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Unitarians Make Halloween Official Church Holiday
Team Tominthebox News Network® ^ | 28 October, 2008 | Eric Carpenter

Posted on 10/30/2008 8:56:30 AM PDT by topcat54

BOSTON, MA - The Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations announced on Monday that it has decided to make Halloween an official church holiday.

According to Spokesperson Madeline Kay-Harris, "We at the UUA believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Unlike most Christian denominations, when we say every, we mean every. We do not play favorites. Jesus Himself warned against favoritism in James 2:1-4, saying, 'My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality. For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, "You sit here in a good place," and say to the poor man, "You stand there," or, "Sit here at my footstool," have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?'"

Because of this philosophy, the UUA has decided to embrace Halloween in the hopes of attracting those from the ghoul-goblin crowd. UUA youth pastor Greg Jeffress told TBNN, "Jesus Himself, who we do not follow, clearly said to go into the world and preach the gospel to ALL creation. We want to do this. We want to welcome into our congregations those who have been shunned by other churches. Who are we to tell them to change?"

Some within the UUA have spoken anonymously about the need to be careful about embracing this new demographic. A pastor of a UUA congregation near Worchester, MA, secretly told us, "We want to be open to Satan-worshipers and the like, but we are somewhat intimidated. It is important for us to be tolerant of the blood, gore, knives, and dead puppies. However, we are concerned that some of the more intolerant among us will get scared and not attend our meetings."

Because of these concerns, the UUA is meeting in Boston next week to discuss how its congregations can both welcome, for example, wearwolves and vampires and also keep its people safe.

According to Kay-Harris, "We must find a balance between sorcery and safety, between beheadings and being safe, between sacrifices and serenity. This is our goal. We are embracing Halloween. We are just going to have to learn how to deal with these changes."


TOPICS: Humor; Theology
KEYWORDS: ecumenical; satire

1 posted on 10/30/2008 8:56:31 AM PDT by topcat54
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To: topcat54

Unitarians are a odd group.

I’m Christian, but I still like Halloween - but not as a church holiday.


2 posted on 10/30/2008 9:00:01 AM PDT by ZULU (Non nobis, non nobis Domine, sed nomini tuo da gloriam. God, guts and guns made America great.)
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To: topcat54

>Unlike most Christian denominations....well, that’s fer sure! I’d never call ‘em Christians!

>UUA youth pastor Greg Jeffress told TBNN, “Jesus Himself, who we do not follow, clearly said to go into the world and preach the gospel to ALL creation. We want to do this. We want to welcome into our congregations those who have been shunned by other churches. Who are we to tell them to change?”....ok, see , they’re not Christians, cuz they don’t follow Christ. And, they’ve perverted the Great Commission to pollute the innocents that they bring into their belief system.

They’ve clearly missed the boat, IMO.


3 posted on 10/30/2008 9:01:14 AM PDT by sassy steel magnolia (USAF life and Navy wife...God Bless the USA!)
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To: topcat54
You had me completely fooled until I got to this: A pastor of a UUA congregation near Worchester, MA, secretly told us, "We want to be open to Satan-worshipers and the like, but we are somewhat intimidated.
4 posted on 10/30/2008 9:03:17 AM PDT by KarlInOhio (Obama: Spread the Wealth = Marx: From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs)
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To: topcat54
"We must find a balance between sorcery and safety, between beheadings and being safe, between sacrifices and serenity.

Favorite line.... very funny stuff....;^)

5 posted on 10/30/2008 9:04:00 AM PDT by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA (Obama prays to himself: "The prayer that I tell myself every night ...")
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To: topcat54
Just so that everybody is absolutely clear about TBNN:

Team Tominthebox News Network® is a satirical online blog written by Tom Slawson, V. Carlos Slawson Jr., Eric Carpenter and Bill Harris. All names of people or places mentioned in stories are fictional, except when a public figure is being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this blog is Copyright 2008 by Team Tominthebox News Network. Transmission of and linking to articles ore materials found at this site is encouraged. ARTICLES, GRAPHICS OR AUDIO CLIPS MAY NOT BE ALTERED OR CHANGED, AND THIS SITE MUST BE REFERENCED VIA A LINK TO THIS SITE. The purpose of this blog is to make a point through the use of satire. Soli Deo Gloria!

