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Rapture Safety cards prepare parishioners, airline-style
Lark News ^ | October 2005

Posted on 07/07/2006 4:16:26 PM PDT by Alex Murphy

PINE BLUFF, Ark. — Last Days Bible Church has taken a novel step to prepare people for the Rapture: under each seat in the sanctuary is an airline-style safety card giving instructions for what to do when the Rapture takes place.

"It's a way of getting people's attention," says pastor Mark Eckers, who preaches often about the end times. "We are concerned about people's Rapture preparedness."

Ushers hold up the Rapture Safety cards and give a complete safety demonstration before each service, even pointing out exit routes for people who are not taken by the Rapture.

For believers, the cards depict various Rapture poses they may strike when the trumpet sounds: the flange pose, with both arms pointed down like a badminton birdie. Or the more popular Superman pose: one knee up, both arms held skyward.

"When the Rapture happens we want saved and unsaved people alike to get through the experience safely," says Eckers. "We're especially concerned that no one get trampled, because, of course, the ushers will be gone."


TOPICS: General Discusssion; Humor; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: endtimes; falsedoctrine; rapture
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1 posted on 07/07/2006 4:16:29 PM PDT by Alex Murphy
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To: Gamecock; Dr. Eckleburg; HarleyD; Frumanchu; suzyjaruki; AlbionGirl; P-Marlowe

Sacred cow alert!

2 posted on 07/07/2006 4:17:40 PM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:6)
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To: Alex Murphy

Words fail me.


3 posted on 07/07/2006 4:35:06 PM PDT by Sue Perkick (...heavy strings, tune low, play hard and floor it. Floor it. That's technical talk....)
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To: Sue Perkick; Alex Murphy; P-Marlowe

.

.

. Wasn't that the sequence for the "dead albatross" kick in Karate Kid VI?

4 posted on 07/07/2006 4:49:15 PM PDT by xzins (Retired Army Chaplain and Proud of It. Supporting our Troops Means Praying for them to Win!)
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To: Sue Perkick
"Words fail me."

Those are the words I was looking for!
5 posted on 07/07/2006 4:51:11 PM PDT by loboinok (Gun control is, hitting what you aim at!)
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To: Alex Murphy
This is from The Onion, right?
6 posted on 07/07/2006 5:13:09 PM PDT by giotto
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To: Alex Murphy

When I was a little girl I was afraid to take a bath for fear the Rapture would come and lift me up out of the tub naked, and I'd go floating up to Heaven with no clothes on and everyone would be pointing and laughing. ;^)


7 posted on 07/07/2006 5:16:19 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady
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To: Alex Murphy

Come the Rapture, I'm going to get me a sporty new car and a nice piece of oceanfront property.


8 posted on 07/07/2006 5:21:05 PM PDT by Zeroisanumber (Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?)
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To: A_perfect_lady
It could be worse. you could be going the bathroom. Now that would be embarrassing.
9 posted on 07/07/2006 5:24:16 PM PDT by escapefromboston (manny ortez: mvp)
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To: Alex Murphy

LOLOL!


10 posted on 07/07/2006 5:41:01 PM PDT by AlbionGirl
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To: escapefromboston

I also agonized about that, but I wasn't going to talk about it here... ;^)


11 posted on 07/07/2006 5:43:12 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady
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Somebody's been watchin too many bad movies.


12 posted on 07/07/2006 7:29:41 PM PDT by D-fendr
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To: D-fendr
Somebody's been watchin too many bad movies.

www.badmovies.org

13 posted on 07/07/2006 7:52:53 PM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:6)
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To: Alex Murphy

Is the word, "rapture" in the Bible?


14 posted on 07/07/2006 7:58:15 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: Salvation
Is the word, "rapture" in the Bible?

Sure...It's in the same chapter where you find the word Trinity

15 posted on 07/07/2006 8:11:14 PM PDT by Iscool (President Bush loves AMNESTY...But he hates the DICTIONARY...)
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To: Salvation
Is the word, "rapture" in the Bible?

Rapture takes two

OTTAWA — The Rapture occurred March 31, 2005, at 9:43 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time and took both people on the planet whose theology was exactly correct.
Dan Wilson of Ottawa, Canada, was snatched away while sleeping.
"He spent years refining his eschatological scheme," says his wife. "Just last week he told me he had it all right, but I still disagreed with him on a minor point. I regret that now."
Rejna Thanawalla of New Delhi, India, also experienced the Rapture, say friends.
"She knew exactly what the books of Revelation and Daniel meant," they say. "Sadly, none of us listened to her."
In a surprise, Tim LaHaye says he was "slightly wrong on the subject of the Beast," and was left behind. Other prophecy experts say they, too, botched minor points in their end times charts.
"Looks like we'll have to stay and wait this out," said one disappointed pastor.


16 posted on 07/07/2006 8:31:52 PM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:6)
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To: Iscool

Good sense of humor there!


17 posted on 07/07/2006 8:32:53 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: Alex Murphy; Gamecock; Dr. Eckleburg; HarleyD; Frumanchu; suzyjaruki; AlbionGirl; P-Marlowe; ...

Da-n, where did everyone go? What did I do with that card?

18 posted on 07/07/2006 9:23:54 PM PDT by blue-duncan
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To: Iscool

Actually the word rapture is in the bible....a Latin Bible. The latin for "caught up," I believe, is something like "rapturos" or something like that.


19 posted on 07/07/2006 9:27:36 PM PDT by xzins (Retired Army Chaplain and Proud of It. Supporting our Troops Means Praying for them to Win!)
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To: Alex Murphy
Christ himself references the Trinity:
 
Matthew 28:19-20
19 Go, therefore,  and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy Spirit,
    20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age."

20 posted on 07/07/2006 9:28:10 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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