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SATIRE: A Baptist website is claiming the world is going to end on March 4, 2010.
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=36729 ^

Posted on 02/04/2010 8:03:11 PM PST by Sarah 2012

Scream glory Christians! The end is nigh! Soon we will be returned into the bosom of Christ, while the sinners are left to suffer the tribulation! If you haven't been saved yet, do so now! It is urgent!!!

I have been carefully studying the books of Revelation, Daniel, and other key passages in Matthew, Ezekiel, and Song of Solomon, and having computed some numbers, have realized the return of Jesus is going to be three weeks from now!

Now, I know some of you will say Jesus said we cannot predict the day and the hour, but the Bible actually says that near the end, the date and hour WILL become known!

Daniel 12: 9And he said, Go thy way, Daniel: for the words are closed up and sealed till the time of the end. 10Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand. 11And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days. 12Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days. 13But go thou thy way till the end be: for thou shalt rest, and stand in thy lot at the end of the days.


TOPICS: Activism; Evangelical Christian; General Discusssion; Humor; Ministry/Outreach
KEYWORDS: baptist; endoftheworld; itsajoke; landoverbaptist; satire
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Huh?
1 posted on 02/04/2010 8:03:11 PM PST by Sarah 2012
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To: Sarah 2012

To its church goers “DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID OR WEAR TRACK SUITS.


2 posted on 02/04/2010 8:05:27 PM PST by VicVega (Saints are marching to Miami to win the Super Bowl.)
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To: Sarah 2012

Idiots. baptists what branch. Have these people ever read the Bible, its very clear - we don’t know, no one knows.


3 posted on 02/04/2010 8:05:41 PM PST by svcw (If you are going to quote the Bible know what you are quoting.)
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To: Sarah 2012

That’s just so ridiculous. It’s the fifth. The world’s gonna end on March 5th. Sheesh!


4 posted on 02/04/2010 8:05:52 PM PST by Krankor
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To: Sarah 2012

Does this baptist church go by the name of “Westboro”?


5 posted on 02/04/2010 8:06:20 PM PST by diverteach (D.C. has become Jonestown)
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To: Sarah 2012

Would it be Obama’s fault?


6 posted on 02/04/2010 8:06:39 PM PST by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: Sarah 2012

It’s a satire website making fun of Christians.


7 posted on 02/04/2010 8:07:00 PM PST by Sender (It's never too late to be who you could have been.)
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To: Salvation

No, haven’t you been listening. Is GW Bush’s fault.


8 posted on 02/04/2010 8:07:29 PM PST by svcw (If you are going to quote the Bible know what you are quoting.)
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To: svcw

LOl!


9 posted on 02/04/2010 8:08:05 PM PST by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: Sarah 2012

At 6:20 in the morning, Central Standard Time. Early risers.


10 posted on 02/04/2010 8:09:01 PM PST by La Lydia
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To: Sarah 2012

Well since I am getting sick and tired of the rat race I kinda hope they’re right, but let’s just say I’m not going to stop paying bills or going to work just yet.

The hookers and blow though...now that’s tempting...


11 posted on 02/04/2010 8:09:11 PM PST by Felis_irritable (Fool me once, I'll punch you in the...er, something or other...)
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To: Felis_irritable; All

This is a site for SATIRE meant to mock Christians.


12 posted on 02/04/2010 8:10:16 PM PST by Winstons Julia (The liberal mantra: Never enough.)
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To: Sarah 2012

It’s a spoof site.


13 posted on 02/04/2010 8:10:30 PM PST by Bodleian_Girl
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To: Sarah 2012
You know it's a ridiculous and stupid website when you read the following.... LOL...


Are you looking to be saved? Just prayer this simple prayer:

Dear Lord Jesus,

I know that I am worthless. I know I am completely pathetic and miserable, dirty, evil, sinful, disgusting. I am the lowest of lows. I am a worm. Less than a worm. I don't even deserve to live. In short, I am exactly as you have created me. Dear wonderful, perfect God, I beg you for forgiveness for having been born imperfectly. I beg and plead down on my knees that I not be sent into a fire to be tormented and tortured forever and ever and ever because a distant ancestor of mine ate the wrong fruit. I ask You, who are perfect in mercy, to please try to find some way of receiving me into Your Eternal Kingdom even though I have disgraced You by not worshiping and adoring you up till now. So I ask that you pour the blood of Your only Son who is Yourself and died temporarily on the cross for me. I understand that this is the only way You could ever forgive me, oh Divine Master. I accept You as my personal savior, from now on I'll do absolutely everything you tell me to do. I'll follow the rules of the Bible to the letter and never sin again. I pray this in the name of You and of Your Father, and of the Holy Spirit who conceived You and is also You. Amen.

