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Planning a Catholic wedding? Read this...(very humorous)
Renew America ^ | November 1, 2009 | Matt C. Abbott

Posted on 04/26/2011 2:30:37 PM PDT by NYer

I got some good laughs from the following column (slightly edited) that appeared in the Oct. 4 bulletin of St. Lambert Parish in Skokie, Ill., whose pastor is the staunchly pro-life Father Richard Simon. Humorous, but true!



TOPICS: Catholic; Ministry/Outreach; Religion & Culture; Worship
KEYWORDS: catholic; marriage; wedding; weddings

1 posted on 04/26/2011 2:30:40 PM PDT by NYer
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To: netmilsmom; thefrankbaum; Tax-chick; GregB; saradippity; Berlin_Freeper; Litany; SumProVita; ...

A little humor as wedding season approaches.


2 posted on 04/26/2011 2:31:44 PM PDT by NYer ("Be kind to every person you meet. For every person is fighting a great battle." St. Ephraim)
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To: NYer

If more young women had a fancy Quinceanera, maybe they’d be less intense about having a grand wedding. It’s an ideal event for a girl with princess fantasies, imo.


3 posted on 04/26/2011 2:55:48 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Tornado relief: http://www.baptistsonmission.org/Projects/North-Carolina/Tornado)
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To: Tax-chick

The reality: The quinceanera just ups the stakes for the wedding. OTOH, it like a traditional wedding it occurs just prior to the deflowering of the girl. Unfortunately, she is only 15 and in no state of life or maturity to be deflowered.


4 posted on 04/26/2011 3:06:47 PM PDT by dangus
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To: NYer
Marvelous!!!!!
from a 79 year elder, ex altar boy, married 55 years to my guardian angel who wanted ten kids, did my best could only do ten..6 married, 14 g/kids..2 married, all the rest in various stages of attach/detach/engage/disengage/confusion. but all want to spend a million on whatever it is they decide to do...
Back in the Day, I and I'm sure most of my contemporary grooms stood in shock and awe at the alter uttering the profound and sacred oath to “love honor and obey in sickness or in health til death do us part”
But What The Hell Did We Know ?
5 posted on 04/26/2011 3:12:01 PM PDT by late bloomer ( Neglegere homo pone aulaeum. semi-retired warlord)
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To: NYer

My former parish was well known as being the largest church in the state. My pastor there was often called by people wanting to use the church who were stunned to find that the church was not made available to just anyone. Another priest there told me that his first question for someone asking about having a wedding was if they were a parishioner. One woman actually answered no but said she played bingo there all the time.

Funny article but I think that Father’s math is a bit off and his notion of carrying a deer are a bit odd.


6 posted on 04/26/2011 3:13:31 PM PDT by Straight Vermonter (Posting from deep behind the Maple Curtain)
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To: NYer

Thanks for the humor!


7 posted on 04/26/2011 3:13:31 PM PDT by greatplains
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To: NYer

This brings to mind an extravagant wedding and reception one of my cousins threw for her daughter when she and her then-boyfriend (with whom she had been living for a couple years) got married.

They didn’t even last a year.


8 posted on 04/26/2011 3:30:22 PM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (PAVE THE PLANET!!)
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Sorry, I don't really recognize much of this, at least not as it happens in my parish. We have various nieces and nephews who have done some or all of these things, but that was done in ecclesial communities other than the Catholic Church.

My brother got married this way - huge, expensive, garish wedding complete with photos in the national park, after shacking up for some months with his bride-to-be - but that was back in the mid-1970s, when anything went.

Fr. Know-it-all apparently doesn't know how to do basic arithmetic:

“The average American wedding costs almost $29,000, according to “The Wedding Report,” a market research publication. $29,000! Oh, by the by, the usual donation to the church is about $200.00. That $200 goes to the church, not to the priest. The usual gift to the priest is a hearty handclasp. The usual cost of the photographer is $2,000.00. All this tells me that the photographs are one hundred times more important than the grace of the sacrament, in most peoples’ estimation. The usual fee for the DJ is $1,500.00. I am consoled by this. It means that painful, occasionally obscene music loud enough to cause brain damage is only 75 times more important than the grace of the sacrament.”

