Skip to comments.Joel Osteen Reads the Gospels for the First Time
Posted on 10/31/2011 6:47:53 PM PDT by Gamecock
Last Thursday Joel Osteen, senior pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas revealed to the world that he had recently read the Gospels for the first time during a segment of the MTV Special True Life: Im Joel Osteen. Ya know, I decided it was about time I toughed it through all four Gospels. Theyre super long but I mean, I am a pastor, right? Osteen said laughingly in his charming Texan accent. The author of Your Best Life Now, a theological dissertation concerning the Biblical hermeneutic of success, was shocked at the lack of material prosperity present in the words of Jesus. I tell you what, I dont get it. Wheres the prosperity in the Gospels? Jesus didnt own anything really. Not a yacht, not a Merc[edes], or, well, whatever their equivalents were back in the 1600′s when He was alive. What would that be, a carriage? I dont know. You get my point. Osteen went on in shock as he described how Jesus told his followers to give up everything and follow Him, rather than telling them to invest everything wisely in solid mutual funds or how being a good steward means being successful in the stock market. The story of the rich young man was apparently the straw that broke the pastors back. And then, and then, Jesus goes and tells the rich guy to sell everything and give it to the poor? Everything Jesus? Everything? You cant be serious.
The experience has completely derailed work on Osteens next book Your Bestest Life Now. What am I supposed to tell people? When God came to Earth, He was poor? Come on. No one is going to buy that, Osteen said as he dismissively sipped on a Perrier. If people are going to do this whole Christian thing, theres gotta be something in it for them. And whats the Gospel offering them? Spiritual wealth? Treasures in Heaven? What does that even mean? Osteen is also unsure of how to incorporate Jesus words regarding the ease with which the wealthy enter heaven: A camel through the head of a needle? Give me a break. Thatd take a miracle.
In order to avoid any confusion between his writings and the poverty of the Gospels, Osteen has decided to have bookstores categorize his books as Christianish rather than just Christian. See that? See what we did there? Weve got Christian in there because thats P.C., but we threw the ish on the end so that people know its not so Christian that its not about money. We dodged a big one here, we really did, said Osteen.
oh I am a dummy. Just realized this is tongue in cheek
This is a joke, right? This guy is a pastor and he has never read the Gospels??
I didn’t realize it was April Fool’s Day. I thought it was All Hallows Eve.
“”oh I am a dummy. Just realized this is tongue in cheek””
I don’t find it at all difficult to believe he really feels this way. Listening to him only once tells you exactly where he comes from! And it’s not from a great love of the Scriptures!
Please don’t post jokes like this with “fact-ish” headlines.
That being said, I don’t look to Osteen for insight at all.
For your reading enjoyment.
If he's done any study of Christianity, and says something like that, then he's TOTALLY MISGUIDED and owes his "congregation" a huge apology for his false preaching.
I'm sure he's got a lot of overhead to take care of, and if his congregation starts to thin out, he and his beautiful wife will be broke.
Joel is maybe one step above the graft of Dr. Michael Murdock with Murdock's constant haranguing about money and how God will give to us as soon as we give to him (meaning Mike . . . not God).
I'm still waiting for Joel to tee off on the murderous abortion industry . . . It won't happen . . . he's too busy smiling.
Oh definitely, I don’t think he is a Bible preacher. He is a feel good preacher.
Satire I presume? I’m not a big fan of Osteen or any of the big money televangelists (though I have a soft spot for Swaggart when he gets into that chicken-walk) but I have to assume that he really did get a degree in divinity from somewhere... And I would think that the entire New Testament is somewhere in the curriculum.
Yes but Joel is a pos as far as I am concerned, he will not say that abortion or homosexuality is a sin, only when pushed will he say it`s not God`s best.
I have zero use for any of these new wave phony`s like Joel and Rick Warren. They are both total loser A HOLES, will not stand up for what is Biblically right and wrong.
Franklin Graham, there`s a Man of God!!
He should go into soap operas.
He's the 21st Century Robert Tilton.
You know, it's supposed to be satire. But, in this case, it's so close to the truth that it almost fails as satire.
Joel 3:16: "For the world so loved God, that they purchased treasures here and thanked God for them."