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Outsourced prayer lines confuse callers [Satire alert]
Lark News ^ | Vol. 4 Issue 5

Posted on 08/18/2009 7:20:37 AM PDT by Alex Murphy

DES MOINES — Last month, Lori Danes, 43, called the prayer line of a major television ministry and requested prayer for her mother's persistent ulcers. But her prayer representative, who called himself "Darren," prayed in a strong Indian accent that "all the gods would bless her mightily."

"I was stunned," Danes says. "It was like I'd called a demon prayer line." The manager of India Prayer Solutions, located in Mumbai, India, apologized for the incident and fired the employee who, he said, had not been properly trained. But dozens of similar incidents have rattled U.S. callers since major ministries began outsourcing their prayer lines to India. The ministries insist they are overwhelmed by the growing number of calls for prayer.

"There aren't enough Americans willing to sit in the prayer tower and take calls anymore," says a prayer coordinator at a major ministry which jobbed out its prayer lines last year.

But the interactions have left many callers baffled.

Rich Douglas of Orem, Utah, called a prayer line for the first time this month, requesting prayer for his wife's cancer. His prayer partner, "Stephanie," took him through a series of prayers that felt "pretty clinical," says Douglas. "I definitely didn't sense the Spirit. It sounded like she was reading from a script."

"Stephanie," whose real name is Reha Jain, is a Hindu woman who works at a call center in Mumbai and has prayed with "many satisfied prayer customers," she says. "It's like my old job at a Microsoft call center. The caller is happy if you deliver quality customer service."

Her fellow worker Rajneesh Tuwalla likewise had never heard of a single U.S. ministry, but was "sick of working at the Sprint call center," he says. "The customers always got angry about their bill."

Tuwalla landed a job at a prayer center and learned to pray "Christian prayers" by watching Kenneth Copeland.

"All the TV preachers pray good, but Copeland prays the best," says Tuwalla, who mimics Copeland's style on the phone with callers. Like many service reps, he uses an American name while on the job. In Copeland's honor, Tuwalla calls himself "Ken." MO< Tuwalla has heard the rumors that U.S. ministries may repatriate their call centers. He hopes it isn't true. At his Sprint job he would have to "run around the block and maybe pull the head off a stray chicken" to settle down every night because of the stress he felt serving demanding U.S. customers. But the prayer center job is more relaxed.

"The callers are very nice," he says. "I like my life again."•


TOPICS: Humor; Ministry/Outreach; Prayer; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: napl; satireyoufools
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"There aren't enough Americans willing to sit in the prayer tower and take calls anymore," says a prayer coordinator at a major ministry which jobbed out its prayer lines last year.
1 posted on 08/18/2009 7:20:37 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
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To: Alex Murphy

Damn, just damn!


2 posted on 08/18/2009 7:22:05 AM PDT by pikachu (Be alert! We need more lerts!)
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To: Alex Murphy

Why don’t people just ask friends to pray for them? I don’t think God hears you better because you get some stranger on a phone to pray. Sheesh.


3 posted on 08/18/2009 7:22:51 AM PDT by brytlea (Jesus loves me, this I know.)
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To: Alex Murphy

all the gods would bless her mightily.

I am a Christian, but I find this hilarious.


4 posted on 08/18/2009 7:22:55 AM PDT by brwnsuga (Proud, BLACK, Beautiful, Conservative!!!)
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To: Alex Murphy
I am going to need you to get your Bible and reinstall your faith. < /thick Indian accent>
5 posted on 08/18/2009 7:24:11 AM PDT by KarlInOhio ("I can run wild for six months ...after that, I have no expectation of success" - Admiral Obama-moto)
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To: brwnsuga

“Go to the windoooooooooow.”


6 posted on 08/18/2009 7:24:29 AM PDT by massgopguy (I owe everything to George Bailey)
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To: Alex Murphy

What is it, that people expect from a commercial prayer line?


7 posted on 08/18/2009 7:24:32 AM PDT by stuartcr (When silence speaks, it speaks only to those that have already decided what they want to hear.)
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To: Alex Murphy

“The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

The “pray-for-pay” of a devout Hindu in an Indian call center, maybe not-so-much.