$2000 isn't 100 times greater than $200. Neither is $1500 75 times greater than $200.

As well, I don't see why folks should pay for the use of the parish church at all, unless they don't belong to the parish. When my wife and I married, we were both registered, paying parishioners of our parish. Our priest knew this. He saw us at Mass every week. He would take nothing for himself or for the church. We DID have to pay the musicians, the altar boys, etc. And yes, the photographer and the DJ. With the exception of the altar boys, these folks are professionals who work for a living, and my wife and I didn't make weekly contributions to any organization that provided them with a place to live, food on their table, and a regular salary.

However, my wife and I DID make such contributions to our parish church, by which our priest benefited in precisely these ways.

“After a while, if things hold up, they begin to have the conversation about taking their relationship to the ‘next level’ by which they mean shacking up, as we used to call it. Now, I think it's called moving in together...”

Sorry, in the parishes about which I know, this is a way of making sure the priest will refuse to marry you, until you live separately and chastely for at least six months.

Perhaps if Fr. Know-it-all were to have the gumption to lay down some rules about getting married in the Church, he'd have fewer of these problems.

9 posted on 04/26/2011 3:39:08 PM PDT by sitetest (If Roe is not overturned, no unborn child will ever be protected in law.)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers
I watched a show on TV about women buying their wedding gowns...It floored me that some say their budget for the dress in Ten Thousand Dollars.... Geeze, you could buy 1/2 car for that much money for a dress to wear one day....idiots all it seems like to me...My bridesmaids rented their gowns as none of them could afford a lot of money....It was a fine wedding, catered by one of my bridesmaids grandma. She bought all the chicken and vegetables fresh and we had a sit down old fashion family style dinner. My gown was 500 dollars. Marriage lasted 33 years until hubby died of his one and only heart attach...
10 posted on 04/26/2011 3:51:16 PM PDT by goat granny
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To: dangus

Never heard of such a thing.

I still think it makes sense to give a girl a “do” when she’s in her teens, independent of any sacramental celebration. It doesn’t require a male participant, which cuts out a lot of hassle, and there’s no possibility of its going to waste because she’s “un-15” within a few months.


11 posted on 04/26/2011 3:51:30 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Tornado relief: http://www.baptistsonmission.org/Projects/North-Carolina/Tornado)
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To: goat granny

I was just explaining to my daughters this week the advantages of getting a wedding dress at a consignment or thrift store. (There was an attractive, basic gown in the window at The Salvation Army.) If you spend $100 at TSA and another $150 getting it altered, you’ve still done really well, especially for something you’re only going to wear once.

I had mine made by a seamstress: about $100 for the fabric and another $200 for the sewing, iirc.


12 posted on 04/26/2011 3:55:47 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Tornado relief: http://www.baptistsonmission.org/Projects/North-Carolina/Tornado)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers
This brings to mind an extravagant wedding and reception one of my cousins threw for her daughter when she and her then-boyfriend (with whom she had been living for a couple years) got married.

Ahhh yes! I recall a similar extravagant wedding at the Hotel Pierre in NYC. The father spared not expense ... and spent $250,000. The wedding gift? A new home!

Absolutely sickening. The "kids" never did mature and remained dependent on the bride's family for jobs and financial support.

13 posted on 04/26/2011 4:02:12 PM PDT by NYer ("Be kind to every person you meet. For every person is fighting a great battle." St. Ephraim)
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To: sitetest

Having seen some of these over the top weddings personally I can understand why the church building is valued that way.

First somebody is not thinking when setting the price. (cost of the a/c, lights, sound system, is the custodian included or is that seperate?) Further, i have never seen the priest recieve SOME form of gratuity. Also the priest is a notary public, this means their fees are set by statute. (ie $20 if they want to charge)

The wedding may also have to deal with a church caretaker (man or woman) who are less than pleasant and treat the wedding party as cattle in “their” church.

Finally, churches require ONE of the bride or groom be a member of the parish so that is an additional fee on top of the other fee.

Some churches also double book. One wedding in the am one wedding in the pm.


