Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Mars Comes Within 34.6 Million Miles of Earth, France Surrenders
Bongo News ^

Posted on 09/03/2003 4:24:58 AM PDT by Sub-Driver

Mars Comes Within 34.6 Million Miles of Earth, France Surrenders

By Mark Fisher

PARIS — The planet Mars is closer to Earth than it's been in 60,000 years, prompting speculation that a Martian invasion is imminent. While the US dismisses the notion, the UN is calling for a resolution barring Martian forces from landing on Earth. A second resolution restricting "all Martian spacecraft and personnel" to US and British soil was gaining momentum.

France's President, Jacques Chirac, fearing extraterrestrial occupancy as unavoidable, ordered the French space agency Centre National d'Etudes Spatiales to launch six Ariane 5 rockets, carrying satellites armed with self-deploying white flags and really big "Vive La Martian!" banners. The satellites also contain pictorial representations of aliens dining at Paris bistros, sightseeing near the Eiffel Tower, and slithering gloriously beneath the Arc de Triomphe. All six satellites will maintain Earth orbit for over fifty years.

Although accustomed to foreign occupation, not all French citizens support the government's action. A small army of resistance fighters, donning aluminum foil hats and rubber wetsuits, was reported forming in the French Alps, and several French restaurants were already posting "Martians Not Served" signs. Hostile treatment of foreigners, a French tourism staple, is expected to remain unchanged.

While U.S. space experts doubt the validity of a Martian invasion of Earth, most agree this would be the best time for the Red Planet to launch an offensive. "If they did launch today, it's safe to anticipate they'd reach Earth sometime next week, maybe even on Labor Day," said one NASA official. "That's a long weekend for us, so we won't be watching very closely. Hopefully, any invading ET's will see the French satellites and head for Paris, but traditionally the little buggers like to land in the southwest USA — New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, places like that. Probably prefer the climate; it's a little more like home. Hot, but it's a dry heat. Plus, they can move around Las Vegas virtually undetected."


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: antifrenchhumor; surrender

1 posted on 09/03/2003 4:24:59 AM PDT by Sub-Driver
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
ROTFLMAO! };O)
2 posted on 09/03/2003 4:28:06 AM PDT by BushCountry (To the last, I will grapple with Democrats. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at Liberals.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver

3 posted on 09/03/2003 4:36:49 AM PDT by DainBramage
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver

4 posted on 09/03/2003 4:40:01 AM PDT by PBRSTREETGANG
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
I LIKE IT!

It's always nice to start the mornin' off by making fun of those Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys.

5 posted on 09/03/2003 4:41:04 AM PDT by bangor505 (" Victory?....We're FRENCH, we don't even have a word for victory." -Simpsons)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
Mars Comes Within 34.6 Million Miles of Earth, France Surrenders

Nous nous rendons, ne pas nous endommager, nous nous rendons.

6 posted on 09/03/2003 4:42:55 AM PDT by 2timothy3.16
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
rofl!!!
7 posted on 09/03/2003 4:44:39 AM PDT by ChadGore (Kakkate Koi!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
Here's one of them now!!!!


8 posted on 09/03/2003 4:46:31 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Of course I like it here. I just may not like you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PBRSTREETGANG
Pia Zadora bump!
9 posted on 09/03/2003 4:49:34 AM PDT by GodBlessRonaldReagan (where is Count Petofi when we need him most?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Flurry
looks like a singer from the B52's!
10 posted on 09/03/2003 4:50:01 AM PDT by Sub-Driver
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver

11 posted on 09/03/2003 4:51:15 AM PDT by PBRSTREETGANG
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: 2timothy3.16
Here's a good one from Jonah Goldberg (not what the article is about, but a great quote);

The French have this phrase.
Je rends et satisfais le sentir libre pour s'enraciner autour de mon sous-sol à la recherche des refugies et d'autres traitres a votre caus noble.”
Which translates to: “I surrender and please feel free to root around my basement in search of refugees and other traitors to your noble cause.”


http://www.nationalreview.com/goldberg/goldbergdiarist.html
12 posted on 09/03/2003 4:52:03 AM PDT by Hillarys Gate Cult ("Read Hillary's hips. I never had sex with that woman.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Flurry

13 posted on 09/03/2003 4:52:36 AM PDT by WestPacSailor (Sorry folks, this tagline's closed. The moose out front should of told you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
Here is their leader about to address Congress.


14 posted on 09/03/2003 4:58:58 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Of course I like it here. I just may not like you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
The French ARE the only country to lose TWICE to the Italians. The Vichy French first surrendered to the Germans, then to the US.

When Lindberg's grandson repeated Charles historical flight, again France brought out the white flag but Lindberg didn't want to be bothered. :o)

Lets get 10 people with pointy sticks and invade France. I give us 2 days of threats to poke out eyeballs before France becomes ours. Who's with me?
15 posted on 09/03/2003 4:59:12 AM PDT by Michael121
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: WestPacSailor
I must blow up Earth. It's blocking my view of Venus.
16 posted on 09/03/2003 4:59:52 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Of course I like it here. I just may not like you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
Kent Brockman: "Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over -- 'conquered' if you will -- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthman or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves." (Deep Space Homer)

Who knew that Kent Brockman was French?

17 posted on 09/03/2003 5:02:49 AM PDT by Cincinatus (Omnia relinquit servare Republicam)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Michael121
I'm ready. I already have a pointy stick too!
18 posted on 09/03/2003 5:07:07 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Of course I like it here. I just may not like you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
If you haven't seen Mars Attacks, go rent/buy it immediately. A marvelous tribute to Roger Corman.
19 posted on 09/03/2003 5:07:10 AM PDT by FreedomPoster (this space intentionally blank)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: FreedomPoster
I have to agree with Subdriver. Lisa Marie looks like she could be singing "Love Shack". Heck I posted the picture.
20 posted on 09/03/2003 5:08:56 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Of course I like it here. I just may not like you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: Flurry
I saw the B-52's about 2 weeks ago at Chastain Amphitheater. Fun stuff, still worth a trip out to see.
21 posted on 09/03/2003 5:10:41 AM PDT by FreedomPoster (this space intentionally blank)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver

FOOLISH HUMANS! OUR ELDER BROTHERS HAVE RETURNED! YOU ARE LUNCH!

22 posted on 09/03/2003 5:22:19 AM PDT by LibKill (Heaven frowns on all things french, and democrat, AND ESPECIALLY CAT.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: FreedomPoster
They aren't my genre.
23 posted on 09/03/2003 5:28:44 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Of course I like it here. I just may not like you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
Ah, it's 7:15am and my day is beginning. Couldn't have asked for a better way to start than by laughing myself silly over that remark. Thanks! It's a bright sunny day and it just got brighter and sunnier. :)
24 posted on 09/03/2003 6:14:24 AM PDT by cubreporter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cincinatus
Hail Ants!
25 posted on 09/03/2003 6:24:53 AM PDT by GreenLanternCorps (Mind like a steel trap... Rusty and illegal in 37 states.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: Sub-Driver
Thanks!!!!!!!! I laughed myself silly.
26 posted on 09/03/2003 7:11:24 AM PDT by MontanaBeth (Born Conservative)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson