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THE APOCALYPSE WON'T BE ALL THAT BAD . . . says famed theologian
The Weekly World News ^ | 02/14/2001 | Unkn

Posted on 12/09/2004 6:25:18 AM PST by Alex Murphy

ATLANTA, Ga. -- Forget what you've heard from the doom-and-gloom crowd -- the Apocalypse foretold in the Holy Bible won't really be so bad, a leading theologian says.

Bible scholar Dr. Parker Creaston believes that, contrary to widespread belief, the Apocalypse will entail a brief period of "mild to moderate" disorder followed swiftly by worldwide peace and harmony.

"I'm tired of seeing so-called experts whip people into a state of hysteria -- and get rich from books that play on the public's worst fears," said Dr. Creaston, who outlines his views in a thought-provoking pamphlet entitled The Apocalypse: Why Worry?

"Certainly, there will be some disruptions -- annoying traffic jams, shortages of some food items in the supermarket and other inconveniences -- but nothing to panic about."

Dr. Creaston says that to correctly interpret Biblical prophecy, one has to understand that the world has grown tremendously since the days when the New Testament was written.

"For example, the Book of Revelation talks about 144,000 people being taken up in the Rapture. Back in those days, when the largest cities had populations of just a few hundred, that must have seemed like a lot," he explained.

NO-SHOWS? The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse may never appear after all.

"But today, with the world's population at about 6 billion, the idea of 144,000 people from around the entire globe disappearing isn't so chilling. Quite frankly, they'll hardly be missed."

Even Armageddon, the much ballyhooed final battle between the forces of good and evil, will be a flash in the pan missed by many Americans who don't watch CNN, the Atlanta theologian argues. "If you read your Bible carefully, instead of listening to a bunch of yapping radio preachers, you'll notice that all of Armageddon takes place in the Holy Land -- Jerusalem and the surrounding area. We're basically looking at yet another Mideast war, just a bigger one than usual," he said.

"For those of us who lived through the horrors of World War II, with D-Day and the dropping of the atomic bomb, Armageddon will seem about as big a deal as the invasion of Grenada."

Dr. Creaston acknowledges that there will be plagues aplenty, just as the Bible predicts, but says that with modern medicines such as penicillin, we won't have much troubler containing them.

"Anyone who's getting all fired up about an outbreak of leprosy, smallpox or other diseases that were common in Biblical times should just chill out -- we long ago found treatments for them."

The expert notes that nowhere in the Book of Revelation does it explicitly state that the world will end. On the contrary, he observes, there is a lengthy description of a glorious kingdom being established on Earth by Jesus, who will bring universal peace, justice and prosperity. "Let's focus on the good news, the theology."


TOPICS: Current Events; General Discusssion; Humor; Religion & Culture; Religion & Politics; Religion & Science
KEYWORDS: antichrist; apocalypse; attemptedhumor; christianity; revelation; weeklyworldnews
"But today, with the world's population at about 6 billion, the idea of 144,000 people from around the entire globe disappearing isn't so chilling. Quite frankly, they'll hardly be missed."

Thoughts?

1 posted on 12/09/2004 6:25:19 AM PST by Alex Murphy
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To: Alex Murphy
Yeah, that's pretty much it, but the fallout from all the nukes hitting Mount of Olives is going to cause us all some problems down the road.

Then there's the return of that 144,000 "virginal" men who are going to start preaching at us night and day for 7 years.

Or something like that. Depends on your theological orientation how some of this stuff gets interpreted.

Besides, the Druze think they are the 144,000, and they get reincarnated over and over and over ~ that nobody else gets a shot at being in that elect crowd.

2 posted on 12/09/2004 6:29:54 AM PST by muawiyah
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To: Alex Murphy

x


3 posted on 12/09/2004 6:30:40 AM PST by muawiyah
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To: Alex Murphy

For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be. And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect's sake those days shall be shortened.
-Matt 24


4 posted on 12/09/2004 6:52:03 AM PST by PetroniusMaximus
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"Dr. Creaston says that to correctly interpret Biblical prophecy, one has to understand that the world has grown tremendously since the days when the New Testament was written. "

False...false...false...the planet is the same exact size..nearly 24,000 miles around at the equator. Men are equally unchanged.

5 posted on 12/09/2004 7:06:10 AM PST by Pio (Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salus)
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To: Alex Murphy
Guys....ah....consider the source here.

I like the Weekly World News as much as anybody (Go, Batboy!) but it's not a serious news publication. A Google search of Dr. Parker Creaston had exactly 2 hits, both related to WWN.

Have fun with the apple cider vinegar arthritis cures but look for theological guidance elsewhere.
6 posted on 12/09/2004 7:55:56 AM PST by Gingersnap
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To: Alex Murphy

When the Stars and the sun fall from the sky and the food supplies are wiped out, we can all just go about our business as usual with everready flashlites and snicker candy bars.

WHat a putz this writer is.

Ops4 God BLess America!


7 posted on 12/09/2004 12:42:44 PM PST by OPS4 (worth repeating)
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To: Alex Murphy

This guy is just stupid. The 144,000 people will be the missionaries made up from the 12 tribes of Israel. It is not, I repeat, not the number of people that will be taken up in the Rapture. And apparently he hasn't really read the book of Revelation. Whatever interpretation you put on the imagery, there's going to be some heavy duty destruction going on. And that "peace and harmony" will soon turn to horror as the Anti-Christ reveals his true nature. Theologians like this we don't need.


