Skip to comments.So what does having a father at home have to do with raising healthy kids?
Posted on 12/20/2012 12:32:16 PM PST by truthczar2000
Recently, I posted a thread on what I consider to be at least one of the causes of Adam Lanza's state of mind when he went into Sandy hills School and killed little children. My suggestion was that the lack of a father living with his mother had at least a small part to play in his state of mind.
Needless to say, several people were angry at the mere suggestion that children growing up without fathers might play a role in the anger issues young men face today. Fair enough. No one can say that the mental issues Adam Lanza was dealing with (or not dealing with) were solely the result of anyone's failure outside of his own.
I understand the anger many people feel about what happened. I understand people's conclusion that Adam Lanza was "pure evil". I also understand the tendency of people to bristle when someone suggests that the lifestyle they maintain might not be ideal.
My heart goes out to divorced people. I understand that some people's circumstances will not allow them to save their marriages. But I believe in God's original plan, according to the Bible. That plan is for one man to marry one woman for one lifetime. Regardless of how many people miss that mark, it still remains the standard to which men and women should strive.
I have been marries to the same woman for 30 years now. We got married young under less-than-ideal circumstances. But we worked together to build a family. We have two well adjusted daughters who both have maintained a moral lifestyle. I believe the stability both I and my wife modeled for them has helped.
Too many people fall short of God's ideal plan for whatever reason, then justify their failure by blaming others. This is true of marriage as well. I know many men retreat into substance abuse. I know many men resort to violence against their spouses. I know many women neglect their homes and their children in the name of being "liberated".
But who suffers through all this? The children, that's who! As a youth pastor, I saw many young men and women dealing with anger, insecurity and abandonment issues because they were living with only one parent, usually the mother. That is not to say that I didn't see children in two-parent households who had issues. But they generally didn't have the same kinds of issues, and I can say without reservation that the kids living in single parent situations had far more issues than their peers.
The Bible says that a child left to himself will bring shame to his parents. When one parent leaves the home by choice, I see that as leaving a child to himself.
There is no honest data to show that a child is better off without a father living at home working to raise him or her with his wife. I know feminism has continually drilled into women's heads that they don't need men around. But the way our society is headed, based upon honest data, points to a different conclusion.
Besides, this is God's ideal plan. I know people fall short of it for a variety of reasons, and many people will not like hearing that they have fallen short. But rather than wallowing in guilt, or wanting to shoot the messenger, would it not be better to seek the face of God and allow Him to restore your families?
I have seen God work amazing miracles in families (mine included), so I believe with all my heart that following His plan will lead to a strong marriage and an abundant family life.
Think about this; All of Sandusky’s victims were boys who did not have their fathers around.
Excellent point, Perdogg
doesn;t surveys etc show that if a kid has a mother and a father at home then that kid prospers much more?
I know many parents today raise their kids as a second thought, come home tired, kick off shoes, grab a wine and leave kids in bedroom with TV, texting, radio or what ever they have in htere.
My kids don;t even have a TV in their bedroom because we like spending time with our kids
Here are several articles which make the case for the importance of fathers in the home:
The issue is not whether or not parents value their rolls as such. The issue here is the absence, and affect of, the father in the home.
Devoted men keep families strong. I’ve never understood why saying this took anything away from the honor of single moms, who struggle for their family’s survival despite the father’s neglect. I’m not saying all divorced dad’s neglect their kids, but there sure are a lot of completely uninvolved fathers who have terribly hurt their kids.
My husband stuck with his family though thick and thin, and I thank God for his love and protection. We are truly blessed.
As a Dad it was always my job to physically eject my couch-potato child from glowing screens and force her to go out and get some fresh air and exercise.
John Paul II said one time that the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.
This is a no brainer.
A father, at the very LEAST, is another adult in the home who can either provide relief, and/or attend to much of the administrative tasks of running a home with children, so the mom can at least focus on the kids ...or better yet, they share those things so BOTH can attend to the parenting tasks. It takes TWO!!!
