Woman describes how porn addiction destroyed marriage, calls for more scientific study

CNA ^ | New York City, N.Y., Jun 15, 2010

[GonzoII]

www.catholicnewsagency.com

Woman describes how porn addiction destroyed marriage, calls for more scientific study

Related articles:

• Hearing on the Brain Science Behind Pornography Addiction
• Children’s Access to “Adult” Pornography Online - and What Parents Can Do
• The Harmful Effects of Pornography

New York City, N.Y., Jun 15, 2010 / 01:23 am (CNA).- In a previously published National Review Online article, a woman who chose to remain anonymous shared the painful story of her husband's pornography addiction and its detrimental effects on their marriage.

After citing various statistics on the nature and affects of pornography, she called on the scientific community at large to find and present a unified consensus on the results of porn addictions on family life.

In her article, the author described pornography as “a drug” that is thriving “under the ever-expanding banner of the First Amendment.” Citing authorities on the neurochemistry of addiction, she referenced data about pornography that “suggest its effects on the brain are strikingly similar to those of synthetic drugs.” She pointed to the fact that the pornography industry “produces more annual revenue — $97 billion worldwide in 2006 — than all of the leading technology companies combined.”

Sharing her own experiences, she described how her husband of 13 years, who had been her high-school sweetheart, had tried to fight his porn addiction for years. First exposed to pornography at age ten, he “viewed it regularly during high school and college.”  

The effect on their marriage was devastating, the woman remembered. “For the past few years he had taken to sleeping in the basement, distancing himself from me, emotionally and physically,” she said.  She recalled how her husband told her that he no longer felt love for her like he used to, and how he thought of her as the “mother of their children” rather than as a sexual partner.

One morning, at about 2 a.m., her husband called her from his office, intoxicated, to announce that he had “developed feelings” for another woman, whom she described as having “the physical qualities of a porn star.” Although he subsequently tried to break off the relationship with this woman, he went on to move out of the house a few months later, leaving his wife and five young children behind.

“In retrospect, I believe he succumbed to the allure of the secret fantasy life he had been indulging since his adolescence,” the author said in the March article.

Lamenting the fact that her experience is not unique, the author referenced a report released by the Witherspoon Institute this spring on “The Social Costs of Pornography.” Signed by more than 50 scholars from various professions, academic disciplines and political ideologies, the report details the effects of pornography on men, women and children.

Describing the report as “a stern warning to all married women to take seriously the signs of a sexual addiction,” she explained the four phases of the pornography addiction process, according to Dr. Victor Cline, a nationally renowned clinical psychologist who specializes in sexual addiction.  

The first phase involves early and repeated exposure and indulgence in pornography.  The second is a period of escalation, in which the addict requires more frequent exposure to get the same “high” and may begin to prefer porn to sexual intercourse.  The third is desensitization, when behaviors once considered as repulsive or immoral come to be seen as normal.  Finally is the “acting-out” phase, when the addict may breach the gap “from screen to real life” in acts of sexual deviancy that may include promiscuity, group sex, rape, sadomasochism, child molestation and extramarital affairs.  

A 2004 study in Social Science Quarterly indicated that “Internet users who had an extramarital affair were 3.18 times more likely to have used online porn than Internet users who had not had an affair.”

The author spoke of the need for a more public scientific consensus on pornography's harmful effects on marriage.

She pointed to a 2002 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, in which surveyed lawyers said that “an obsessive interest in Internet pornography” was a significant factor in 56 percent of their divorce cases the prior year.  

In addition, she referenced studies finding that “porn use creates the impression that aberrant sexual practices are more common than they really are, and that promiscuous behavior is normal.” She cited an analysis of 46 published studies showing that “regular exposure to pornography increased risk of sexual deviancy,” as well as neurological imaging via MRI scans of brain activity in a Princeton study indicating that “after viewing porn, men looked at women more as objects than as human beings.”

The author asked the scientific community to learn more about pornography addictions in order to prevent more families from being devastated by them. She called on Congress to “fund a long-term, multidisciplinary analysis of the effects of porn addiction on marriage and family life,” noting that the American Psychiatric Association is likely to add pornography addiction to their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual in coming months.

She then decried the fact that most health-insurance companies provide little or no coverage to treat porn addictions and that “the National Institutes of Health are granted billions of taxpayer dollars for research on a wide variety of public-health problems, and yet pornography addiction is not among them.”

“The fact is that the moral and financial needs of couples struggling with this form of addiction will remain unaddressed in a country that views pornography use as a constitutional right,” she observed.

Looking back at her own marriage, the author expresses regret that she was not able to understand what her husband had been experiencing and act to help him. “If anything is clear to me, it is this: We must learn more about this scourge and its effects on families,” she said.

Calling to mind the growing number of men and women feeling the effects of pornography in their lives, she concluded, “It is our obligation as a nation to pursue the truth for their sake, no matter how inconvenient for some the verdict may be.”

