Skip to comments.Hillary vs. Dubya? Bring it on!
Posted on 09/08/2003 5:16:30 PM PDT by RightWingReader
The dream matchup of every political junkie could be near. Hillary Clinton is now considered among Democrats to have the best chance of all their candidates of beating George W. Bush. We may think we've seen nasty battles before, but pitting this president against the New York senator will make "Freddie vs. Jason" look like a Saturday afternoon tickle fight at Barney Frank's house.
Hillary Clinton and George W. Bush are the most polarizing active politicians in the game today. They have many fans, but in an election, their detractors will speak loudest.
Democrats look at George W. Bush as an illegitimate president. One who wormed his way into the White House through fraud, deceit, crooked judges and making south Florida ballot instructions so complicated that only the smartest of household pets and potted plants could understand them.
Bush is the guy who drives Democrats nuts, because they always picture him as stupid and end up getting whipped. They portray Bush as somebody you could keep busy for hours, parakeet-style, simply by putting a mirror and a cuddle bone in front of him, and yet virtually every time they turn around, he ends up giving them a swift and painful kick below the beltway.
Republicans see Hillary Clinton as a power-hungry woman who hitched a ride on the back of her husband's artificial turf-lined, ambition-filled pickup truck and drove into Washington, D.C. They rolled into town like the "Lone Rangers of the Chattahoochee" to save us from oppressive things such as personal responsibility. They tried to enforce a fairness doctrine which would have granted total buffoons a turn at running the health-care industry, and bravely acted as role models for those stuck in loveless marriages everywhere.
Hillary is viewed by Republicans as a criminal, liar, carpetbagger and woman who sat with her fingers in her ears yelling "la la la la" so she could claim she never heard her husband's interns in the next room squealing to the point where Arnold Ziffel rolled over in his grave.
Should George W. Bush and Hillary Clinton square off, here's what they'll each need to focus on.
In our as-of-now hypothetical race, from Hillary Clinton's perspective, she needs to keep her campaign from getting out of control with distractions caused by her morally challenged friends and certain family members, and to repress her natural instinct of coming across as a short-seller of integrity stock who enthusiastically gropes the body politic with both hands and an icy, perverted grin.
This will require her to keep Bill and the other embarrassments-in-waiting in her life under constant lock and key. Give Roger a snootful and a ball of yarn to play with, Hugh a lifetime pass to Old Country Buffet, and tote Bill from town to town to get votes from his followers, and hope nobody notices a strangely similar geographical pattern between police reports of sorority house panty raids and Bubba's travel itinerary.
As for Bush, he'll need to keep hammering away at the benefits of tax cuts and promise more to come. Voters like to know there's somebody out there who cares about giving any of it back and won't just automatically spend it all to build another expressway named after some wheezy senatorial geezer as a "thank you" for spending the last half-century being exceedingly generous with other peoples' money.
Bush needs to constantly reiterate that the war on terror has saved lives here in the United States, spell out how many attacks have been thwarted since the creation of the Homeland Security Department and announce the discontinuation of the color-coded terrorism alert system. OK, so we've got an alert that interior designers can understand, but what about the rest of us? And I guess if you're colorblind, you may as well go and turn your infidel self over to al-Qaida right now, 'cause you're hosed under the current system.
In addition, but not as important, the president must learn to say "nu-klee-ar" and be sure to not drop his dog Barney again. Once is an accident; twice is "don't ever soil the rug on Air Force One again." It's an animal-rights public relations disaster waiting to happen.
Hillary vs. Dubya could be a most interesting matchup. A tough president detested by the left a toughness honed by long jogs, weightlifting and sparring sessions with syntax, vs. a strong woman abhorred by the right her main "strength" being her ability to, when confronted, hide behind the same skirt that Bill wore to stay out of the Army.
Hold on to the dog and fasten your pantsuit, this could be a bumpy ride!
If she runs, we'll find out that not only is the name unpopular, but the creature itself is.
Run The Beast!!!
The ultimate battle of good vs. evil
I fear the paperless touch screen voting machines. Many people like them because they are so easy to use. Dems probably like them because they are virtually impossible to protect against fraud.
The ultimate battle of good vs. evil
You, probably inadvertently, grammatically linked Hillary! with good and the President with evil.
As much as I dislike the French, I wouldn't wish them such ill will. The vision of Hillary in swimwear on a beach makes my skin crawl.
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