Skip to comments.The Queen James Bible? Oh Yes We Did!
Posted on 12/16/2012 3:10:22 PM PST by NYer
By now you must have heard, some idiots have gone and re-written the bible to be more gay friendly and they call it, the Queen James Bible. I am not making this up.
CMR got a sneak peak and we can report that in the "Gay" version of the Bible certain passages, to got extra emphasis, were re-interpreted, some redacted, and some even re-written.
"Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." [That is not what that means!]
"These were the spoils which remained of the plunder taken by the fighting men: 675,000 sheep, 72,000 cattle, 61,000 donkeys, and as for persons, 32,000 young women who had had no intercourse with a man." --Numbers 31:32. [ Real quote. Ok, I am not really sure what is going on with this quote, but it just doesn't sound right.]
"When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy." Deut. 25:11. [Huh?]
But this one got redacted. “Look, I have two daughters, virgins both of them. Let me bring them out to you and you could do what you like with them. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof.” [That did not end well for the gays involved, if you remember. This got cut.]
"Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you bald head! Go up, you bald head!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. " [Not sure why they included this one. But it is kinda cool. They got eaten by bears.]
"As soon as he finished saying all this, the ground under them split apart and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them" [Stop it now!]
"Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions." Ezekiel 23:19. [ What? I mean...what?]
[But some passages were completely re-written.]
"Greater love hath no man than to lay down for his friends."
[That's just wrong.]
King James himself was an Old Queen, as were many of his retainers.
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.
Sounds like something from The Onion.
Alas, it’s not.
So Noah’s Ark was a 40 day disco/rave, and the only animals on board were bears and anything that wore leather?
Sounds totally legit.
More IN YOUR FACE from the sexual deviants.
OK. Numbers 31:34 says “61,000 asses”
and where is the “biblical” quote about death from AIDS?
For political reasons no doubt, but the result is the most literary translation in English. Whatever inaccuracies or ambiguities there are in it are not deliberate falsification.
I don't happen to be a Bible believer, but I'm big on intellectual honesty and in general not lying.
Romans 1:27 comes awful close.
Isn’t it the truth? (Or at least, the rumor) What. He wasn’t “gay enough”?
This stuff is getting laughable.
And on the seventh day, God went shopping.
Now that was funny.
Genesis 38.15 is pretty good: “OMG hookr!”
Yes, and he also had his own "body men" whom he advanced with privileges. The current favorite's room was situated conveniently close to the king's.
Good thing we have Martin Luther all over again.
Isn’t there a verse in the Bible that says whomever changes one jot or tittle shall be cursed by the Lord? That’s the problem in the world there is no fear of the Lord.
Matthew 5:18 (KJV) 18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
Revelation 22:18-21 (KJV) 18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: 19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book. 20 He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus. 21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.
Thank you, guess I confused the two verses, but the meaning remains the same - woe unto whomever changes God’s word!
Iz wunz herd de Lawd’s Prayuh in Pidgin English, an it wuz kinda laik dat. And stuffs.
Deuteronomy 25 is kinda cute in LOL:
1 When yuse guyz is wantin ta hurtz da oder guyz, yuse gotz ta gos to da cort an da wiggy guyz wilz say wuts wut.
2 If da lozer guts ta getz hurted, him gotz ta ly duwn an getz wipped wif tales, buts dun do itz na moer dan fowty tiemses.
3 If ya do. den da wipped kitteh wil NUT b amusded.
4 Dun maeks a wurkin hoers weres muzzel mask fing wen hims tredin grayns an stuff ur els him b liek “OMG wut yu no trusts me ur sumfin? Am ony tredin grayns an stuff!”
5 If yuse gutz a buver an wun goez nite nite wifout havin PENIS GOEZ WERE?!? an duns getz a bahbeh kitteh, da wief cannut getz da mawyded outta da famwy. Yuse gutz ta mawy ta wief an hav PENIS GOEZ WERE?!? (cuz datz ta rite fing ta do)6 If da buver iz called, say, Carl, den da nu bahbeh kitth iz ta b colled Carl, soz dat da buverz naem dunt dispeer.
7 But if yuse iz liek “na wayz use iz wel ugwy, i aint mawy yu” den da wief goez ta old guyz at toun gaet an sez “wy him no mawy me i iz so hawt!”8 Den da old guyz getz yuse an if yuse ta say “dun wanna!”9 den da wief getz ta taek yure sandulz ur shooz ur wateva an hers hiss in yure faec.10 Yuse famwy fur eva an eva wil b colled da ‘Famwy uf Un Sanduld ur Unshood Ur Wateva’.
11 If yuse is fietin sumwun an wun uf da wiefs cums ta saev hers husbund an grabz hims by da bitz b-loe da pee-pee,12 cutz hers pawz ofs. Dun b sad. Iz bad. An sexxyest.
13 Duns maek a bigz bag an a wittel bag.14 Duns maek a bigz houes an a wittel houes.
15 Iz bad ta maek da fingz difrunt wayts. Iz bad.
16 Ceiling Cat dun liek guyz hoo are deelin badz.
17 Membur Amulkietz? An wutz dey did ta yuse?
18 Dey fulowd yuse an wens yuse sleepin, dey maed sloe guyz go nite nite! Dey nut fraed uf Ceiling Cat!
19 Wen yuse getz da hand-me-down places, yuse furget da Amelak guyz an haz fun, k?
It refers just to the book of Revelation itself, not to the Bible which is a collection of books
Now why on earth would they need to change it? Haven’t they been saying for years that there is nothing in the Bible that prohibits homosexual activity? /S
Right you are.
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.