14 posted on 04/26/2011 4:08:57 PM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: Tax-chick
In the town I am near is a consignment shop that I have sold things in myself, basically jewelry. The owner has a large room of wedding gowns she gets cheap from bridal shops when they get in new gowns...Very few of them are from consignment...Once a year she even gives a bridal showing in a near by hall for prospective brides. I'll bet she has at least 100 gowns to choose from and they are not expensive. Average about 400 dollars...That is purchased, not rented but still no where near the thousands some women pay....

Eventually I gave my dress to the church to give to a convent to use what material they could to make altar cloth's....

The gowns my bridemaids rented were all the same in different colors and they all agreed on what dress they wanted....

15 posted on 04/26/2011 4:10:23 PM PDT by goat granny
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To: goat granny

I gave my wedding dress to Goodwill when we moved, I think. I was much thinner by then ;-). I sent my maid-of-honor (my best friend from high school) and my bridesmaid (my cousin) a fabric swatch and said, “Get something in this color - royal blue - that looks good on you.” There wasn’t a dress in the world that would have looked good on both, although we could have gone for something that looked bad on both!


16 posted on 04/26/2011 4:24:33 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Tornado relief: http://www.baptistsonmission.org/Projects/North-Carolina/Tornado)
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To: longtermmemmory
Dear longtermmemmory,

Sorry, if either the bride or groom are actual, contributing members of the parish, the parish really shouldn't be charging for stuff like electric, A/C, etc.

Providing some sort of payment for actual folks who work for a living by providing services for weddings, and who are not paid by the parish (i.e., the money in the bride/groom's weekly envelope), or who are paid very little by the parish in anticipation of earning a few extra dollars through weddings, etc., is perfectly reasonable.

But for what is someone putting money in their envelope if not to support the priest and the physical plant of the parish, so that it may be available for the administration of the sacraments?

Our priests live well. In my parish, our two priests share a house that is 5,000 sq ft. Their food is paid-for. The parish pays for domestic help. The parish pays for office help. They receive a modest car allowance, health insurance, and a modest salary. They have no families to support. Why do we maintain them in this lifestyle if not to perform the sacraments, as needed?

I completely understand if the couple to be married are not members of the parish. Our parish church is rather beautiful, and many couples want to marry there, even from far away. In that case, some sort of modest fee is appropriate.

But for parishioners??

Parishioners support their parish precisely so that the parish has the funds to maintain the parish for the primary purpose of administering the sacraments.


sitetest

17 posted on 04/26/2011 4:31:30 PM PDT by sitetest (If Roe is not overturned, no unborn child will ever be protected in law.)
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To: Tax-chick

or plan ahead and buy one waaaaaay in advance. A friends bride did just that and she had the dress ready and waiting years before she met my friend. (yes they are still together)


18 posted on 04/26/2011 4:32:13 PM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: Tax-chick

LOL I have been to some wedding where the bridesmaids dresses were so bad they probably tossed them after the wedding. Leting the girls buy their own dresses in the colors you want is a great idea also...And a better chance that they will get something that can be worn more than once...(lets pat ourselves on the back for being smart :O)


19 posted on 04/26/2011 4:32:17 PM PDT by goat granny
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To: goat granny

*pat pat*

If I sit here a little longer, a cat will come and pat me on the back, with a little claw, because her bowl is empty.


20 posted on 04/26/2011 4:34:18 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Tornado relief: http://www.baptistsonmission.org/Projects/North-Carolina/Tornado)
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To: longtermmemmory

That would certainly motivate a person to hold the same size!


21 posted on 04/26/2011 4:35:55 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Tornado relief: http://www.baptistsonmission.org/Projects/North-Carolina/Tornado)
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To: NYer

I liked it. In a bittersweet kind of way.


22 posted on 04/26/2011 4:50:47 PM PDT by little jeremiah (Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. CSLewis)
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To: Tax-chick

“I gave my wedding dress to Goodwill...”

I had a pretty nifty idea. With two girls, I figured I didn’t want any battles later involving who either wanted the dress or felt like they HAD to have the dress so I had it made into a BEAUTIFUL Christening gown for daughter number 2. It even had a long, flowing train. I saved other pieces of the silk/satin/beaded work for daughter number 1 IF she wants any put into her dress or wanted it for a Christening gown.


23 posted on 04/26/2011 4:54:00 PM PDT by momtothree
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To: momtothree

That is a good idea. Mine didn’t have any valuable materials that would have been worth the effort, although I could have salvaged some of the embroidered organza for a veil for someone, if I thought ahead.


