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Ten Rules for a Successful Marriage
The Baptist Pillar ^ | Pastor: John Reaves Sr.

Posted on 06/03/2004 10:18:32 PM PDT by RMrattlesnake

Ten Rules for a Successful Marriage

1. You must marry the right person, one you love and one who loves you, and both of you must be in love with Jesus Christ.

2. GIVE and TAKE is a necessity. Let love cover the disagreements which will come in any marriage.

3. Never carry into tomorrow the petty troubles of today. Forgive at the end of the day, and then forget.

4. Don't discuss your disagreements and personal problems with others. You will soon forget these quarrels, but others will remember them forever. Go to the LORD for the advice you need.

5. Try to live within your financial means. Don't try to keep up with some other couple; keep within your income. And be sure to set aside something for the Lord's work.

6. Keep your love as romantic as possible. Appreciate each other. Express that appreciation in actual love and affection in the home.

7. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER even think of divorce as a solution for your marriage problems. You took your vows " until death do us part." So often, divorce never settles anything!

8. Keep your eyes on the person you have married, and don't bother looking around for someone else. Wandering eyes benefit no marriage.

9. Read God's Word and pray together every day. To pray together is to stay together.

10. Let Christ shed the love of God abroad in your heart, and you will be sure to have love for each other.


TOPICS: Evangelical Christian; General Discusssion; Moral Issues; Theology
KEYWORDS: marriage

1 posted on 06/03/2004 10:18:33 PM PDT by RMrattlesnake
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To: RMrattlesnake

1/2 out of ten,gotta hate that when that happens.


2 posted on 06/03/2004 10:30:32 PM PDT by mdittmar (May God watch over our Military men and women who serve to keep us free.)
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To: RMrattlesnake; drstevej
3. Never carry into tomorrow the petty troubles of today. Forgive at the end of the day, and then forget.

As a family counselor who is also a Christian, I certainly agree with the forgiving part. That is an act of will.

I have real problems with setting up the expectation that somehow someone can "forget" as an act of will. Remembering is a biological process involving nerves, synapses, brain cells, imprinting, etc. There is very solid research that demonstrates that, especially in traumatic events, imprint loops are formed in the brain. These loops cause extremely vivid memories to return based on certain triggers....sights, sounds, smells, etc. (These are part of the basis of post-traumatic stress syndrome.)

Significant emotional events, such as the revelation of an adulterous betrayal, can seldom be forgotten, and the very act of attempting oneself to "will" the memory away is IN FACT remembering the event.

I don't like setting people (especially married couples) up for failure by somehow suggesting that they haven't truly forgiven if they still remember a significant injury. What we hope to accomplish is the construction of a forgiveness feedback loop that accompanies the retriggering of a painful memory. In other words, every time they're accosted by that hurtful memory, the memory automatically slides into the loop that says, "I forgave this trespass against me, as Christ has forgiven me."

I recall to your memory that Jesus said on the cross...."Father Forgive them." I also recall to your memory the appearance of the Lamb in heaven in the book of revelation. We will praise Him for eternity for His sacrifice. And we will remember the reason for it.

3 posted on 06/04/2004 6:11:22 AM PDT by xzins (Retired Army and Proud of It!)
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To: RMrattlesnake
4. Don't discuss your disagreements and personal problems with others. You will soon forget these quarrels, but others will remember them forever. Go to the LORD for the advice you need.

5. Try to live within your financial means. Don't try to keep up with some other couple; keep within your income. And be sure to set aside something for the Lord's work.

This is some of the best advice that could be given to married couples. Even non-religious couples would do well to heed these suggestions. I can think of nothing that undermines a marriage more than having the inevitable disagreements between husband and wife trotted out for others to see. It shows such a lack of faith in your partner that you both will be able to work these things out. The financial suggestion should be obvious.

4 posted on 06/04/2004 6:47:37 AM PDT by asformeandformyhouse (Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.)
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To: xzins; RMrattlesnake
I also agree with all of the above advice, except for the forgiving and forgetting business.

During our 47 years of marriage (and still going strong) my wife and I would sometimes go to bed angry at each other. Anyone who made up that notion of not going to bed angry has never had the experience of being too tired (or too busy) to talk about it.

5 posted on 06/04/2004 6:59:05 AM PDT by old and tired
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To: RMrattlesnake

Very nice and very necessary!


