I think you're agreeing with my point. Faith and grace are conditional - determined by election. Therefore salvation is by election. No election, no grace, no faith.
However you may feel about its correctness, this is at odds with salvation by grace through faith.
Calvinism doesn’t seem to agree that all Scripture is useful for teaching, so most tend to ignore the passages they can’t just explain away.
Let me see if I can come ‘round it a different way, then: Reformed Theology declares that God is in control of all things - including who he chooses salvation for. The Ephesians passage declares that those elected are given these tools - grace/faith by a means that is irresistible... and salvation is the result. This is indeed salvation by grace (bestowed from God) through faith (also bestowed by God).
If you want to say this means that salvation is by election (by derivation), then so be it - Ephesians 1:4-5 suggest strongly that the election to salvation occurred before the creation. I don’t see that this changes anything since it all comes from the Father... it’s still consistent.
Election is the means that God uses to show his grace and to impart faith on the believer.