Posted on 09/08/2009 11:04:08 PM PDT by ROTB
Brothers and sisters in Christ!
While walking to a church BBQ, I happened upon a lovely lady in an evening gown, walking with her mother.
When we all got to reception, I asked if this was where we all get our name tags. We were told rather, that the suggested donation was $5.
Behold, the lovely lady and her mother proceeded to look in their purses. As they did, I whipped out $20, and told reception that I would cover the ladies. They thanked me, and I moved on immediately to the food line.
A minute later the lady and her mother also show up in the food line, and the mother introduces herself and the lovely lady.
The lovely lady then asks why I treated them both. I replied that it was better than watching them fumble through their purses. She giggled. I smiled.
I then ask the lady if the reason she is in an evening gown, due to the fact she just came from a wedding. Her reply? She always dresses that way to church. I stood there, slack jawed, and remembered that my father had urged me to go to church in a shirt and tie.
"Honour thy father and mother, that it may be well with you." I stood there in a t-shirt and jeans, feeling stupid ... and looking like a schlep.
At that moment, my "posse" arrived, and not deeming it the moment to introduce the lovely lady and her mother to the gang, I stopped interacting.
Later, during communion, the mother turned towards me while passing, and I bowed slightly to acknowledge her.
I saw the lovely lady and her mother again last time I went two weeks later. The lovely lady was in jeans and a blouse. There was some sort of picnic earlier that day, so I'm hoping she skipped the evening gown as an exception, and didn't punk me.
1) Is the mother there with her daughter as bodyguard, screener, or church buddy? 2) Do I ask the mother for permission to attempt to win her daughter's heart the next time I interact with them, or do I keep the conversation light, and continue to express interest?
The article linked to
Please advise!
Sounds like a classic southern family. A certain decorum, especially at church and social events. I would just stick with polite conversation and maybe ask her to coffee or something simple. Don’t forget to invite the daughter along too (just kidding. :p )
Ask the girl out on a date. She can handle it from there.
I wouldn't wear a coat and tie if no one else does, but you should shoot for being in the top quartile of the congregation, sartorially speaking.
As far as clearing things with Mom, I don't think you need to do so explicitly. If you do, the lovely daughter will let you know. Just make sure she has plenty of opportunity to get to know you. You don't want Mom along on a dinner date, but you could perhaps take her along with the two of you to a ball game or a church event, to help her reassure herself about your intentions towards her daughter.
Send Mom a little bouquet after your first real date, if you hit it off with Miss Lovely, and include a gracious note complimenting her for raising her daughter so well. You can do so anytime she does something nice for you. I have found this works wonders with my own mother-in-law.
Dating adventures ping!
I’m married for 15 years. I am the wrong person to be asking because I know nothing. Just ask my wife.
this lady sounds like a ding-dong ~~~evening wear to church? roflmao
They hunt in packs.
What did you whip out?
1) how old is the lady and her mother?
2) ask around, especially the other ladies in the church and neighborhood. They can tell you the real story.
3) how was her “affect”: did she seem flat, or dazed, or shy?
4) don’t worry about her different answers: Often one says the first thing that pops into one’s head when a stranger asks a personal question.
Just find an opportunity and ask the daughter out for a coffee sometime. Show a little testicular fortitude.
Enlist the help of a friend to distract the mother with polite conversation.
Dont worry if she is a bit mule kicked. Those women have their advantages too
I guess you could save yourself a bunch of time and just hand over all of your money to her now. Spoiler: That’s how it always ends.
Depends upon the age of the daughter. It all sounds pretty old skool, and one can't go wrong with chivalry. Simple small talk with them together, and wait for the right moment. Ask for a tacit approval from the mother for a short term moment with her daughter... a walk or a dance (in plain sight), if the daughter would agree, whereupon you might discuss your intentions with the daughter herself more privately.
This allows the daughter to be socially gracious, participating in a short outing, and if she is interested, she will surely clue you in on the terms necessary to go further at that point. If not, she can rebuff your advances in a polite way.