6 posted on 06/04/2004 8:39:59 AM PDT by Gerish (Choose God, he has already chosen you.)
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To: xzins

'I don't like setting people (especially married couples) up for failure by somehow suggesting that they haven't truly forgiven if they still remember a significant injury. What we hope to accomplish is the construction of a forgiveness feedback loop that accompanies the retriggering of a painful memory. In other words, every time they're accosted by that hurtful memory, the memory automatically slides into the loop that says, "I forgave this trespass against me, as Christ has forgiven me."'

As a child abuse survivor, I agree with what has been said in the quote above. I find that I have to continue to forgive the most traumatic of harms done to me in my past. While I don't recall them as often, they are still around.

Some things can be quite readily forgotten. More serious events don't seem to be for me.


7 posted on 06/04/2004 8:47:16 AM PDT by baldie (self-inflicted)
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To: All

I am also a child abuse survivor and for someone that is currently engaged this post is heart warming and beautiful. For me, relationships and trust are very difficult because of my experiences especially finding out that pedophilia in the Catholic Church is one big cover up. My faith is the most important thing in my life and through my faith I receive the strength of forgiveness because I know I am too weak.

3. Never carry into tomorrow the petty troubles of today. Forgive at the end of the day, and then forget.

The key word is PETTY troubles and they NEED to be forgiven and forgotten because this world is full of SEVERE troubles. I believe that a spouse is the second most important person in our life. Like it states in Genesis, God blessed us with our spouse and for that he took a rib. The way I look at it is, God gave us the gift of intimacy and personal companionship and for it, like everything else, comes a price. As long as we follow the guidelines that the Lord has given us marriage WILL turn out to be the most wonderful experience that a human can go through. The worst things a person can do before and during marriage are assuming things and having false expectations. Again, thank you for this post.


8 posted on 06/04/2004 11:01:20 AM PDT by XtionSldr (The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. (Psalm 28:7))
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To: RMrattlesnake; xzins
I too have a great deal of trouble with the "forget" part. I'm not saying that we shouldn't, but I have no idea how to do it. My suspicion is that neither do those who "put it on the table" so to speak.
Back in 1977 I married my best friend. She was a Christian, I professed Christ but did not Possess his Salvation.
I was in bliss - the idea that "forever" would end in my lifetime never entered my mind.
I accepted Christ as my Savior in 1982. In 1984 she left with another man. Completely blew me away.
Making a very long story short, I got really mad a God. From up on my high horse I scolded him throughly. I said: "I took my family to church", " I studied your word with my family", "I gave of my earnings to your work", I, I, I - you get the picture. After this big long list of things that I did, I blamed him for not keeping his promise that he wouldn't put anything on me that I couldn't handle. The devil lied to me and I believed it - name it and claim it (we were speaking of this on a different thread), believing that I had a promise that I didn't have.
Its really bad news when you get mad at God; and I mean REALLY bad.
Completely by his mercy I lived through the next 8 years, marrying my wife in 1990. She was not Saved and had no interest in "religious" things. She was morally (as the world sees it) a good person, just not interested in God at all.
Two years later I had reached the very end of Gods patience and mercy. He got my attention, I asked his forgiveness, and I handed the very big mess that I had made over to him. I asked him to guide me and told him that I would do my best (as feeble as it is) to follow.
I God led me to a New Testament Church and the next year my wife accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior. God has granted my wish and given me a full family with a loving wife.
I love my wife dearly but I still remember my first. I still remember the severe pain her unfaithfulness caused me. I have completely forgiven her and hold no ill feeling at all toward her - but I still remember.
9 posted on 06/04/2004 12:49:27 PM PDT by GrandEagle
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To: GrandEagle

How much of a blessing is your new wife?


10 posted on 06/04/2004 2:14:58 PM PDT by xzins (Retired Army and Proud of It!)
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Comment #11 Removed by Moderator

To: sandyeggo
Everytime I hear that "don't go to bed angry business," I wonder if they think that ridiculous saying "love never means having to say you're sorry" too. There's so much good advice in this article that I don't want to ridicule it, but I think it's important that young people entering a marriage understand that husbands and wives can and do disagree and sometimes do regrettable things.

Many disagreements between spouses should, of course, stay between them. But one of the fiercest arguments we ever had has become family legend. My wife has never (and probably never will)forgive me for signing our oldest son's football permission slip after I told her I agreed with her that it was too dangerous for him to play. We joke about it now, but there was a time it wasn't so funny. And I can guarantee you it took her longer than 24 hours to get over it.

