Mars Comes Within 34.6 Million Miles of Earth, France Surrenders

Bongo News ^

[Sub-Driver]

Mars Comes Within 34.6 Million Miles of Earth, France Surrenders

By Mark Fisher

PARIS — The planet Mars is closer to Earth than it's been in 60,000 years, prompting speculation that a Martian invasion is imminent. While the US dismisses the notion, the UN is calling for a resolution barring Martian forces from landing on Earth. A second resolution restricting "all Martian spacecraft and personnel" to US and British soil was gaining momentum.

France's President, Jacques Chirac, fearing extraterrestrial occupancy as unavoidable, ordered the French space agency Centre National d'Etudes Spatiales to launch six Ariane 5 rockets, carrying satellites armed with self-deploying white flags and really big "Vive La Martian!" banners. The satellites also contain pictorial representations of aliens dining at Paris bistros, sightseeing near the Eiffel Tower, and slithering gloriously beneath the Arc de Triomphe. All six satellites will maintain Earth orbit for over fifty years.

Although accustomed to foreign occupation, not all French citizens support the government's action. A small army of resistance fighters, donning aluminum foil hats and rubber wetsuits, was reported forming in the French Alps, and several French restaurants were already posting "Martians Not Served" signs. Hostile treatment of foreigners, a French tourism staple, is expected to remain unchanged.

While U.S. space experts doubt the validity of a Martian invasion of Earth, most agree this would be the best time for the Red Planet to launch an offensive. "If they did launch today, it's safe to anticipate they'd reach Earth sometime next week, maybe even on Labor Day," said one NASA official. "That's a long weekend for us, so we won't be watching very closely. Hopefully, any invading ET's will see the French satellites and head for Paris, but traditionally the little buggers like to land in the southwest USA — New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, places like that. Probably prefer the climate; it's a little more like home. Hot, but it's a dry heat. Plus, they can move around Las Vegas virtually undetected."

[BushCountry]

ROTFLMAO! };O)

[DainBramage]

[PBRSTREETGANG]

[bangor505]

I LIKE IT!

It's always nice to start the mornin' off by making fun of those Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys.

[2timothy3.16]

Mars Comes Within 34.6 Million Miles of Earth, France Surrenders

Nous nous rendons, ne pas nous endommager, nous nous rendons.

[ChadGore]

rofl!!!

[Conspiracy Guy]

Here's one of them now!!!!

[GodBlessRonaldReagan]

Pia Zadora bump!

[Sub-Driver]

looks like a singer from the B52's!

[PBRSTREETGANG]

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

Here's a good one from Jonah Goldberg (not what the article is about, but a great quote);

The French have this phrase.
Je rends et satisfais le sentir libre pour s'enraciner autour de mon sous-sol à la recherche des refugies et d'autres traitres a votre caus noble.”
Which translates to: “I surrender and please feel free to root around my basement in search of refugees and other traitors to your noble cause.”


http://www.nationalreview.com/goldberg/goldbergdiarist.html

[WestPacSailor]

[Conspiracy Guy]

Here is their leader about to address Congress.

[Michael121]

The French ARE the only country to lose TWICE to the Italians. The Vichy French first surrendered to the Germans, then to the US.

When Lindberg's grandson repeated Charles historical flight, again France brought out the white flag but Lindberg didn't want to be bothered. :o)

Lets get 10 people with pointy sticks and invade France. I give us 2 days of threats to poke out eyeballs before France becomes ours. Who's with me?

[Conspiracy Guy]

I must blow up Earth. It's blocking my view of Venus.

[Cincinatus]

Kent Brockman: "Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over -- 'conquered' if you will -- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthman or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves." (Deep Space Homer)

Who knew that Kent Brockman was French?

[Conspiracy Guy]

I'm ready. I already have a pointy stick too!

[FreedomPoster]

If you haven't seen Mars Attacks, go rent/buy it immediately. A marvelous tribute to Roger Corman.

[Conspiracy Guy]

I have to agree with Subdriver. Lisa Marie looks like she could be singing "Love Shack". Heck I posted the picture.