8 posted on 12/09/2004 1:03:08 PM PST by swmobuffalo (the only good terrorist is a dead one)
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To: OPS4
When the Stars and the sun fall from the sky

What, they're gonna do that again (Isaiah 13:10)?

9 posted on 12/09/2004 1:04:17 PM PST by Alex Murphy (Psalm 73)
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To: Alex Murphy

Is Dr. Creaston in any way related to Mr. Creosote?


10 posted on 12/09/2004 1:04:57 PM PST by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilisation is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: swmobuffalo

Knowing the Word is not a strong suit, for this theosphist in robes. OPs4 God Bless America!


11 posted on 12/09/2004 1:12:28 PM PST by OPS4 (worth repeating)
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To: ArrogantBustard
Is Dr. Creaston in any way related to Mr. Creosote?

I don't know - I've never dined with the Doctor.

12 posted on 12/09/2004 1:13:19 PM PST by Alex Murphy (Psalm 73)
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To: OPS4

It's quite possible he's a Jehovah's Witness in disguise or heavily influenced by them. That thing with the 144,000 Jewish missionaries gives him away. That's what the JW's claim.


13 posted on 12/09/2004 2:05:29 PM PST by swmobuffalo (the only good terrorist is a dead one)
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To: Alex Murphy
THE APOCALYPSE WON'T BE ALL THAT BAD

I'm sure it will be much worse for women and minorities. ;~))

14 posted on 12/09/2004 2:10:09 PM PST by Ditto ( No trees were killed in sending this message, but billions of electrons were inconvenienced.)
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To: Thinkin' Gal

More Chanukah humor!


15 posted on 12/09/2004 2:22:22 PM PST by Jeremiah Jr (Chanukah is Here!)
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To: Alex Murphy

Learn to dance the Apocalypso!


16 posted on 12/09/2004 2:27:08 PM PST by headsonpikes (Another five-fingered Canadian... ;^))
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To: headsonpikes
Learn to dance the Apocalypso!

LOL! Like dancing to salsa music, only much hotter!

17 posted on 12/09/2004 2:30:46 PM PST by Alex Murphy (Psalm 73)
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To: Jeremiah Jr

Praise the Lord and pass the hot sheets?


18 posted on 12/09/2004 2:39:11 PM PST by Thinkin' Gal
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To: Alex Murphy
Quite frankly, they'll hardly be missed.",

Let's see... supposing this guy was right about his numbers (& he isn't)... I can think of a lot of scenerios where 144,000 people missing from a given field would be chaotic. Wouldn't matter what end of the ladder you set the hypothesis... 144,000 garbage collectors or world leaders or pilots/copilots or drivers on a busy, busy roadway or mail delivery personel or truck drivers or phone repair folks... etc, etc, etc. Chaos. AND, there will come a person who will bring peace in the middle of this mess. Bet my bottom dollar by the end of that persons "peace", Alex will be singing a different tune.

Somehow, APOCALYPSE & won't be all that bad just don't seem to "fit"; no matter what your "theology".

19 posted on 12/10/2004 3:43:30 PM PST by exhaustedmomma (If it ain't Baroque... don't fix it.)
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To: Alex Murphy
"The expert notes that nowhere in the Book of Revelation does it explicitly state that the world will end."

There, again, this "expert" has obviously never even read the book of Revelation, else he would have seen in Rev: 21.1: "And I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away..."

Seems pretty clear, even to the casual observer.

20 posted on 12/10/2004 4:11:02 PM PST by nightdriver
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To: Alex Murphy

hope he bought some fire retardent jammies


21 posted on 12/13/2004 2:58:10 AM PST by anonymo001
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To: OPS4

(When the Stars and the sun fall from the sky and the food supplies are wiped out, we can all just go about our business as usual with everready flashlites and snicker candy bars. )


snickers???? I WANT MANNA...heard it tastes sweet as honey.
:^D


22 posted on 12/13/2004 3:01:44 AM PST by anonymo001
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To: Pio

“False...false...false...the planet is the same exact size..nearly 24,000 miles around at the equator. Men are equally unchanged.”

Maybe he means the population?


23 posted on 10/06/2010 10:53:47 AM PDT by Soothesayer (“None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license...")
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To: Alex Murphy
who will bring universal peace, justice and prosperity.

He skips pretty lightly over that justice part............
24 posted on 10/06/2010 11:06:36 AM PDT by PeterPrinciple ( Seeking the truth here folks.)
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To: Alex Murphy

Where does he get that 144,000 will be raptured? They will be sealed for their mission.


25 posted on 10/07/2010 8:39:08 AM PDT by mancini
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To: All

Harold Camping May 21, 2011 PING!


26 posted on 05/21/2011 8:12:34 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (Posting news feeds, making eyes bleed: he's hated on seven continents)
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To: Alex Murphy

- ...for the children... -


27 posted on 10/29/2013 9:09:30 AM PDT by devolve (- "He's (Obama) just 'too talented' to do what 'ordinary people' do." - Iran-born Valerie Jarrett)
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