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Catholic Church to Replace Priests With Robots
Lying Dog News ^ | May 18, 2010 | Roland Pettigrew

Posted on 09/29/2011 7:48:46 AM PDT by Alex Murphy

Edited on 09/29/2011 9:22:12 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]

VATICAN CITY — In an attempt to head off a tidal wave of lawsuits stemming from the sexual abuse of children by priests within the Roman Catholic Church, and Rome’s attempt to cover up the crimes, the Vatican is planning to replace all priests with robots.

Initially the priests to be replaced will be in the United States, but if the program is successful, it could be extended to other countries, said Marco Batelli, a lawyer for the Vatican.

Batelli said human priests wouldn’t be arbitrarily ousted from their positions, rather they would be replaced by robots as they retired or died.

The church has been developing robot priests for the past two years, Batelli said. A live test took place recently in Japan, he said. In the ceremony, which was held in a restaurant to avoid protests from devout Catholics, bride Satoko Inouye was married to her groom Tomohiro Shibata by I-Fairy, a four-foot robot wearing a wreath of flowers. This was the first time a marriage had been led by a robot, according to a statement issued by RoboPriest Japan, a joint venture between the Vatican and robot manufacturer Kokoro Co.

Vatican observer Kristof Klein said, “The beauty of RoboPriests is that they can be programmed to perform almost all the sacramental duties of priests. Their ultimate virtue, of course, is that they don’t molest little boys.”

No one is sure if the RoboPriest ploy will turn the tide for a church under severe pressure in the courts, but most experts on Vatican affairs agree that desperate times call for desperate measures.

“The church is running scared,” said Walter Lysburn, an ecclesiastical scholar in Rome. “They are desperate to do anything they can to placate victims of sexual abuse. The lawsuits could cost them billions. I know for a fact that Sotherbys has visited the Vatican and put preliminary prices on the Pieta and the Sistine Chapel. [snip]


TOPICS: Catholic; Humor; Ministry/Outreach
KEYWORDS: robot
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To: Religion Moderator
"No. I just snipped the language from the article and removed the post for quoting it."

The entire thread should be deleted or the offending responses likewise edited.

41 posted on 09/29/2011 12:53:33 PM PDT by Natural Law (For God so loved the world He did not send a book.)
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To: Alex Murphy
I see your thread is bringing out the best in people.

Flame Warriors The Crybaby

42 posted on 09/29/2011 1:05:41 PM PDT by metmom (For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore & do not submit again to a yoke of slavery)
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To: Alex Murphy

Gort not Styx fan. Gort like Kraftwerk.

Freegards


43 posted on 09/29/2011 1:06:42 PM PDT by Ransomed
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To: metmom

Those who have their off color and foul mouthed comments pulled seem to be the most often offended. Probably just a coincidence,...... probably....


44 posted on 09/29/2011 1:26:28 PM PDT by count-your-change (You don't have to be brilliant, not being stupid is enough.)
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To: Alex Murphy

Cute article.

I wonder when the Onion picks it up and it goes viral.


45 posted on 09/29/2011 1:47:55 PM PDT by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good-Pope Leo XIII)
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To: Salvation; Alex Murphy
The priest is an alter Christus, another Christ, due to his Sacrament of Holy Orders.

I did see the humor marked on this, but you are playing with fire in blaspheming the Catholic Church in such a way.
Lord, have mercy.



Did this get erased from your Bible ?

Mathew 24:4 And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you. 24:5 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.

Just who is that says they he will be like the most High?

Isiah14:12 How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations! :13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: :14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.


Hmmm a fake Jesus is sent by who?????
46 posted on 09/29/2011 2:21:05 PM PDT by Lera
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To: Alex Murphy

Calling Frank Zappa...


47 posted on 09/29/2011 2:22:05 PM PDT by montyspython (This thread needs more cowbell)
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To: metmom
I see your thread is bringing out the best in people.
Flame Warriors The Crybaby

ROTFL!

48 posted on 09/29/2011 2:29:43 PM PDT by Alex Murphy (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/religion/2703506/posts?page=518#518)
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To: CynicalBear

If the robot is on wheels does that make it a holy roller?


Uhhhhhhh . . . no.

Unless it has been certified as a member of an authentic Roman Catholic Charismatic group.