8 posted on 08/18/2009 7:25:15 AM PDT by Nervous Tick (Stop dissing drunken sailors! At least they spend their OWN money.)
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To: brwnsuga

Perhaps that is what the prayer line person believes, and to her, it was the same as what the caller wanted?


9 posted on 08/18/2009 7:26:19 AM PDT by stuartcr (When silence speaks, it speaks only to those that have already decided what they want to hear.)
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To: Alex Murphy
At his Sprint job he would have to "run around the block and maybe pull the head off a stray chicken" to settle down every night because of the stress he felt serving demanding U.S. customers.

Hmmmm....

As a Sprint customer who is equally upset with Sprint service, maybe I should try that.

Anybody seen any stray chickens lately?

10 posted on 08/18/2009 7:26:27 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd (I am Legend)
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To: KarlInOhio

>> I am going to need you to get your Bible and reinstall your faith. < /thick Indian accent>

ROFL! Made my morning, that one did.


11 posted on 08/18/2009 7:26:33 AM PDT by Nervous Tick (Stop dissing drunken sailors! At least they spend their OWN money.)
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To: Alex Murphy

parody, anyone???


12 posted on 08/18/2009 7:27:39 AM PDT by jjm2111
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To: Vor Lady

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I’m-not-sure-if-this-is-satire-or-not-ping.


13 posted on 08/18/2009 7:27:42 AM PDT by LongElegantLegs (It takes a viking to raze a village!)
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To: jjm2111

or rather, satire....


14 posted on 08/18/2009 7:27:52 AM PDT by jjm2111
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To: Responsibility2nd; Slings and Arrows

Yes - actually - I AM pinging you to a Religion Thread.


15 posted on 08/18/2009 7:28:03 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd (I am Legend)
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To: Responsibility2nd

>> Anybody seen any stray chickens lately?

You can make your own, with a pair of wire cutters.

Watch out for Farmer John.


16 posted on 08/18/2009 7:28:06 AM PDT by Nervous Tick (Stop dissing drunken sailors! At least they spend their OWN money.)
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To: Alex Murphy
At his Sprint job he would have to "run around the block and maybe pull the head off a stray chicken" to settle down every night because of the stress he felt serving demanding U.S. customers. But the prayer center job is more relaxed.

Haha awesome. I love that people think this is a serious story.

17 posted on 08/18/2009 7:28:47 AM PDT by xjcsa (And these three remain: change, hope and government. But the greatest of these is government.)
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To: Alex Murphy

Next you are going to tell me that the Prayer Cloth I just bought from Robert Tilton was made in a Chinese sweat shop!


18 posted on 08/18/2009 7:29:36 AM PDT by earlJam
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To: Responsibility2nd

There are plenty of them in Key West.


19 posted on 08/18/2009 7:30:48 AM PDT by Barb4Bush (God help us all!)
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To: Alex Murphy
Not properly trained?
It would seem to me that being baptized in any Christian denomination would be the first part of the training.
20 posted on 08/18/2009 7:32:15 AM PDT by Kansas58
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To: LongElegantLegs
I’m-not-sure-if-this-is-satire-or-not-ping.

I don't know, I checked the source website, and I'm pretty sure Calvin grads dominate 2009 pastors draft is legit.

21 posted on 08/18/2009 7:33:36 AM PDT by xjcsa (And these three remain: change, hope and government. But the greatest of these is government.)
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To: LongElegantLegs

>> I’m-not-sure-if-this-is-satire-or-not-ping.

Personally, I’m going with “satire”. However, like all good satire, it’s close enough to believable to make you fall for it for a short time, *if* you’re jaded enough to think society has gone far enough around the bend.

Unfortunately, I happen to be just that jaded! :-)


22 posted on 08/18/2009 7:33:39 AM PDT by Nervous Tick (Stop dissing drunken sailors! At least they spend their OWN money.)
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To: Larry Lucido; Cagey; MotleyGirl70
Caller: I am calling and would like to confess my sins.

Operator: "You are VERY bad man."


23 posted on 08/18/2009 7:34:34 AM PDT by earlJam
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To: Alex Murphy

This is almost s funny as the Bob and Tom bit where they have the outsourced porn line. In that one a guy with a thick Indian accent pretends he is a hot college coed.


24 posted on 08/18/2009 7:35:48 AM PDT by dog breath
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To: xjcsa

>> I’m pretty sure Calvin grads dominate 2009 pastors draft is legit.

