Skip to comments.My porn addiction (part 1)
Posted on 12/10/2012 12:45:30 PM PST by Morgana
Updated: Nov. 29, 2012 at 11:38 am
November 26, 2012 (LifeSiteNews.com) - It was in the mid 90s that we began to hear a whole lot about this new thing called the Internet, which could answer all of mankinds deepest questions. At around the same time I hit puberty and began to spend my time moping about pondering the age-old riddle of what, exactly, women look like underneath their clothing.
Evidently at some point I put two and two together and punched the appropriate keywords into the prehistoric version of Google, with spectacular results. So far so good, and if it had stopped there, the experiment might have been innocent enough. But there was a catch. Like most who have played the peeping Tom with porn, I found that my curiosity wasnt satisfied. On the contrary. I had only learned what this woman looked like. But what about all the others? Obviously I needed to see a few more examples.
And thus was an addiction born.
For the next ten years or so, I would fight a sometimes-desperate fight with this devil for devil it is with occasional successes, and more failures than I care to remember. And but for the grace of patient and loving parents, the influence of a remarkable woman who is now my wife, and a resurgent relationship with an all-merciful God, I shudder to think down what dark paths it might have led me.
I confess that it is not easy for me to make this admission. The most enthusiastic evangelists of the sexual revolution are wont to argue that the solution to shame and guilt is to speak more openly and casually about sex, as we might about the weather, or our health. Never mind that no one is convinced, because in our heart of hearts we know that sex is not the weather, is not our health that it is something infinitely more strange, more powerful, more beautiful, and that no amount of chattering about it will ever completely deaden that sense of shame that comes from abusing it for our own selfish ends.
However you slice it, a porn habit is a rotten thing.
But there is a kernel of truth in the lie. Shame, when buried in our psyches, can become as a worm in the core of an apple, eating away at us from the inside. For many years, I believed that I was essentially alone in this fight, that I was one of a rare breed of villainous good-for-nothings who was so enticed by this forbidden fruit. It was only much later that I learned that I was but one of millions of my generation who had unwittingly stumbled upon the magic lamp and summoned the evil genie, with the power to grant us our most private fantasies, and who demanded nothing in return but our innocence, our self-respect, our freedom, and our happiness.
We all know the figures, and so I will only mention a few of them: that the average age of exposure to hardcore pornography is now 11 years old; that around 25% of all internet searches are for pornography; that 70% of men aged 18-24 visit porn sites in a typical month; that pornography use among women is growing astronomically.
These statistics suggest that my story is not extraordinary. On the contrary, they suggest that it is the same story shared by many, even a majority, of my peers. It is the norm. For this reason some may accuse me of over-exaggerating, pointing out that what I have called my addiction was no worse than what many of my friends and family went through, and that it is simply a normal part of being a teenager. In a certain sense this is true, if by normal you mean what most people are doing. But, in the first place, it is certainly not normal from a historical perspective. Every teen in history has had to come to grasps with his or her sexuality, and some have done so with more and some with less success. But only a small fraction of teens have ever been faced with the challenge of developing a healthy sexuality while being deluged by a sea of porn. Truly there is, in the whole history of the world, no precedent for what we are now witnessing the ready availability of explicit, hardcore pornography on demand, in private, even by children.
And, in the second place, it is not normal in the sense that it is healthy or harmless. Porn is no longer Playboy. The porn which is available on the internet, what your average teenager is viewing, is hardcore in a way that the older generations simply cannot understand. It is full of vicious and violent perversions that have absolutely nothing to do with a healthy sexuality, while even the tamer erotica is full of explicit depictions of sex that are unrealistic and damaging. And thanks to high-definition video, as well as painfully easy access, this new porn is highly addictive, especially to the unformed adolescent psyche. I speak as emphatically as I do because I have since climbed to a clearer vantage point, and can look back at what I saw with a certain objectivity. And what I see terrifies me. Though, thank God, I have gained a certain freedom from porn, I can now see how profoundly it poisoned my imagination, and how in many respects it robbed me of my adolescence, and may very easily have robbed me of my adulthood as well.
