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~Saying good bye~
CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | Sept 23, 2003 | Carlo3b Dad, Chef, Author

Posted on 09/23/2003 6:48:59 PM PDT by carlo3b

~Saying good bye~

Dealing with loss, and surviving...

Learning to live with death, divorce, absence, separation, and change. Escaping uncertainty, fear, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness, anger or hate.

Grief, and how to cope, is far too difficult a topic to stumble upon with simple words. No one, least of all me, could possibly understand the full range of pain, or the depth of emotion each of us feel at that dreadful moment when we experience a real loss. Dealing with the loss after all, is a vital first step on the long journey to healing. Each of us must confront this necessary and painful process to discover our own way to continue.

Accepting the loss of someone or something is the first step to healing, hope, and future happiness.

With any loss or life altering change, we must accept our emotions. We have to allow ourselves to face the inevitable truth, a sorrowful fact that something dear to us has ended, or someone we love has departed, and nothing will ever be the exactly the same again. That is the hardest part, taking the first difficult step, is facing the facts.
 
We must develop an understanding with the new reality. We have to accept the truth, and with the truth we can prepare to begin again.. We must start over. There has to be a time to grieve, and a time to mourn. Fear of change is the hardest part, but it is a beginning, and we must begin again.

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
-Michael Pritchard
Grieving, is our tribute to true love.

Finding a way to say good bye doesn't mean that we have to learn to forget. Our loved one will never be forgotten, nor must we rush to resolve what the loss has meant. Love lasts forever. Falling in love takes time, and it grows. Slowly, and carefully we allow ourselves to fall deeply in love and finally, with passions and emotions aside, we discover the warmth and gentleness of enduring and everlasting love.
 
True love will be in your heart forever, but pain of loss doesn't have to. What we must learn is to survive the emptiness, the absence, the silence... We need to to learn to live on with the memories of better times, and find our peace in our everlasting love..
 
Our loved one may have departed this life. They have not abandoned us, they remain in our pleasant memories. But, they have advanced us into a better place.. in eternity there is no pain, there is a place were they are at peace. We will meet again.. in that peaceful place.

"We cannot change anything until we accept it."
-C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections
Mourning is forever, there is no real ending point, no time limit. It requires work, and time. It does get better. It does become livable. But the experience of a profound loss, changes us in profound ways.  Love held you together in life, and it will hold you together after things change.  Little things remembered will trigger moments of sadness, but it will also bring back a warm memory of a happier times. We have to give balance to those strong but competing forces. Strolling down memory lane can bring a tear, but it will remind us of that deep and abiding love that only a very few ever experience. How fortunate you really are, to have lived in the rarefied air of true love...
"If you have loved once, you can and will again.. Only a true lover can find love in all it's hiding places"
-C J Morelli
Mourning, and missing are a natural and personal process that only you can set in motion. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation. But eventually, and strangely, everything begins to come together, pieces fit and are found that seemed to be forever missing. One day, without notice a soft light begins to emerge and a whisper of life sprouts.. life will return, and you will find peace..
"People only see what they are prepared to see."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Regret, is the longest and loneliness road to heartbreak, bitterness and defeat.

One of the most difficult experiences one can confront, is that of a sudden loss. The one that didn't have to be. Someone taken, at once.. and forever. No one is prepared for that. All we can to do to protect ourselves against those unavoidable but tragic happenings, prayers help, but actions are better.
 
Everyone has to protect themselves against the potential, maybe even the probable, or is it, the eventual... LOVE my FReeper FRiends, love is what is important, showing and accepting love today, NOW, will save the agony of regret tomorrow... and forever..
 
However, the loss that arrives unnoticed, and sleeps in your bed, and eats at your table, the one that avoids confrontation, and says nothing much at all. I speak of the cruel loss of omission.. Allowing a love to die slowly, malnourished.. loss that comes from the pain of neglect.... Love today as if there will be no tomorrow...
 
Living with loss is difficult enough without having regret. Most of us take life and living for granted, and why not, what could change.....  

I love you...