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(http://www.catholicnewsagency.com)

[GonzoII]

“under the ever-expanding banner of the First Amendment.”

Why do I believe the Founding Fathers would not have been porn fans or tolerated it in front of God and everybody.

[frogjerk]

Why do I believe the Founding Fathers would not have been porn fans or tolerated it in front of God and everybody.

LIBS & LIBERTARIANS: Remember they were all deists. Even thought George Washington believed in divine providence, which doesn't make any sense...oops!

[E. Pluribus Unum]

Ted Bundy said porn is what made him do what he did.

If that were the case, there would be a whole lot more Ted Bundys out there.

[driftdiver]

About the only thing not protected by the 1st amendment is pro-life demonstrations. Perhaps that and anything against homosexuality.

[Sergio]

Bookmark.

[SIDENET]

There’s porn in the internet?

[GonzoII]

"If that were the case, there would be a whole lot more Ted Bundys out there."

There are, the Family killer types.

[Palmetto]

I hate to be the one to suggest it, but maybe Hubby moved into the basement, turned to pron, and saw his wife more “as the mother of his children” less as a sexual object because perhaps she saw herself as less of a sexual object?

[E. Pluribus Unum]

I hate to be the one to suggest it, but maybe Hubby moved into the basement, turned to pron, and saw his wife more “as the mother of his children” less as a sexual object because perhaps she saw herself as less of a sexual object?

It could only be porn. There is no other possibility.

Men bad. Women good. Don't forget it.

[GonzoII]

"maybe Hubby moved into the basement, turned to pron"

He turned to porn at age 10.

[MeSpikeLibs]

I think her marriage had other problems outside of Porn. If he was totally satisfied then he wouldn’t be searching for something else outside the marriage.

[Sergio]

The author asked the scientific community to learn more about pornography addictions in order to prevent more families from being devastated by them.

She called on Congress to “fund a long-term, multidisciplinary analysis of the effects of porn addiction on marriage and family life,” noting that the American Psychiatric Association is likely to add pornography addiction to their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual in coming months.

This is exactly why there won't be any public funding. One would think that the government has a vested interest in the destruction of the traditional family.

[Palmetto]

He turned to porn at age 10.

As did every other male who found dad's stash, and many of them have managed to have healthy marriages.

[b4its2late]

I agree.

[Mr. Mojo]

First exposed to pornography at age ten, he “viewed it regularly during high school and college.”

I suspect 99%+ of boys are first exposed to porn at around 10 years old (Playboy and Penthouse mags, in my generation many decades ago), but VERY few go on to be "porn addicts."

[Tublecane]

“Woman describes how porn addiction destroyed marriage, calls for more scientific study”

After years of study and billions of dollars, “Science” Says: Men like naked ladies.

That is all.

[Little Pig]

While I believe that pornography is a degrading element of society, I would want to see more data on how much of a *cause* porn represents in this kind of thing. Just as video games, Dungeons & Dragons, and many other pursuits have been demonized when someone who happens to indulge in that pursuit “goes off the reservation” in one way or another, I think porn serves as a convenient scapegoat in at least some situations like the one described in the article. Sure, porn has the potential to distort a person’s view of sexual activities. The question that has to be asked, though, is how much of that is the porn’s fault, and how much can be ascribed to the mental capabilities of the person?

In addition to the ambiguity over exactly how much influence porn actually has, one item in this article is quite jarring: The woman in the article points to the amount of money the porn industry makes yearly. This is absolutely no concern of hers or anyone else’s; so long as it remains legal, it is a business like any other. Anyone who derides the industry for the amount of money it makes must also deride other industries with potentially harmful products, such as gun manufacturers, automobile manufacturers, and yes, video game producers. All of these produce products that some consider immoral and/or dangerous, all of these produce products that (nearly) anyone can buy and use, and all of these manufacturers’ products have been involved in some way with tragedies (however incidentally).

If porn can be shown to have a deleterious effect on a relationship, *regardless* of the person, then there is a problem. If only some are more susceptible, then the line cannot be drawn because it will be different for everyone, and the idea that, in the absence of true danger, any outside group should have the authority to dictate how everyone should live, based on the notion that a small group can’t handle it, is anathema to the kind of liberty that people everywhere should desire.

[MichiganConservative]

Children’s Access to “Adult” Pornography Online - and What Parents Can Do

The children should only be accessing "child" porn online.

Uh, wait. That seems somehow wrong.

[GonzoII]

"If he was totally satisfied"

No addict is ever totally satisfied.

[Spudx7]

And Ford doesn’t need every person who sees their commercials to buy a Ford for the advertising to be considered successful.

[longtermmemmory]

a nag is a nag no matter how she looks.

the woman does not take care of herself because of time and children. The rest follows a predictable pattern...