6 posted on 10/30/2008 9:07:35 AM PDT by Captain Rhino (The best way to calm the delusions of grandeur in the energy cartel is to stop needing their energy)
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To: ZULU
Unitarians are a odd group.

You know if you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's Witness you end up with someone who'll knock on your door for no apparent reason.

7 posted on 10/30/2008 9:07:44 AM PDT by tbpiper
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To: topcat54

The official motto of the Unitarians is “I don’t know”.


8 posted on 10/30/2008 9:09:17 AM PDT by Doctor Raoul (It's no longer the Press Van, it's a "Tanker" Truck!)
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To: tbpiper
Unitarians are a odd group.

You know if you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's Witness you end up with someone who'll knock on your door for no apparent reason.

And if you want to terrorize a Unitarian you burn a question mark in his front yard.

9 posted on 10/30/2008 9:10:38 AM PDT by CrazyIvan (If you read only one book this year, read "Stolen Valor".)
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To: sassy steel magnolia
I love Halloween too, but it is just too bad that many groups that do not appreciate Christian values have hijacked Halloween.
Halloween is already a holy day known as the Vigil of All Saints but I am sure that is not what the Unitarians mean or want.
10 posted on 10/30/2008 9:11:25 AM PDT by LauraJean (sometimes I win sometimes I donate to the equine benevolent society)
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To: tbpiper
Overheard at a Unitarian funeral:

"All dressed up and no place to go."

11 posted on 10/30/2008 9:12:47 AM PDT by Designer (We are SO scrood!)
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To: ZULU

Halloween has always marked a church holiday, or rather, the beginning of one. The word “halloween” is a contraction of All Hallow’s Eve (Old English, I think), that is, the evening before All Saints Day or All Hallow’s Day, November 1. November 2 is actually the Day of the Dead.


12 posted on 10/30/2008 9:13:11 AM PDT by 3AngelaD (They screwed up their own countries so bad they had to leave, and now they're here screwing up ours.)
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To: topcat54

Ok, so now the ACLU is going to have to get the schools to end observance of the religious holiday known as Halloween.


13 posted on 10/30/2008 9:17:29 AM PDT by weegee (Global Climate Change? Fight Global Socialist CHANGE. vote NO on Obama-Biden.)
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To: LauraJean

Yes, I like Halloween too, and I agree that it’s been hijacked by groups that are either way weird, or way too fundy. I miss the good ole days!!!


14 posted on 10/30/2008 9:17:54 AM PDT by sassy steel magnolia (USAF life and Navy wife...God Bless the USA!)
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To: topcat54
UUA youth pastor Greg Jeffress told TBNN, "Jesus Himself, who we do not follow, clearly said

I'm getting whiplash from that logic. It is like when a liberal says something like, "Even Nixon was for...".

15 posted on 10/30/2008 9:18:55 AM PDT by weegee (Global Climate Change? Fight Global Socialist CHANGE. vote NO on Obama-Biden.)
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To: 3AngelaD

All Saints Day is a Christian Holliday.

Halloween, despite its temporal connection, never was.

All Saints’ Day was probably created to compete with or replace a Celtic Pagan Fall holiday - just like December 25th was selected to compete with and replace the pagan feasts of Sol Invictis and Yule. Nobody knows for sure the day Christ was born, although the Orthodox date is probably closer than the western Christian date.


16 posted on 10/30/2008 9:19:35 AM PDT by ZULU (Non nobis, non nobis Domine, sed nomini tuo da gloriam. God, guts and guns made America great.)
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To: Captain Rhino

Yeah, I’ve got a humor deficit this morning.