And the problem is only getting worse. With the Internet creeping even into our pockets through our smart phones, and with porn increasingly spilling over into mainstream culture, it has become more and more difficult to drown out its siren call.
In such an atmosphere silence is fatal. My generation, and the generation just reaching adolescence, cannot afford to receive their information on sex exclusively from those who stand to profit from their addiction. And when addiction does strike, they cannot afford to feel that they are fighting the battle alone, or, even worse, fall prey to the lie that there is no battle, that porn is normal, even healthy.
And so, we who have fought and are fighting this fight must slough off the natural embarrassment that surrounds all things sexual and speak up: not, as the pornographers may hope, in order to normalize our addiction or rationalize it away, but in order to provide encouragement to one another and to affirm this truth: that pornography is a plague upon our generation, a devil in our veins, and that it must be exorcised before it reaches our heart and destroys our capacity to love once and for all.
Note: This is Part I of a five part series on pornography. View part II here: Porn, Angel or a Devil?
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Thanks waggs....I have posted 4 out of five of the stores this man wrote.
Besides the evil, the sites visited will leave virus, trojan viruses and other malware to reak havoc on you computer....it could even be taken over completely..plus all your security info stolen....But it is truly of the
Along with tolerance of sodomy, legitimizing pornography is among the 45 Communist goals to undermine America, portions of which are cited here:
24. Eliminate all laws governing obscenity by calling them "censorship" and a violation of free speech and free press.
25. Break down cultural standards of morality by promoting pornography and obscenity in books, magazines, motion pictures, radio, and TV.
26. Present homosexuality, degeneracy and promiscuity as "normal, natural, healthy."
“...But it is truly of the Devil...”
I guess the waterboy’s mom was right.
You may thank Dr. Kinsey for all this filth on society.
Didn’t start with Kinsey though.....Caligula, Nero...Sodom and Gommorah....the snake in the Garden....temptations of the flesh have been present all throught human history. The internet simply makes access so much easier and cheaper.
But Kinsey did a lot to bring this behavior more “main stream.” Hard to believe this guy taught here in Indiana.
I don’t know how many people know this in today’s society from their experiences (hook-ups, divorce and porn culture), but sex with true love and committed trust and support where your soul is woven with your lover is waaaaay beyond any porn or any other exciting experience in life through sex.
On the flip side, betrayal of that Designed human state of being is the most injurous of one’s highest love and sexual experience. I’m not telling anyone who has experienced betrayal or done the betraying to the bond of marriage anything new. Liberalism’s sex war (opposite of love) (as is the Muslim bondage arrangement) is hell.
Shame is often attached to an experience of worrying about what others see of and disapprove of in you. You know what you do secretly is a betrayal of yourself, and you feel bad about it even if you don’t understand it. It involves a bunch of misrepresentations and lies to hide who you really are when no one is looking.
But the biggest injury is called shame but it is a betrayal of one’s higher self. Shame is anchored in denying yourself of creation’s expansive and most stable experience and anchors of oneness, trust and love with another person. It is available in only one avenue in life and you either exercise the gift or you don’t. The shame of sex addiction is better named committed and hidden self-betrayal in the highest form of human love’s betrayal...like murder. The higher part of yourself knows the magnatude of what you have done and what you have rejected even if your brain has pop culture shallow excuses and rationalizations.
Liberalism’s cold sexual culture is like when you rationalize stealing when you are young and then come to realize it was a huge mistake and something you have harbored against yourself when you are older and wiser. All the “rules” about sexual expression from the square people who came before you were shaped around protecting the shallowness of people who are easily tricked by the siren call of immediate gratification.
If you live with murder, you are are miserable, but you don’t realize murder is a betrayal of human love and the reason for your awful life. If you don’t set on a path of male and female relationship as it was desiged, your brain doesn’t know that another, higher possiblity was to happen for you. But your conscience does and it haunts you with what we label as “shame.” It’s free floating and the source of self rejection/failure/unhappiness/lonliness.
