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The Queen James Bible? Oh Yes We Did!
Creative Minority Report ^ | December 15, 2012 | Patrick Archbold

Posted on 12/16/2012 3:10:22 PM PST by NYer

By now you must have heard, some idiots have gone and re-written the bible to be more gay friendly and they call it, the Queen James Bible. I am not making this up.

Sooooo...

CMR got a sneak peak and we can report that in the "Gay" version of the Bible certain passages, to got extra emphasis, were re-interpreted, some redacted, and some even re-written.

"Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." [That is not what that means!]

"These were the spoils which remained of the plunder taken by the fighting men: 675,000 sheep, 72,000 cattle, 61,000 donkeys, and as for persons, 32,000 young women who had had no intercourse with a man." --Numbers 31:32. [ Real quote. Ok, I am not really sure what is going on with this quote, but it just doesn't sound right.]

"When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy." Deut. 25:11. [Huh?]

But this one got redacted. “Look, I have two daughters, virgins both of them. Let me bring them out to you and you could do what you like with them. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof.” [That did not end well for the gays involved, if you remember. This got cut.]

"Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you bald head! Go up, you bald head!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. " [Not sure why they included this one. But it is kinda cool. They got eaten by bears.]

"As soon as he finished saying all this, the ground under them split apart and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them" [Stop it now!]

"Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions." Ezekiel 23:19. [ What? I mean...what?]

[But some passages were completely re-written.]

"Greater love hath no man than to lay down for his friends."

[That's just wrong.]


TOPICS: Ministry/Outreach; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: blasphemy; endtimes; glbt; homosexualagenda; lastdays; religiousleft

1 posted on 12/16/2012 3:10:28 PM PST by NYer
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To: NYer

King James himself was an Old Queen, as were many of his retainers.


2 posted on 12/16/2012 3:15:00 PM PST by miserare
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To: NYer

Leviticus 20:13
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.


3 posted on 12/16/2012 3:22:20 PM PST by Wisconsinlady ("Never give the devil a ride; he will want to take over the driving.")
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To: NYer
I can haz preferz teh Lolcat Bible
4 posted on 12/16/2012 3:24:34 PM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: NYer

Sounds like something from The Onion.

Alas, it’s not.


5 posted on 12/16/2012 3:25:48 PM PST by Paisan
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To: NYer

So Noah’s Ark was a 40 day disco/rave, and the only animals on board were bears and anything that wore leather?

Sounds totally legit.


6 posted on 12/16/2012 3:40:57 PM PST by VanDeKoik
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To: NYer

More IN YOUR FACE from the sexual deviants.


7 posted on 12/16/2012 3:41:49 PM PST by FlingWingFlyer (It's not about the guns. It's about the control.)
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To: NYer

OK. Numbers 31:34 says “61,000 asses”


8 posted on 12/16/2012 3:42:22 PM PST by Oztrich Boy (By doubting we come to inquiry, and through inquiry we perceive truth. -; Peter Abelard)
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To: NYer
We're in the Days of Lot again, it seems. They've even tried to twist these passages.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+17:26-37&version=KJV

Luke 17:26-37

King James Version (KJV)

26 And as it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man.

27 They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.

28 Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded;

29 But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all.

30 Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed.

31 In that day, he which shall be upon the housetop, and his stuff in the house, let him not come down to take it away: and he that is in the field, let him likewise not return back.

32 Remember Lot's wife.

33 Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.

34 I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left.

35 Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

36 Two men shall be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

37 And they answered and said unto him, Where, Lord? And he said unto them, Wheresoever the body is, thither will the eagles be gathered together.


http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2024:42,44&version=KJV

Matthew 24:42,44

King James Version (KJV)

42 Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.

44 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.

9 posted on 12/16/2012 3:42:32 PM PST by F15Eagle (1 John 5:4-5, 4:15, 5:13; John 3:17-18, 6:69, 11:25, 14:6, 20:31; Rom10:8-11; 1 Tim 2:5; Titus 3:4-5)
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To: NYer

and where is the “biblical” quote about death from AIDS?


10 posted on 12/16/2012 3:47:29 PM PST by max americana (Make the world a better place by punching a liberal in the face)
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To: miserare
King James didn't translate the Bible, he allowed it to be translated.

For political reasons no doubt, but the result is the most literary translation in English. Whatever inaccuracies or ambiguities there are in it are not deliberate falsification.

I don't happen to be a Bible believer, but I'm big on intellectual honesty and in general not lying.

11 posted on 12/16/2012 3:54:53 PM PST by Salman
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To: max americana
"and where is the “biblical” quote about death from AIDS?"

Romans 1:27 comes awful close.

12 posted on 12/16/2012 3:58:14 PM PST by circlecity
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To: miserare

Isn’t it the truth? (Or at least, the rumor) What. He wasn’t “gay enough”?
This stuff is getting laughable.


13 posted on 12/16/2012 4:32:31 PM PST by KGeorge (- Proud member of "Nazis" for Newt /Sarcasm)
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To: NYer

And on the seventh day, God went shopping.


14 posted on 12/16/2012 4:38:19 PM PST by headsonpikes (Mass murder and cannibalism are the twin sacraments of socialism - "Who-whom?"-Lenin)
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To: martin_fierro

Now that was funny.


15 posted on 12/16/2012 4:47:50 PM PST by Stormdog (A rifle transforms one from subject to Citizen)
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To: martin_fierro

Genesis 38.15 is pretty good: “OMG hookr!”


16 posted on 12/16/2012 4:48:19 PM PST by Verginius Rufus
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To: miserare
King James himself was an Old Queen, as were many of his retainers.