If you repeated those words just now, then I tell you, you have been saved! Now all you need to do is get baptized and never sin again, and you're in the clear.


Just some more stupid atheists at work in our society... LOL...

14 posted on 02/04/2010 8:11:04 PM PST by Star Traveler (Remember to keep the Messiah of Israel in the One-World Government that we look forward to coming)
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To: Sarah 2012

Does the end involve apple sauce and a comet?


15 posted on 02/04/2010 8:11:32 PM PST by cajuncow
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To: Sender

This is their real site.
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/
Notice what they say about the Avatar dolls.
They are idiots, also.


16 posted on 02/04/2010 8:12:19 PM PST by svcw (If you are going to quote the Bible know what you are quoting.)
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To: Sarah 2012

What’s funny is that some people don’t realize LandoverBaptist.net is a spoof!


17 posted on 02/04/2010 8:12:26 PM PST by Gondring (Paul Revere would have been flamed as a naysayer troll and told to go back to Boston.)
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To: Sarah 2012

My Dad grew up Baptist . . . became a Presbyterian preacher . . . this guy is a kook!


18 posted on 02/04/2010 8:13:30 PM PST by RatRipper (I'll ride a turtle to work every day before I buy anything from Government Motors.)
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To: Sarah 2012
And we're supposed to worship and deify a supposed entity that has left us high and dry for almost two-thousand years without so much as a "Bite Me!"?

Nice work if you can get it. Is a lie the Truth if you tell it enough?

19 posted on 02/04/2010 8:13:47 PM PST by stboz
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To: EternalVigilance; wagglebee; xzins; JulieRNR21

I don’t know what to think about this. Many others have claimed to know when it would happen.


20 posted on 02/04/2010 8:13:58 PM PST by Clintonfatigued (Liberal sacred cows make great hamburger)
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To: cajuncow

Got my tennis shoes and glad wrap at the ready!


21 posted on 02/04/2010 8:14:16 PM PST by tfbcowinafog
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To: svcw
This is their real site. http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

LOL

22 posted on 02/04/2010 8:15:33 PM PST by Gondring (Paul Revere would have been flamed as a naysayer troll and told to go back to Boston.)
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To: Sarah 2012

There is just enough time for me to get to Disney World


23 posted on 02/04/2010 8:15:50 PM PST by woofie
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To: stboz
You forgot your sarcasm mark.
24 posted on 02/04/2010 8:16:03 PM PST by svcw (If you are going to quote the Bible know what you are quoting.)
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To: Sarah 2012

yep, Landover is satire.


25 posted on 02/04/2010 8:16:26 PM PST by DannyTN
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To: Clintonfatigued

Some are saying that this is a satire site....a spoof of a real Baptist Church.


26 posted on 02/04/2010 8:18:39 PM PST by JulieRNR21 (I am proud of Massachusetts for electing Sen. Scott Brown!)
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To: Sarah 2012

So no baseball seaon. Bummer.


27 posted on 02/04/2010 8:19:08 PM PST by fkabuckeyesrule
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To: tfbcowinafog

And your tin foil beanie?


28 posted on 02/04/2010 8:19:45 PM PST by cajuncow
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To: Sarah 2012

Feb 11th will be an important sign of what is to come...


29 posted on 02/04/2010 8:20:49 PM PST by surfer (To err is human, to really foul things up takes a Democrat, don't expect the GOP to have the answer!)
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To: Sarah 2012
I'm surprised they are still going strong. The site is nearly 20 years old and it must be more than a decade since I've visited.

If you're a subscriber to Sword of the Lord, then you'll be thoroughly offended--or get some great laughs out of the site.

30 posted on 02/04/2010 8:20:59 PM PST by Gondring (Paul Revere would have been flamed as a naysayer troll and told to go back to Boston.)
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To: Sarah 2012

I wonder if I can get a refund on my baseball tickets.


31 posted on 02/04/2010 8:22:32 PM PST by Rembrandt (.. AND the donkey you rode in on.)
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To: Sarah 2012

At least He’s waiting until after the Super Bowl.


32 posted on 02/04/2010 8:31:18 PM PST by cajuncow
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To: Sarah 2012

Guess they forgot that some whom they mock know their Scripture: “No man knows the day nor the hour, not even the angels.” Matthew 24:36


33 posted on 02/04/2010 8:37:14 PM PST by 1951Boomer
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To: Sarah 2012

What a bunch of idiots.

Don’t they know it is going to end next Thursday?