[NonValueAdded]

“It is our obligation as a nation to pursue the truth for their sake, no matter how inconvenient for some the verdict may be.”

Lurking the in the penumbra of the Pursuit of Happiness clause? Oh, wait, that's in the Declaration.

Why is this a national priority??? Ok lady, let's start with how you as a living, breathing, presumably sexual being lost your hubby's interest. THEN we'll jump to generalizations and start slinging around the grant money.

[E. Pluribus Unum]

And Ford doesn’t need every person who sees their commercials to buy a Ford for the advertising to be considered successful.

99% of the serial killers who have ever lived ate carrots.

You do understand what that means?

[Constitution Day]

Bump...great post.

[Little Pig]

Quagmire, is that you?

[Tublecane]

“but VERY few go on to be ‘porn addicts.’”

That depends on what you mean by “addict.” This lady probably thinks looking at it every day qualifies, which of course is nonsense. Psychologists aren’t much help, naturally, since they’re mostly quacks. But the usual definition is that addicts must be unable to function as normal human beings thanks to their obsession. You know, not being able to hold a job, etc. Not sure annoying your wife counts.

[SIDENET]

Quagmire, is that you?

Giggity giggity...

[Teacher317]

We all knew where our dads had theirs stashed, and that was well before 10 years of age... and we turned those pages quite regularly, I must confess!

[GonzoII]

I see the addict is ever afraid of his habit being taken away.

How weak are nation has become, its ripe for a dictator.

[DJ MacWoW]

Well what George Washington said about cursing

The foolish and wicked practice of profane cursing and swearing is a vice so mean and low that every person of sense and character detests and despises it.

He didn't ban it in the Army but he did issue the above in a proclamation. It apparently has been removed from the Mount Vernon site.

[GonzoII]

"We all knew where our dads had theirs stashed"

You'll have to speak for yourself.

[GonzoII]

"so long as it remains legal"

Right, and when the age of consent is dropped to age 13 it will be okay because it's "legal".

[JimRed]

...calls for more scientific study

Volunteers?

[Larry Lucido]

Gajillions of tax dollars for research? Sure, where do I apply?

I suggest this lady find someone with a cuckold fetish as her perfect mate (look it up).

[NavyCanDo]

She asking for help from Science?

[Scythian]

This women is right, pornography is very very harmful.

[GonzoII]

"cuckold fetish.. (look it up)."

No thanks.

[Spudx7]

I have yet to see carrots promoting violence and other abnormal sexual behaviors.

[Le Chien Rouge]

I was thinking of defending porn but I’ve learned that’s a no-no and I don’t feel like being beat on like a red headed step-child today.

So, porn is bad.

[Travis T. OJustice]

I was thinking of defending porn but I’ve learned that’s a no-no and I don’t feel like being beat on like a red headed step-child today. So, porn is bad.

I have yet to reach any conclusions, this issue is still under study.

[Palmetto]

Habit being taken away? Are you suggesting a government solution to this problem?

Would you also suggest a government solution to the ubiquitous problem of frigid wives?

[GlockThe Vote]

The Taliban wing of the GOP is all out in force. I bet this woman was probably busted his chops endlesly and nagged him to death.

Most men I know dont look at porn at all when they get what they need from their woman.

[GonzoGOP]

"We all knew where our dads had theirs stashed"
You'll have to speak for yourself.

Exactly, get caught snooping around mom and dads room was way more trouble than anything you might find would be worth. Now older brothers on the other hand.....

[GonzoII]

"Are you suggesting a government solution to this problem?"

The Gov. isn't the solution to this it's the problem.

[GlockThe Vote]

So are marriages where the woman has the 24/7/365 headache and every excuse in the world not to do right by her man.

[Palmetto]

The Gov. isn't the solution to this it's the problem.

Kindly explain the wording in #29....

[jobim]

The Catholic Church has a built-in protection against pornography: viewing it at all is mortally sinful and prevents one from receiving Holy Communion at Mass the next Sunday, unless one first confesses the sin to a priest.

This assumes that one is indeed a faithful Catholic, and not of the liberal, progressive, cafeteria variety.

That first line of defense, the potential unease of not going up to the altar with the rest of the family, is the Church's merciful way of preventing our break with God.

Satan's method is to get within us through pornography, and then he proceeds to break down our holiness in stages so that we lose the moral voice of our conscience.

We never remain static, spiritually: either we are moving toward Christ, or toward Satan

[GonzoII]

"Kindly explain the wording in #29...."

Do some study on addiction.

[Pharmboy]

That is a myth perpetrated by leftwing historians. General Washington was a church-going, God-fearing man and was that for his whole life. He was a founder of the Anglican Pohunk Church, and was an elder there. He went to church regularly with Martha, though he did not take communion.

You can visit the churches that he worshiped in several places. I have visited three (so far): Christ Church in Philadelphia, Christ Church in Alexandria and St Paul's Chapel in NYC. His pews are preserved in each.