Skip to comments.Joel Osteen Reads the Gospels for the First Time
Posted on 10/31/2011 6:47:53 PM PDT by Gamecock
Last Thursday Joel Osteen, senior pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas revealed to the world that he had recently read the Gospels for the first time during a segment of the MTV Special True Life: Im Joel Osteen. Ya know, I decided it was about time I toughed it through all four Gospels. Theyre super long but I mean, I am a pastor, right? Osteen said laughingly in his charming Texan accent. The author of Your Best Life Now, a theological dissertation concerning the Biblical hermeneutic of success, was shocked at the lack of material prosperity present in the words of Jesus. I tell you what, I dont get it. Wheres the prosperity in the Gospels? Jesus didnt own anything really. Not a yacht, not a Merc[edes], or, well, whatever their equivalents were back in the 1600′s when He was alive. What would that be, a carriage? I dont know. You get my point. Osteen went on in shock as he described how Jesus told his followers to give up everything and follow Him, rather than telling them to invest everything wisely in solid mutual funds or how being a good steward means being successful in the stock market. The story of the rich young man was apparently the straw that broke the pastors back. And then, and then, Jesus goes and tells the rich guy to sell everything and give it to the poor? Everything Jesus? Everything? You cant be serious.
The experience has completely derailed work on Osteens next book Your Bestest Life Now. What am I supposed to tell people? When God came to Earth, He was poor? Come on. No one is going to buy that, Osteen said as he dismissively sipped on a Perrier. If people are going to do this whole Christian thing, theres gotta be something in it for them. And whats the Gospel offering them? Spiritual wealth? Treasures in Heaven? What does that even mean? Osteen is also unsure of how to incorporate Jesus words regarding the ease with which the wealthy enter heaven: A camel through the head of a needle? Give me a break. Thatd take a miracle.
In order to avoid any confusion between his writings and the poverty of the Gospels, Osteen has decided to have bookstores categorize his books as Christianish rather than just Christian. See that? See what we did there? Weve got Christian in there because thats P.C., but we threw the ish on the end so that people know its not so Christian that its not about money. We dodged a big one here, we really did, said Osteen.
oh I am a dummy. Just realized this is tongue in cheek
This is a joke, right? This guy is a pastor and he has never read the Gospels??
I didn’t realize it was April Fool’s Day. I thought it was All Hallows Eve.
“”oh I am a dummy. Just realized this is tongue in cheek””
I don’t find it at all difficult to believe he really feels this way. Listening to him only once tells you exactly where he comes from! And it’s not from a great love of the Scriptures!
Please don’t post jokes like this with “fact-ish” headlines.
That being said, I don’t look to Osteen for insight at all.
For your reading enjoyment.
If he's done any study of Christianity, and says something like that, then he's TOTALLY MISGUIDED and owes his "congregation" a huge apology for his false preaching.
I'm sure he's got a lot of overhead to take care of, and if his congregation starts to thin out, he and his beautiful wife will be broke.
Joel is maybe one step above the graft of Dr. Michael Murdock with Murdock's constant haranguing about money and how God will give to us as soon as we give to him (meaning Mike . . . not God).
I'm still waiting for Joel to tee off on the murderous abortion industry . . . It won't happen . . . he's too busy smiling.
Oh definitely, I don’t think he is a Bible preacher. He is a feel good preacher.
Satire I presume? I’m not a big fan of Osteen or any of the big money televangelists (though I have a soft spot for Swaggart when he gets into that chicken-walk) but I have to assume that he really did get a degree in divinity from somewhere... And I would think that the entire New Testament is somewhere in the curriculum.
Yes but Joel is a pos as far as I am concerned, he will not say that abortion or homosexuality is a sin, only when pushed will he say it`s not God`s best.
I have zero use for any of these new wave phony`s like Joel and Rick Warren. They are both total loser A HOLES, will not stand up for what is Biblically right and wrong.
Franklin Graham, there`s a Man of God!!
He should go into soap operas.
He's the 21st Century Robert Tilton.
You know, it's supposed to be satire. But, in this case, it's so close to the truth that it almost fails as satire.
Joel 3:16: "For the world so loved God, that they purchased treasures here and thanked God for them."
It’s a joke.
>> “but I have to assume that he really did get a degree in divinity from somewhere” <<
Don’t think so. He has a degree in TV production, so he’s qualified to be Oprah’s producer...
Ever since Obama took office, I’ve been advocating the use of the satire tag in posts - that was when reality became hard to tell apart from satire without an explicit tag.
I don’t think he does have a divinity degree, or any other. He just watched his dad (John Osteen) preach for years, and was able to carry it off once is dad died about 10 years ago.
BTW, I remember his dad including many more Scriptures in his sermons than does Joel. Joel seems to include only one Scripture in his sermons, and goes on and on with life stories about that. His dad, from what I remember, included many.
It has been widely reported that Osteen attended Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, Oklahoma, for a two year period without receiving a degree. Likewise, it has been reported that he has no higher level training in religious matters or Bible studies. In an appearance on Piers Morgan Tonight in January, 2011, Osteen mentioned that he had never attended seminary.
Is Swaggart even still around?
>> “Just realized this is tongue in cheek” <<
Its always April fools day at Osteen’s “church.”
If you think of Osteen as a motivational speaker only, and not an actual preacher... he’s actually pretty good.
You almost had me fooled, Gamecock! That was hilarious!
There is no higher praise from you Alex!
Whatever happened to ol’ Robert, anyway? LOL!
That his wife???
Otta keep him out of seedy motel rooms. But then absolute power corrupts absolutely.
When they post "devotional" threads by this con man, I want to throw up.
VICTORIA OSTEEN: FLIGHT RISK
Pastor's (Joel Osteen's)wife involved in flight disturbance
Wife of Joel Osteen Asked to Leave Plane (posted 12/20/2005)
Osteen family leaves plane after dispute (pastor's wife didn't follow a fa's instructions)
Wife of Joel Osteen Asked to Leave Plane
Motion filed in suit against Osteen's wife
Lawyer asks judge to reveal Osteens' wealth
Victoria Osteen: Mother First, Pastor Second
Osteen's Wife on Trial for Temper Tantrum
Trial to Begin in Suit Against Prominent Pastor's Wife
Victoria Osteen defended as "excitable and expressive"
Pastor's Wife Embroiled in Civil Trial Addresses Lakewood Church Members [Vicky Osteen Watch]
But the ruse pays well.
You've nailed it!
dude’s a snake oil saleman from the first git-go.
How ANYBODY cannot see through this feel good new age fraud is totally beyond me.
Its all the religion with none of the guilt.
April Fool’s Day... Reformation Day... same thing...
If you can't tell, then maybe it ain't.
*** Ya know, I decided it was about time I toughed it through all four Gospels....”***
Toughed it? Comeon! Even the KJV is an easy read for this! Want it tough? Try Wycliff’s or the KJV in OLD ENGLISH lettering. Or the Geneva bible.
After a few pages it also becomes an easy read.
You know it is getting bad when you have to study an article for a while to determine whether it is really a satire.
Since he is the Creator, he technically owns everything.
(I know this is parody.)
Does the world hate Joel Osteen? Or does it love him?
Why should the world hate him? He doesn't preach sin. He doesn't preach the exclusivity of Christ. Heck, he has gone so far as to say there are other ways to God! Granted he backtracked after solid Bible believers howled in protest....
I didn't think the world hated him (given his position on many Bible doctrines you enumerate). I wasn't sure just how much he was loved by the world, like Billy [Balaam] Graham is.
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. (John 15:19,30b)