By Chef Carlo J. Morelli,  Falling Leaves from the Diary of a Single dad



TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; Free Republic; Miscellaneous; Philosophy; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: coping; grief; grieving; surviving
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Sometimes life takes a terrible turn and you need a friend.. Thats just one more reason FReepers were born..
1 posted on 09/23/2003 6:49:00 PM PDT by carlo3b
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To: carlo3b
Carlo,that was beautiful. I can't help but wonder if there was a special reason for writing it. Is there?
2 posted on 09/23/2003 6:53:27 PM PDT by Rushmore Rocks
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To: carlo3b
Well good Lord, Carlo. I read your title and thought this was your opus, and that would have been very bad. Sheesh, bud, watch your titles. :D

Best regards as always

3 posted on 09/23/2003 6:53:51 PM PDT by xJones
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To: carlo3b
*sniffle* Come over here and let me hug you!!!
4 posted on 09/23/2003 6:54:52 PM PDT by 4mycountry (You say I'm a brat like it's a bad thing.)
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To: carlo3b
P.S. You have many FReeper friends. All you have to do is let us know if you need us.
5 posted on 09/23/2003 6:55:15 PM PDT by Rushmore Rocks
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To: carlo3b
It's the way we deal with a loss that determines our forever. Never deny yourself the grieving.. that only prolong the pain.. I know..
6 posted on 09/23/2003 6:55:21 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
I'm curious. What would you suggest to someone who has had so much loss in their lives that they have turned mean and bitter?
7 posted on 09/23/2003 6:56:30 PM PDT by Elliott Jackalope (We send our kids to Iraq to fight for them, and they send our jobs to India. Now THAT'S gratitude!)
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To: carlo3b
What happened, Carlo? We're here.
8 posted on 09/23/2003 6:57:13 PM PDT by xJones
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To: Rushmore Rocks
Thank you all my dear friends, sometimes I have one of those moments.. I'm sure you know what I mean... sheeesh
9 posted on 09/23/2003 6:57:56 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
"It's the way we deal with a loss that determines our forever. Never deny yourself the grieving.. "

I know too, Carlo. You really know how to tug those heart strings!!

10 posted on 09/23/2003 6:58:34 PM PDT by deadhead (God Bless Our Troops and Veterans)
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To: carlo3b
DUDE! I'm here, too.
11 posted on 09/23/2003 6:58:48 PM PDT by aruanan
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To: carlo3b
I know too, Carlo. Bless you.
12 posted on 09/23/2003 6:58:54 PM PDT by Ditter
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To: carlo3b
sniff.
13 posted on 09/23/2003 7:00:21 PM PDT by gitmo (Zero Tolerance = Intolerance)
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To: Elliott Jackalope
I'm curious. What would you suggest to someone who has had so much loss in their lives that they have turned mean and bitter?

Find someone or something that needs a friend. Looking back is dangerous when your are moving forward.. let yourself go...

14 posted on 09/23/2003 7:00:44 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
carlo3b,I love you too,Can I ask what I should have for dinner tom.my husband likes fish."Never put off telling someone they mean something in your life and if you have a gift,no matter how small,give unless it can never be given.Not words for you Chef,but for me",Got a good dinner for my nice husband.
15 posted on 09/23/2003 7:00:52 PM PDT by fatima (Jim,Karen,We are so proud of you.Thank you for all you do for our country.4th ID)
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To: carlo3b
Carlo, I'm not sure we've ever conversed directly, but I always, always read your stuff. If you need anything at all, I am here, too.

Love,

small_l
16 posted on 09/23/2003 7:01:13 PM PDT by small_l_libertarian
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To: 4mycountry
{{{{{{HUGGG}}}}}}

I can't lie I really needed that.. :)

17 posted on 09/23/2003 7:01:52 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
Hans, there are moments when the whole mind
Resolves into a pair of brimming eyes, or lips
Parting to drink from the deep spring of a death
That freshness they do not yet need to understand,
These are the moments, if ever, an angel steps
Into the mind, as kings into the dress
Of a poor goatherd, for their acts of charity.
There are moments when speech is but a mouth pressed
Lightly and humbly against the angel's hand.
JAMES MERRILL
18 posted on 09/23/2003 7:02:52 PM PDT by KDD
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To: carlo3b
Carlo, you have been a wonderful asset to Free Republic. Don't go cryptic on us. Tell us what your problem is. We chefs have to stick together.
19 posted on 09/23/2003 7:03:39 PM PDT by Rushmore Rocks
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To: carlo3b
Whew...for a moment there I thought you were giving an Opus™.
20 posted on 09/23/2003 7:05:36 PM PDT by eddie willers
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To: Elliott Jackalope
What would you suggest to someone who has had so much loss in their lives that they have turned mean and bitter?

Just tell 'em that they'll have the world's shortest and most unlamented funeral when their time comes.

