Cohabiting Brides and Grooms [Catholic Caucus]

ZNA ^ | July 15, 2008 | Father Edward McNamara

[NYer]

ROME, JULY 15, 2008 (Zenit.org).- Answered by Legionary of Christ Father Edward McNamara, professor of liturgy at the Regina Apostolorum university.

Q: Many Catholic brides and grooms acknowledge themselves as "living together" right up to the time of a sacramental marriage, and/or they admit that they have not followed the precepts of the Church (Mass on Sunday, Easter obligation, etc.). They decide to have a "Catholic wedding." Their marriage preparation lacks the requirement that they attend the sacrament of reconciliation to place themselves in a state of grace. Must a Catholic bride and/or groom be in the state of grace as they enter into matrimony in order for them to receive the grace of the sacrament? Is their marriage valid if they are not in the state of grace? -- M.T., Bloomfield, Connecticut

A: The present state of social mores is a source of frequent consternation to priests, deacons and others involved in preparing couples for marriage.

Many pastoral agents feel caught between Scylla and Charybdis, fearing that demanding the couple's separation before marriage might dash any hopes of re-evangelizing them during the marriage preparation course. For this reason some might be tempted to turn a blind eye to cohabiting couples.

Here the Latin adage "Suaviter in forma fortiter in re" (gentle in form, firm as to principle) comes into play.

When a couple request a Catholic wedding it is necessary to inquire as to their motives. When the motives are genuinely, even if imperfectly religious, it should be gently but firmly explained that being married in the Church, more than a pretty social event, is a lifelong binding pact between them and God. It thus requires serious spiritual preparation, and the couple should be encouraged to take the commitment fully aware of what is required.

Any diocesan policies should be explained right from the beginning. While the Church is almost always willing to conduct a sacramental marriage so as to at least give the couple the opportunity of returning to the sacraments, many dioceses and pastors are wont to refuse cohabiting couples the full panoply of a religious wedding and insist on a discreet private service.

This is done out of respect for, and to emphasize, the essentially religious nature of the sacrament of holy matrimony so that it is never reduced to the social sphere.

While marriage preparation courses have several goals in preparing the couple for married life, it is gravely incumbent that the couple reach a clear understanding of the commitments toward fidelity, permanence and openness to children. These commitments are essential to celebrate a valid wedding in the Catholic Church. Otherwise the wedding should not proceed, since no pastor should ever risk witnessing a probably invalid marriage.

It is also of very great importance that the couple prepare for marriage by living the state of grace. Cohabiting couples should be gently but clearly told that their situation is not conducive to an adequate preparation for a Catholic wedding. Cohabitation also risks the future stability of their life together, as has been shown by both pastoral experience and formal scientific studies.

Marriage, just like confirmation, Eucharist, holy orders and, whenever possible, anointing of the sick, require the state of grace for their fruitful reception.

With respect to validity, however, someone who is married while in a state of mortal sin may be validly married (as they would be validly confirmed, ordained, or validly celebrate Mass). But he/she would not receive the grace proper to this sacrament and indeed commits a further grave sin of sacrilege and renders the sacrament objectively illicit.

Such a state hardly augurs well for future marital bliss. It is therefore of utmost pastoral concern that couples be prepared in such a way that they clearly understand the beauty of Catholic teaching regarding pre-nuptial chastity, sincerely repent of any sins they may have committed, and seek the sacrament of reconciliation so as to enter into marriage in the state of grace.

The challenges are immense and certainly exceed the possibilities of this column to enter into details. This is why we have limited ourselves to enunciate some basic guiding principles.

* * *

Follow-up: Celebrating the Mass Silently

In the wake of our piece on a priest praying a silent Mass and the need for vocalization (see July 1), a related question from a Dallas, Texas, reader sprung to mind.

Our reader asked: "In the event that a priest becomes unable to make a vocal sound (due to illness), does he validly celebrate the Eucharist while mouthing the words (and thinking the words), or must the vocal chords be sounding? What about the obligation to pray the Divine Office? Is it fulfilled only if vocalized?"

There is no general rule for such specific cases, and probably each situation would need to be studied by the Holy See.

The statements from Pope Pius XII and the Holy Office regarding the invalidity of silent concelebration referred to the case of a priest using only the "verbum mentis," or mental words, with no attempt to accompany the words vocally. Therefore this stricture does not directly bear on our particular case.

I think that, if the priest were to attempt to say the words while thinking of them even though he was incapable of emitting clearly intelligible words or even of making any audible sound, then he would celebrate validly.

I would say that this is possible because he is making an effort to vocally say the words even though physically impeded. I stress that it is only an opinion and subject to correction if Church authorities were to decide otherwise. I have been unable to find any authoritative dictum that could be clearly applicable to our case.

A priest in such a situation should always consult the Holy See, preferably through his bishop or religious ordinary, so as to receive clear instructions as to how to proceed.

Because this kind of case also presents obvious pastoral difficulties, the Holy See or the bishop might establish particular conditions for the priest so that he may be strengthened by being able to celebrate Mass while avoiding any confusion for the faithful. For example, he might only be limited to concelebration, or celebrate alone without the presence of the faithful, etc.

Unlike the Mass and the other sacraments, it is no longer legally binding to vocalize the Divine Office, or Liturgy of the Hours, when praying by oneself.

[sitetest]

“Any diocesan policies should be explained right from the beginning. While the Church is almost always willing to conduct a sacramental marriage so as to at least give the couple the opportunity of returning to the sacraments, many dioceses and pastors are wont to refuse cohabiting couples the full panoply of a religious wedding and insist on a discreet private service.”

Of the parishes with which I’m familiar, none will marry a couple cohabiting without first their living apart for six months, and promising to be chaste.

[onedoug]

If you don't think of God, think of Shakespeare much of who's life was made miserable by an untimely pregnancy and marriage.

(And he was likely Catholic as well.)

[NYer]

And don’t forget St. Augustine ....!