No. That can’t be true.

Everyone who follows the sport KNOWS the Baptists have a stronger senior class this year.


25 posted on 08/18/2009 7:35:57 AM PDT by Nervous Tick (Stop dissing drunken sailors! At least they spend their OWN money.)
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To: Alex Murphy
I almost...was real close...to falling for this and had my post ready that said "You can't make this stuff up!"....and then i realized you can.

Funny piece!

26 posted on 08/18/2009 7:36:02 AM PDT by DouglasKC
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To: Alex Murphy

This wins the “Unclear on the Concept” award of the week.


27 posted on 08/18/2009 7:37:28 AM PDT by La Lydia
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To: Alex Murphy

Sorry, but people who worship with a remote control in hand, deserve this kind of devotion...


28 posted on 08/18/2009 7:38:41 AM PDT by Dixie Yooper (Ephesians 6:11)
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To: Alex Murphy
and maybe pull the head off a stray chicken

Is that a euphamism?

If so, I can relate.
29 posted on 08/18/2009 7:39:08 AM PDT by SJSAMPLE
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To: earlJam

90% of the merchandise in my local Mardal’s Christian store is made in China. I’m shopping for a chaplet/rosary and may have to spend a lot on-line, maybe from Ireland although in Ireland almost all the tourist trinkets were made in China. sigh.


30 posted on 08/18/2009 7:41:37 AM PDT by Mercat (Scary middle aged people take to the street)
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To: earlJam

http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=farting+preacher+2&hl=en&emb=0&aq=2&oq=farting+preacher#


31 posted on 08/18/2009 7:43:22 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: Nervous Tick

Thanks - you areadly posted my precise assessment.


32 posted on 08/18/2009 7:44:34 AM PDT by VRWCTexan (Obama-scare is the "real" Cash for Clunker Program!)
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To: KarlInOhio
I am going to need you to get your Bible and reinstall your faith. < /thick Indian accent>

ROFL!!! Perfect addendum to this article. :-)

33 posted on 08/18/2009 7:45:55 AM PDT by Liberty1970 (Democrats are not in control. God is. And Thank God for that!)
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To: Alex Murphy
May all the gods bless you mightily; and, would you like super-sized slurpy with that?

Here's Homer Simpson, connected to the "prayer line"...



"Buy More, Be Happy"--THX1138
34 posted on 08/18/2009 7:48:43 AM PDT by LomanBill (Animals! The DemocRats blew up the windmill with an Acorn!)
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To: Responsibility2nd

Go find some Democrats!


35 posted on 08/18/2009 7:48:57 AM PDT by Niuhuru (The internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: Alex Murphy

Hey people,
Forget the middle man. Get on your knees and talk directly to God. I promise, He will listen.


36 posted on 08/18/2009 7:51:10 AM PDT by AnnGora (As a result of the Stimulus Bill, Napoleon has no more tots to give.)
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To: Alex Murphy

State minimum pricing on all prayers after 5:00 PM weekdays and on weekends.


37 posted on 08/18/2009 7:53:52 AM PDT by smellmygunpowder
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To: Responsibility2nd; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; ...
May all the Mods ping you mightily.

[I know I've pinged this article before. I don't care. And yes, it's satire.]


38 posted on 08/18/2009 7:56:16 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Crazy is the new sane.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

I called one of those prayer lines.

First thing the guy said, (and I’m not making this up) is, “You need to get rid of the jelly fish.”

Freaked me out!

(How did he know?)


39 posted on 08/18/2009 8:05:14 AM PDT by MaryFromMichigan
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To: Alex Murphy

Hilarious!


40 posted on 08/18/2009 8:06:44 AM PDT by Attention Surplus Disorder (What kind of organization answers the phone if you call a suicide hotline in Gaza City?)
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To: 75thOVI; Abathar; alarm rider; albee; Alice au Wonderland; Amityschild; aMorePerfectUnion; ...

No amateurs, please.
Send FReepmail if you want on/off ISHP list
The List of Ping Lists

Beam your e-mailed prayer into Deep Space ($1 per prayer) (this guy's not kidding)

41 posted on 08/18/2009 8:13:47 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: brwnsuga
re: I am a Christian, but I find this hilarious

Amen! I haven't laughed as hard in weeks!