Yes, and he also had his own "body men" whom he advanced with privileges. The current favorite's room was situated conveniently close to the king's.

17 posted on 12/16/2012 5:19:51 PM PST by Slyfox (The key to Marxism is medicine - V. Lenin)
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To: F15Eagle

Good thing we have Martin Luther all over again.


18 posted on 12/16/2012 5:25:24 PM PST by JCBreckenridge (Texas is a state of mind. - John Steinbeck :))
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To: NYer

Isn’t there a verse in the Bible that says whomever changes one jot or tittle shall be cursed by the Lord? That’s the problem in the world there is no fear of the Lord.


19 posted on 12/16/2012 5:46:26 PM PST by texgal (end no-fault divorce laws return DUE PROCESS & EQUAL PROTECTION to ALL citizens))
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To: texgal
19 Isn’t there a verse in the Bible that says whomever changes one jot or tittle shall be cursed by the Lord? That’s the problem in the world there is no fear of the Lord.

Matthew 5:18 (KJV) 18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

Revelation 22:18-21 (KJV) 18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: 19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book. 20 He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus. 21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.

20 posted on 12/16/2012 6:02:12 PM PST by MacNaughton
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To: MacNaughton

Thank you, guess I confused the two verses, but the meaning remains the same - woe unto whomever changes God’s word!


21 posted on 12/16/2012 6:18:14 PM PST by texgal (end no-fault divorce laws return DUE PROCESS & EQUAL PROTECTION to ALL citizens))
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To: martin_fierro

Oh Hai.

Iz wunz herd de Lawd’s Prayuh in Pidgin English, an it wuz kinda laik dat. And stuffs.


22 posted on 12/16/2012 6:35:08 PM PST by left that other site (Worry is the Darkroom that Develops Negatives.)
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To: martin_fierro

Deuteronomy 25 is kinda cute in LOL:

1 When yuse guyz is wantin ta hurtz da oder guyz, yuse gotz ta gos to da cort an da wiggy guyz wilz say wuts wut.

2 If da lozer guts ta getz hurted, him gotz ta ly duwn an getz wipped wif tales, buts dun do itz na moer dan fowty tiemses.

3 If ya do. den da wipped kitteh wil NUT b amusded.

4 Dun maeks a wurkin hoers weres muzzel mask fing wen hims tredin grayns an stuff ur els him b liek “OMG wut yu no trusts me ur sumfin? Am ony tredin grayns an stuff!”

5 If yuse gutz a buver an wun goez nite nite wifout havin PENIS GOEZ WERE?!? an duns getz a bahbeh kitteh, da wief cannut getz da mawyded outta da famwy. Yuse gutz ta mawy ta wief an hav PENIS GOEZ WERE?!? (cuz datz ta rite fing ta do)6 If da buver iz called, say, Carl, den da nu bahbeh kitth iz ta b colled Carl, soz dat da buverz naem dunt dispeer.

7 But if yuse iz liek “na wayz use iz wel ugwy, i aint mawy yu” den da wief goez ta old guyz at toun gaet an sez “wy him no mawy me i iz so hawt!”8 Den da old guyz getz yuse an if yuse ta say “dun wanna!”9 den da wief getz ta taek yure sandulz ur shooz ur wateva an hers hiss in yure faec.10 Yuse famwy fur eva an eva wil b colled da ‘Famwy uf Un Sanduld ur Unshood Ur Wateva’.

11 If yuse is fietin sumwun an wun uf da wiefs cums ta saev hers husbund an grabz hims by da bitz b-loe da pee-pee,12 cutz hers pawz ofs. Dun b sad. Iz bad. An sexxyest.

13 Duns maek a bigz bag an a wittel bag.14 Duns maek a bigz houes an a wittel houes.

15 Iz bad ta maek da fingz difrunt wayts. Iz bad.

16 Ceiling Cat dun liek guyz hoo are deelin badz.

17 Membur Amulkietz? An wutz dey did ta yuse?

18 Dey fulowd yuse an wens yuse sleepin, dey maed sloe guyz go nite nite! Dey nut fraed uf Ceiling Cat!

19 Wen yuse getz da hand-me-down places, yuse furget da Amelak guyz an haz fun, k?


23 posted on 12/16/2012 10:11:17 PM PST by boatbums (God is ready to assume full responsibility for the life wholly yielded to Him.)
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To: MacNaughton; texgal
Actually the verses in the book of Revelation 22:18-21 refers only to book of revelation itself -->

18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book (of Revelation), If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book (of Revelation): 19 And if any man shall take away from the words of this book (of Revelation) of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book. 20 He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus. 21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.

It refers just to the book of Revelation itself, not to the Bible which is a collection of books

24 posted on 12/17/2012 1:13:03 AM PST by Cronos (**Marriage is about commitment, cohabitation is about convenience.**)
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To: Paisan

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ezekiel+23%3A19-21&version=NIV


25 posted on 12/17/2012 1:41:34 AM PST by 9YearLurker
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To: NYer

Now why on earth would they need to change it? Haven’t they been saying for years that there is nothing in the Bible that prohibits homosexual activity? /S


26 posted on 12/17/2012 6:02:28 AM PST by SuziQ
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To: Cronos
24 Actually the verses in the book of Revelation 22:18-21 refers only to book of revelation itself

Right you are.

27 posted on 12/17/2012 9:47:06 AM PST by MacNaughton
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To: NYer

Galatians 7

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.


28 posted on 12/21/2012 11:46:58 AM PST by ourworldawry
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