But our marriage went on and after the birth of our eighth son, I remember her looking lovingly into our newborn baby's eyes and saying, "Well, I guess God's giving me a few spares since Daddy's trying to have all you boys killed on that football field."

12 posted on 06/04/2004 3:03:42 PM PDT by old and tired
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To: xzins

When the Bible says God remembers our sins no more, it certainly does not mean that God no longer has knowledge of our sins. It is a figure of speech [metonymy] where cause (remember) is used for effect (have an active grievance against us).

Remember in this useage is to remeber so as to hold as an active offense. To forget is to no longer hold the offense against the person -- to view it as a paid bill.

As such to truly forgive is to forget (remember no more). When the sin comes to mind, we reckon it as PAID!


13 posted on 06/04/2004 3:18:20 PM PDT by drstevej
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To: old and tired

Did you say "eighth son"???? Wowie! Talk about a football team!


14 posted on 06/04/2004 6:19:49 PM PDT by luckymom (Forget the baby whales, save the baby humans.)
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To: xzins
How much of a blessing is your new wife?
I had to chuckle. Technically she is my "new" wife, just seems odd referring to her in that way. We have been married for 14 years.
She is a remarkable Mother. If I had to choose a Mother for my children; she is the one I would pick. I have three girls and one son. My wife is a great example for my girls of a true "Lady".
She and I in the beginning had a difficult time because of the baggage we both brought into the marriage.
It was her first marriage but her family (both Mom and Dad) were drunks. She learned at a very young age the men are garbage. It took her quite a while to "unlearn" that and to trust me with her. That coupled with my unwillingness to trust caused us to have a pretty tough time for the first three or four years.
But God (I LOVE that phrase), But God has helped us through it. We are best friends and trusted companions to each other. At the end of long and difficult days I look forward to coming home to her and my children. Our home is like our little fortress in an evil world.
15 posted on 06/04/2004 7:04:17 PM PDT by GrandEagle
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Comment #16 Removed by Moderator

To: GrandEagle
Injury ==> Forgiveness ==> Being Blessed with this Wonderful Woman.
17 posted on 06/05/2004 2:35:29 AM PDT by xzins (Retired Army and Proud of It!)
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To: xzins
just because you forget a matter does not mean you don't remember it anymore it only means you will not act on it or use the matter ever again.
18 posted on 06/05/2004 5:18:31 AM PDT by RMrattlesnake
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To: RMrattlesnake; P-Marlowe; Corin Stormhands
just because you forget a matter does not mean you don't remember it anymore

Rattle, you're a nice guy, but this quote's gonna make you famous.

Thanks.

19 posted on 06/05/2004 11:39:02 AM PDT by xzins (Retired Army and Proud of It!)
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To: xzins

Actually it is a good statement in context (see #13).


20 posted on 06/05/2004 11:45:03 AM PDT by drstevej
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To: drstevej

:>)

"With God nothing shall be impossible"

All other must bring cash.


21 posted on 06/05/2004 11:47:31 AM PDT by xzins (Retired Army and Proud of It!)
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To: RMrattlesnake; xzins; drstevej

Well put, Rattle. I remember a speaker once describing 'forgetting' as an act of the will to never bring it up again nor to dwell upon it again. Like Steve, I like to think of it as something paid for by Christ.


22 posted on 06/05/2004 12:25:41 PM PDT by RochesterFan
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To: RochesterFan; drstevej

Memory is a complex mixture of biology and psychology.

We do a grave injustice to married couples when we suggest that they have not forgiven if they still remember.

Then we teach them that avoidance is the same as "forgetting."

Sorry folks, but there's all kinds of biblical instruction regarding forgiving. There is not a single biblical demand that we forget. In fact, for the aggrieved party in an infidelity, they are granted every right to remember...so much so that they are permitted the right to a moral and approved divorce.


23 posted on 06/05/2004 12:37:18 PM PDT by xzins (Retired Army and Proud of It!)
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To: RMrattlesnake
just because you forget a matter does not mean you don't remember it anymore it only means you will not act on it or use the matter ever again.
As odd as it sounds, I think you may have "hit the nail on the head" as they say.
24 posted on 06/05/2004 3:37:56 PM PDT by GrandEagle
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