Posted on 05/10/2008 3:58:50 PM PDT by Alex Murphy
One of the first internet hoaxes to reach a mass audience was the claim in a 1994 press release that Microsoft had bought the Catholic Church. Its success signalled the enormous power of the new online technology to disseminate information, or misinformation, in ways that sidestepped the traditional gatekeepers of the media.
The press release, which bore a Vatican City dateline, noted that this was “the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion". It quoted Bill Gates as saying that he considered religion to be a growth market and that, “The combined resources of Microsoft and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."
Most of the release was clearly parody. Under the terms of the deal, Pope John Paul II was to become the senior vice-president of the combined company’s new Religious Software Division, while Microsoft senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer were to be invested in the College of Cardinals. Microsoft would acquire exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and the Vatican’s prized art collection, “which includes works by such masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci”.
In return it would make the sacraments available online “for the first time" and revive the popular pre-counter-reformation practice of selling indulgences. Among other benefits, you would be able to “get communion, confess your sins, receive absolution — even reduce your time in purgatory — all without leaving your home".
Gates was also quoted as saying Microsoft’s long-term strategy was to develop a scalable religious architecture that would support all religions through emulation.
“A single core religion will be offered with a choice of interfaces according to the religion desired … one religion, a couple of different implementations."
Despite the parody, a number of people telephoned Microsoft’s public relations agency to inquire if the news was true. That prompted Microsoft to issue a formal denial on December 16 1994.
A few days later in a piece titled Church Mourns Miracle That Might Have Been, the Seattle Times quoted a supposedly disappointed John McCoy, public affairs director for the Seattle archdiocese as saying, “We could have had a material as well as a spiritual Christmas." “Offended?" said McCoy, “We thought our prayers had been answered." Among the reasons he gave as to why the union would have been mutually beneficial: “We’ve had 2000 years of working with icons... I hear there’s not much attention to dress at Microsoft, we’ve got a clothing line that draws a crowd and dates back two millennia."
McCoy also observed that he’d have liked to have had “some computer types with laptops” at church bazaars.
Meanwhile, another release announced that in response to Microsoft’s acquisition of the Catholic Church, IBM had acquired the Protestant Episcopal Church in the US for $1bn.
“We are the oldest and most prestigious computer company in the world," the chairman of IBM was quoted as saying, “and we cannot be seen to be lagging behind in the race for pre-eminence in the religious software and hardware markets.”
...in response to Microsoft’s acquisition of the Catholic Church, IBM had acquired the Protestant Episcopal Church in the US for $1bn. “We are the oldest and most prestigious computer company in the world," the chairman of IBM was quoted as saying, “and we cannot be seen to be lagging behind in the race for pre-eminence in the religious software and hardware markets.”
But what happens during confession when you see "Fatal exception 0E has occurred at 6666:66666666"? That's right, the Blue Screen of Damnation.
The wonderful Vatican website. Lots of information and some of the most beautiful web tours of the art and buildings.
http://www.vatican.va/phome_en.htm
It’s an amazing resource.
I remember that. A (Roman Catholic) lady I worked with was briefly fooled, to my amusement.
Oy vey.
I just had a brief look at the Vatican website, and looked briefly at some of the artwork...all I can say is WOW, what a wonderful website...I will be going back to that website when I have more time, and want to be able to enjoy all of the art that is presented...thanks for giving us this resource...
With my laptop, I’d go blind fast.
Did you see http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page
They now have 25000 books online, and (Oh Joy!) most of Kipling’s works. (Un PC to the ultimate MAX.)
Wow it sure is and you don't have to be Catholic to appreciate it.
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