He didn't know Jesus was such a stickler.
Posted on 10/31/2011 6:47:53 PM PDT by Gamecock
Last Thursday Joel Osteen, senior pastor of Lakewood “Church” in Houston, Texas revealed to the world that he had recently read the Gospels for the first time during a segment of the MTV Special True Life: I’m Joel Osteen. “Ya know, I decided it was about time I toughed it through all four Gospels. They’re super long but I mean, I am a pastor, right?” Osteen said laughingly in his charming Texan accent. The author of Your Best Life Now, a theological dissertation concerning the Biblical hermeneutic of success, was shocked at the lack of material prosperity present in the words of Jesus. “I tell you what, I don’t get it. Where’s the prosperity in the Gospels? Jesus didn’t own anything really. Not a yacht, not a Merc[edes], or, well, whatever their equivalents were back in the 1600′s when He was alive. What would that be, a carriage? I don’t know. You get my point.” Osteen went on in shock as he described how Jesus told his followers to give up everything and follow Him, rather than telling them to “invest everything wisely in solid mutual funds” or how “being a good steward means being successful in the stock market.” The story of the rich young man was apparently the straw that broke the pastor’s back. “And then, and then, Jesus goes and tells the rich guy to sell everything and give it to the poor? Everything Jesus? Everything? You can’t be serious.”
The experience has completely derailed work on Osteen’s next book Your Bestest Life Now. “What am I supposed to tell people? When God came to Earth, He was poor? Come on. No one is going to buy that,” Osteen said as he dismissively sipped on a Perrier. “If people are going to do this whole ‘Christian’ thing, there’s gotta be something in it for them. And what’s the Gospel offering them? Spiritual wealth? Treasures in Heaven? What does that even mean?” Osteen is also unsure of how to incorporate Jesus’ words regarding the ease with which the wealthy enter heaven: “A camel through the head of a needle? Give me a break. That’d take a miracle.”
In order to avoid any confusion between his writings and the “poverty” of the Gospels, Osteen has decided to have bookstores categorize his books as Christianish rather than just Christian. “See that? See what we did there? We’ve got Christian in there because that’s P.C., but we threw the ‘ish’ on the end so that people know it’s not so Christian that it’s not about money. We dodged a big one here, we really did,” said Osteen.
But the ruse pays well.
You've nailed it!
dude’s a snake oil saleman from the first git-go.
How ANYBODY cannot see through this feel good new age fraud is totally beyond me.
Its all the religion with none of the guilt.
April Fool’s Day... Reformation Day... same thing...
If you can't tell, then maybe it ain't.
*** “Ya know, I decided it was about time I toughed it through all four Gospels....”***
Toughed it? Comeon! Even the KJV is an easy read for this! Want it tough? Try Wycliff’s or the KJV in OLD ENGLISH lettering. Or the Geneva bible.
After a few pages it also becomes an easy read.
You know it is getting bad when you have to study an article for a while to determine whether it is really a satire.
Since he is the Creator, he technically owns everything.
(I know this is parody.)
Does the world hate Joel Osteen? Or does it love him?
Why should the world hate him? He doesn't preach sin. He doesn't preach the exclusivity of Christ. Heck, he has gone so far as to say there are other ways to God! Granted he backtracked after solid Bible believers howled in protest....
I didn't think the world hated him (given his position on many Bible doctrines you enumerate). I wasn't sure just how much he was loved by the world, like Billy [Balaam] Graham is.
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. (John 15:19,30b)
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