49 posted on 09/29/2011 2:39:21 PM PDT by Quix (Times are a changin' INSURE you have believed in your heart & confessed Jesus as Lord Come NtheFlesh)
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To: Alex Murphy

Have been resisting entering the fray on this great humor thread . . .

However, given the obnoxious whining on the part of the usual ranters and spewers . . . it does get tempting.


50 posted on 09/29/2011 2:39:28 PM PDT by Quix (Times are a changin' INSURE you have believed in your heart & confessed Jesus as Lord Come NtheFlesh)
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To: Salvation

Given that the Ashteroth Edifice headquartered in the Vatican is

NOT GOD,

it’s IMPOSSIBLE to blaspheme it.


51 posted on 09/29/2011 2:39:36 PM PDT by Quix (Times are a changin' INSURE you have believed in your heart & confessed Jesus as Lord Come NtheFlesh)
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To: Alex Murphy

Did I miss something?

When did the Vatican pass out such organs to the spewers and whiners?

Probably got them at a WalMart discontinued sale?


52 posted on 09/29/2011 2:39:48 PM PDT by Quix (Times are a changin' INSURE you have believed in your heart & confessed Jesus as Lord Come NtheFlesh)
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To: metmom

In After The Perpetually Offended


INDEED.

The perpetually offended;
The perpetually prissy;
The perpetually haughty;
The perpetually whiney;
The perpetually jerky;
The perpetually idolatrous;
The perpetually anal-retentive;
The perpetually fussy;
The perpetually brittle;
The perpetually prickly;
The perpetually assaultive;
. . .


53 posted on 09/29/2011 2:39:57 PM PDT by Quix (Times are a changin' INSURE you have believed in your heart & confessed Jesus as Lord Come NtheFlesh)
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To: count-your-change

. . . !NOT! . . .

LOL.


54 posted on 09/29/2011 2:40:06 PM PDT by Quix (Times are a changin' INSURE you have believed in your heart & confessed Jesus as Lord Come NtheFlesh)
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To: Lera
"Did this get erased from your Bible ?"

It was the Catholic Church that gave you the Bible. It is extreme hubris to attempt to tell us what is in it and what it means. Besides, as history records, it was only the Reformation that erased anything from the Bible.

55 posted on 09/29/2011 3:23:25 PM PDT by Natural Law (For God so loved the world He did not send a book.)
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To: metmom
"Flame Warriors The Crybaby"

It is better to be the Cry Baby than a Flame Warrior's Enfant Provateur.

56 posted on 09/29/2011 3:32:17 PM PDT by Natural Law (For God so loved the world He did not send a book.)
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To: Natural Law; Lera

No, it was the Holy Spirit who gave us the Bible. God has preserved His words in a book. We have His word in SPITE of the RCC, not because of it. It is extreme vanity to actually believe that the RCC is responsible for giving God’s Word to the world. “And these things, brethren, I have in a figure transfered to myself and to Apollos for your sakes; that ye might learn in us not to think of men above that which is written, that no one of you be puffed up for one against another.” 1 Cor. 4:6.


57 posted on 09/29/2011 3:48:21 PM PDT by smvoice (The Cross was NOT God's Plan B.)
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To: smvoice
"No, it was the Holy Spirit who gave us the Bible."

But God worked through the Catholic Church in the selection of the human authors. The Traditions of the Church and the Liturgy of the Eucharist were already over 300 years old when the first Canon was published BY THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. It was from this Tradition and the baseline of the Nicene Creed that the determination of which Holy and Inspired books would qualify as inerrant and Canon. Who ever told you otherwise lied to you.

58 posted on 09/29/2011 4:24:46 PM PDT by Natural Law (For God so loved the world He did not send a book.)
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To: Natural Law
It was the Catholic Church that gave you the Bible. It is extreme hubris to attempt to tell us what is in it and what it means. Besides, as history records, it was only the Reformation that erased anything from the Bible.

66 books , written down by 40 different people inspired by the Holy Spirit . Not one of those people were Catholic .

The Roman Catholic church hid the Scriptures from us and murdered us for translating into languages we could understand .


No the hubris is the abominations that the Roman Catholic church tries to pass off as having come from the WORD.

59 posted on 09/29/2011 7:29:10 PM PDT by Lera
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To: Quix

May the Lord have mercy on you.


60 posted on 09/29/2011 7:31:39 PM PDT by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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