arm motion performed by the crowds attending most Los Cerdos home games.

“The ‘Viking Chop’ is insulting and suggests that my client’s ancestors were nothing more than blood-thirsty killers!” said Skruem. “How long must my clients endure these hurtful stereotypes?”

“At the risk of sounding un-P.C.,” responded Principal Jefferson. “History pretty much shows that the Vikings WERE blood-thirsty killers. They pillaged. They raped. Tell me that isn’t absolutely, one hundred percent, completely accurate. For chrissakes, they were VIKINGS! They were the scourge of Europe for CENTURIES!”

“I think Mr. Jefferson’s comments speak for themselves,” responded Skruem. “What else would you expect from an insensitive racist? I guess we’ll just have to see what the jury thinks—hopefully an all-white jury, if we succeed with our venue change request.”

“I don’t know why they can’t just change the mascot to something less offensive,” commented Marjorie Bucholtz, mother of plaintiff Ryan Bucholtz. “Why not a nice indian brave instead? Everybody likes indians!”

[Hodar]

I just HATE it when people mock my 6-pack and burly arms... who do I sue?

[Arkie2]

Mascot should be a sqirrel. Fitting I say. What a bunch of morons, although I suspect they's jus' good ole boys havin' a little fun.

[ladtx]

Maybe they should be the "Fighting Muck Rakers".

[netmilsmom]

I had to read it twice before I got the lawyer's name.
Too funny.

[Snardius]

"his attorney, Dewey Skruem."

Had me going right up until here...

[Cyber Liberty]

Hah. ha! You almost got me on that one....

[FroedrickVonFreepenstein]

...of Dewey, Skruem and Howe

[buffyt]

I LIKE Vikings. I don't know why, I just do. And I am a strawberry blonde who is part Brit, Scott, Irish, German, Dutch, French UGH GAG SPIT, Cherokee, and black. NOTHING offends ME! I am a civil war raging inside me! LOL I had to fill out a form the other day that asked for RACE! I put HUMAN!

[Cyber Liberty]

Yes, the full name of the law firm is "Dewey, Skruem & Howe".

[South40]

Maybe they'd be happier with this as their mascot.

[mtbopfuyn]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This is the best hee-haw I've had in a while. Pay back is great!

[headsonpikes]

Attorney Scruem....of the firm Dewey, Scruem & Howe.

[Liberal Classic]

[steve in DC]

You just have to admire perfection when you see it.

This is a perfectly absurd case, just as absurd as any of the hundreds of others around the country where some Native-American or African-American or some other ______-American group has sued to get a mascot changed.

I think they are all stupid, but since this one is a couple of white kids with blond hair, it can serve as the absolute textbook illustration about just how stupid all of these "I'm feeling bitchy" lawsuits really are.

There is a beautiful symmatry about the whole thing.

[1Old Pro]

California, what can I say.

[ArrogantBustard]

Los Cerdos are the pigs. En Espagnol...

[Liberal Classic]

I thought it was Dewey Cheatham & Howe, but maybe Mr. Cheatham got sacked.

[N3WBI3]

“I really didn’t want to sue anybody, but they weren’t taking us seriously,”

Morons seldom are, you mental midgits are going to give more traction to the idiots who are suing the Cheifs, and Braves..

[Mad Dawgg]

"Maybe they should be the "Fighting Muck Rakers"."

Man, I so wanted a Fighting Whities" T-shirt. Maybe I won't miss out on this one!

[South40]

I like Vikings too! I was one in high school.

Vikings

[1Old Pro]

It's supposed to be.....The Law Firm of Dewey Skruem & Howe

[Allegra]

This is hilarious.

Maybe the new mascot should be a wet Mexican guy with six kids and extended family in tow.

[finnman69]

Maybe they would perfer this.

[Snardius]

I thought it was Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe

[PurVirgo]

My H.S. mascot was the Trojans

Mt senior year, at a pep rally, the school mascot found an oversized condom costume

We were falling out of our seats laughing so hard.

hehe, that prank cost him a week of suspension

[ZinGirl]

*WHEW*....these blond pings are getting exhausting....(I think I'll sue.)

[Liberal Classic]

I bet it was worth it!

[Hatteras]

"I think they are all stupid, but since this one is a couple of white kids with blond hair, it can serve as the absolute textbook illustration about just how stupid all of these "I'm feeling bitchy" lawsuits really are."

You do realize that this is not a real.... ah, never mind.

[ActionNewsBill]

Man, you had me going ther for a second....I thought this was series.

[Eala]

Los Cerdos are the pigs. En Espagnol...

I was just wondering about that. A Google search seemed there was no such place as "Los Cerdos" -- but it brought up a lot of pigs...

[South40]

Maybe the new mascot should be a wet Mexican guy with six kids and extended family in tow.

Your post reminded me of this. It is a common sight on San Diego's freeways.

[DoughtyOne]

LOL, what a sick leftist infested age we live in. Great lampoon.

[PurVirgo]

you bet your patootie it was! the key was, he didn't tell anybody what he was going to do, so noone could rat him out.

[Constitution Day]

Well, to tell a family secret, I was blond when I was a kid. (Now my hair is brown (and gray in places).

[Agnes Heep]

They should use my attorneys ... Shyster, Ripov, Gypsum and DeFraud.

[Shermy]

Ethnic stereotypes abound:

[Liberal Classic]

That beats taking the skeleton from science class and seating him behind the principals desk. ;)

[xzins]

I resent the demeaning depiction of a mustache.

Teutonics unite. You have nothing to lose but your chains...and a few Ola jokes.

[Moose4]

They should become the Los Cerdos Viking Kittens instead. You've got axes, you've got fluffiness, you've got ZOTS...what's not to like?

}:-)4

[South40]

[steve in DC]

Post first...then read for content.

That's my motto!

[Swede Girl]

Really funny. Actually, while Vikings may have pillaged and plundered at times, they also were great traders and explorers. They traveled west to North America and through eastern Russia to the Black Sea.

Truth be told, more people today are part Viking than we may realize.....especially if the tales of rape are true.............

[jimtorr]

Post first...then read for content. That's my motto!

Uh oh! You shouldn't have said that! That's a bit to similar to Lazmataz's tag line, which is, Proudly posting without reading the article since 1998.

I hope he remembers that he's a good freeper, and doesn't sue for tag line theft.

[El Gato]

Los Cerdos are the pigs. En Espagnol... Maybe a better translation would be "the Hogs", like one of these:

[r9etb]

“This is a classic case of racial discrimination,” said attorney Skruem. “Los Cerdos High currently has a student population that is 74% Latino, 4% African American, 4% Asian and only 15% Caucasian.

I'm afraid to ask the racial makeup of the remaining 3% of the student population....

[steve in DC]

The major difference between us is this:

He is: Proudly posting without reading the article since 1998.

I am: Post first...then read for content

I claim to have read the content. Belatedly, but I still claim to have read it.

He posts without reading at all.

I hope that I can make legal claim that there is a real difference there.

[tracer]

This case ain't over 'til the fat lady sings.

But she probably will be too busy to do so, what with her book signings, Black Sabbath observances, blaming GW for warm R-C Cola and melted Moon Pies, etc.