The only way to get out of your own misery is to reach out to others. That's not cold advice, that's the best. Get involved in your local volunteer programs, sports groups, and yes, even a church. It's called pulling yourself up when you've been smacked so hard you can't see straight. There's always something you can give, no matter how trivial it may look at the time, and in doing so you can forget about your own all-too-real miseries for a while.

Best regards

21 posted on 09/23/2003 7:05:57 PM PDT by xJones
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To: carlo3b
Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing.
Need a hug? Here take one of mine ......((((hug)))))

22 posted on 09/23/2003 7:06:03 PM PDT by hoosiermama (.Prayers for all)
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To: carlo3b
To everything there is a season. Sometimes even the end of a season, while not as extreme as the loss of a loved one, can trigger sadness.

When my children were younger, they had a wonderful recreation center to go to, for organized sports, or to just hang out.

Our city decided every recreation center should rotate its' employees, which meant the loss of a couple of great men at our recreation center who had been there for at least 10 years.

These men knew every child by name, and which child was trouble. They were our neighborhood connection. Their office belonged to the children and the children loved it, and them.

When we knew we were losing them, despite petitions, I knew it was the end of a season in life, and I felt alot of sadness.

We brought cakes and cards and took pictures. The rec center has never been the same.

I am thankful for these men who touched many lives, sad that they had to leave.

For all of you who show kindness and live a giving life, believe me, it is noticed.

23 posted on 09/23/2003 7:06:39 PM PDT by Lijahsbubbe
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To: fatima
Just for you and Tom.. I hope both of you enjoy it...

Blackened Red Snapper

1) In a small bowl, mix together paprika, cayenne pepper, white pepper, black pepper, salt, onion powder, garlic powder, thyme, and oregano.
2) Heat a large cast iron skillet over high heat for 10 minutes, or until extremely hot.
3) Dip fish into melted butter, and sprinkle each fillet generously with the seasoning mixture. Place the fish fillets in the hot skillet. Pour 1 tablespoon of butter over each fillet. Cook until the coating on the underside of the fillet turns black, 3 to 5 minutes. Turn the fish over. Pour another tablespoon of butter over the fish, and cook for 2 minutes, or until fish flakes easily with a fork.
 
 
 
24 posted on 09/23/2003 7:12:15 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
I don't know how I will react to the loss of a close loved one. I had not lived near my Mother and Father for years and was raising my family and it wasn't unexpected when they passed away at 85.

We have two grown children and they are very dear to us and my daughter and hubby have a 19 year old daughter and a 15 year old son and the loss of those two would destroy me for sure but I pray that at age 70 I will never have to face that moment...

25 posted on 09/23/2003 7:15:39 PM PDT by tubebender (FReeRepublic...How bad have you got it...)
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To: carlo3b
What I could tell you about love.
Then ones I fought for and lost. They absolutely would not reconsider.
And then . . . The love of my life my perfect companion. Who scolds me for picking on the man she loves.
It will come Carlo, but you have to release the currant love to the ages. That's the bummer part, you are going to have to grieve and feel abandoned. There aint't no way around it.
Go ahead and curse God he can take it he has broad shoulders.
But in life we have our darkness's then the glorious dawn. I hope you find your right woman soon.
26 posted on 09/23/2003 7:18:39 PM PDT by jokar (Beware the White European Male Christian theological complex !!)
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To: xJones
Sometime I have to remind myself what is important.. When the past comes back and gets you squishy, it's good to share.. Thanks for being here..
27 posted on 09/23/2003 7:19:00 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: deadhead
Bless you.. it's good to have FRiends.. :)
28 posted on 09/23/2003 7:20:23 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: aruanan
DUDE! I'm here, too.

Thank you my friend.. it's good to know...

29 posted on 09/23/2003 7:22:50 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: KDD
There are moments when speech is but a mouth pressed Lightly and humbly against the angel's hand.

Wow.. That man has heart.. Thank you

30 posted on 09/23/2003 7:25:36 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
Did you ever see the movie ... Three Warriors (( howz yur bones )) --- my very favorite movie ?

The last time I saw it I noticed the Indian star chief says ... the 1st and last thing we learn --- good bye !
31 posted on 09/23/2003 7:26:08 PM PDT by f.Christian (evolution vs intelligent design ... science3000 ... designeduniverse.com --- * architecture * !)
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To: Ditter
Thank you my dear girl.. Healing takes time... friends help it along..
32 posted on 09/23/2003 7:27:36 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
carlo3b,I have everything but the Snapper-What wine,I will cook this and I will get back to you.carlo3b,I love you.
33 posted on 09/23/2003 7:29:23 PM PDT by fatima (Jim,Karen,We are so proud of you.Thank you for all you do for our country.4th ID)
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To: Lijahsbubbe
What a beautiful story.. It's remarkable how cruel that administration could be.. they had kids and parents involved and it couldn't change their damned self made rules.. Thank you
34 posted on 09/23/2003 7:31:26 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."