Once my son told me that what I am speaking of is “romance” like what Hollywierd protrayed before they “progressed” to being flop house whores. But it is not that. Sticking by my husband through thick and thin of human life, all it’s phases and him doing the same, has arrived at a gift of human unity that is indescribable in a post. It includes sex but sex is not “it.” Sex in this state of relationship can’t even be compared to porn because it involves all of one’s spirit. It’s a whole package that either you walk a path to experience or you do not. Sex is real; but it is not so huge in the full package of commited love. You see how the relationship happened through a rear view window. You have to have faith and stick toitiveness (commitment - like your career) to get through it only it’s deeper and more sacred than career success.
Shame is anchored in the rejection of that path. It is betrayal of Self via sexual pop cultural ideas and “truth” which is really false. Following the truth of pop culture is like the jihadists who have an excuse for living for a truth to blow yourself up. Conscience is knowledge of that which is anchored in your conscience as a human and created being and that shows up in your life and experience. Conscience is where “shame” comes from.
That is different (almost opposite of) liberalism’s bobo monkey meaning of hook up and porn sex. So to get rid of shame, forgive yourself. It is wrongness not understood by the brain.
I use the power of Jesus (Come to Jesus moments) to arrive at truth, forgiveness and release of me from errors I have made (and I have had plenty, more than you maybe and I will screw up more because I am not done screwing up yet!) It’s really a happy accident of duty to “morality” that I arrived to this place in this long term relationship. Everything I was told by pop amoral/stupid culture, all my life about human sexuality and marriage and men was false. This is not a life story; not the full story.
This thread is worthless without pictures
Just don’t google tubgirl.
Just how vulgar, obscene, reprehensible,intolerable can this tubgirl be? This question asked of yourself really tests the limits of your tolerance by asking yourself what seems a simple question, quite cerebral in its innocence; just how far gone can any image be to be so powerful in its repulsiveness to evince a response as visceral as what seems to be the consensus, more or less. And on the other side of the I'm-going-to-do-it-and-look-at-it-coin is the manly man's motivation, which is, either, how bad can it be or I've got to prove to myself that I have what it takes to survive tubgirl, that I CAN do it, be done with it and am no better or worse for it.
But the real test of it all is simply going headlong into it, not thinking about it, simply diving right in. No questions asked. that's the real test of tubgirl in a manner that demonstrates I fear nothing.
Having said all this, I want to clarify that tubgirl is not porn in any sense of the word. I doubt anyone would, could be aroused, from a sexual point by what is on the other side of tubgirl.
Tubgirl in a sense defies description, It's vulgarity, its sense of reprehensibility,is not arousal in the way porn manages to arouse, the sort of arousal that even in the most purest of moments, say during sex strictly for procreative purposes. Tubgirl arouses, no doubt, and I tread very carefully when I say this it arouses not in a sexual way, because I'm sure there are human entities in nature that would be aroused sexually by tubgirl but for most normal humans arouses the human senses to a degree that is a jolt to the system, visually, cognitively, and most of all a jolt to the humanity within ourselves to see a human being having been subjected to what you imagine either voluntarily or by force that a human being, could ever stoop so low or arrive in such circumstances is the ultimate question of tubgirl.
My final words after seeing tubgirl about fifteen years ago, I'm not sure of the date when I saw it only once or when tubgirl first appeared, achieving cultural status, so I don't need anyone questioning me because of some forgotten time frame, it's reputation for what it is is just an infinitesimal modicum less than deserved. The visceral experience of tubgirl is like most things shocking. It will stay with you for awhile depending on the sort of person you are but eventually is forgotten, leaves you in no way traumatized.
It was long ago when a friend passed along the information about the photo. Once the description came up detailing the contents of the photo, I did not click through. It’s impossible to imagine ever meeting a person who I would suspect of being willing to take part in such a photo. These many years later, I cannot comprehend the newest level of vulgarity that exists a mouse click away from any elementary school child.
For a moment I was a bit apprehensive about what you might have to say, thinking that I may have inadvertently offended you.
The internet is one of the mankind's greatest of innovations benefiting humanity in so many ways but at the same time, it is almost as if it takes as much as it gives.
In the Jewish tradition there's a belief that 'Man is made in the image of God' but I am one to say spending even a small amount of time on the internet and you begin to find it exceedingly difficult to believe there's anything remotely akin to Godliness in the utterly vile, grotesque character that reveals the beast as Man's true nature.