Note how young the 19th century Mormon wives were!
Decisions decisions!
Posted on 05/18/2010 7:40:38 AM PDT by Colofornian
At a mental hospital the staff found some of the patients was gaining weight,
so they were put on a diet of a glass of Tab and one apple for lunch. After
eating their light lunch, the group would start to sing to everyone else. This
became known as the “Moron Tab and Apple Choir”.
THE BOOK OF JACOB
THE BROTHER OF NEPHICHAPTER 224 Behold, David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord.
25 Wherefore, thus saith the Lord, I have led this people forth out of the land of Jerusalem, by the power of mine arm, that I might raise up unto me a righteous branch from the fruit of the loins of Joseph.
26 Wherefore, I the Lord God will not suffer that this people shall do like unto them of old.
27 Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none;
28 For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.
29 Wherefore, this people shall keep my commandments, saith the Lord of Hosts, or cursed be the land for their sakes.
30 For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.
31 For behold, I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and abominations of their husbands.
32 And I will not suffer, saith the Lord of Hosts, that the cries of the fair daughters of this people, which I have led out of the land of Jerusalem, shall come up unto me against the men of my people, saith the Lord of Hosts.
Or even HERE:
1 Timothy 3:2-3
2. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,
3. not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.1 Timothy 3:12
A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well.Titus 1:6
An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.
THE
DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS
OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTSSECTION 13251–57, Emma Smith is counseled (commanded) to be faithful and true; 58–66, Laws governing the plurality of wives are set forth.51 Verily, I say unto you: A commandment I give unto mine handmaid, Emma Smith, your wife, whom I have given unto you, that she stay herself and partake not of that which I commanded you to offer unto her; for I did it, saith the Lord, to aprove you all, as I did Abraham, and that I might require an offering at your hand, by covenant and sacrifice.52 And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, areceive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.53 For I am the Lord thy God, and ye shall obey my voice; and I give unto my servant Joseph that he shall be made ruler over many things; for he hath been afaithful over a few things, and from henceforth I will strengthen him.55 But if she will not abide this commandment, then shall my servant Joseph do all things for her, even as he hath said; and I will bless him and multiply him and give unto him an ahundredfold in this world, of fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, houses and lands, wives and children, and crowns of beternal lives in the eternal worlds.
Oh yes Mark Twain also said that if all the “And it came to pass” es had been left out the bom would have only been a pamplet... (Mark Twain, Roughing It)
Why NOT?
One might snag someone who is ignorant of history...
the “Moron Tab and Apple Choir”.
ROFLMBO
| The Official Scriptures of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints © 2006 Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved. Rights and use information. Privacy policy. |
JESUS: Hey Smith!
Remember that boast you made about doing more than even I had done to hold the 'church' together?
JOSEPH SMITH: Where am I?
JESUS: Don't you remember? A few seconds ago you were in that jail.
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah; but where am I NOW?
JESUS: Don't you remember? Does bang - bang ring a bell?
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah - that crummy gun I had was about USELESS!
JESUS: I hope you left instructions on how to hold your church together.
JOSEPH SMITH: Dang! I knew there was SOMETHING I was forgetting!
JESUS: Looks like there's a power struggle going on down there.
JOSEPH SMITH: Yeah; there was always SOMEone who wanted the power that I held - especially over the LADIES - wink wink.
JESUS: No need to worry about that now; remember what my friend Matthew wrote down?
JOSEPH SMITH: This? “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30)
JESUS: That's it.
JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.
JESUS: Nah - it was right.
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh well; it was fun while it lasted. My buds will still get it on with the girls.
JESUS: Uh; I'm sorry; in just a few more years; your followers will cavein to the United States government and abandon the 'Eternal Covenant' that you came up with.
JOSEPH SMITH: ME!? YOU are the one that told me to do that!
JESUS: Sorry; but you must have mistranslated what I told you. What part of Do NOT commit ADULTERY did you not understand?
JOSEPH SMITH: mumble....
JESUS: What did you say?
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, nothing.
JESUS: Well; it was interesting talking to you; but now I must get back to perparing a place for those who believe in Me.
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, yeah; the Celestial Kingdom.
JESUS: No...
JOSEPH SMITH: The Telestial one?
JESUS: Nope.
JOSEPH SMITH: SUREly not the TERRESTRIAL one!!
JESUS: Nope. Didn't you read that the mind of man had NOT conceived of it? Paul wrote it down in 1 Corinthians 2:9.
JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.
JESUS: No; it wasn't.
JOSEPH SMITH: You SURE?
JESUS: Yes. Now I must be going: what did you say your name was again?
JOSEPH SMITH: Joseph Smith.
JESUS: Hmmmm. According to my Heavenly Facebook, you didn't sign in as one of my friends - sorry, I never knew you.
JOSEPH SMITH: But....
THX1138
I don't recall Jesus sticking his head into a hat and 'translating' any so-called golden plates with a smooth piece of agate.
If this really was part of the "gold-plate based translation," why would Nephi put this phrase in over & over when "Jacob" said elsewhere:
"Now, behold," ["behold" was Smith's other overused space-filler -- a dozen times in Moroni, chapter 7 alone!!!] ...
..."it came to pass that I, Jacob, having ministered much unto my people in word (and I cannot write but a little of my words, because of the difficulty of engraving our words upon plates)..." (Jacob 4:1) ???
Why does it take Nephi 57 words to say 59 years past in 4 Nephi 1:6 if Jacob indicates only "but a little of my words" can be included "because of the difficulty of engraving"???
Can you say incredulity?
“It came to pass that I was unable to engrave three words but it came to pass with much difficulty I could engrave fifty seven” (DUH 1:1)
You probably won’t get through ... .
It is unnatural for two women to share the same man. It is the way God planned it and why there was trouble between Sarah and Hagar and Jacob, Leah and Rachel. Need I mention David and the problems with Bathsheba ... . It’s NEVER a good situation for MANY women married to ONE man.
Some people like teppe, would prefer that being DISOBEDIENT to one man and one man in marraige being Biblically correct doesn’t suit them. THIS has ALWAYS been God’s plan - ALWAYS - since Adam and Eve - ONE MAN for ONE WOMAN.
Excellent summation.
Yes, Teppe knows all about even the Book of Mormon labeling polygamy for David & Solomon as an "abomination." But Joseph Smith ignored that; Brigham Young ignored that; and all the Lds "prophets" did to boot. Teppe is following in that same discipleship pattern.
But as for your comment on God's plan -- God's design. Indeed. Both Genesis AND Jesus (Jesus in Matt. 19) said the design for one man, one woman was one flesh. Diversity within unity -- just like our God is. Jesus knew not of teaching wives becoming "one flesh" with "sister" wives.
I mean, Teppe, you don't think that two women sharing the same husband join together as "one flesh" among two women, do you? (And if you do, doesn't that also open the door to lesbian "marriages"?) If you don't, pray tell, tell us all how one man and five women come together as "one" flesh per Genesis 2 and Matt. 19?
Mate, walking on water, and pulling fish out of thin air is no less and no more kooky than the things that Joseph whatsis did. And lets be honest, dying, and then coming back to life sounds pretty consarned suspect to me.
My point is, all religions start off sounding ridiculous, and then gain popularity in time.
Oh really? When did smith perform miracles over nature?
And lets be honest, dying, and then coming back to life sounds pretty consarned suspect to me.
Indeed - yet the empty tomb still speaks to this event in history.
My point is, all religions start off sounding ridiculous, and then gain popularity in time.
Not really - Only the false ones sound like a side show barker. Christianity started off with physical threats and death sentences. Are you willing to die for something you know is 'ridiculous'?
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