17 posted on 10/30/2008 9:19:51 AM PDT by weegee (Global Climate Change? Fight Global Socialist CHANGE. vote NO on Obama-Biden.)
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To: tbpiper

Is the offspring called a DemocRat?

They knock on doors for no good reason either!


18 posted on 10/30/2008 9:20:22 AM PDT by ZULU (Non nobis, non nobis Domine, sed nomini tuo da gloriam. God, guts and guns made America great.)
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To: topcat54
Kind of like the church van I saw parked at a hotel on my way to work this week. Below the church name on the side of the van it said,

"All-Denominational Church" .

Huh?

19 posted on 10/30/2008 9:21:38 AM PDT by OB1kNOb ("I guarantee you it's (a testing of America) gonna happen." - "Plugs" Biden regarding Obama)
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To: topcat54

Dude, the Unitarians are more of a social club/therapy group than a religion. They would probably make Pulaski Day a holiday if enough Poles raised a stink.


20 posted on 10/30/2008 9:23:41 AM PDT by Clemenza (PRIVATIZE FANNIE AND FREDDIE! NO MORE BAILOUTS!)
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To: sassy steel magnolia

I totally agree.


21 posted on 10/30/2008 9:24:17 AM PDT by retrokitten (Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!)
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To: topcat54

Absolutely crazy — seems like a lurch toward Satanism to me.

Rather than the “Eve of All Hallows.” (All Hallows is All Saints Day)


22 posted on 10/30/2008 9:27:41 AM PDT by Salvation ( †With God all things are possible.†)
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To: ZULU

As I said, Halloween marks the evening, or eve, of All Hallow’s — All Saints Day. In Mexico it fell close to an indigenous holiday remembering and honoring the dead, so the Spanish missionaries co-opted the native celebration and made it the Day of the Dead, which is still widley celebrated in some decidedly non-Christian ways. That said, the Mexicans have a peculiar attitude toward death, and portray it as something to be made fun of, satirized and laughed at.


23 posted on 10/30/2008 9:35:00 AM PDT by 3AngelaD (They screwed up their own countries so bad they had to leave, and now they're here screwing up ours.)
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To: 3AngelaD

“In Mexico it fell close to an indigenous holiday remembering and honoring the dead, so the Spanish missionaries co-opted the native celebration and made it the Day of the Dead, which is still widley celebrated in some decidedly non-Christian ways. That said, the Mexicans have a peculiar attitude toward death, and portray it as something to be made fun of, satirized and laughed at.”

True also. But the Christian Church first encountered Celtic Paganism before it encountered Azetc Paganism and that I believe set the Holiday.


24 posted on 10/30/2008 9:38:02 AM PDT by ZULU (Non nobis, non nobis Domine, sed nomini tuo da gloriam. God, guts and guns made America great.)
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To: CrazyIvan
burn a question mark in his front yard

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

25 posted on 10/30/2008 9:49:31 AM PDT by tbpiper
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To: topcat54

“Unlike most Christian denominations, when we say every, we mean every. We do not play favorites. Jesus Himself warned against favoritism in James 2:1-4, saying,”

Unitarians reading the bible? Is that the joke?


26 posted on 10/30/2008 11:20:38 AM PDT by Augustinian monk
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To: topcat54

I nearly got all the way to the end before I realized it was a hoax.

Now it if had said “Episcopal Church,” I would have swallowed the whole story hook, line and sinker.


27 posted on 10/30/2008 11:50:37 AM PDT by kaehurowing
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To: topcat54

These days, it’s getting harder and harder to tell what’s satire and what’s not. This is what these nuts actually say!


28 posted on 10/30/2008 4:29:49 PM PDT by Zero Sum (Liberalism: The damage ends up being a thousand times the benefit! (apologies to Rabbi Benny Lau))
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