Skip to comments.The Queen James Bible? Oh Yes We Did!
Posted on 12/16/2012 3:10:22 PM PST by NYer
By now you must have heard, some idiots have gone and re-written the bible to be more gay friendly and they call it, the Queen James Bible. I am not making this up.
CMR got a sneak peak and we can report that in the "Gay" version of the Bible certain passages, to got extra emphasis, were re-interpreted, some redacted, and some even re-written.
"Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." [That is not what that means!]
"These were the spoils which remained of the plunder taken by the fighting men: 675,000 sheep, 72,000 cattle, 61,000 donkeys, and as for persons, 32,000 young women who had had no intercourse with a man." --Numbers 31:32. [ Real quote. Ok, I am not really sure what is going on with this quote, but it just doesn't sound right.]
"When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy." Deut. 25:11. [Huh?]
But this one got redacted. “Look, I have two daughters, virgins both of them. Let me bring them out to you and you could do what you like with them. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof.” [That did not end well for the gays involved, if you remember. This got cut.]
"Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you bald head! Go up, you bald head!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. " [Not sure why they included this one. But it is kinda cool. They got eaten by bears.]
"As soon as he finished saying all this, the ground under them split apart and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them" [Stop it now!]
"Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions." Ezekiel 23:19. [ What? I mean...what?]
[But some passages were completely re-written.]
"Greater love hath no man than to lay down for his friends."
[That's just wrong.]
King James himself was an Old Queen, as were many of his retainers.
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.
Sounds like something from The Onion.
Alas, it’s not.
So Noah’s Ark was a 40 day disco/rave, and the only animals on board were bears and anything that wore leather?
Sounds totally legit.
More IN YOUR FACE from the sexual deviants.
OK. Numbers 31:34 says “61,000 asses”
and where is the “biblical” quote about death from AIDS?
For political reasons no doubt, but the result is the most literary translation in English. Whatever inaccuracies or ambiguities there are in it are not deliberate falsification.
I don't happen to be a Bible believer, but I'm big on intellectual honesty and in general not lying.
Romans 1:27 comes awful close.
Isn’t it the truth? (Or at least, the rumor) What. He wasn’t “gay enough”?
This stuff is getting laughable.
And on the seventh day, God went shopping.
Now that was funny.
Genesis 38.15 is pretty good: “OMG hookr!”
Yes, and he also had his own "body men" whom he advanced with privileges. The current favorite's room was situated conveniently close to the king's.
Good thing we have Martin Luther all over again.
Isn’t there a verse in the Bible that says whomever changes one jot or tittle shall be cursed by the Lord? That’s the problem in the world there is no fear of the Lord.
Matthew 5:18 (KJV) 18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
Revelation 22:18-21 (KJV) 18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: 19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book. 20 He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus. 21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.