Treating the mother as a gentleman would will go a very long way in any case, but if it is old skool, don't be surprised if the other shoe drops shortly... You've still got to get through the old man... That's the sticky part. :D
I have a friend whose mother is always by her side. Her mother is in the early stages of Altheimers. Things aren’t always as they may seem.
A co-worker told me that the next time he finds himself in love with a woman, he he will buy her a home, give her his checkbook, and kiss her goodbye, and part on good terms!
Sounds like my mother and sister. Widowed mother and single sister living together for convenience, safety, cost savings, and companionship. They were very much alike.
Just be a gentleman and engage both of them in conversation.
Ask them both to lunch, not dinner.
Uhhh, how old are you?
Geez, that’s a positive response. My husband handles all the money in my family.
Other issues aside, evening gowns are usually rather bare and revealing around the neckline and shoulders, often revealing cleavage.
That would seem to me to be far less appropriate for church than a nice pair of jeans and a polo.
She's lovely, cares about her mother and attends church regularly. Sounds good so far!
I literally stopped going to my last church because I was sick of men hitting on me and asking me out.....No means No...one guy would show up and wait in the church parking lot to open my door for me after a Bible study class- after I told him NO. Another guy would just keep at it, for an entire YEAR, buying me gifts, stalking me n the internet, posting LOVE LETTERS to me on his internet blog-— and my church members told me I needed to get over my hatred of men, so I could date again.....(and pursue a life of adultry...) I don’t hate men— I LOVE MEN! I just don’t want to date sick men....
I am now happily married to a fellow FREEPer....
I go to church to worship. If a woman wants to be approached by men, YOU WILL KNOW....
If she acts single and available- then just ask her to join you for lunch after church, and invite her mother along. If she acts disinterested in men and dating, show some respect and some class....
Thanks for the ping! I see nothing wrong with taking dear old mom to church. Or maybe it’s the other way around, and the mom is dragging the daughter into the pews. LOL.
Now, if she takes her mom to visit with her friends, then something is terribly wrong.
Keep an eye out on the ballgown inconsistency. See if she ever comes back to church dressed that way. Maybe you flustered her and called attention to her being “overdressed” for the event and that was her comeback (”I always dress like this for Church!”). You already called them out on their fumbling in their purses, so maybe she thought she was being picked on. Who knows.
Take it easy, no pressure :)
Best always!
Just take it slow, get to know her and leak it to a mutual friend you might be interested. The evening dress may just be a quirk, we all have them (your a political nut). Seek guidance in prayer often.
That is about all one can do. Just see where it leads ya.
If you’re dealing with a young woman, ignore the advice to treat her like some sort of slut just because she wears “questionable” church attire. It’s obviously the way she was brought up, not some rebellion against Christ. I don’t know how out-of-line the dress was, but it’s quite possible she never saw it as a sign of disrespect to Christ. If she’s something black and string-strapped that’s one thing; if she’s wearing a teddy with her breasts and butt hanging out, that’s one thing. Just make sure you aren’t interested just because she was wearing something sexy to church... but on the other hand, if that’s not the reason you’re interested in her, it’s healthy and natural if it got your attention.
The biggest mistake is trying to read minds, in my opinion. If you like her, make it clear that you do. If she seems to show signs of liking you in response, make your short-term intentions and long-term values plain. (If they are consistent with each other, there’s no need to say something frighteningly explicit like “I’m looking for a wife”; that’ll be understood in proper time.)
“Be yourself” is one of those maddening cliches. If someone is the right person, being yourself comes naturally. Beyond that, telling someone to be themselves is as logically self-defeating as declaring, “I always lie.” If there’s anything you can prep yourself for, it’s to not allow yourself to any form of presumption, whether it’s planning out what you want to say, dreaming of your future together, or trying to read her mind.
So to directly answer your question: if you don’t already know whether you should ask her mother, or what role her mother has, you can’t know, yet. Don’t worry about it. If you need to know, you’ll find out.
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