Sheesh.


34 posted on 02/04/2010 8:37:29 PM PST by rlmorel (We are traveling "The Road to Serfdom".)
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To: Sarah 2012

Not Earth!!!! That’s where I keep all my stuff!


35 posted on 02/04/2010 8:38:43 PM PST by mockingbyrd (Sarah speaks for me!)
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To: Sarah 2012
the world is going to end on March 4, 2010.

Not fast enough.

36 posted on 02/04/2010 8:38:55 PM PST by annalex (http://www.catecheticsonline.com/CatenaAurea.php)
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To: Sarah 2012

IT’S SATIRE lol


37 posted on 02/04/2010 8:39:33 PM PST by patriot preacher (To be a good American Citizen and a Christian IS NOT a contradiction. (www.mygration.blogspot.com))
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To: annalex

Oh, gee...can’t we wait until after St. Patrick’s Day at least?


38 posted on 02/04/2010 8:42:28 PM PST by Palladin (Don't ask, don't tell--just run like HELL!)
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To: stboz
You were saying ...

And we're supposed to worship and deify a supposed entity that has left us high and dry for almost two-thousand years without so much as a "Bite Me!"?

Nice work if you can get it. Is a lie the Truth if you tell it enough?

Ummmm... did you come here to support your website article above? LOL...

39 posted on 02/04/2010 8:52:57 PM PST by Star Traveler (Remember to keep the Messiah of Israel in the One-World Government that we look forward to coming)
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To: Clintonfatigued; EternalVigilance; wagglebee; xzins; JulieRNR21
You were saying ...

I don’t know what to think about this. Many others have claimed to know when it would happen.

No problem... I'll help out...

"Atheists spoofing Christians"... LOL... end of story...

40 posted on 02/04/2010 8:54:25 PM PST by Star Traveler (Remember to keep the Messiah of Israel in the One-World Government that we look forward to coming)
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To: surfer; Sarah 2012
You were saying ...

Feb 11th will be an important sign of what is to come...

Ummmm...., yeah, a reminder on the calendar to not forget February 14th (or I'm in the doghouse!)... LOL...

41 posted on 02/04/2010 8:56:18 PM PST by Star Traveler (Remember to keep the Messiah of Israel in the One-World Government that we look forward to coming)
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To: rlmorel; Sarah 2012; Quix; TaraP
You were saying ...

Don’t they know it is going to end next Thursday?

Now... wait a minute! On TV, I'm sure they said it was all going to end on December 21, 2012...

42 posted on 02/04/2010 8:58:08 PM PST by Star Traveler (Remember to keep the Messiah of Israel in the One-World Government that we look forward to coming)
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To: Star Traveler

Well..ST if it does..I am ready.....

:)

I might could do better, but I think my heart, mind and soul is ready to meet the KING OF KINGS!

I hope so!


43 posted on 02/04/2010 9:04:00 PM PST by TaraP (*GOD* made love so strong, so it would carry you all the way home.....)
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To: TaraP
Get a load of this junk from the website in Post #14.... whew! some atheists are bitter people....
44 posted on 02/04/2010 9:08:57 PM PST by Star Traveler (Remember to keep the Messiah of Israel in the One-World Government that we look forward to coming)
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To: Star Traveler

DAMN.....I just prepaid my golf membership for the entire year......I wonder what their refund policy is????


45 posted on 02/04/2010 9:21:58 PM PST by terycarl (lurking, but interested and informed)
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To: Sarah 2012

Thanks everyone for clearing this up for me. I was confused for a moment.

They are real slimeballs. I don’t much care for them at all.


46 posted on 02/04/2010 9:23:04 PM PST by Sarah 2012
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To: Sarah 2012

March 4th is my birthday. I tend to have quiet birthdays....no way this is gonna happen. :)


47 posted on 02/04/2010 9:27:46 PM PST by xp38
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To: Star Traveler

LOL.

Sigh.


48 posted on 02/04/2010 10:01:29 PM PST by Quix ( POL Ldrs quotes fm1900 TRAITORS http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/religion/2130557/posts?page=81#81)
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To: stboz

Then I guess your right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are alienable after all. No Creator = No Referee = Nietzsche wins, Constitution loses. You really OK with that?


49 posted on 02/04/2010 11:24:33 PM PST by Springfield Reformer (Winston Churchill: No Peace Till Victory!)
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To: Sarah 2012

Can you give me the exact time so I’ll know whether to sleep late that day?


50 posted on 02/04/2010 11:29:31 PM PST by count-your-change (You don't have be brilliant, not being stupid is enough.)
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