24 posted on 04/26/2011 5:17:22 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Tornado relief: http://www.baptistsonmission.org/Projects/North-Carolina/Tornado)
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To: NYer
LOL!!! My wife and I wanted a small intimate wedding with about 20 of our closes friends. Our mothers kept telling us to invite this or that person. By the time it was wedding day we were looking at 200 people with all the usual "stuff". We have told people just elope; it's far cheaper and saves a lot of headaches.
25 posted on 04/26/2011 5:20:00 PM PDT by HarleyD
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To: dangus

My mother was not deflowered after her quinceanera, as her protective father made sure of that.


26 posted on 04/26/2011 5:32:12 PM PDT by TheDingoAteMyBaby
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To: momtothree

My mother’s wedding dress was cut into circles.
Each Grandchild got a ring pillow from it.


27 posted on 04/26/2011 5:38:41 PM PDT by netmilsmom (Happiness is a choice.)
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To: sitetest

>>Perhaps if Fr. Know-it-all were to have the gumption to lay down some rules about getting married in the Church, he’d have fewer of these problems. <<

That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking.


28 posted on 04/26/2011 5:47:05 PM PDT by netmilsmom (Happiness is a choice.)
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To: Tax-chick

:O) nice kitty.....


29 posted on 04/26/2011 9:28:43 PM PDT by goat granny
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To: NYer
good article. This is why for our wedding we kept it small (just 50 close friends and family) and invested more time in the Engaged Encounter (Pre-Marital course). Man -- that course was looong and tiring, yet very, very good. It answered questions that one may not have asked (even though we had been friends for 5 years prior to the engagement).

I even advised non-Catholic friends to attend the course as it is the best place for a couple to make that final decision of yes or no.

Also -- no pre-marital sex or living together, that is a killer for marriage in my opinion.

30 posted on 04/27/2011 1:18:42 AM PDT by Cronos (Christian, redneck, rube and proud of it!)
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To: late bloomer
married 55 years to my guardian angel

:)

31 posted on 04/27/2011 1:19:27 AM PDT by Cronos (Christian, redneck, rube and proud of it!)
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To: Straight Vermonter
Another priest there told me that his first question for someone asking about having a wedding was if they were a parishioner. One woman actually answered no but said she played bingo there all the time.

funny! Also here they ask that you must have attended confession at least thrice in the year before engagement and before marriage and also attend the pre-marital course.

32 posted on 04/27/2011 1:21:11 AM PDT by Cronos (Christian, redneck, rube and proud of it!)
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To: sitetest
Sorry, in the parishes about which I know, this is a way of making sure the priest will refuse to marry you, until you live separately and chastely for at least six months.

True, and stop taking communion before you confess and stop living together.

33 posted on 04/27/2011 1:22:26 AM PDT by Cronos (Christian, redneck, rube and proud of it!)
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To: goat granny

Prayers for your husband and thank you for sharing that to us young ‘uns


34 posted on 04/27/2011 1:23:36 AM PDT by Cronos (Christian, redneck, rube and proud of it!)
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To: sitetest

but you also need to add the cost if flowers are specially added to the Church or if you ask for a mass outside usual mass timings.


35 posted on 04/27/2011 1:25:19 AM PDT by Cronos (Christian, redneck, rube and proud of it!)
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To: goat granny

The only time I ever paid more than $10K for a car was when we bought my wife’s car at the end of its lease (she leased it shortly before we began dating; I had no say in that).

Not to mention we spent less than that on our entire wedding. We were married in a chapel in Lake Tahoe, NV with only our immediate families in attendance and our reception was a month later (long story short, we got married on the way to a race event in Kansas I was competing in) with about 70 guests.

We haven’t topped you on longevity, but we’re working on it! We celebrated our 10th anniversary last September.


36 posted on 04/27/2011 9:55:34 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (PAVE THE PLANET!!)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

that sounds like a fun wedding. :O)


37 posted on 04/27/2011 11:44:15 AM PDT by goat granny
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

I’m convinced that the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the number of bridesmaids. ;o)


38 posted on 05/01/2011 9:15:52 PM PDT by SuziQ
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