Posted on 06/16/2008 9:45:42 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church.
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow..
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
Some of these I’d seen, others were new..all made me laugh. Now off to bed I go with a smile on my face. Thanks :D
LOL
This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Yer killin’ me. BTT.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
1. The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
2. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of this church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
3. Wednesday the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing, “Put me in My Little Bed”, accompanied by the Pastor.
4. Thursday at 5 p. m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers will please meet the pastor in the study.
5. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
6. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Brown to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The sermon this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH. The closing song: RISE UP, O MEN OF GOD
The sermon this morning: GOSSIP . . . THE SPEAKING OF EVIL. The closing song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY
The sermon this morning: CONTEMPORARY ISSUES #3 . . . EUTHANASIA The closing song: TAKE MY LIFE
The sermon this morning: PREDESTINATION . . . WHAT ABOUT HELL? The closing song: I’LL GO WHERE YOU WANT ME TO GO
ROFL. Makes me think of Toby from The Office.
Many of these and several others here:http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Prairie/1101/bloopers.html
The selection of color for the page is likely the most serious blooper.
Closing Hymn: TAKE TIME TO BE HOLY (verses 1&4)
Also, in one of our bulletins, “though your sins be as scarlett...” (O’hara?)
I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time...
A great laugh! Thanks.
LOL. “Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!”
Tears in my eyes.
This is not a Bulletin blooper, but I have always found it funny.
The pastor announced that he had been called to another church, and the little old lady said, “I’m so sorry to see you go.”
“That’s kind of you to say,” he replied.
She shook her head and said, “I’ve been in this church 30 years. I’ve seen preachers come and go, and the next one is always worse than the last one.”
>> 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. <<
Tee-hee!
>> “Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!” <<
They played with such passion!
Excellent
Will the congregation please understand that the bowl in the back of the church labeled “for the sick” is for donations only
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