,,, now, that's a good one! Thanx for posting it.

35 posted on 09/23/2003 7:32:17 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: carlo3b
Thank you, Carlo.

You can't imagine how much I needed that beautiful essay of yours tonight.

I just received word that my youngest sister has been diagnosed with advanced inoperable lung cancer. She has just a few months to live.

I am in shock, still trying to absorb the shock and the pain.

Your words have helped more than you will ever know.
36 posted on 09/23/2003 7:33:23 PM PDT by Palladin (Proud to be a FReeper!)
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To: gitmo
Thanks ..I know.. dumb stuff..huh?.. yuck.. thanks for enduring.. :)
37 posted on 09/23/2003 7:33:56 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b

38 posted on 09/23/2003 7:34:49 PM PDT by 4mycountry (You say I'm a brat like it's a bad thing.)
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To: carlo3b
We're here for you, Carlo!!

About 4 years ago when I was dealing with the loss of someone very close to me - my freeper friends (my freeper FAMILY) was definitely here for me. Their thoughts and prayers were so important - and helped me so much through it all.

Bless you.

39 posted on 09/23/2003 7:36:01 PM PDT by MasonGal
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To: fatima
White Zinfandel, they are just sweet enough to offset the heavy spices, and refresh your pallet... easy to find, and inexpensive.. Use any firm mild flavored fish if Snapper isn't available..
40 posted on 09/23/2003 7:38:54 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: Palladin
I just received word that my youngest sister has been diagnosed with advanced inoperable lung cancer. She has just a few months to live.

Hang in there, Pal. I lost my father and father-in-law to inoperable lung cancer. Let us pray for your little sister, pray for a new treatment and/or a miracle healing.

41 posted on 09/23/2003 7:39:42 PM PDT by xJones
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To: f.Christian
Three Warriors

It's on my list now.. Thank you Fletch

42 posted on 09/23/2003 7:40:47 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
There is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother.

His name is Jesus Christ.

He can help.

Just ask Him.

43 posted on 09/23/2003 7:41:47 PM PDT by Happy2BMe (LIBERTY has arrived in Iraq - Now we can concentrate on HOLLYWEED!)
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To: carlo3b
My wife is partial to catfish.
44 posted on 09/23/2003 7:41:51 PM PDT by Roscoe
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To: 4mycountry
How fabulous... That is just what the doctor ordered... thanks
45 posted on 09/23/2003 7:42:38 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b

46 posted on 09/23/2003 7:44:50 PM PDT by 4mycountry (You say I'm a brat like it's a bad thing.)
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To: jokar
What I could tell you about love.

Yours is sage advice.. Thanks

47 posted on 09/23/2003 7:46:46 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: Elliott Jackalope
I'm curious. What would you suggest to someone who has had so much loss in their lives that they have turned mean and bitter? BTDT.

Forgiveness. It means letting go completely. No holding back any reserves of bitterness, or grudge, just in case you need it for revenge or something someday.

Holding on to bitterness can make us feel strong. As if we are not letting the one who hurt us take advantage of us again. When in fact if we hold on to bitterness they are continuing to hurt us, forever until we forgive.

We fear that in forgiveness we become vulnerable, when it is actually the opposite. I believe also that we fear that in forgiveness there is regret for not letting go before, but with that thinking we never forgive, never get rid of the load of bitterness. And we must let go, forgive, those regrets, also.

Forgiveness is like a mountain freshet for the soul.

48 posted on 09/23/2003 7:48:58 PM PDT by mamaduck (I follow a New Age Guru . . . from 2000 years ago.)
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To: carlo3b
"What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us." Helen Keller

Thank you carlo. I lost my favorite uncle on Sat. So much loss in life I often say that if I were not in a "helping" profession I would be mad as a hatter. You know I really do love you, because you have given me so much joy through your witty wisdom, your love of food and cooking and sharing of your recipes, even though you know I don't cook and will probably never use a one of them. (((((((carlo))))))

49 posted on 09/23/2003 7:50:01 PM PDT by WVNan
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To: tubebender
Love is ... worth it
50 posted on 09/23/2003 7:53:52 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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