In this case, Lanza father could have done a walk through of the house and perhaps asked Nancy as to why the guns weren’t locked up with the kid around.
Or discussed the issue with her ... they say he had weekly visits ...what were they doing during these visits?
Many, many, many reasons men aren’t inovlved these days — many working long hours to stay afloat, many distracted by hobbies, sporting events, other women, or even some who play like they’re serving and volunteering in the community — when it’s THEIR kids who usually need the most time and attention!
I’m tired of passivity from men nowdays. Don’t LET these women push you out. Do your duty to your kids. Scouts are a great way to spend time as a father with your son — in the company of other like minded men and to teach and get these kids away from the video games!
One of the most obvious causes of the many socially disoriented of our youth, is the fact that they are not growing up with proper role models. Does the absence of such fuel a sub-conscious rage, which can erupt in terrible acts?
Consider this: Until recently the ideal for young men was found in concepts adopted from the Chivalric Code in Christian Europe. Would anyone suggest that if more of our youth were conditioned by Chivalric values, we would not see a reduction in anti-social behavior?
In my opinion, while there may be multiple factors at play here, most of them relate to the loss of traditional purpose among our youth. Most of them!
As materialists, liberals want empirical proof that fathers are needed in the home. There actually is proof but they want it to be 100% proof. The same dynamic works in their atheism. More humble previous generations knew things by common sense and experience. Today’s arrogant generation wants things proven beyond a doubt or they won’t believe. As Jesus says:”An evil and adulterous generation seeks a sign.”
A mother alone has a hard time teaching a boy to be a man, and teaching a girl how a man should treat her. The lack of fathers is the single greatest plague on the black community in this country, and its spreading.
agree on all points.
I’ve pointed out how the left have attacked the traditional fmaily for decades over the last few days so I;m not going to write another long post but the left promoted this new family , told women they do not need a guy and they are now seeing their chickens come home.
Wait till another 20 years when we see kids who have been bought by homosexuals grow up with their mental problems to add.
No coincidence that the rules for commies back in 1963 attacked the family and society and since that the fmaily has been destroyed, hell they even tried to go after the boy scouts.
Just been told two girls at my oldest school were crying because the texted naked photo’s of themselves and now it;s been passed about.\
Girls are 15 as is my oldest boy
Neither girls have fathers, both have mothers who go out all the time and never bother with their daughters, both girils smoke, have weed, get drunk and now this.
Mother is too busy working and then going out getting laid, no father and this is another product of the lefts attack on traditional families
Of course, old Nancy still had her ex-husband’s money. To many women, that’s all they think they need ...but in this case, she needed HIM, too.
I would be lost without my husband. (shhh, don’t let him know I told you that). But he makes this family WORK. He just does “stuff” around here and takes half the burden from me. We have an austistic son and a high needs older son as well. If I didn’t have my husband, those boys would run roughshod over me. it would be out of control in a matter of days ... they’re cute, but they are a handful. Their dad’s steady influence keeps them grounded and walking the line.
I just want to know what sort of man backs out of a kid’s life and remains so passive. What is it with some men these days? We all know half the women are nuts ...maybe half the men are, too.
Didnt the Columbine killers come from two parent homes?..........
Dont LET these women push you out.
The problem isn’t about women pushing men out. The problem are men checking out.
Liberals KNOW that a healthy marriage with mom and pop is key to a healthy growing economy and a strong secure nation.
But they also know the way to grow a tyrannical government with ultimate power to the State means DEFEATING the family and replacing dear old dad with a welfare check.
May LBJ rot in hell for the damage he did to the USA.
I don’t think this has anything at all to do with parentage. Lanza was just nuts in a clinical way. The statements by former teachers that he couldn’t feel pain and would burn himself and not feel a thing lead me to believe he had far more serious mental problems than what is reported. There may have been undiagnosed schizophrenia, hereditary sensory and autonomic neuropathy, or a combination of disorders.
Absolutely. Everyday I look forward to being with my 3 girls and Mrs Frogjerk.