I would love to have been at the deacon's meeting where that decision was made! I can hear them now, “What could possibly go wrong?”

My wife and I are convinced the world is slowly but surely grinding to a halt. Almost nothing works like it should any longer. Some things just do as well, but others have ground to a full stop. It's so rare to deal with a company or complete a transaction and have it go without hitch that I make it a point to tell people who've done their job well how rare that is and how some of us, usually the old pharts, do know the difference!

I don't know how we go about making it happen but the only solution I see is to bring all those jobs back to America and simply pay what it costs to have it done here. The transition would be hell on Earth, but after a while the laws of business would start to take over again and those who can't hack it will be weeded out. I try never to call customer support and make it a point to get off the line right away if it's obvious I'm talking to someone who barely speaks my language. I know it's probably rude, but not nearly as rude as I get when I've wasted 20 minutes trying to make sense of what they're telling me, after I've wasted 20 minutes while they try to make sense of what I'm telling them. Then there's the 20 minutes when neither of us has any idea what the problem is or how to address it.

I've posted this before, but I think this thread warrants a re-posting for those who might have missed it. It does a great job of explaining our frustration:

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”...

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”.

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

Room Service : “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”

Guest : “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”

Room Service: “ Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???”

Guest: “Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs.”

Room Service: “Ow July den?”

Guest: “.....What??”

Room Service: “Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?”

Guest: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please.”

Room Service: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”

Guest: “Crisp will be fine.”

Room Service: “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”

Guest: “What?”

Room Service: “An toes. July Sahn toes?”

Guest: “I.... don't think so.”

RoomService: “No? Judo wan sahn toes???”

Guest: “I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what ‘judo wan sahn toes’ means.”

RoomService: “Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”

Guest: “Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying ‘toast’... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”

RoomService: “We bodder?”

Guest: “No, just put the bodder on the side.”

RoomService: “Wad?!?”

Guest: “I mean butter... just put the butter on the side.”

RoomService: “Copy?”

Guest: “Excuse me?”

RoomService: “Copy...tea..meel?”

Guest: “Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything.”

RoomService: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??”

Guest: “Whatever you say.”

RoomService: “Tenjooberrymuds.”

Guest: “You're welcome”

Remember I said “By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ‘TENJOOBERRYMUDS’ “......and you do, don't you! PS I'm sure you can just imagine the fun the spell checker had with this!!

42 posted on 08/18/2009 8:31:39 AM PDT by jwparkerjr (God Bless America, and wake us up while you're about it!)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Heard in a confessional booth:

- - - - -

Gimme three “Hail Mary’s” and your phone number!

(i just know i’m gonna regret posting this) :)


43 posted on 08/18/2009 8:44:58 AM PDT by MeekOneGOP (2008: The year the Media died. --Sean Hannity, regarding Barack HUSSEIN ObaMao's treatment ...)
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To: jwparkerjr

lol


44 posted on 08/18/2009 8:48:39 AM PDT by brwnsuga (Proud, BLACK, Beautiful, Conservative!!!)
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To: jwparkerjr

LOL!


45 posted on 08/18/2009 8:48:58 AM PDT by MeekOneGOP (2008: The year the Media died. --Sean Hannity, regarding Barack HUSSEIN ObaMao's treatment ...)
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To: MeekOneGOP

Times like this I’m glad to be Jewish.


46 posted on 08/18/2009 9:53:44 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Crazy is the new sane.)
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To: MaryFromMichigan

Everyone knows about the jellyfish.


47 posted on 08/18/2009 10:23:16 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Crazy is the new sane.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Shalom! :^D


48 posted on 08/18/2009 12:04:12 PM PDT by MeekOneGOP (2008: The year the Media died. --Sean Hannity, regarding Barack HUSSEIN ObaMao's treatment ...)
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To: Alex Murphy

bump for later so I can tell everyone I know to read this....I love Lark!


49 posted on 08/18/2009 2:26:31 PM PDT by holly go-rightly
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To: jwparkerjr

I’m ashamed to admit this, but as a veteran caller to the Dell Customer Service phone line, I understood every word...


50 posted on 08/18/2009 3:18:44 PM PDT by fieldmarshaldj (~"This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps !"~~)
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